Sure, you know how to self-flagellate, but do you know how to apologize? Saying "I'm a stupid idiot" is not the same thing as saying "I did something wrong."
I read an article years ago—I can't remember where—but it discussed a teacher teaching her students the "correct way to apologise". It consisted of four steps:
Step 1: Say sorry. Saying sorry is necessary but incomplete when apologising. Some people stop here, others don't even get this far. But it is important.
Step 2: acknowledge what you did. You're apologising for something that you did, so you need to acknowledge it. This goes both ways: you also need to know what you're apologising for!
Step 3: acknowledge the harm done, or at least why the action was wrong. This requires you to think about your actions and how they impact others, which leads to
Step 4: describe how you will avoid this in the future. A real apology sets up a change in behaviour and can't be used as a band-aid you just say each time you offend, with the intention of offending again.
Note that an apology doesn't include:
self flagellation
Excuses, or even an explanation (although that might end up in step 4)
Demands for forgiveness
The article went on to say that not only did the students started acting much more civil with each other, they taught other students not in her class how to apologise too, and she saw students using her four steps outside of class.
