Happy Daze Donut

I'm still furious at Pedro. Honestly, I don’t even think I have it in me to cry anymore. This man has done this to me so many times. I picked up extra shifts at both the store and KCB just so I don’t have to look at his face. Not that I really needed to, since he’s barely here anymore. Comes home to grab his supply of weed and disappears again. Gym, bar… anywhere but here. So today I decided to reclaim the kitchen. I made flaming spaghetti after work. You know… I used to blame the girls. I thought they were jealous of me. Jealous of us. I used to jump straight at their throats, pulling hair, screaming, giving Pedro the show he wanted. But after the third time… I realized something. It was never going to stop. Because Pedro was the problem. He craves the attention. He thinks me fighting over him means I love him. He thinks the crying, the apologies, the making up afterward… all that shit... is what healing looks like. It’s not. I told myself this time I would not forgive him again. I got to keep my word and make a plan.

I came home a bit early today since Pedro said he was going to the gym. I’ve been feeling so down these days… I just grabbed a beer, turned on my telenovela, and tried not to think about anything. That’s when Falco (that guy who works with Pedro) knocked on the door.

Falco's Interview Transcript: FALCO: I come over to speak to Tchucho… initially. (drag) I must remind him his loan almost due. [REDACTED] must be paid. Otherwise… rules are enforced. Usually that conversation puts me in good mood, yes. But he was not there. She was.

Falco's Interview Transcript: FALCO: I did not think she was home… and she looked… very sad. (drag) FALCO: Maybe I should have left. But… you do not leave woman sitting alone like that, drinking beer and staring at television. So I sit, we talked. FALCO: This Pedro… he left her alone too much. That is not smart. Not with business like this. Not with people watching.

Falco was obviously looking for Pedro. I don't know what came over me, but I offered him a beer and asked him to sit. I told him he had a better idea about Pedro's whereabouts at this point then me. We ended up talking for a while. He told me a few things that made me realize Pedro might actually be in a lot of trouble. Falco tried to play it cool but I could tell. The thing that gave it away was that he was worried about me. In his own weird way. He said it wasn’t smart for Pedro to leave me alone like that when he was out doing whatever for [REDACTED]. He said he might stop by sometimes to check in, make sure I don't need anything. He also tried calling Pedro a few times while he was sitting there. Acting casual, but he kept checking his phone. I asked him point blank if Pedro was in trouble because of the business. He just stared at me and dismissed it. It spoke volumes actually.

Pedro's Interview Transcript: PEDRO: Aaah, Dina… patrón, qué mujer! (drag) Qué dulce. We met at the [REDACTED] bar one of the nights I was hanging out there with the boys. (drag) She works out, you know? Y qué cuerpazo tiene. I heard she had just broken up with that Don guy and was looking for something… casual. Couldn’t let a prize like that walk away, tú sabe’. Falco's Interview Transcript: FALCO: Uh, yes… I saw “Tchucho” speaking to Caliente woman several times at [REDACTED] bar. They seemed… comfortable. Very comfortable. (drag) Like that was not first conversation.

Another night Pedro has to work. I thought he would slow down with the [REDACTED] now that the weed business is taking off, but I guess I was wrong. Acho que o flow nunca para. I officially developed a Fear of Being Cheated. Of course I did. 🙄 It feels like Pedro and I haven’t been romantic in forever. Maybe it’s paranoia or anxiety. I am exhausted, that’s true… but I also know my partner and we haven't been having sex with the same frequency as before, so... I just have this gut feeling that something isn’t right.😓

Motherf*cker. I knew it. I am shaking so hard I can barely write this. If I don’t sit down and breathe, I am going to do something I cannot undo. Okay. Count to ten. Breathe… 😤 Thirty minutes ago I finished my morning shift at the Rat-Tail Store (by the way, the worst shift I’ve had in weeks.) I don’t usually go straight home after work. I run errands. I stretch the day out. But today something felt… off. Since I had the truck today, I thought I’d pop home and unwind for five seconds before going to KCB. I felt goosebumps before I even saw them. I walked into the trailer and saw Pedro kissing Dina Caliente. In MY kitchen. In MY trailer. I f*cking knew it. My heart started pounding so hard I thought it might explode. There was this weird humming noise in my head, like my brain was overheating. And, to my own surprise, I turned around and walked straight back to the car. I didn’t scream. I didn’t throw anything. I think I left because if I stayed another second, I would have committed a crime (and this entry would be Exhibit A). Or I would have just dropped dead right there. 💀 I can’t believe I still have the rest of this day to get through! FUCK YOU PEDRO. I FUCKING HATE HIM. 😡