My life as it is.

which are u: wine mom, beer dad, or vodka aunt

im an orange juice grandma

Call me at night and tell me you wanted to hear my voice

There’s no reason for anyone over the age of 21 to be having a conversation with anyone under the age of 18

“For the last time son, I wont talk to you.”

“im sorry students, but this is the last time im gonna say this. Stop trying to talk to me”

“I’m afraid I can’t hire you, I cannot speak to you.”

“I would tell that kid to get off my lawn, but society isn’t ready yet”

“my new born baby just said it’s first word but I’m not trying to hear that” 

My salary is so shitty 😒

have you tried the bbq ranch chicken salad from Wendy’s?

OMG I THOUGHT THAT SAID SALAD

omg another exhausting day of doing the bare minimum

people are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

me after 15 seconds of work: i just cant do this anymore