A collection of sentence starters from the hit HBO show Silicon Valley, about a group of perfect idiots struggles and battle with the tech industry in California as they try to make something of their start up, Pied Piper. Be warned for offensive language, profanity, blasphemy and mild racism. Feel free to change pronounces/tenses as necessary.
“You just brought piss to a shit fight!”
“Do you want me to be honest or nice?”
“Alright. As long as God isn’t involved and there’s beer.”
“Does he actually smile like that, with his upper and lower teeth at the same time?”
“The witch has lost his mind.”
“You gave me a sense of self-worth, like Richard Gere did to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.”
“At least it didn’t happen in a public and brutally embarrassing way.”
“I have a PowerPoint that I’ve been wanting to show you for some time.”
“There are very few things that I will defend with true passion: medical marijuana, the biblical Satan as a metaphor for rebellion against tyranny, and motherfucking goddamn cryptocurrency.”
“What is that atrocity? What are we, an Irish pornography company?”
“Says here she’s looking for a man on the go. You don’t go anywhere.”
“We never had pizza ‘cause my step-mom said Italians aren’t real white people.”
“Okay, there’s no way I could’ve squirted this lemon in your eye, on purpose from this distance. I’m not a fucking lemon sniper.”
“I’ll curb-stomp that little face so hard that your teeth will go flying, you little shit!”
“You just disappeared up your own asshole, you know that?”
“Fucking billionaires.”
“Change the lighting to something erotic because it’s gonna get pretty fucking erotic in here.”
“Your shame is my paradise.”
“How would you like to die today, motherfucker?”
“If I have to, I’m going to keep my fucking Star Blazers VHS tapes in my room. It doesn’t take an IQ-9 to know they should remain alphabetized.”
“My head is so far up my own ass I can see the future.”
“Respectfully… respectfully, you’re terrible. You have a world-class showman standing right in front of you. And you’re gonna pass on that?”
“"I’m gonna stop you right there. You do know that ferrets are illegal in the state of California?”
“His shoulders were all tight, and he wouldn’t answer to his name, and his eyes went dead, like when I tell him I love him.”
“When you don the skin of the beast, the man within dies. One of the boys in my group home always said that. He died.”
“You’re like a Mr. Potato Head of beautiful people.”
“Look at you! You’ve got the hair of Giovanni Ribisi, and the complexion of Timothy Hutton, and the eyes of Joni Mitchell.”
“I haven’t slept in a box in years, stop.”
“I simply imagine that my skeleton is me and my body is my house. And that way, I’m always home.”
“I thought maybe you were locked in another Starbucks bathroom overnight.”
“Sorry if I scared you, I know I have somewhat ‘ghostlike’ features.”
“My uncle used to say ‘You look like someone starved a virgin to death’.”
“Kiss my piss.”
“I’m an independent businessman. Emphasis on ‘independent’. And 'business’. And 'man’, come to think of it.”
“You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon. So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music.”
“Have you seen the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? The cover model has the most lovely, enigmatic facial expression.”
“I’ve never felt like I was anyone’s bro before. The only people who have used that term with me were assailants.”
“I’m a pro, [NAME]. And I won’t apologise for it. I dress according to the moods that I sense in the room. As such, I must have options.”
“You look like a ferret that gave up on itself six months ago.”
“For example, there is something called 'mansplaining’. Have you heard about this?“
“I’m sure you can find a way out with one of your two faces.”
“At least the actual Judas had the courtesy to kill himself after betraying his leader. Jesus Christ, CEO of the world.”
“If I’m being honest, you look like a ventriloquist dummy. If I’m lying, you look like shit.”
“It is a mystery why you think you’ll ever see a woman naked.”
“He started crying in Taco Bell. He tried to blame the taco sauce.”
“Fuck you, if you look at my shit, I’m gonna look at your shit.”
“He’s the least cool guy I ever met.”
“Your borders are merely a construct. I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.”
“That’s the first cool thing you ever said.”
“Pretend you’ve seen a woman before.”
“I’m sure you can find your way out with one of your two faces.”
“If my mother was naked and dead in the street I would not cover her body with that jacket.”
“I’m going to leave this room without saying goodbye to you.”
“It’s like when somebody says they want to go birding with you, but really they just want to get you alone in the woods so they can take your binoculars.”
“Beige is a good colour for you. You’re a true Autumn.”
“You can’t help but be elegant, you’re like Audrey Hepburn.”
“I mean, by that logic, anyone who goes to an open-casket funeral is a murderer.”
“I mean, she’s attractive. But almost every woman is attractive.”
“What about the time I got a bulls-eye and yelled 'Bazinga!’, and you said 'Okay’. You can’t fake enthusiasm like that.”
“Buttholes, indeed.”
"In Latvian, bro roughly translates to…‘one who beheads the Messiah’.”
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