Daughter-of-Rage-and-Love

“I miss him in a way I’m afraid to talk about. I’m supposed to be better now, I think, but my breath still catches at his ghost sometimes. More often than I’d like. I’m paralyzed by the visceral memories of his fingers on my hips, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, his hand in mine. I’m reminded of the promises tattooed on my heart: the cities we laid claim to but never visited, the goals we had, the life we’d eventually share. I thought he was mine, but in truth, I never even knew him. We were just vague promises. All we had was false hope. We banked on a hazy future. I miss what I had, but more than that I miss the opportunity I lost. I loved the idea of him. I’ll always regret that I did not get to love him.”

“I know that you’re afraid that you’re still in love with him. I know that you’re scared that you’ll be empty without him, that the best parts of yourself are wrapped up in the worst parts of him. You think that if he lets you go, you’ll look around your life and not recognize anything. You think that if you let him go, you’ll regret it, more than any choice you’ve made in your entire life. Because love is complicated. Love is messy. But babygirl, you weren’t empty before you met him and you damn sure aren't empty now. So what if you’re still a little in love with him? Love is about choices. So make the choice to seek closure, to move forward instead of being stuck in his toxic orbit. Extricating yourself from your past isn’t easy. But you can’t move on without feeling everything that comes with saying goodbye. You can’t fully embrace everything that the universe wants to place in your lap without letting go of the burden still clawing its way into your heart. And if there is some space in your heart after he leaves, fill it with love - for your parents, for your kid brother, for the professor that saved your life. But honestly? I really hope you fill it with love for yourself.”

“It's not always about you, most of the time people just do the things they do because of themselves.”