Hamster

Information about works

A/n: These are purely fictional, apart from rl inspirations, nothing has anything to do with reality.

A bitter feeling rose in your chest at the thought of the two of them together. Ha-Yun had only talked to you an hour before about wanting to ask him out and in the time you were weighing your decision, she had already made her move. She didn't even know you liked him. She even told you about it then why were you bitter? Because she actually did something about her feelings? But it wasn't wrong of her to do that. She liked him and now she was making it clear. She wasn't you. She didn't wait for the right moment, she did not calculate all the risks involved, she did not think if he was going to reject her, instead she went for it. You hated her spontaneity but perhaps that's why she had been in and out of love while you have been stuck on Jin for longer than you've realized.

And so you realize that you've missed your chance, yet again.

Hoseok was right. While you waited for the correct moment, you've already lost him to somebody else. Jin wasn't going to wait for you. Time was not going to wait for you. This is what you have always done, waited and waited and you'd wait longer until someone else would come in and take him away.

Whatever courage you had momentarily found after talking to Hoseok had now disappeared. Perhaps this is how it'll always be. Carrying the weight of your feelings, alone.

Pained you try to leave the party silently before it even ends without telling Jin, however, as if you were connected through a magnetic pull, he found you, just as you were waiting for your cab to arrive.

“Do you have teleportation skills or what? It's really hard to find you today.” He asked, running out of breath. It seemed he had run here.

You shook your head, replacing your bitter emotions with nonchalant expressions. Right now you wished you possessed those skills so you could escape him. 

“Looked everywhere for you inside.” He huffed. 

“Why? Did you want something? I was just bidding my parents off.” You replied.

Jin looked at you quizzically for a second, “is something wrong?” 

You shook your head, your face expressionless. 

“Are you feeling unwell?” He asked again, concern lacing his voice. He really couldn’t figure what could have happened in the span of an hour that you were desperate to leave without even telling him. Why didn't you tell him you were leaving? The last time he had seen you, you were laughing on the balcony with Hoseok but right now you seemed far from the person he had watched from a distance on the balcony. His concern was justified. 

You still shook your head, denying. 

“Did someone say something to you?” He asked, stepping closer to you. His concern only bothered you more because you knew his concern came from a place of friendship.

“I’m really fine. I’m just cold waiting for my cab." 

The moment those slipped past your mouth, he had taken off his jacket and hung it across your shoulder gently even though his expressions seemed irritated, mumbling something about waiting outside in the cold. You weren’t surprised at his gesture, he had done that too many times for you to count without realising its effect on you.

Before you knew it he was snatching your phone away from your hand and cancelling your ride. 

“Jin, what are you doing? Do you even know how long it took me to get a cab?” Irritation and frustration were clear in your voice but in your attempts to take your phone back, you stumbled over your foot and collapsed into Jin who instantly held you, his hand supporting your back instantly while the other grabbed your waist. 

You stay in that position for a moment, staring at him, your heart beating loudly at his gaze, unable to look away from him.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together while his hands remained on your body. 

Clearing your throat, you pulled away from his grasp after a moment and took your phone away from him, “I’m-okay, just tired. Try standing in heels for 3 hours and you’ll know.” 

“Then give them to me.” He was joking but you didn’t know whether to be irritated or laugh at him but it dissolved some of your composure which he was quick to notice and smiled at his victory. 

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he didn't even wait for you to answer, instead he just grabbed you and headed towards his car. You had no other option but to comply with his wishes. As you always have.

You remained quiet in the car, not having the heart to look at Jin, not having the heart to satisfy your curiosity if Ha-Yun really had asked him out but it didn’t mean he didn’t look at you. He couldn’t help but be concerned for you. To him you seemed distant

“Y/n, are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to stop at the pharmacy?” He asked. All his attention lingered on you. 

You shook your head, "I'm okay."

"Y/n, do you want me to punch someone? Should I turn around?" He was joking obviously and it worked, a little at least.

You turned to him and he finally smiled as if he was happy that he had won your attention.

“Can I ask you something?” You finally asked, your hands fumbling in your lap.

“Whatever you want.” At this point he was willing to answer even the absurdest question as long as it would mean you’d look at him, that you’d talk to him. 

“Have you ever thought about what we would be if we weren’t best friends?” This time you turned your head to look at him. 

Jin's attention faltered from the road and spared a glance at you, "Why wouldn't we be friends?"  

"You think we'll always be best friends? Even if we had met some other way. Some other time, some other place?"

You watched him smile and he reached your hand over your lap, "any other time, any other day, any other universe, I will always choose you as my best friend."

You smiled sadly as you stared at your hands in your lap. Best friends. That's what you'll be.

So much for hoping for more.

"I saw you dancing. It looked like you had fun." That's all you said before you leaned against the window and closed your eyes. Even if Jin had a reply, you didn't hear it. You don't think you wanted to.

You don’t realize when you slept until Jin softly tapped you awake and you noticed you have reached your place.

The car felt much warmer than it had been when you first sat in. It had been him. You apologized for falling asleep and reached the door but he stopped you. 

“Y/n, just wait.” 

You watched carefully as he leaned behind your seat and took out a bag. You waited as he opened the bag to reveal slippers inside it.

"Wear these."

You stared at him for a second longer as he leaned forward and kept the slippers adjacent to your feet.

You realized at that moment why you loved him. It wasn't because of familiarity. It was because he was who he is. He would do the bare minimum but your heart would flutter because nobody had ever done it for you so you would think it special but that's just who he was. Just like now. The way he offered you his jacket without thinking, how he had turned up the heater in the car so you slept comfortably, that he had carried spare slippers and offered it to you. You loved him for the things he didn't even pay attention to, he did those things thoughtlessly but to someone who had been hopelessly in love with him for years on end, it anchored your feelings to permanence.

You wanted to ask if he did that for every one but you knew you wouldn't be able to appetize the answer so you don't. Not after you had seen him with Ha-Yun. Even if he did it for everyone, just for tonight you could feel special but tomorrow you'll remind yourself again that it wasn't special. It's just him being himself.

Jin's expressions were unreadable as you smiled at him and said, "Always know how to make a girl feel special."

You took off your heels and slipped into comfortable slippers he gave you.

“Are you really that tired or is it something else?” He asked. 

“I really am that tired,” mentally but you don’t tell him that. 

“Do you want me to cook you something?” He asked, worried. 

You shook your head with a pursed smile, “Just need some sleep, that’s it. You should go home.” 

He couldn’t ask any further. If there was one thing he knew you did was shut off every time something would happen and all he could do was wait for the time when you’d be able to come and talk about it. Over the years he had seen that multiple times, there were even patterns but he was oblivious of it. 

He doesn't ask anymore, instead he just watched you walk away from the car, towards your building. Alone in the car he sighed, and then he took out his phone and texted you.

[12:47 am]

Seokjin: Whatever it is, I hope you're okay. I'm here for you.

You don't see Jin for a while. At first it was unintentional, it really had been a busy month with auditing but then it had become intentional.

You were avoiding Jin, to protect your own heart. To erase everything Hoseok had given you hope for and go back to your normal life. To pretend you weren't in love with your best friend because that was the only thing you knew how to do. All because you had received pictures from Hoseok when you were working at the office on the weekend. It was a picture of all three, Jin, Ha-Yun and Hoseok on an amusement park ride and attached to it was a picture of just Jin and Ha-Yun eating ice cream sitting together. Hoseok had sent a "?" to ask you what was going on and you will not deny, you zoomed in on the picture to see both of them eating chocolate ice cream but all you had sent back was a thumbs up and told him to have fun together.

Jin had of course asked you to accompany them on the plan but he didn't force you and you really wanted to focus on something else for a while so you had denied. And you were glad you did.

Then a couple of days later you received another dinner picture then another week later you received another picture. But in all honesty you were able to switch to your normal life, one that wasn't built around Jin even though you still kept thinking of him. You were finally able to suppress your feelings for him. You were willing to wait on the side line and maybe someday you'll be able to move on, let go of any hope you never admitted you carried.

But just how you can't push the door close when there's pressure from the other end, you too came crashing down in a single night on Jin's birthday.

You were meeting him after a long time and momentarily you forgot you had created a distance between you two. All your suppressed feelings came to the surface. One look at him and you forgot that you had been in pain because of him, you forgot that all these weeks you avoided him so you could learn how to dismiss all your hopes. You forgot you had practiced the art of loving in silence.

Tonight your love was loud, shattering, even bitter. You had let yourself melt in the hug when you wished him and he told you that it had been so long since he last saw you that he was forgetting your face, that he missed you, and actually said the words. And that was perhaps the first mistake. You shouldn't have forgotten but you did. You shouldn't have let yourself get carried away.

You laughed with him, drank with him, talked with him, even danced with him. For the first time in a while you truly felt that it was just about the two of you. It truly felt easier to be around him, to be with him. For the first time in a while you didn't feel the crushing weight of missing your chances with him.

But all it took was one glance at Ha-Yun and Jin talking and laughing in the kitchen and you were instantly reminded of the months of rebuilding you had done. All the walls you had built up.

Right. You were always the second option.

Your eyes lingered on their figures in the kitchen long enough for Hoseok and even his friend to notice it and like a good friend Hoseok did the only thing he knew, distract you.

"Y/n, you wanna play?" Hoseok asked, blocking your vision. You turned to the video game his friends had put on and with a forced smile you agreed. It was going to be your escape mechanism.

You spent a good part of the night gaming with other boys, drinking, eating that you barely register how many drinks you had drunk. In trying to drown Jin and Ha-Yun's voices, you had been louder, your laugh had been louder, your drinks had been more and inevitably it took a toll on you late at night when you stumbled on your way to the washroom.

You didn't even know Jin had followed you into the bedroom when you went to the washroom. You stayed there for a long time, collecting yourself, washing your face, just staring at yourself in the mirror for the absurdity of tonight. You couldn't even recognise the person in the mirror but you promised yourself that if this was becoming unbearable you'll take space from Jin until you were better.

You had been there long enough and Jin grew worried by every passing second. After you were in there for over 15 minutes, he decided to knock and ask if you were fine.

"Y/n, are you alright in there? It's been a long time."

Maybe you didn't heard him so he knocked again. But after the third attempt, you hear the knock and opened the door.

And there he was, his hair dishevelled, hands in the air as if he was about to knock again, his eyes wide that showed just how worried he was.

You smiled at him and nodded, "I'm okay. Just needed some time. You know I'm not a social person."

He wasn't convinced though. He grabbed your hand and made you sit on the bed as he kneeled in front of you.

"I'm okay, really-"

"Do you know how many drinks you had?" He asked, finding the bottle of water on his nightstand and opened it for you.

You pretentiously thought for a moment but it made him more worried so you just chuckled and told him the truth, "maybe 5 or 6? Definitely not more than 6."

He shook his hands in front of you in a fast wave, "how many fingers are these?"

You rolled your eyes, "three. Are you done?"

He grew relieved and offered you water.

"had me worried there for a second when you stumbled in here. Thought you were throwing up." He said watching you drink the water.

You smiled at him, "what would you have done had I not opened the door?"

"knocked it down." There wasn't even a hint of quip in his voice. It sounded like he really would have.

You patted his shoulder and snickered, "and made me pay for the damage?"

He shook his head trying to stifle his laugh.

You follow his face, your face adorned with a smile. You poked his face as he tried to keep a serious demeanor.

"Come on, I'm okay. You've seen worse."

He took your hand that was poking his face and looked up at you.

"I can't be sure, you're old now."

You gasped loudly, making him laugh. You mockingly touched your heart.

"I'm never recovering from that statement."

He was still laughing but he took a seat next to you.

"There's definitely a lot of truth to it."

You rolled your eyes at him, "says the man whose birthday just turned him a year older."

"Please, I'm young at heart." The statement made you laugh and you momentarily lean into Jin, one he doesn't push away instead you think he leaned into you.

Once you both stop laughing, you stared at both of your feet lying adjacent to each other. He was wearing pineapple socks you had given him last year while he was still in the military. You smiled at the memory.

"Do you have a foot fetish?" He asked as he noticed your line of sight.

You made a disgusted face at him, "do you ever use your brain before speaking?"

His lower puckered out that you couldn't bring yourself to look away from, then smiling he shook his head, "if I have to use my brain when I'm with you then why are we friends?"

And there it hit you again. Friends.

You couldn't help but scoff inwardly at the word. Friends weren't supposed to think about kissing while looking at their lips.

He nudged you when you didn't say anything.

"What's wrong?"

You let out a breath and divert the question, "Are you and Ha-Yun going out?"

The question shocked him to say the least. He was taken aback at the sudden inquiry, his face turning into a frown.

"Who told you that?"

You shrugged, "saw you in the kitchen. You both seemed cozy."

Jin looked at you as if he couldn't believe whatever you said, disgusted even but he tried not to show it.

He shook his head, "told you I wanted to enjoy my single life while I still could."

You closed your eyes, chuckling in disbelief, "Right."

"Why? You don't believe me?" He asked.

You shook your head, "that's not it."

"Then what?"

"Someone like you can't be single for long."

"and why is that?" He seemed curious.

You turned your gaze at him, looking in his eyes.

"Because you're every girl's dream."

He really couldn't help but laugh in utter disbelief.

"I'm being honest. If I screamed from the top of the building and asked who wanted to date you, an entire line would pull up."

He had an amused reaction, his eyebrows shooting up, "you really think?"

You nodded.

"Well then I'm glad you're not in that line." He said.

You keep staring at him at the complete oblivion of your feelings for him. Not once had Jin assumed you could ever feel for him the way you do. How quick he had always been to dismiss the idea of anything more.

So you keep staring wondering if he'd really ever figure it out on his own if you never told him.

"What?"

But you don't know if he would have because you told him.

"You are my dream. You've always been my dream, Jin."

An unattainable dream.

His breath physically stops short, his face suddenly horrified, all the blood rushes away from his face, turning him paler than he was.

"Y/n-"

"I love you."

You didn't even know tears had prickled in your eyes until you felt a drop on your cheek. And then you realize that he wasn't looking blurry because of the alcohol but because there were tears in your eyes.

Tears because after all these years you had finally confessed what you felt and you can't even describe the weight that was lifted off your heart.

He knew. He finally knew.

And as you had always expected, he doesn't say anything to you. His face goes blank. In every scenario you had ever thought you've always reached a conclusive end where the sentence always starts with 'But I don't..' and right now you weren't eager to know what he could have said instead you waited to see how long it would take for him to tell you that he didn't feel the same and break your heart.

You didn't wait for reciprocation, you never have, instead you waited for a heart break. The truth you have always known.

And then he finally spoke,

"Y/n- I don't.." and he paused.

You don't know if it was because he was finding the right words or he was trying to soften the blow but it was enough for you to know that the more you stayed here with him, the more your chest constricted, the more your throat went dry and the more your heart physically ached in ways you didn't even know was possible.

Taking your sign, you stood up.

"I'll leave."

It was finally done. You've ripped your years-long band aid off. You had told him how you felt. He didn't feel the same way and now, finally you can move on. Or try to.

"What?" Confusion was clear on his face.

"I'll just leave." You sniff, collecting yourself together, standing up.

"Y/n, you're drunk." He sighed and stood with you.

"And how does that make any difference?" It really didn't. If anything you were glad alcohol gave you the courage to confess.

"At least let me drop you off."

You shook your head. You were afraid that if you stayed a second more you'd crash into the floor with pain, with this unimaginable pain you could never explain to him.

"I need to be alone."

"Y/n, stay-"

You shook your head and took your leave.

You didn't even make it home properly before tears streamed down your face. You don't even close the door properly before you slip against it and over the floor clutching your chest at the pain you felt. All these years of loving him and you had never felt the insurmountable pain that you felt now because this was finally real. All your imagination had failed you, reality was more bitter than even the worst expectations. Nothing had hurt the way this did, not even when he had cried in your arms for somebody else but the weight of his silence, the weight of his rejection had been too much.

And nobody prepares you for the pain you feel when someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you.

Like every other person you had a naive hope that just maybe, just maybe he would have taken you in his arms and told you that he loved you too but he didn't. Jin didn't. Instead what you were met with were the exact words you had always feared. All your hope finally crumbled like glass, you were crumbling in pieces and you didn't even know what to do.. there was no best friend to run to.

That night you didn't only lose the one person you loved but you also lost the only person who was your home. You've lost your best friend and it left a bigger hole in your chest.

You don't know what you hated more as you cried a river until the morning.

Telling the truth to Hoseok came much, much later but he was there for you then.

For days you cried, sometimes on your own, on your way back from work, while watching TV. And there were times when you just felt the pain but no tears came.

Hoseok then held you when you felt numb and as you cried until you had no tears left but he didn't know how to make it any better just like you didn't. He didn't even know what to tell you because he couldn't ask you to move on from the person you've been in love with for years and you don't ask him to tell you anything, you only asked him to stay with you when you missed Jin.

There was however one thing he said that you tried not to pay attention to but you also knew one day you'll have to face the music.

"You need to talk to him. Not right now but whenever you are in a better place. Tell him that you need space instead of icing him out."

By that he meant to ask you to not throw two decades of friendship to waste. You knew even if you iced him out today, there was going to be a day when you'd have to face him whether you liked it or not.

You just didn't expect that day to come this soon. 2 weeks of no contact was broken at a family lunch. You had tried getting out of it, refused the invite too many times but your mother threatened to show up at your place if you didn't show up. You knew you'd have to face Jin and there was nothing that prepared you for that. At last you decided, you'd leave earlier so you wouldn't have to stay for the whole thing.

You were finishing setting up the table when Jin arrived. Your eyes averted to him at the door and he couldn't take his eyes away from you either but you were the first one to break the staring contest. You don't greet him, you weren't there yet but there was a part of you that hated not being able to talk to him. You missed him dearly but this was for your own sake.

You didn't speak to each other during lunch at all even as you sat across from each other, even when you both reached for the same thing, even when he coughed choking on a spring onion. It was like two strangers at a table and it was so foreign because you've never known these faces of each other.

"Why are you two so quiet today? Did something happen? Y/n, did you beat him up?" Your father asked.

You gasped, "Appa¹."

Jin intervened, shaking his head, "I'm just stressed. Going back to work has been hectic..."

Jin took the whole conversation to himself, he kept talking about his return to work and you knew he did it to divert attention from the elephant in the room. He was trying to take the steam off you so nobody questioned you anymore and you felt a swell of pain in your chest at that. He was being considerate but you loved it and hated it the same. You didn't want him to be honest but you didn't need him to be your knight in shining armour.

Unfortunately, you weren't able to leave earlier. You should have known. By the time you decided to leave it was past 8 pm and you were outside debating whether you should take a cab or not when both of your families came out to bid you goodbyes.

"Y/n, did you bring your car?" Mrs. Kim asked. You politely shook your head.

"In repair. It broke down a few days ago."

"Perfect then, Jinie will drop you," she said excitedly. You both share a look with each other but you don't say anything.

Jin's father patted his back loud enough to hear a smack, "he was going to drop her anyway, isn't it?"

You hesitated telling them that you'd take a cab or take a subway but it would only result in more suspicion and Jin sensed that too. Better at you than tackling difficult situations he spoke up.

"I'll drop her off, don't worry. I'll just bring my car around." He said. You don't even get a chance to say anything before he is off to bring the car.

You stayed there with boxes full of food both the mother's packed for both you and him, not even packing it in separate boxes. They said you could split it on your own. If only they knew that you haven't even spoken to each other in 2 weeks.

Just in time he brought his car and opened the door for you. He took the boxes from your hands and kept them in the backseat before getting in the driver seat.

As soon as you both were far enough from the house you finally spoke up, "Drop me off at the nearest train station. I'll go from there. You can take the food with you."

"So, you can speak." He doesn't hide his sarcasm at all. He doesn't even try to hide the fact that he was fuming. You saw his knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel tighter. His jaw clenched but you didn't say anything about it. You didn't know you could have said that would make this situation any better.

"Jin, we just crossed the station." You said as soon as the train station went past you.

"I know." He replied. His attention never turned away from the road.

"Drop me off right there, I'll walk till the sta-"

"If you don't want to talk to me, don't, but I'm dropping you off." His anger was visible in his voice.

"Jin, stop the car-"

It only took one look from him before you shut up.

"If you want to sleep you can. I won't say anything."

Defeated, you don't intervene further. You knew he would never let you go alone as long as you were with him. That's not who he was.

And for the first time silence felt the heaviest. You couldn't help but constantly think about how much you missed him. If you hadn't opened your mouth on his birthday right about now he would be making you laugh with some dad joke. If you hadn't told him how you felt, he would be talking non stop and you'd be mesmerized to see him talk. If you hadn't told him how you felt, you wouldn't be missing him when he was right next to you.

He only spoke to you when you reached your apartment and he helped you carry boxes of food upstairs.

"You can keep these boxes." But as he didn't hear you in the car, this time you don't.

You opened the door to your apartment and immediately entered the kitchen, placing boxes on the counter.

"I'll leave-"

"I'll transfer these into other boxes so you can take them." You tell him already searching for the boxes.

"I said I don't need th-"

"Would this be enough?" You showed him the boxes. Sighing he nodded.

He watched you as you transferred the food in other boxes in silence. There were so many things he wanted to say, things you wanted to tell him but neither of you spoke up. Tension thick enough that it could not be cut with a knife either.

And after you were done you handed him the boxes, "You don't have to return these."

He nodded.

"And, don't save me the next time our parents say something. You can tell them the truth."

Whatever composure Jin was carrying with him collapsed when you said it.

He scoffed, dropping the boxes back on the counter, "told them the truth? What truth are you talking about Y/n? That I've been texting you for the last two weeks and you haven't returned a single call, a single message, that you were icing me out?"

You nodded, "Yeah, you can tell them that."

He let out a frustrated scoff, his hands running through his hair.

"Aren't you being too much? I only ever asked you if we could talk."

Your face clenched and your voice rose as equal as his, "and talk about what exactly?"

"Talk about us, Y/n, Us!" His voice grew even louder. You've rarely seen him as angry as he was right now.

"What 'us' Jin? There is no us! I told you how I felt-"

"and then you stormed away. You couldn't even own up to your confession."

It hurt you, it really hurt you the way he spoke to you. No matter what had happened between the two of you, he had never used that tone with you before and you couldn't tolerate his anger. He didn't deserve to be angry. You did.

"How else do I own up to my confession? Should I tell you again? Should I lay out to you, text you, scream from the top of the building, or tell everyone in passing that I love Jin and embarrass myself more if this wasn't enough."

He turned away from you, his chest heaving and suddenly as if he couldn't take it anymore he turned around and came closer to you, "For starters you shouldn't have told me that when you were drunk."

You bit the inside of your cheek and stepped forward so you were facing him, standing tall against him, your tears threatened to spill your eyes but you stood firm, "Don't tell me anything about drunken confessions. At least I didn't drunkenly kiss you and pretended it never happened."

Struck with a blow his face turned pale, "You-"

"I remember that kiss. The one you lied about. It was so easy for you to lie about it but I can't lie about it. I wouldn't. I'm not you. If you want to pretend my confession never happened for you, go ahead but I wouldn't turn away from my confessions like you did." You didn't know where all the bitterness came from but letting out the truth felt much free.

"Why didn't you ever say anything about it?" His voice, though still angry, was suddenly much calmer.

"about what?"

"About the kiss? Why did you pretend it never happened?" He closed his eyes for a second letting out a long breath. And although his voice was calm, his demeanor wasn't.

"Because-" you tried to say something, but nothing came out.

"Because what?" He asked again.

"Because I didn't know how to. You were in love with someone else and you were in pain because of some other girl. I couldn't stand there and accept that we kissed and ask if it only mattered to me."

Your heart shattered as you saw his eyes well up with tears. He was angry for whatever reason and you could understand that but you couldn't understand why this would make him cry.

"Your problem is that you never confronted me. That's why you stormed out that night. That's why you can't own up to your confession."

It pissed you off to no end. You didn't want to hate yourself for loving him, you didn't want to hate yourself for kissing him, you didn't want to hate yourself for confessing to him because you already did but you never imagined, you never wanted him to use your confession as a weapon against you. You hated it and you hated him right for the way he was making you feel for loving him, for the way you told him how you felt.

"Get out." You said and then again, louder this time.

"I said get out."

Baffled, he stood there for a moment but when you didn't say anything again he turned around and left.

That night, you watched him walk away from your door. He didn't turn around, not even once but you watched him stay in his car for a long time before he drove away. And only then you cried. Only then you let yourself feel the pain of his words, only then do you hate yourself for hurting him the way you did, only then do you hate him for saying the truth.

He was right. You didn't own up to your confession. You couldn't. Why? Because you didn't want to hear the words "But I don't feel the same way." You loved him but you wanted to protect yourself from the earth shattering pain of actually hearing a rejection and you didn't think it was wrong. It was the only thing you could do for yourself and somehow Jin had made you hate yourself for it.

All that time you cried, in pain, in anger, it never occurred to you that he was angry too, and that you never asked why he was so mad at you when all you did was tell how you felt.

In all the fights you've had with Jin this was by far the longest, and the most hurtful but in a weird way it made it easier for you to deal with the outcome of your confession. The way you two had fought had left you angry with each other and you assumed he was pissed at you too because in the last 2 weeks he didn't reach out even once. Maybe it was all for the better, maybe you needed this to feel better because since that night you haven't cried even once, you felt sad but didn't cry.

And Hoseok said it was an improvement. After having seen you cry for and feel numb over Jin, he said the fight brought back some colour in you and you didn't know whether to laugh at that or agree to it. And so he called for a celebration in the most unusual way.

Clubbing.

You refused at first, arguing that you were more of a homebody and that clubbing wasn't your thing but in his words it was the best way to celebrate. And you felt bad for calling and crying to him so often that you decided you could do this for him. If something happens, you'll leave the place soon.

So, there you were dressed up in the same black dress you wore at Hoseok's parents anniversary because it fit the occasion really well and it was also the only black dress you had (Hoseok had given you a theme for whatever reason).

You entered the club alone because Hoseok said he was stuck in traffic. He told you to enjoy yourself for a while before he arrived so you let yourself be a little free. After weeks of wrenching pain, you allowed yourself a little freedom.

You sat at the bar and ordered drinks for the two of you and Hoseok arrived just a bit after you had ordered and he immediately took you to the dance floor without even greeting you.

In his words it was dumb not to dance at a club, so with a drink in your hand you danced uncomfortably at first but then you gradually remember your moves from your early twenties when clubbing was a frequent thing. You let yourself get mixed up in the electrifying air of the club. Bodies dancing, people screaming, drinks. You let yourself loose, you let yourself have fun, you let yourself forget everything that has happened with Jin in a while. At that moment everything could wait. You decided you deserved this.

But as if the universe had other plans, your eyes fell upon a man who looked too familiar to be a stranger. It was an uncanny similarity to the broad shoulders you've been used to seeing. You don't even realise when Hoseok was replaced by some other man behind you when the familiar man in front of you turned and it revealed to be Jin.

You almost gasped, you think you did but you're unsure as you kept watching Jin who had found you just as immediately as you had. He looked devilishly handsome and for some moments you don't remember the pain, the fight, all you remember is your love for him. All you see is your best friend you've been in love with for as long as you can remember. Your best friend who has always looked good in leather, your friend who looked unfairly hot, your friend tall enough to tower you, and every thought a friend shouldn't have went through your head.

You keep staring at him, watching his features twitch, especially the way his jaw clenched and the way he raised an eyebrow at you. It only occurred to you that he was real when you felt a hand on your back and you immediately realized that it couldn't have been Hoseok. He'd never touch you the way this man did and you visibly flinched. But before you could even react, turn around and shout at whoever it was, Jin had taken the matters in his own hands and had dragged you to him and for once you were glad that he did. A relief ran through you at the familiar figure but it doesn't take long before Jin is taking you out of the club and to his car.

"Not a word." He said before you could even say anything. You followed his lead as he opened the door to his car and you sat down quietly. It doesn't occur to you at all that you left Hoseok alone, inside.

All your focus was on the way Jin clutched at the steering and was speeding at an unusual speed. He was mad? That was your best guess but truth be told now that you were out of the club, you felt more relaxed. You were glad you had found Jin there even though you haven't spoken to him in days.

For the first time in a while Jin pulled up at his place.

"I thought-"

"Let's go upstairs and talk." That's all he said until you reached his apartment.

You entered his place to a citrus smell that you immediately identified because of the tangerines on the kitchen top.

"I'll do a cab and-"

"I thought you liked me?" He said, taking off his jacket hastily and tossing it aside.

"What?" You frowned.

"I thought you liked me but there you were at the club dancing with a random guy." His jaw was clenched.

This was frustrating. Whatever was going on between the two of you, it was irritating you.

"Why do you care?" You asked, taking off your coat as well. His place was unusually warm.

"I care if you dance with a random man." He said towering you and you realized then that you hadn't even made it into the living room. You were fighting again, at his doorstep.

"Exactly. Why do you care if I was dancing with a random man? It's not like you like me."

You watch him close his eyes and release a frustrated sigh.

"Why do you always have to have the last word? Why do you always have to assume everything? Why can't you just- for just one fucking time stop assuming you know everything about me!"

You scoffed with a sarcastic laugh and looked away from him for just a second then looked up back at him.

"You think I don't. I know you better than you know yourself."

He stepped even closer, making you take a step back, and another step and another.

"No, Y/n, you don't. You always assume everything. You always assume what someone is going to say to you. You always assume you know better. You always assume that whatever you think is right without caring if it's true or not."

Your face clenched again. You weren't going to stand there and take more of Jin's yelling.

"I can't fight with you again, I'm leaving." You said taking your coat and turning around to open the door but Jin's words stopped you dead in your tracks.

"You always assumed I never felt the same about you."

And for the first time today his voice had gone softer.

You turn too hastily to see him wearing a sad expression.

"You- you- what did you just say?"

Jin gave a small smile and took your coat away from your hand, dropping it without looking.

"Had you not stormed out that night, you would have heard the end of my sentences. You stormed out, then you ghosted me, then you fought with me. You always assumed that I was going to turn you down but you never asked me if I felt the same or not. You never asked what I felt."

All your emotions crash into you. Tears gather in your eyes and you feel yourself pulled towards him, "You like me?"

He chuckled and took your hand bringing you closer to him.

"Why didn't you let me say anything? Why don't you?"

You bit your lip, he was teasing you, testing you but you were too close to crying your eyes out.

"Jin- just- do you really like me?"

Knowing you well enough and seeing you frustrated, he cupped your face, "I do. Hell, I love you but you didn't let me say it. You rushed out before I could tell you that. Had you not assumed my response, you would have heard this sentence, Y/n, I don't think we should talk about this right now but tell me this tomorrow morning and I'll tell you that I love you too."

"That I love you too." He repeated and you felt a tear drop down your face that he's quick to wipe it away.

And then you let yourself weep against his chest as a huge weight was taken away from your chest. You were clutching at his chest because you couldn't believe that all along, all this time he had loved you too but your stupid self had pushed him away so that he couldn't even tell you that he loved you too.

Your unrequited love was no longer one sided.

"Tell me again." You said hugging closer to his body.

You feel his chest vibrate in a soft laugh and he said it again, caressing your hair, "I love you Y/n."

And then you look up and tell him again, this time without fearing he'll run away.

"I love you Jin, I've loved you for far too long."

His eyes poured into yours and he couldn't believe the words you have said. He really couldn't but this time instead of running away you leaned forward and kissed him.

You finally kiss him. Those soft pillowy lips you had kissed only once in a drunken state when you didn't even know what you felt but this time it was real, this was better, much better than anything you've ever experienced and more than you, he couldn't believe this was real. His hands slid into your hair and behind your neck as he intensified the kiss. You were crying but the more the kiss intensified the more you forgot to cry, the more you let yourself melt into the kiss.

And you lose it when without a warning his tongue grazes across your lips making you moan allowing him to slip his tongue past your lips.

Your hands fumbled at the collar of his shirt and before you could decide what to do with it, you pulled him closer, downwards to your height that he fumbled and you both crashed into the wall behind you making you break away from the kiss with a gasp.

You feel him smile against your lips but neither of you open your eyes.

"I can't believe I finally get to kiss you." He breathed.

You arched into him and said, "Why'd you stop?"

Hypnotized by you, he moaned and kissed you even harder now. This time he doesn't even let air get in between the two of you. His lips that felt like feathers before now seemed to pull at your lips, tug at them, making you lose whatever rationality you had left in your mind. This felt natural.

Kissing him felt like everything you've ever known but also every thing you can't believe you haven't been doing everyday.

One of his hands reached behind your waist and pulled you flushed against him while the other made its way into your hair. His lips mould into you like architecture, perfect, fitted. He quickly learned that pulling at your lower lip made you moan, that it made you gasp every time you would try to separate for air and he wouldn't let you because he wasn't done with you yet.

And just as naturally you learnt that he moaned the loudest when you rutted against him while your tongue was in his mouth. You realized that he liked his lower lip being tugged at but it drove him insane if you so much so even grazed your tongue across his upper lip.

You don't realize when his lips left your mouth and went down your neck. The pleasure had been too much. You only noticed it when you let out a loud moan and Jin had to practically pull away and look at you in amusement.

And so he did it again. He kissed your neck, then sucked at it, bit it and then ran his tongue over it in feather touch again eliciting the same reaction from you.

"Fuck-" he moaned against your neck and you really couldn't take it anymore. He had the most skilled mouth and you were wondering about hundred other ways he could use his mouth all over you and that thought alone drove you insane.

"You have no clue what this dress did to me that night." He was still kissing your neck, and you don't complain.

You smile at the sensation of his hand gripping your waist tighter.

"Bet it wasn't as much as your red shirt undid me."

He let out a moan at your response and pulled away to rest his forehead against yours, "I don't think you noticed but I couldn't take my eyes off you that night. Wanted to do so many things- thought about you in every way a friend shouldn't."

You looked him in his eyes and tugged at his shirt, "we've already ruined this friendship. Do everything you wanted to."

You didn't know a man's growl could make you feel feral but he did. He didn't stop, he didn't hesitate anymore. His hand reached the end of your dress and pulled it up until it was bunched against your waist. He doesn't even realise the effect he had on you, the way you were melting under his touch as his fingers grazed against your thighs or he knew exactly what he was doing and that's why he kept driving you insane.

And then his hand reached the string of your dress over your shoulder and pulled it away kissing your shoulder as he did.

"Do you like it?"

Your response came with sliding your hand under his shirt and touching him. He stopped physically for a moment as your nails raked his chest. And to make it worse your access to his neck and to kiss along his neck made him more desperate for you than he had ever imagined.

"Need to have you- Y/n, I can't-" he moaned and he slipped the other string of your dress.

"Need you too." You moaned next to his ear and that was all it took for him to take you into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him and manhandling you into the bed.

You smiled as he climbed on top of you, tossing his shirt aside, losing your sanity at his bare chest. His knees rested on the bed next to your thighs and he kept staring at your dishevelled state, your hair had proof of his hand running through it. Your neck had proof of his kisses, your lips swollen as an aftermath.

"Why are you staring?" You finally asked, feeling more naked than you were.

Then he leaned and kissed you on the mouth again.

"Can't believe my imagination is becoming real."

You chuckled but you ended up moaning as you felt his hands drop over your chest.

"I've imagined about you too."

He lifted his gaze to look at you. His eyes blown out with lust.

"Really?"

You nodded.

Then he smiled, smirked if you were right as he found the zipper of your dress and began taking off your dress. It doesn't take long before it's off and thrown away somewhere in the room and he's surprised at the sight of your bare chest.

He gulped as he looked at your chest. Blood rushed to your face as you realized your nakedness but as if he realised the actual purpose of taking off your dress he leaned down to your chest and whispered,

"Tell me everything you've imagined."

The request shocks you. You didn't know Jin was vocal in bed. You've thought of Him in bed in every way possible but never this. You had never imagined that but the idea of it alone generated a wet pool between your legs.

His fingers lightly grazed over your right nipple and he repeated, "tell me Y/n, what have you thought about me."

You gasped, your nipples hardening under his touch and just as you opened your mouth, his mouth found a better purpose on your chest. He placed open kisses between the valley of your chest leaving you a moaning mess and to make it worse his hands never left giving attention to your nipples, rolling and pinching it between his fingers.

"You- thought about your-" you moaned louder at a particular pull and Jin chuckled softly.

"about my what? My mouth?" He asked.

You nodded.

"Words, Y/n."

"Your mouth on- on my- breasts." You let out a heavy breath.

"Like this." And you whined, quivered at the way his lips sucked at your nipples. At first it wasn't harsh, only peppering it with kisses but the more you arched into him, the more he took your nipple in his mouth and sucked it, licked it, tugged at it with his teeth.

Your hand automatically fell into his hair and tugged at them but he intertwined your hands with his own leaving you quivering.

"What more? What else did you think about me?"

You shook your head, the pleasure was starting to get to you.

Jin pulled away from your chest and climbed over you so he was at face level with you.

He tuts, "I've barely begun."

You didn't mean to let out a moan but his words had you melting.

He smirked then leaned down to kiss your cheek, "is it too much?"

You immediately shook your head.

"Then do you want me to tell you everything I've thought about you?" He asked as if it wasn't the dirtiest question he had ever asked you.

You bit your lip then nodded, you really did want to know.

He smirked and before you knew it his hands were already pulling at your underwear and taking them off.

"Tell me if it's too much." It came as a sincere request but it didn't really look like he would stop if you told him that he drove you insane right now.

You nodded and then without hesitation he kissed behind your ear as his hand fell between your legs.

He had to have practice. An unusual amount of practice or he was just that talented because he immediately found your soft spot. Almost immediately he realized the pace at which you liked being touched. His thumb rested over your clit and began its circular movement then in between rubbing it gently.

You clutched at the sheets next to you as your neck arched backwards.

"Thought about touching you like this-" then tapped your clit, then one more time, then as if it wasn't enough his middle finger gathered the wetness between your legs and smeared it across your clit giving you a pleasure you didn't know you could attain, "- how you would look when I touched you like this. How wet you'd be for me."

You moaned louder at his words.

"how wasted you would be- how you'd let me touch you however I want. Will you let me?"

You nodded.

He climbed down your body, finding home between your legs.

"How you'll spread for me just at a simple touch." This wasn't enough. You needed him more and his words, god his mouth, spoke the filthiest things that turned you on even more.

And then he spread your legs. His hands pinning your thighs to the bed.

"So wet for me." He licked you, he actually licked you between your legs and you thought you'd cum right there with just a sweep of his tongue but you don't.

"Have you ever touched yourself at the thought of me?" He asked and it came to you as a surprise but then you look at him between your legs looking up at you expectantly while kissing your inner thighs just the same.

Damn the timing that made you miss all this.

"Have you?" He asked again and licked you again making you shiver. You needed him so bad so you nodded because you really have. You really have touched yourself thinking of him and never has it ever come close to this.

You saw him smirk, his face devilishly seductive that made it hard to look away especially when he looked this good between your legs.

"Let's see if I can make you cum harder than any time you've made yourself cum." And he licked and sucked at your clit. Your back arched with a loud groan of his name and you thought he liked your reaction because he only did it more.

He ate you harder, switching between your clit and your pussy and every switch made you scream his name. He ate you out with such precision, such attention that you crumbled too quickly in pleasure. You couldn't handle it anymore. His mouth felt heavenly on you, unfairly good. It was evil.

You knew it if he wasn't pinning you down to the bed, you would have pulled him away from your cunt but all your attempts to soften his process were in vain because he would only pin your hands over your lower belly.

His name slipped past your lips like a prayer and he didn't leave you until you were cumming all over his mouth, until you were overstimulated and close to cumming again.

"Jin- please." You whined.

"Please what Y/n?"

"Need you." Satisfied with your request he pulled up and kissed your mouth again. You could taste yourself on his lips and never have you ever enjoyed it as much as you did now.

"In my imagination I've made you cum more times but I guess I can do that later as well."

You had no reply. The thought of this being your new relationship had you feeling electric, everywhere.

So you kiss him harder and palmed him over his jeans. He almost collapsed over you when you ran your hand over his crotch.

"You don't come with a warning, do you?" He moaned, breathily.

It was now your turn. You sucked his neck to leave a hickey and whispered, "Do you think you can handle it?"

And then he really did fall into your neck as you found your hand inside his jeans undoing his belt. He felt big, bigger than you had ever imagined and rubbing him with your hand felt surreal. Sinfully surreal.

"fuck- if you keep doing that-"

"Thought about sucking you off."

"Fuck- Y/n, what are- fuck- fuck, fuck, baby-" his moans become more hoarse, more needy as you pulled his jeans further down and clenched him in your hands.

"Jesus- Y/n-" he was very vocal about his pleasure and you loved the effect you had on him.

You tut against his neck and whisper the same words, "I've just begun."

His teeth bit too gently because it felt like if he didn't, he would combust. You felt him shiver, quiver as you fisted his dick in your hand and pumped him in your hands.

"please- jesus- please-" he pleaded. You've never seen him like this but oh how much you loved this. Liked him as needy as he was.

"Pleading already?" Pumping him faster, you too groaned as his teeth grazed at a particular spot on your neck.

"I'll cum Y/n- I'll-" but his words get lost in a loud moan that you found instantly very attractive when your thumb swiped his precum at his head.

"Thought if you'd cum over my hand or would you cum harder if I sucked you."

In a flash his hands pulled yours away and pinned it next to your head. When you looked at his face, it was ragged with heavy breathing, his chest heaving and eyes blown out wide. He was more impressed than he could express. He's never had a woman whose mouth was enough to drive him insane but then again no other woman has been you.

Just you, only you had this effect on him.

"Need to be inside you or I'll really combust. Now."

And he doesn't give you a warning before his dick is slapping against your opening. With one hand pinning your hands above your head, with the other he held his dick in his hand and glided across your pussy making you whimper.

You knew he wasn't going to last very long and so were you. You both needed each other desperately, pathetically that you could jump his bone if he didn't enter you now.

"Shall I- protection?" Your heart melted for a split second then you shook your head.

"birth contr-" but the words don't even slip out fully before he's asking you another question kissing you again.

"You really want this, right? It's not too much, is it?" His mix of sexiness and absolute innocence and sincerity swallowed you whole. Your love for him grew tenfold. It was a simple gesture but at that moment you couldn't even explain why you liked it so much.

You kissed him and agreed, "More than ever."

And then he entered you, slow at first, giving you time to adjust all the while he kept kissing you making it easier for you to take his big dick inside you.

He was big, you knew it now when he struggled to fit in but that also made you equally wet and easier to slide in further.

"Shit- so tight Y/n. How-" thrust "-are you so-" thrust "-so tight."

You back arched as he hit deeper inside you.

"Jin- fuck- faster, please." And then he hesitated no more.

The room filled with louder moans, your name leaving his mouth like a learned recitation and the sound of your skin against each other drove you crazy.

"Would have you like this everyday- if you'd let me." He moaned, his hands intervening with yours.

"Would you let me?"

And you nodded, hastily, too quickly.

"So- big- uh- fuck-" the last word came out with a louder scream as he hit a particular spot inside of you.

And he kept hitting over and over again as he whispered into your ears how much he liked having you wrapped around him, how much he had thought of crumbling under him.

"would have fucked you that night- in the bathroom of that party- that's how much I wanted you," he confessed and somehow it made you feel ten times nicer about that night.

"You should have. Instead of flirting with other girls-"

"flirting? Baby- all I thought about was undressing you."

And you whimpered particularly louder as you felt yourself coming closer to climax.

"you're- y/n-" but he couldn't formulate his words well enough because you were clenching around him too much.

He pulled out almost to the brink, halting, "I'll cum if you keep doing that-"

You pulled him by his neck, "that's the goal."

And fucked out by you, he pushed in without warning, harder, and faster, hitting your spot repeatedly.

Your hands claw at his back, trying to find some other relief that doesn't arrive.

And then you crumbled with one push that pushed you further up the bed. And it doesn't take longer before he's whimpering in the crook of your neck, and cums inside you.

He stayed inside you for a bit as you both try to catch your erratic breath to normal. His body grew softer against you and after a few seconds passed he looked up, pulled out of you and got up to get you a wash cloth and changed the sheets.

Minutes after cleaning up you both collapse back into the bed, Jin on top of you.

You giggle, your hands threading his hair.

"Tired?" You asked.

He mumbled against your neck as he covered the two of you with a sheet.

"More than I ever thought."

"I hope it's a good thing."

He looked up at you with a sheepish smile, "It's the best."

And you grinned.

He takes a moment to look at you and then he said, "I can't believe it finally happened."

You chuckled, "you're saying it as if you've loved me longer than I have."

Even if it was a mockery he pretended to be hurt, "How can you compare my love to anything?"

You laugh, genuinely laugh at his words.

And then he climbed up so he could pull you closer to him.

"Missed your laugh."

You bit your lip and swept away his hair from his forehead, "I missed you making me laugh."

Overwhelmed, he kissed your nose, "never again."

"never what?"

"never am I ever going to leave you alone. You're mine now."

You gazed into his eyes and smiled, "yours?"

He nodded.

You let your fingers intervene with his, playing with them and said, "I've been yours for a long time now."

His expressions suddenly grew sadder, "was it painful?"

"What was?"

"loving me without ever knowing I'll love you back."

You pursed your lips then shook your head, "it doesn't matter anymore."

After a long silence he spoke up again, "It doesn't. I'm going to make sure to tell you just how much I love you to make up for all the lost time."

You smiled at him and kissed his forehead, "you have a lot of making up to do then."

As if you had destroyed a romantic moment, he rolled his eyes, "How long have you even loved me for?"

You brought your hand up and started counting on your fingers. When it exceeds ten fingers he closed your hands in his own.

"My fault, I asked." And you laughed against him.

"What about you? When did you know you loved me?" You asked.

He thought for a moment and said, "I think I loved you too long to know when it started but I only realized on the day I was leaving for the military."

"Millitary?"

He nodded, "when I saw you holding back your tears, I just wanted to hold you so bad that I knew it wasn't friendship. It was love."

"You had almost 2 years to tell me you loved me and you didn't." You were offended.

He raised his eyebrows at you, in fact he raised up physically, "like you're one to talk- let me remind you how long you waited before telling me.."

The rest of the night you stayed up talking and laughing. It didn't seem like there was enough time, like you had to talk about everything in one night but this is how you've always felt. This is how he has felt for a long time now.

And then you realized, love wasn't supposed to be loud, cliche, grand or anything, love felt like coming home.

And you had found a home in his arms. For the rest of the time.

Extra 1.

As you chewed down on your waffle he made for you sitting on the kitchen top in his clothes, it randomly occurred to you that you hadn't asked Jin one question.

"Why were you at the club last night?"

He frowned then gave you another waffle, "Hoseok asked me to. He knew I was pent up after our fight and how I felt about you so he said it would be a good way to blow off steam. In my opinion it was a trashy idea but I don't regret it anymore."

You let out a loud laugh, clutching at your stomach as you kept laughing at the realisation.

"what- what's so funny?"

You threw your head back, wiping away the tears at the corner of your eyes.

You opened your arms in a hug and asked him to come closer which he happily did. Your hands cupped his face as you gave him a peck.

"We're such idiots." You told him, still finding it funny.

"I'm sure you're right but why?" He was so confused that he wondered if his girlfriend (now) was ever going to tell him what was so funny.

"Hoseok totally set us up." And then you tell him the whole thing.

Hoseok was a mastermind in bringing you two together and you couldn't be more glad that you both had heard him.

Extra 2.

"Isn't that the dress you wore on the anniversary?" Hoseok asked as he saw it hanging over your wardrobe.

You peeped inside the bedroom and nodded, "my one and only black dress."

Hoseok smiled to himself as you walked into the kitchen. He had a plan in his mind and he definitely wasn't going to tell you that but when the day comes, you'll be praising him for his plan. And then he'll be ready for all the praises.

¹Appa: Father in Korean

A/n: certain edits are underway.

“Mr. Kim, my favourite man.” You excitedly greet Jin’s father as you walk into their home, side hugging him. 

“If it isn’t my favourite daughter,” he laughed, hugging you back right away.

You and Jin’s family have a bond that transcends beyond the two of you. Mr. Kim was like your fathers brother. They had met in college and had been inseparable ever since which is why you practically grew up together. Saturday nights were always spent at Kim house while Wednesday evenings at yours. 

“If you both are done, shall we place dinner?” His mom interjects. You and Mr. Kim share a look of defeat before you are forced to walk into the dining area. 

“When are your parents arriving?” Mrs. Kim asked. 

“They’ll be here any minute,” You ask after a pause, “Jin is in his room?” 

Mr. Kim nodded, “Go, get him.” 

You nodded, walking up the stairs and opening the door to his room without knocking, assuming he must have been expecting you anyway but you really should have knocked because the door opened to Jin standing shirtless with a T-shirt in his hand. You gasped and immediately turned around, covering your eyes. 

“My eyes, My eyes! This was not the welcome sight I was hoping for.” 

Jin’s laugh echoed the room and he shut the door behind you, taking your hands off your eyes to see him fully dressed now. 

“Believe me, it is the best sight you can see. 8th wonder of the world, isn’t it?” 

“Can’t tell, didn’t get a good look.” You shrugged sitting down on his bed. 

“Missed your chance. Sadly this beauty will never be witnessed by the world.” He said motioning his hand in the air hinting at his body. You knew even if he was being all cocky right now, he was more shy than he looked.

You scoffed, "Who's stopping you? Walk around shirtless if you really want that."

"Can you handle it?"

There should have been a warning before he leaned in and asked you that question, with a smirk adorning his face. You physically paused for a second, blood rushing to your face due to the proximity. Has he always looked like this? This is the closest Jin has been to you in 18 months and you couldn't help but wonder at how much he has changed or maybe it was the time spent apart. His hair was shorter now, his physique broader now than before, his face still the same but he looked…better? 

You cleared your throat turning away from his gaze, "As if that's anything that difficult. I've seen better."

Jin leaned backward laughing at your comeback.

"Lies but whatever helps you sleep at night Y/n."

You rolled your eyes before looking back at him and a moment's silence fell on you and you realized that it's your best friend standing in front of you. No more video calls or phone calls or text messages. Your crazy, insane, your only best friend was back for good. And you realize then how much you've actually missed him now that he was here.

"What are you staring at?" He interrupted your thoughts, "Imagining what it's like under the shirt?"

"Were you always this cocky?" You frown, titling your head. 

He shrugged, "Military changes you."

He finally sat down next to you.

"Did you miss me?" He asked.

You looked at his face holding a deep emotion that you understood instantly. Despite his exterior, he was still your soft SeokJin whose heart really just belonged here, who in his cockiness was just hiding how much he actually loved being back. You could see every single emotion in his eyes, he wasn't hiding it from you anyway. He never had to. Jin had always felt comfortable with you and he was sure he had never cried in front of anyone but you because that’s how he was with you. 

"What do you think?" You softly replied.

His face adorned with a smile and he hugged you instantly, unable to hold back anymore.  One of his hands rests on the back of your head and the other rests on your back.

You hugged him tighter, sliding closer.

He didn't need to say how much he missed you but he did, "sucked not having anyone to annoy," in his own way of course.

You chuckled in the hug, slapping his back gently, "I missed you too idiot."

His chest vibrated against you in a soft laugh and you let yourself melt into the hug. It reminded you of the last time you hugged him in silence before the military and how afraid you both were that if you said anything both of you would end up crying so neither of you said anything. But this was different, this was warm, it wasn't sad, he was home.

He was finally home.

The dinner went by relatively fun, old jokes resurfacing, old memories, cringey childhood stories, how your parents met each other, the marriage debacle, Jin's first time away from home, your first time away from home, high school stories and what not. You could have lived there, laughing all night but your parents were old, so were his and before it was midnight they all passed out tipsy.

Jin and you took the responsibility to clean up the kitchen and dining area talking softly in whispers, complaining about your parents but it was nice being home, with him across from you.

"Do you wanna go upstairs?" Jin asked once you both were done cleaning the house.

You agreed and slowly made your way upstairs. 

“You still have this?” You smiled as you pointed at a small wand you made from clay when you were young and obsessed with Harry Potter. He just nodded. 

“Souvenir of your creativity.”

"I didn't get a good look when I came into the room earlier. Not a thing has changed." You took in his room, all the frames, all paintings, all his trophies, his CDs, his PC still all intact.

"I was surprised as well but I'm planning on getting rid of some stuff." He said as he sat down on the bed.

You were still looking at the picture frame of you both when you felt a hand pull you onto the bed. You flop like a ball next to Jin. Your heart rushed due to the sudden movement.

"Enough snooping." He said laying back on the bed.

You look at him before you lay down next to him as well staring up at the ceiling.

"Was it lonely?" You asked after a long silence.

Jin cleared his throat and you watched him shake his head, "Lonely and me? Never."

But you don’t look away from him because you still remember his 2 am texts to you about random things that you would be unable to reply to at times. 

"What?"

"Be honest with me. It had to have been lonely." You wanted to reach his hand, hold him but you didn't.

Jin looked at you for a moment. You could read him too well to know that he wouldn't admit it but then he stared back up at the ceiling, "being honest about it now doesn't change anything."

You really wanted him to go and talk about it more but he shifted the conversation to you.

"Enough about me. All we've talked about is me. I want to know about you, what have you been doing this past year except missing me ofcourse." His expressions were much lighter now. 

You rolled your eyes, "as if my world revolves around you."

You felt him nudge you so you had no option but to talk to him. You turned sideways to Jin who had already turned to you

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Are you still doing the same job? Did you finally talk things out with Ha-Yun? Anything that has changed."

You shook your head, "still at the same company but the manager changed so it made things a lot easier. I finally get to do my own share without problems. I texted Ha-Yun but she never reached back, I don't think she will but it's old stuff now. I can't complain. Rest has been the same."

Jin frowned, "do you want me to talk to her? Bet she'd reach out instantly."

You chuckled, "She'll take it as a sign. She's had a crush on you for like forever."

He pouted, nodding."What about that toxic roommate of yours?"

You signal the "kill" gesture with your hand.

"You killed her?" He exaggerated of course, a bit too loudly.

You slapped a hand over his mouth, gently, "not so loud."

You feel him laugh in your palm making you smile but he eventually takes your hand away from over his mouth, "What do you mean I killed her? I live alone now, that's it."

"Can you blame me? You literally did," he reenacted your gesture.

You closed your eyes smiling, "fine, my fault."

"What else?"

Jin pouts thinking for a moment, "Dating? You never talked about it even on the call."

You turned away slightly from Jin's gaze, shifting behind clearing your throat after a moment of silence, "Nope."

Jin's hand grasped yours and turned you to him, "Really? The whole year? Why?"

You just shook your head, "Work doesn't really give me time to date."

He frowned, "But you're here with me. Made time for me."

He waited expectantly for your answer, looking at every feature of your face in the dark as if he was looking for a specific response.

You took a deep breath, "Yah, my best friend is back, do you think I won't make time to see you? Would be pretty rude of me."

Jin hummed, "fair enough. When you have such a handsome best friend you kind of have to."

You shook your head smiling, "Still cocky."

"And you're not denying." You could see him smirk in the dark. 

You really pause for a moment, should you agree? Should you not? Technically he was handsome but should you really fuel his fire by agreeing to him.

"Whatever you want to believe."

And then you sat up straight.

"Look at the time. It's late, I should go-" and you suddenly feel a hand over yours, not holding just softly on top of yours.

"A bit longer?" When you turned to him he was looking at you with anticipation in his eyes, waiting for you to say yes and you wanted to stay longer and because you wanted to so you didn’t. 

You clicked your tongue, "if I hangout with you longer today it won't give you a reason to meet me again soon. Wouldn't want that."

It was perhaps the most honest answer with refusal you could formulate.

Jin seemed impressed by your answer and sat upright next to you, "you've grown bold."

You shrugged. 

And then you really leave bidding your goodbyes, taking your parents with you.

All you really looked forward to though was the next time you'd see Jin again.

The next time you heard from Jin was a week later late at night when you were at home working on pending office work.

"Did you eat?" He asked as soon as he showed up at your flat in his black overalls and spectacles you had forgotten he wore.

You turned to look at the watch on the wall and realized it was pretty late for dinner.

"Knew it. I bought takeout!" He swung the bag in front of your face with a charming smile and a wink that you couldn't turn away from.

While you made room at your table with scattered pages, he set the table with all the food he bought.

"You bought so much food, planning on living here or what?" You joked but Jin looked at you deadpanned.

"Should we? It’ll be fun."

"Are you being serious?" You were dumbfounded.

"Dead serious."

You narrowed your eyes at him not believing him for a second then you sighed.

"You're lying, your ears are all red. That's your tell." You said going back to clearing everything to one side of the table.

Jin immediately covered his ears, "Damn it. You know me too much, can't even fool you."

He was disappointed to say the least but you had a good laugh out of it so it was all settled.

Once you started eating you ended up talking for a long while about Jin's sabbatical getting over and starting work soon and just other unimportant stuff.

"What were you working on anyway?" He asked randomly looking at the pile of papers next to your laptop.

"Audit stuff. I have to upload all the data on the cloud by 4pm tomorrow and the data is too much."

"Do you want me to help? You know I'm a pretty fast typer." That was in fact true. With all the games he played, all the coding he did he had skilled fingers and you let your greedy intentions get you for a second, almost agreeing but then you realized you shouldn't take advantage of him.

"Nah, I'll do it. I don't want to inconvenience you besides you also have to go back.. right?"

Jin just shrugged, "I could crash or just leave as soon as the work is over. Let me help, it'll be easier."

You hesitated but then he got up from his chair and leaned down next to you, turning your chair to face him.

"You're not inconveniencing me. What are best friends for anyway? Let me help."

And so losing the argument, you let him.

You ended up with 3 batches of coffee made in between with Jin typing on your laptop while you told him exactly what and where to type and with his help the work summed up much sooner than you had planned. By the time you get free from work it was past 3 am.

"You really should sleep. You've got work tomorrow." Jin said as you yawned for the 20th time in an hour.

You shook your head, "it's fine. I'll just clean up and then go to bed."

Jin stood up behind you and pushed you by your shoulder towards the bedroom.

"I'll do it. You go and sleep."

"But-"

"No buts. You're making me sleepier and it's not even my bed time. I promise I'll clean all this up and go back home."

You shook your head but he didn't hear you at all. He pushed you more and more towards your bed and when you sit on the bed you realize how sleepy and tired you actually were.

He leaned down at your face level, "I promise it'll be spotless. Now sleep."

You had no choice but to sleep. All you remember before falling asleep was Jin.

The next morning when you walked out of the bedroom and into the living room finding it spotless as promised. All the leftover food you ate at night was gone, cups were washed and cleaned, your living room was spotless and on the table were your neatly stacked files and your laptop with a small post-it on top that read "fighting! Have a great day at work" which made you smile.

And amidst all that you notice Jin crashed out on your couch clutching himself so tightly because he didn't even try to cover himself. You shook your head at his carelessness and brought a blanket from your bedroom and covered him with it trying not to disturb his sleep and as you tucked him in you kneeled down before his face.

His eyebrows were knit together and without thinking you ran your finger carefully over his temple, smoothening the muscle without disturbing his sleep. You stayed there, your hand lingering close to his face and his lips turned into a low smile and you wondered what he must be dreaming of to make him smile like that. A soft smile pulls at your face as you watch him sleep soundly. The longer you stared the more you realize that you could look at him just a bit longer and then it dwelt upon you that your heart was fluttering at the sight of your best friend.

You immediately pulled back from him, standing up when you caught erratic thoughts about watching him forever running through your head. You almost hit the table as you fumble backwards reassuring yourself that it was a momentary slip, that it was nothing more.

Seokjin was just your best friend. 

And so you left for the office in a rush, leaving breakfast and a post-it note on the table thanking him for showing up last night and helping you out.

“Hi guys.” Your breath choked as you heard those words slip out from Ha-Yun’s mouth. 

You and Jin shared a look before turning back to Hoseok and Ha-Yun. 

Hoseok also feebly waved, his face holding an apologetic smile. 

Jin sighed but he composed himself much quicker than you, “Guess we’re all going to the beach.” 

Jin had reached out mid week to you and Hoseok about wanting to do a weekend trip together, emotionally manipulating you both about how much he missed spending time with his two closest friends from school and that it was the last time he could enjoy time out before returning to work and so, after a lot of back and forth he had won and it was decided that you’d go to the beach.

As Jin and Ha-Yun were busy keeping bags in the car, you cornered Hoseok "Why would you bring Ha-Yun? You know I'm not on speaking terms with her,” you cornered Hoseok. 

He made a very apologetic face, "I know, I know, I wasn't going to but I met her by accident yesterday and she was in a bad mood, it just slipped out. I'm so sorry Y/n. I promise you won't have to deal with her at all. I'll make sure of it."

You sighed knowing there was no point grilling him anyways. She was going to be there whether you liked it or not even if it meant everything being awkward. Besides, you also knew that Hoseok's intentions were good no matter the result.

And truth be told, Hoseok was the one who introduced you both to Ha-Yun so you couldn't really argue whether he should have chosen to not invite her. They were both great friends, and so were you at one point until a whole argument happened that resulted in a damage that hasn't been fixed yet.

“You think you’ll be okay?” Jin asked before you finally sat in the car. 

You lightly patted his arm and nodded, “Don’t worry about me. It's just one night.” 

What’s the worst that could happen, right?

Turns out a lot. 

As promised by Hoseok, you didn't have to deal with Ha-Yun at all. It was made quite sure because she didn't leave Jin's side at all.

She sat in the passenger seat in the car, next to Jin who was driving. Took the seat next to him during lunch. Talked with him non stop. Stayed next to him in the waters. Stood by his side in all the pictures. It felt like only the two of them had come on the trip while you and Hoseok were absent. So, yes technically she wasn't a bother to you but also she was because you had hoped this trip would be otherwise.

Tired from the beach, you finally sat down on the sheets on the beach, your gaze fixed on all 3 of them laughing, playing in water, swimming even and you couldn't help but smile because despite all of it, this was the most fun you had in a while. It was rare to get chances like these every time because you knew just how much effort each of you put to be here together to commemorate Jin's return.

Not much later Hoseok walked over to you and laid down next to you under the umbrella.

"Why aren't you joining?"

"I did. I'm just tired now. We're not really kids anymore." You sighed. He nodded, agreeing with you. 

After a few moments of silence, he sat upright next to you watching you watch the two in the water.

"Sometimes I do wish we had spent more time together during college." It was a painful revelation that Hoseok made more than often. 

You smiled at him, "I do too but you're here now and being here together is better than nothing at all."

He just smiled back and you both went back to looking at Jin and Ha-Yun who were now walking back towards you both.

"Y/n, come." Jin said as soon as he came back.

You shook your head, "Tired."

"Come on, you weren't even with us long enough."

You still shook your head. Jin frowned. When he realized he wasn't winning you over like that he sat down in front of you on his knees and leaned in to whisper in your ear. Instinctively your breath stops dead in your throat and your hand clutching at the sand. 

"Is it because of her?"

And when he leaned backward you could only notice the strand of hair that dripped a single drop of water down his face. It was unfair how effortlessly Jin still looked put together, as if he was just returning from a shoot.  

"I swear I'm just tired. I'll join you a while later."

Jin had no option but to leave you alone. He found it odd but he chose not to talk about it then.

After having watched the sunset together you all had decided to meet exactly an hour later for dinner at the restaurant Jin chose so here you were, at the restaurant, sitting opposite to Jin because the seat next to him was taken, obviously, by Ha-Yun.

"Jin, do you remember the time when you and I went to that amusement park together in college? How scared I was at the ferris wheel and could not leave you? But we had so much fun. We should absolutely do it again, don't you think?" Ha-Yun asked. This was probably the tenth story of her and him.

Jin nodded, "Absolutely. I've missed out on a lot of civilian stuff- oh nevermind, Y/n gets sick on rides."

You suddenly look up at him from your food.

"We could go together then? Just us two- three of us even." She said,

Jin looked at her quizzically, "We can't leave her out, it's un-"

"Oh no, you guys should. Amusement Parks aren't my thing anyways. You guys should go and have fun someday." You forcefully smiled.

Jin almost looked at you as if he was concerned but before he could even say something Ha-Yun had interrupted already making the plans.

Truth be told, you weren't feeling quite like yourself during the dinner. It was perhaps the tiredness but somehow you just wanted to go back home.

You hear your phone buzz and you open it to check Jin had texted you across the table.

Seokjin: Are you okay?

You just look up at him and smile, nodding.

He didn't buy it but he didn't push you.

"Jin if I remember the last time-"

"Jin, do you want a drink?" Hoseok interrupted whatever Ha-Yun was going to say. You almost laughed, but mentally thanked him for directing the conversation away.

Thanks to him, the rest of the dinner shifted to Hoseok and Jin talking while Ha-Yun chirped only a bit in between. You chose to mostly listen adding only a few things every once in a but mainly concentrating more on your drink and dinner.

"There you are." You heard a familiar voice making you turn away from the beach you took to after dinner.

You turned around to watch Jin walking towards you. You smile and wave at him.

"Been looking for you everywhere."

"I needed a breather. Besides, the sea at night time is the real beauty," You replied back.

Jin caught up next to you, "That you're right about."

When you don't say anything for a while, just walking silently along the beach, Jin asks, "Are you okay?"

You slowed down, turning your face to him, "Why do you ask?"

"You just seemed a little off. Is it because of Ha-Yun?"

You shrugged, "it could be. Was she always this annoying?"

Jin laughed next to you and you smiled.

"Isn't it a bit harsh? She was just enjoying her time."

You rolled your eyes, "Sure yeah. When else can she enjoy sitting next to you, being all over you, asking you to open a bottle of water when she really could have done it on her own. I get it when else is she ever going to have the opportunity of being next to you 24 hours."

Jin turned around walking backwards so he could see you. He was amused at your reaction, "Been keep watching on me, haven't you?"

Thanks to the night he couldn't see the blood rush to your face from embarrassment. You turned your gaze to your feet.

"Haven't. Been watching her."

Jin smirked, "Sure yeah, watching her! Let me ask you something, What colour of top was she wearing?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, "You'd know that better."

Sober you would probably not have answered this but you were tipsy and you felt a little free.

Jin let out an exasperated laugh, "Oh my Y/n, so much jealousy."

You shook your head, "Jealous? Of Her? Never."

But to avoid him you started walking faster but just as your pace picked up, you felt a hand grabbing your wrist, twirling you around and you almost collided into Jin. Your body almost flush against his.

"Passive Aggressive much. You're cute when you're jealous." He was smirking, still. His eyes glimmered with amusement.

Your mouth dries up instantly. Your system shutting down, going to default settings. You shouldn’t be so close to him that you can see that faint freckle on his skin. 

"I'm not jealous." But your voice came out much lower than you had hoped. Much less confident. It was supposed to be a witty response but it had turned into something completely otherwise.

"Then tell me honestly why were you so weird today?" He was being serious now. His eyes strongly gazed into yours.

You look up at him and realize that neither of you had moved an inch since Jin had pulled you into him.

You pulled back from him a little, forming a little distance between the two of you, "I'm not being weird- I'm just tired, really. Work has been exhausting this week and I didn't want to cancel because it's you." It was also partially true.

Jin stepped forward, looking down at your face, closing the distance between you two again, "We could have done this any other time, any other day. You could have told us."

You sighed, turning your face away from him, "It's not that simple." 

"Why is it not? Why Y/n?" He asked with a confused face, almost impatient. He was looking at you with concern, worry and whatever other emotion was settled on his face.

"We won't always have the time.. I won't. Hoseok won't. Didn’t you see how long it took us to match schedules? I love that you're back Jin, finally, I waited 18 months for this. We both waited and I don't want to ruin it by saying some lame excuse that work's been hectic or whatever. I want to be there for you and I want to show it with all the time I have. I don't want to make excuses for you."

It was your honest answer, yes, you never want to make up lame excuses for him, you always wanted to be there for him.

Jin's face relaxed, growing more softer by the second, a small smile tugging at his lips. He took your hand in his own and caressed it mindlessly. 

"You always show up for me, Y/n. I can't remember a single time when you haven't. I'll never doubt you but I don't want you to feel like you have to make up for lost time. I'm not going anywhere, not anymore. I'm here now. We have all the time in the world."

It was an assurance, a real assurance that he really wasn't but how could you explain everything to him. What about the things you didn't know yourself or rather, things you didn't want to admit.

After a pause he continues, "And about Hoseok not having time, let's be real, I only ever came here for you, so had he said he was busy I still would have come here with you."

You frowned, "for me?"

He nodded, "Do you remember the last thing we were supposed to do before I left for service?"

You nod. You remember clearly that you were going to go camping but you couldn't  because it ended up raining heavily.

"But we couldn't so we ended up drinking at my place instead and you told me that you never liked camping anyways, that you liked beaches more. That's why I wanted to bring us here."

Oh.

"You remembered that?"

His face looked adorable with that small little curve of his smile and an expression that conveyed remembering things about you was the most obvious thing for him, that there could be no doubt about it. He took another step forward towards you, his hand still lingering over yours, "Why wouldn't I? It's you."

And your heart fluttered. Again.

You stay silent for a couple of seconds, not knowing what to say then you hastily turn around and start walking slowly. You heard his footsteps following you.

"I didn't know you remembered that, besides I don't even remember saying that. We could have done something you liked." He was now walking beside you and just for a second your hand brushed against his making you fold your arms across your front.

"Well I like beaches. They're beautiful." You could feel his gaze on you but you didn't know why so you just nodded.

"Plus you've been on enough fishing adventures with me to know that I like the sea," he stated as if it was that obvious. And it was but the truth is, you liked beaches because he did. That is not to say that beaches weren't calm and peaceful and beautiful, it's that when you've been with him for almost all your life, you'd be stupid to not like the sea.

When you both finally reached back to your rooms and were about to enter, Jin turned slightly towards you and said, "I'd be jealous too if someone was all over you too."

You knew he was kidding, he had to but you couldn't help but imagine if he really would be jealous if someone was all over you. He wouldn't though, right?

You shook your head and entered your room calling him an idiot. But till the time you went to bed that was all that you could think of. And you realized your history was repeating itself whether you liked it or not. You had tried denying it but it wasn’t working. This was Jin afterall, nothing stayed buried forever.

As you laid on your bed you thought about everything. You assumed all that distance, all that time away in the military would change something in you but it hasn't, not even a little bit. As soon as he was back you were forced to face the fact that your feelings were still there and today it was confirmed when the mere sight of Ha-Yun all over Jin bothered you, when at the beach all you wanted was to hold his hands but you didn't, you couldn't.

Everything replayed in your head like a montage, from the moment your heart fluttered for the first time when you were just college students till now. You can't deny it anymore, even if you want to but you know the truth.

You loved Jin. You've probably loved him a lot longer than you know, since you were kids maybe but you didn't know what to call that emotion, thinking you were confused but you knew you cared for Jin a lot differently than you did for others and it could not be simply be sufficed as care for your best friend. But you only ever realized you were truly in love with him when he'd get his heart broken by girls all the time in college and you couldn't help but want to be the one to fix it for him. He was the type to go "all in" in a relationship, he'd do everything right and still somehow got his heartbroken. His love was loud and you knew it but you wished that people would love him loudly, just like he did. Not even how you did in silence but it wasn't your choice, you didn't even know what you felt.

Then suddenly one night after his break up with a girl who cheated on him, he was with you, drinking, wallowing his sadness. You had taken away his bottle but he was still silently crying and you didn't know what to do so you did what you could. You talked to him. You consoled him, you comforted and in that comfort you both had slipped enough to be cozy with each other and in your arms he had spilled the worst of his fears, the pain in his heart and you stayed there for him, with him, holding him and maybe that's why Jin had ended up kissing you that night. In the name of comfort. Because he was in pain. Because he had too much to drink. And you let him. But your heart decided it was love, your naive heart thought it could be more. You could still feel your heart racing every time you thought about that kiss. 

But the next morning he said he didn't remember anything except coming over to your dorm. You swore you'd never bring it up because you knew he remembered. His ears were the deepest shade of red. So you knew he lied, and if he lied that meant he didn't think of you that way, that he didn't feel for you the same way and you decided you'll live with your unrequited love.

Because your love for him was always louder only in silence. Your heart still aches for him, you'd do anything for him but also love him enough to know Jin can never be yours and that's why you choose to protect your heart every time you catch yourself slipping too much into your emotions. He was just your best friend and you can't lose your best friend.

"Y/n, can I talk to you for a moment?" Hoseok said as he helped you pull your luggage down from the car while Jin was taking a short call.

You nodded. Hoseok pulls you further away from the car and Jin and asks, "Where were you and Jin last night?"

"Oh! We were just at the beach, taking a walk. I guess I had too much to drink so I went there for a walk, he found me there."

Hoseok nodded but you frowned, "why do you ask?"

He just shrugged, "I thought finally something happened."

You were more confused now, "What do you mean something happened? What could happen?"

His hands gestured between you and Jin who was still on the call, "Between you two."

"Why would anything happen?" You were genuinely confused if Hoseok knew anything and if he did, how?

Hoseok raised an eyebrow at you, "because you like him.. right? It's pretty obvious."

Your eyes widened, "what do you mean like him? I don't. He's my friend, just like you are."

Hoseok scoffed, "As if. Have you ever seen the way you look at him? I do, all the time. Even on the beach. You still look at him the same way-"

"Y/n, are all your bags out?" Jin interrupted from a distance.

You hastily nodded.

You turned to Hoseok again, "we'll have this conversation later."

He nodded, "I think we need one. I'll see you soon, okay."

With that you bid both of them off and you were left thinking about how long had Hoseok known about your feelings? And worse, if he knew then did Jin know?

"Can I ask you something?" You asked Jin who was mindfully playing a game adjacent to running a code on his PC.

Why were you here? Jin was bored. He had work to do and apparently "working alone is boring, come over." So, here you were in his kitchen getting the ramen.

Jin paused whatever game he was playing and turned around to give full attention to you.

"Go ahead."

You hesitated but you needed a little clarification. Your short conversation with Hoseok was scary enough as is and you had tried talking to Hoseok too many times to count but he was busy with his parents anniversary party and what not, so, you had no choice but to maybe try to ask Jin which was and is as weird as it sounds but it was the only way that you could find a way to relief.

"What do you- and well- Hoseok talk about?" You ask hesitantly.

Jin's eyebrows knit together, "you're almost always there so pretty much that stuff. Why do you ask?"

You no longer leaned against the kitchen counter, standing straighter than before, "what about when I'm not there?"

"Y/n, if you think we bitch about you, you're right, we do." He chuckled, turning around in his chair going back to the PC.

You rolled your eyes at him even though he could not see you, "Come on, I'm genuinely asking. I'm curious."

You heard him sigh as he kept coding, "Y/n, I'm not sure what you're getting at. Did you and Hoseok fight or something?"

You sighed louder, "nevermind I asked-"

"Okay, okay. What do you want to know?" He asked momentarily, turning to you.

You bit your lip rethinking if you should really ask but it's for your own sanity. Right?

You finally ask the figure turned around in his chair again, coding, "Have you guys ever talked about feelings or something?"

Jin's typing completely stopped. The room fell completely silent. Then without turning around he asked, "Why? Do you like Hoseok?"

And you realized how that question must have come across to him.

You immediately walk out of the kitchen and more towards him, "No, no. Absolutely not.. he's just a friend."

And then you heard typing again and for a moment he didn't say anything then he suddenly turned around, "Does Hoseok like someone? Does he like you?"

Your eyebrows knit together at your temple, "What? No. Not that I know. No. Absolutely not. Again we're just friends."

Jin then turned back around almost disappointed, slumping back in his chair.

"Why are you asking all this?" He asked, still focused on the screen.

You just shrugged and then you realized he couldn't see you, "Curiosity. Just wanted to know if you guys talk about feelings and relationships."

Jin let out a chuckle, "Weird curiosity but to answer you, we usually don't. Rarely. Only when we've both been dating but not feelings I gu- Y/n, can you please pass me my phone. It's over there." He pointed near the coffee table and you immediately went to pick it up.

You didn't mean to see but as you unplugged his phone the screen lit up and you saw the top most message from Ha-Yun followed by messages by 4 other girls. You had forgotten how popular Jin can be.

He was still holding out his palm for his phone so you just gave it to him.

"I think you have messages... From her. Ha-Yun."

You see him frown.

"Must be asking about the amusement park thing. How do you think I should tell her I don't want to go?" He had now turned to you, looking up at you, his glasses glowing with the light from the screen.

"Just be honest. Or lie that you're busy."

Jin scrunched his nose then nodded.

"Why do you want to cancel anyway?"

Jin just shrugged, "Amusement Park doesn't sound very old enough of me."

You watched him in amusement, almost laughing out loud, "I can't believe Kim SeokJin is saying that. Too old for amusement parks? As if. If I ask you today to go, you'll be jumping up and agreeing."

He was smiling without looking at you, "do you want to? We can go."

You just shook your head, "I definitely am too old for it."

"Age is just a number, Y/n. You should have a little fun in life." Even though you knew he was being playful, you knew there was some truth in it.

"Do you not like Ha-Yun or something? Is that why you don't want to go?"

Jin just pouted, shaking his head, "It's not that. She seems nice even though I know you don't think that but she's not that bad. I just don't have the time right now to go anywhere."

You just nodded your head, walking back towards your forgotten Ramen.

Then mildly out of your curiosity and partially because the time at the beach hasn’t left your mind, you ask without turning around, "If you could date Ha-Yun, would you?"

You don't hear a response for a while but when you turn around, Jin has sneaked up on you. You gasped, almost dropping the Ramen from your hands but he held your hand just in time, a lingering touch that you were sure only you felt.

You just stared at him while he kept smiling, the touch of his hands departing, "careful."

He picked up the second bowl of Ramen and chopsticks you had prepared and you followed him, mentally telling your heart to calm down.

"Don't know." He said randomly.

You looked at him quizzically, "don't know what?" You had forgotten you had asked something, completely forgetting it in Jin sneakily coming up behind you and then his hands over yours, and his stare and the look on his face.

He just sat down back on his table while you took the couch, watching him.

"If I would date Ha-Yun. She's good but I don't know if I would. Think I'd need to know her more to know that."

You felt your heart drop in your chest. It felt like the world was crashing. You should have expected that. Everyone but you. But you don't let it show, as you always have acted.

You don't know why you asked but you made it worse by asking further, "What about anyone else? Dating any of those women who texted you.. the texts were right there."

Jin just turned to you with a comical expression, partially confused, "Why are you suddenly so interested in my dating life?"

You tried to play it cool by shrugging it off, "you're always popular among the ladies. Can't I be curious?"

Jin chuckled at you and turned to you for a moment, "Honestly though, I don't think I want to date right now. Enjoying my return to civilian life too much for that."

Oh.

You should have known it was just going to make it worse but as if you wanted to hurt yourself on purpose you had asked and now you were left with a kind of pain you couldn't describe but a pain that you had grown so familiar with that you didn't even react anymore.

It's not that you were going to tell him anyway but him closing doors on dating inevitably takes your chances away. But it shouldn't matter, right? You weren't going to tell him anyway but his answers still pained you, even if a little.

"But you never know when you might find someone. You might run from it right now but someone might find you." You tell him honestly.

He just shrugged, nodding his head as if whatever you said made sense.

You gaze into your bowl of Ramen with only one thought in your mind, can you deal with this for the rest of your life? Can you watch Jin move on with his life, dating, loving someone while you're always just his best friend? Can you really?

"You might find someone too." He was being hopeful for you, even though you weren't.

"I doubt." You mumbled under your breath and went back to eating as well.

[7:00 pm]

SeokJin: Should I pick you up?

[7:05 pm]

You: I'm running late. You go ahead, I'll take a cab.

[7:06 pm]

SeokJin: Are you sure?

[7:06 pm]

You: 100 percent. Go ahead. I'll see you there.

And then all you receive is a thumbs up.

It was Hoseok's parents 30th Wedding Anniversary and they were throwing a party with all close people involved to celebrate the day and you could not be more glad for them except that you were running late because the dress you were supposed to wear ripped after getting stuck on a pointed corner leaving you with no other option but to wear the black dress that you'd only ever wear to a cocktail party because of its deep back and cleavage but it was all that you could wear last moment so you went ahead with it.

You arrived almost half an hour late to most guests at the party and whether it's fortunate or unfortunate the first person you meet when you enter reach the gate, waiting outside is Jin.

You walk up closer to the gate fixing your dress wherever possible so it didn't reveal much of how conscious you were to wear that dress in a family setting but all your thoughts scrambled when you see Jin wearing a black tux with a red shirt underneath that you were sure nobody could pull off but him because he didn't just look good, he looked every definition of handsome in every dictionary on earth. His hair was slightly longer now, styled, his clothes fitting him just right to appeal his body. You've never seen someone looking that good in such a combination and with such a charismatic aura that made everyone look back at least twice. Loving him for his looks was never on your agenda but you can't help but fall for him more when he pulls up looking like that.

You still reach him, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"Why are you outside?" You ask as soon as you reach him but there's a weird silence about him. His eyes had not shifted from you from the moment he saw you walking towards the gate.

"You." His voice suddenly sounded much deeper than you've known.

You?

"Me?" Your eyebrows raised.

As if pulled out of a trance, he cleared his throat, his eyes focusing back on your face "I figured you'd be arriving by now, so I thought I'd wait outside."

"Oh. Shall we go inside?" You asked.

He nodded and he held the door open for you.

As you almost reach the gathering you stopped and turned around suddenly making Jin almost collide into you.

"Do you think the dress looks too much?" You asked. You really needed a second opinion but you were concerned if he’d actually give a good opinion considering how distracted he seemed right now for whatever reason.

His eyebrows raised completely, "What?"

"I asked if you think the dress looks too much. I was going to wear something else but it ripped at the last minute. It's a bit revealing. Do you think it's too much?"

Jin cleared his throat, again, "No- it looks good... In fact, you look really good. We compliment each other."

You frowned, "We do?"

He pointed at your heels.

"They're red, wine more like. It compliments my shirt."

It did. You had forgotten to change your heels actually but you were glad now that you didn't.

"You noticed?" You smile a little to yourself.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I."

But why would he?

"Shall we go?" He smiled at you. You took a deep breath and nodded.

Together you greeted a bunch of people, friends you used to be in touch with, each other's parents, Hoseok's relatives and finally Hoseok and his family.

"Aren't you two a couple?" Hoseok giggled.

You almost spat your drink, coughing and choking on your drink. Jin's hand immediately patted you back, asking if you're okay.

"It just happened." Jin answered for you.

"You two look good-" you pinched Hoseok making him flinch in pain.

"Thankyou for the compliments. Can we meet your parents now?" You asked. Unfortunately you couldn't because the ceremony started unfolding soon and you were forced to take your seats next to your families.

A thing or two happened, then cakes were disturbed and before you knew it, people started scrambling more and more separating you and Jin, so, everytime you looked for him, he was busy talking with somebody new. Talk about an attractive figure at a party.

As everyone got busy with their people, you made your way into the balcony. It's not that you didn't enjoy parties but you didn't know anyone well enough here to talk and the only two people you could talk to were busy so you chose to watch the party from a distance. It was a beautiful gathering you had to agree and Hoseok's parents were probably the most adorable couple you had come across.

You were still focused on the party when you noticed Ha-Yun walking into the balcony almost as if she was coming towards you.

"Hi, Y/n." Oh, she was.

You shifted a little so you were no longer leaning completely against the railing, "Hi Ha-Yun. Haven't seen you since the beach trip."

She nodded, taking a stand next to you, "Been busy."

You nodded because that's all that you could do.

When a long silence fell, Ha-Yun couldn't take it anymore and turned to you, "I'm sorry for not reaching back."

You almost flinched at his suddenness but then a low smile tugged at your face, "Ha-Yun, it's an old thing now. It doesn't matter anymore, we even took a trip together."

You were really just being polite.

She shook her head, "Still. I just- I just feel like I could have been a better friend."

She was a little hesitant so you hold her arm gently, "Ha-Yun, if anything I should have been a better friend. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did back then-"

"but it gave me no right to ask you to leave the party that night. It was extremely rude of me and this past year I've been sitting with this guilt of practically throwing you out of there. I could have been more mature then. I'm so sorry about it." She really did have a guilty face and it was genuine, you knew it. She wasn't a bad person, just a little immature at times.

The reason you stopped talking was because at Ha-Yun’s party more than a year ago you caught her making out with someone who was in a toxic relationship. It was unbearably toxic, you knew it but you didn't like the way Ha-Yun had intervened. You understood her feelings but you called her out for choosing the wrong way to go with it. It had nonetheless fallen apart but she had asked you to leave the party immediately and despite the fact that you had apologised, she hadn't acknowledged it until today.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry too." You smiled at her and hugged her briefly. Things weren't going to go back the way they were but it could start. You both ended up talking for a while about old things, parties, mistakes and everything until you both came to a significant pause in which your eyes had fallen back on Jin talking to yet another person.

"He looks good, doesn't he?" She said suddenly. You couldn't help but agree.

"I had forgotten just how good he looked while he was away. When Hoseok told me he was back, I was so excited to meet him as a friend.."

It looked like she wanted to continue so you asked, "and now?"

She smiled shyly, "Its just- he looks even better now than i remembered and I can't help it, Y/n, he looks too good and he is such a good person for me to not, you know try on him."

You gulped, unsure if you wanted her to go on but you didn't want to seem like a bad, unsupportive friend especially when you had just reunited.

"What's stopping you?"

She looked at you and said, "you think I should try?"

You knew you were going to regret it but you were nobody to hold her back. Just because you can't act on your feelings doesn't mean she has to too.

You nodded, "Go ahead. Never a better time, you even look good."

And before you knew it she was already making her way towards Jin. You kept watching her approach him, her hands lingering over his arms, leaning in just enough to be close to him but not enough to scare him away. You watched them until you couldn't anymore. You wouldn't want to admit it to yourself but it pained you to watch this, it ignited a jealousy in you that you hated, a feeling you had no right over but you felt it nonetheless. How many times has it been that you've seen it happen, with different women? Enough to count on your fingers but always enough to also know you're never in it.

You were watching elsewhere so when Hoseok approached you, you didn't see him until he tapped on your shoulder.

"Lost, are we?" He smiled. You smiled back and he offered you a glass of champagne which you willfully take.

He leaned against the railing next to you, watching you for a moment long enough.

"What?" You ask.

"You seem.. not happy. Is everything okay?" He asked, tilting his head.

You just hummed but then you heard a familiar laughter from the room not far enough. It was Ha-Yun and Jin. Your gaze gets stuck there.

Hoseok followed your vision then sighed, "How long are you going to watch him from a distance?"

You just shook your head gently.

"Come on, Y/n, do you think you can carry on like this? Be honest with me, why haven't you told him yet?" He was curiously looking at your face.

You just passed a sad smile, "For reasons quite obvious. He's my friend Hoseok, I can't risk it."

He let out a frustrated breath, "But you are willing to hide your feelings? Be hurt every time he starts dating someone? Y/n, be a little brave."

Now you were frustrated, "Do you think it's that easy, Hoseok? He's my best friend. Do you think I haven't thought about telling him like 100 times in my head? I have but this scenario always ends in the same way. With him never reciprocating my feelings and ruining years of friendship just because I became infatuated with him years ago."

Hoseok grabbed you and turned you towards him, completely facing him, "Y/n, why do you think it'll all just end like that? You'll never know what his feelings are unless you actually show it to him. You never know how he might react." His voice was a little softer now.

You shook your head again, "I know it will. I've spent more than two decades with him. I know him like the back of my hand. I know where he stands. It's Jin. Girls fawn over him left and right, he doesn't have that kind of thought about me at all."

"Why are you being so negative about it? What is it that other girls have and you don’t? Why can't you just think that maybe, just maybe he feels the same way?" You can't help but look at the hope in his eyes. He had always been the hopeful kind, always the one with optimism. He was like the sunshine in your life but you were a realist. You knew these things sounded better in fantasy, in real life friends lose friendships in a snap of a finger.

"Because I'd rather be hopeless than be hopeful of Jin ever loving me back."

Hoseok wasn't giving up though. He took your hand in his and caressed it gently, "You're allowed to be in love with him Y/n. You're allowed to have feelings for him, to be hopeful of something with him. I know you don't want to have any expectations but tell me honestly, have you never wondered what it would be like to free yourself of these unrequited feelings? Of not being the only one carrying these feelings all these years?"

For once you didn't have a winning argument because honestly you've thought about it more times than you can count.

He stepped a little closer, "I know you don't want to get hurt, hurt him either and it's a big risk telling him how you feel but can you do this forever? Can you always watch him from a distance, always wishing, hoping it were you instead of some other girl? Don't you think you owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings?"

Why was Hoseok so persuasive? Because you knew you couldn't. You've wondered about it a lot, if you can really be happy watching him from a distance.

"Y/n, it's time you told him now. It's a leap of faith you have to take even if you're scared because one of these days you may really miss your chance and you'll regret it more than losing him."

"What if I really end up losing him, Hoseok? What if I tell him how I feel but we can never go back to the way it was? What if it's a huge mistake?"

Hoseok hummed, nodding his head, "it could be a huge mistake but if he throws away 20 years of your friends just like that then it'll be his fault because you're a wonderful friend to have."

You smiled at him for the compliment. You can't deny, it genuinely felt much lighter to be able to talk to someone about your feelings instead of being suffocated in your suffering.

"You're a wonderful friend too. I genuinely mean it."

"I am quite good, I'm aware." And there was his cockiness that made you laugh.

"But seriously Y/n, you deserve the kind of love with which you've loved him all these years. The reciprocation from him and something tells me it'll all work out."

You couldn't help but chuckle, "What are you? A prophet?"

He just shrugged, raising his eyebrows, "I just have a feeling. Gut feeling, if you will."

"You do realize that 90 percent of the time your gut feeling is wrong?" You joked.

Hoseok placed his hand playfully over his chest as if hurt, "You're cruel."

But you were glad that it made you laugh. You both stood there for a few more minutes talking, Hoseok inquiring when it all started for you and being genuinely surprised that he realized it much later though you told him that you were surprised that he actually found out. 

You kept talking for a bit until Hoseok excused himself to take rounds around the room again, after all he was the host.

When he was gone, his words resonated with you. He was right about almost everything he had said except the part about not knowing how Jin would react because your memory was still scarred from your college days. You know whatever Hoseok said made sense, it really was a leap of faith but you don’t know if this time you placed your heart in his hands, would he turn away from it or embrace it? 

If this time you gave him your heart, would he really take it? 

_______________

A/n: certain edits will be underway for any mistakes.

Part 2 here

For other works→ Masterlist

You got along best with Namjoon since you both liked to read which gave you both a lot of talk about, you shared recommendations, talked about trashy shows and movies and sometimes just weird things like what's the most useless superpower in the world.

Likewise you got along with Jung kook over anime though you watched them pretty less but since you were younger than most guys in the group, your bond with him was similar to his and Jin's.

With Suga it was similar to that of Namjoon minus the book talks, Hobi and you were coffee partners (you don't even remember how that happened), Jimin was definitely your gossip partner, he always had gossip and otherwise loved to hear your office gossip but your bond with Taehyung was the most unpredictable, but it all changed one day when you complimented Tae's vest when Jin wasn't present there.

"Hi Tae," you said as soon as you walked into the room, trying to pass a comfortable smile.

"Hello. Where's Jin hyung?" He asked almost immediately going back to mindlessly scrolling through his phone. It wasn't that Tae wasn't friendly, quite the opposite, he was a lovely guy but Tae liked silence more than chatter as you heard from Jungkook, so you backed off from trying to force him into conversations he wouldn't like.

"Ah, he's just coming. He hasn't arrived yet. I just stopped by to give him this," you show the bag in your hand which had Jin's jacket he left in your car.

Tae nodded, then he suddenly questioned, "I heard you're editing a video of some other band?"

You nodded. You were a social media manager here for a new girl group so it consisted of you editing some content sometimes.

"I am, it's a bit difficult because the takes aren't perfect and there's a deadline to the post."

Tae nodded again. You noticed the room fell silent again and you would have left it if it were not for Jin's words ringing in your head. So you tried again, this time you thought since you didn't know Tae well, it would just be the best to compliment on the vest that he was wearing.

"That's a gorgeous vest by the way, one you're wearing. Quite unique."

His eyes immediately lit up.

"Really? You do?" He had the most beautiful, boyish smile you could have ever imagined. A part of you wondered if you found the key to become friends with him.

"I do. It's very beautiful. Not everyone can pull off the colours on it." You reciprocate with an equally warm smile. He got up from where he was sitting, approaching you.

"Thank you so much. It is a difficult colour combination. It was my grandma's last gift she got me before she.." you didn't need him to continue the sentence. You knew about it.

You almost involuntarily reach his arms gently and offer a warm smile, "I can see that she had a beautiful vision."

The compliment melted him completely and somehow it made it so easy to talk to him. Until Jin arrived, you stood there talking to him about him and his plenty of other fashion things he liked wearing, talking about his grandmother, the most absurd fashion choices you guys made when you were younger.

The conversation came to a halt when Jin came and simultaneously you got a call from your manager to report back to work. You barely were able to say goodbye to either of them before rushing back to work. When Jin asked you at night what you and Tae talked about, you just told him vaguely that you talked about clothes.

That's how it became a ritual to compliment whenever you two met each other. At first Jin didn't notice it, he was just happy that you were finally able to communicate with Tae but he slowly started noticing how Tae would smile a little too much while talking to you.

"Baby, can I ask you something?" Jin asked one day while you were in his kitchen, wrapping his arms around your waist.

You hummed in response.

"What do you and Tae actually talk about?"

Obviously you were a little surprised as to why Jin was asking but you also didn't pay heed to his question as such, you assumed it was just his curiosity.

"Well, it's just stuff. We talk about clothes, fashion, how with girl groups it can be really different. I remember we once talked about his family but usually just fashion. Can you believe he genuinely asked me the other day if a gold accessory suits him better or silver? Tae asked me that! It was genuinely surprising especially when he's got such a good fashion sense." You replied turning around in his hold, wrapping your arms around him.

Jin was a little amused, "his family, really? You guys must be closer than I thought."

You smiled proudly telling him you hit a jackpot making friends with one of the most handsome people in the industry. Safe to say it offended him a little but he also quite agreed that Tae was indeed pretty handsome,

"not more than me obviously," that was Jin's final words on that.

✧｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+｡✿`⁠* +⁰⁠ ✧

As time went on, compliments grew more comfortable and obvious to everyone around.

"That's some really nice jacket Y/n, people are going to feel threatened here."

"Ah Taehyung, killing with those hair, aren't you? Too much for the world to handle."

"Y/n, seriously? I didn't think anyone was going to beat my outfit today but clearly no one can beat your overalls."

"Saw that jacket on a model yesterday but our Tae certainly wears it better."

This kept going on for months until one day Jungkook asked you about it, so you just told him the truth, that was how you connected with Tae the most, even Hobi asked you if your compliments were only reserved for Tae to which your response was to shower Hobi with compliments making him giggle.

✧｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+｡✿`⁠* +⁰⁠ ✧

"Y/n, bandana on or off?" Tae asked randomly while you were hanging around their practice session.

You thought for a moment and then told him it was better with the bandana.

"I knew I could trust my partner on this." Tae meant it as a joke. By partner he meant, fashion partner and you knew about it but little had you known that Jin was standing around the corner listening to you two talk. He wasn't eavesdropping, he just came by to get a bottle of water and heard Tae say "partner" which struck him weirdly.

Namjoon who was sitting on the floor besides Tae suddenly interjected, "seriously are you always just going to compliment him? I wore a nice hat today, aren't you going to say anything about it?"

You looked at Tae and he comically came and threw his arms around your shoulder, minding a significant gap between the two of you so that neither of you felt uncomfortable.

"She only compliments me. Isn't that right, partner?" Tae held his hand up for a high five. Laughing you give him a high five.

"Sorry, Joon, compliments are our thing."

You were still laughing when you noticed Namjoon's eyes falling behind you and you instinctively turned around to look behind you and saw Jin standing a little too close to you.

"What are you guys talking about?" He suddenly asked.

"Just how Y/n and I only compliment each other, it's kind of like a thing between us, isn't that right Y/n?" Tae said with a smile.

"Of course. He compliments me, I compliment him. Like today he complimented my necklace and I complimented his shirt." You tell Jin.

"But seriously though, can't you compliment my hat?" Namjoon asked again, his lower lip puckering out for attention.

You chuckled and shook your head, "don't try to wiggle your way into our thing."

Tae laughed nodding but then you felt a hand holding your waist tight enough for a pull.

"I didn't know you went about complimenting the boys." Jin finally said something. It was his hand holding your waist tightly which pushed Tae's hand across your shoulder to fall completely.

"Well mostly just Tae but sometimes I've complimented Hobi as well."

When you get a proper look at his face you realize his face was tense even though he was trying to keep a straight face. You instantly worried if it bothered him.

"Hyung, it's nothing serious, that's just how we bond." Tae clarified, maybe he noticed Jin's hold on you which made him stand further away from you.

Reading the room, Namjoon also got up and went to Yoongi, leaving the two of you alone. That's when you finally talk to Jin properly.

"Jin, does it bother you?" You asked calmly.

At first he didn't say anything for a moment but then he said, "Of course not, why would it bother me that you compliment Tae or Joonie or Hobi. I just didn't know you were this close to the guys."

"Are you sure? You seem a little tense?" You were failing to understand if it didn't bother him then what elicited this reaction out of Jin that drove everyone else away.

"I'm sure, I just noticed it today, that's it." He replied trying to reassure you.

"Back to practice! Everyone round up." Unfortunately before you could talk further, practice resumed leaving your conversation unfinished.

Throughout the practice as you stood around, all your focus was on Jin and wondering exactly why he was still so tensed. Even during practice he made a lot of mistakes and missing his cues. Until last night, even till the morning everything was fine then why was suddenly being out of place.

And because Jin messed up during practice he was forced to redo choreo alone during breaks which allowed you to talk to Tae and other staff more about trends and tik toks they could shoot but even when you turned to notice Jin he was somehow aggravated.

"What's up with Hyung?" Tae asked as you both watched Jin.

You shrugged, "I have no clue."

"Did you guys fight or something?"

You shook your head, "everything is perfectly fine. We hardly argue anyways but he's suddenly so tense."

What you didn't realise was Jin's attention on you and Tae through the mirror which infuriated him for some reason. He kept messing up the more he looked at the two of you talking. He couldn't help but wonder what it was that you were talking about so much for. How come he hadn't noticed you guys were close enough for Tae to put his arms across your shoulder or for your relationship with Tae to be close enough to notice little details about each other. Jin didn't like whatever he was feeling, he couldn't help but want to get in between the two of you and listen to what was so interesting that you kept laughing every two seconds.

"Jin, what's up with you? You were doing fine just before." The instructor called him out.

Jin apologized for his mistakes and requested a short break, a request that was granted because he had constantly been practicing for 2 hours.

But the moment the request was granted Jin walked across the room towards you and leaned in.

"Can we talk outside for a bit?"

You were puzzled but you agreed, following him into an empty changing room. The moment the door closed behind you, you were pushed against it and you felt Jin's lips on yours.

Usually Jin was very soft with you, kissing you slowly, driving you slowly towards an edge but this was nowhere close to soft. It was rough. It was demanding. This was bruising. He was kissing you with a force that you had never felt coming from him. It was needy, desperate like he needed you right then and there. His hands were everywhere, in your hair, on your back, pulling your waist, on your neck, pulling your body close enough that even air could not escape you. He kept tugging your lips and then deepening it by running his tongue across your lips. The moment you moaned into the kiss, his tongue pushed past your lip and ran across your tongue. He was battling with your tongue, making sure you knew exactly what his mouth was capable of.

When you finally separated for air, you finally ask, "Baby, what's up with you? Someone could literally enter right now."

Jin shook his head, "Just need you." That was all he said before he pulled you in for another kiss before you could even protest. He kissed you again with passion, in his changing room, against the door even though your moans could be heard on the other side of the door but that didn't stop him, he kept going and going until there was a knock on the door that only you heard.

"Jin, the knock-" he kept kissing you though so you tap his shoulders again to no avail. You had to push him away a little to separate him from you. His heavy lidded eyes open, mixed with lust and hunger for you.

You run your hand through your clothes, straightening them out before turning around to open the door enough to peep out to check who knocked.

It was one of the staff.

"They're calling for Jin."

You nodded telling her that he'll be right out.

When you do turn around Jin was still looking at you.

"They're calling for you." You tell him.

But he brings his thumb closer to your lips and grazes it, "your lipstick is all smudged."

You freeze for a second at his gesture then ask, "Are you sure you're okay-"

"Can you come over tonight?"

He interrupted you again. What was going on with him? Why was he being so- desperate? Like he couldn't keep his hands off you.

"Can you just tell me first what's going on?"

But he kissed your cheeks and said, "I'll make dinner."

With that he left straightening his clothes and hair, leaving you with a whirlwind of emotions and heat running through your body. You hadn't realized how turned on you got by his sudden actions until you were left alone in the room with your legs feeling wobbly as an aftermath. You stay there for a bit, evening out your breath, checking yourself out in the mirror before you walk out as well into the practice room.

All you hoped was that no one would find out about your little make out session in the changing room.

✧｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+｡✿`⁠* +⁰⁠ ✧

You couldn't wrap your head around your steamy little session in the changing room today. Jin has never lost his composure, not in public. He has never kissed you at the company, ever, then why did he suddenly kiss you today?

You ring Jin's doorbell, expectantly waiting for him to open the door.

You were welcomed by a fresh out of shower Jin wearing his grey hoodie and sweatpants, momentarily making you forget all your thoughts from the afternoon.

"Jin, what came over you today?" You ask as you follow him into the kitchen.

"What do you mean?" He questioned back without turning to look at you and going back to stirring whatever he was cooking.

"You know exactly what I mean. You've never kissed me at the office. You could get caught and if it gets leaked you know how much of a problem that would create."

You were serious. For now everything was hidden, only members and few of your friends knew about it but nobody outside of it.

He didn't reply instead he bought closer to your mouth spoonful of soup, "Can you taste this for me?"

You reluctantly taste it, moaning at the soulful taste of the soup. Jin chuckled at your moan, shaking his head.

"Should I make it more spicy?" He asked and you shook your head, telling him it was perfect as is.

You ultimately decided that it was best to talk about things after dinner.

✧｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+｡✿`⁠* +⁰⁠ ✧

Finally after dinner you were waiting for Jin on the sofa to continue watching the show you guys had started, maybe even talk about the afternoon when your phone suddenly rang up with a notification. You pick your phone to check it was Tae's message. He had attached a video to ask you if you could shoot with him tomorrow.

You were only midway texting back when Jin sat down next to you, his arms immediately closing around you. You smile at the warmth of his body.

"Who are you texting?" Jin asked snuggling closer to you.

You momentarily turn your attention to him before replying, "Oh, it's Tae. He apparently wants me to shoot with him tomorrow."

You feel him getting tense against you, "why is he asking you?"

You shrug still replying. Jin certainly didn't like the attention with which you were responding so he closed his palm around your phone, hiding your screen beneath it.

"Babe, I'm texting," you whined trying to loosen his grip around your phone.

"Exactly, and I'm here next to you. Can't you focus your attention on me?" He took your phone away from your grasp, landing it behind him and pulling you closer with a gasp.

"Jin-"

"Do you really have to text him back right now?" His hold on you was tighter now. His face leaning closer to yours, heading towards your neck.

"I'll just take a second." You try to tell him but your eyes flutter with the way his lips found a way into the crook of your neck. He was kissing your neck now, his lips nipping softly at your skin there. Your hand by default grasps the hoodie he's wearing.

"Why is all your attention on Tae today? Can't you just spend time with me? Focus on me?" He asked, his voice low as still kept kissing down your neck.

"Babe- it'll just take a mom-" but you end up moaning when his lips suck at the spot behind your ear that drives you crazy.

"Just focus on me. You're with me right now. Why can't you give me all your attention? Why are you still texting him when I'm right here?" You barely register his words when he keeps kissing down your neck but some of it made sense to you.

"Why do you keep complimenting the boys? Laughing at their jokes? Having things you only share with them. Save them for me, baby, just me."

And then it hit you, he was jealous. He was being clingy and desperate because he was jealous.

You smile to yourself and allow your hands to slide under his hoodie, "Does my talking to the boys make you that jealous?"

He moaned against your neck pulling you on top of him, "I can't help it. Didn't like it when Tae kept making you laugh instead of me. When he kept calling you partner. I should be the only one calling you that."

You gently pull back, your hands travelling to his neck forcing him to look into your eyes.

"You're jealous because I laughed at something he said?"

He nodded making a move towards your lips but you stopped him by pressing down on his shoulders.

You clicked your tongue, "that's why you got all desperate and needy in the changing room."

Jin's hand resting on your ass leaves to pull your face down by your neck.

"Wanted to kiss you right there, have you right there. It took everything in me to not bend you over right there but I only wanted your moans for me." He tugged you closer to him, his lips hovering over yours.

"How could you let Tae touch you when I was right there? He put his arms around you and you let me watch. Baby, you have no idea how it drove me crazy." And then he kissed you before you could defend yourself.

He didn't wait for you to adjust to his pace, instead he grabbed your body and pushed you down over the couch. His mouth never leaving yours as he ruts his body against you. You moaned as his teeth nipped at your lower lip.

"Think you need a little reminder that I'm your man. Your only man."

And he attacked you again. He doesn't let any words pass through your lips before he's kissing you everywhere. Reminding you exactly what he can do to you. He kisses you like a possessive man, like a predator, hungry, fatal for you.

And then he went down on you like a starved man. He didn't just eat you out, he devoured you from the inside while you kept shaking but he didn't stop.

"One more, baby, just one more." He kept saying.

He liked overstimulating you, driving you closer to the edge then denying you orgasm until you were crumbling mess over his sofa. He made sure your legs kept spread out for him, only for him, that only his fingers were reaching that spot that made you see stars. He kept making you cum over his fingers and his mouth until he needed to be inside you.

"fuck- baby- just like that," you encouraged him with every push.

He wrapped your legs around his torso allowing him to dive deeper inside of you, "fuck- you think I'd let anyone hear you moan for them. No, it's all for me. All your laughs, all for me."

"Yes- all for you baby, only for you." And every time you said it, it spurred him on even more. He'd pick up his pace, thrusting inside of you roughly.

"Could have fucked you right there today but needed you like this, all wet and messy under me, making a mess all over my place." He moaned into your ears.

"Needed to hear you scream my name, only for me."

His words drove you to the edge again.

"If this is how- ugh- fuck- you get after being jealous, I should make you jealous more often." But that only resulted in him flipping you over and pushing into you hardly, all the while his hands circled your clit as if he was punishing you for something making you scream louder for him.

"Try it baby, try it. Then I won't stop fucking even if someone knocks then. Someone could walk in but I'll still fuck you, like this," emphasizing with a push. His possessed words rang in your ears until you were a whimpering mess, falling over his couch.

It took a couple more thrusts until you both came all over the sofa.

Once he pulled out of you, he collapsed on top of you, his lips kissing you softly, all his lust replaced with the sweet, gentle Jin you knew.

"I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh."

You giggle, running your hand through his hair, "I think I should make you jealous more often now."

Jin pulled up pouting, resting on his arms to look at you, "please don't. I don't think I have it in me to watch someone else being all over you."

You gently cup his face, offering a smile, "You've got nothing to be worried about. I only love you. Besides nobody makes me laugh as much as you do."

He smiled and leaned down, kissing your nose, "I better be the only one making you laugh."

"Hmm, I mean Tae has his moments you know-"

But before you could finish that sentence he picked you up, throwing you over his shoulders and walking into the bedroom.

"I think you need a round two to remind you again who's the funniest."

With full support from everyone, friends, fans and family included, your marriage was now just 2 weeks away which meant there were a lot of things to be done, family preparations, shopping, bridesmaids final shopping, dress final fittings, gifts, house shopping and what not that the two of you barely spent time together. Nights that you would be free would be spent with your family (where you returned from today as well) because they wanted to spend as much time as they can with you before you get married and you understood it, so did Jin even though he joked that your family was depriving him of your love because they were jealous.

Which makes today perhaps among the only days where either of your schedules weren't lined up. After many days, your calendar only had one call to make with the flower vendors which honestly could be delayed and hence you decided you'll spend your day with Jin as much as you can.

That's how you ended up in your shared dining space with Jin who had fully set the table now.

"Come, let's eat. I'm starving." He exaggerated obviously. You smile to yourself walking towards him, hugging him from behind. Jin's breath faltered, you could feel it. And honestly, so did yours but you both try to play it cool as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Smells nice." You compliment sitting down on the chair he had pulled out for you.

"Thought you'd like my famous pancakes." He served your plate. There was one thing about Jin, he was the absolute best at cooking, especially pancakes. You've been to many different places but the ones he makes are unbeatable and undoubtedly your favourite.

As you both sit down for breakfast you filled him on your day and the updates so far followed by Jin telling you how he dealt with the annoying cake vendor that he almost flipped off but it was your favourite bakery so he kept his cool. Rest of the conversation goes by easy when he finally asks if you needed coffee.

It wasn't intentional, your eyes lingering on his waist as he pulled out mugs from the higher shelves for you but you couldn't help it. You kept looking at how his shirt rose and how you could make out his V line. Your face instantly grew hot the more you kept staring at it until you thought Jin caught you staring but he didn't say anything. This was the downfall of not having sex for a long bit.

When you started spending nights at your parents house and otherwise shopping making you both tired, you both convinced yourselves that it was a matter of a couple more days and then it'll all soon be over but as it turned out it wasn't easy, especially when it involved bedroom stuff. It wasn't a simple issue, almost every time you guys would even kiss it would get heated up really fast and then you'd get interrupted frustrating you both even more. This was what your last 3 weeks had looked like. You guys eventually decided it was best to completely lay off sex until marriage thinking it really wasn't harming anything. Boy were you both wrong because you both were terribly sexually frustrated, not in an obvious sense but it would show in instances when things could be escalated. So, even the littlest of skin-ship would become a matter of world collapsing, which explains why the back hug had you both choking on breath.

And in all of that, he really should not be wearing shorter t-shirts around the house, especially the ones that rose up from the littlest of movement.

You play it off cool once he returns with your coffee, trying to forget the glimpse of his waist that you had caught.

He was definitely working out more than usual, you thought.

"Honey? I asked if you needed anything else? What's on your mind?" You snap out of your imagination on his call and shook your head.

"Just marriage stuff." You forcibly smiled.

You had momentarily forgotten about Jin and his "tiny" t-shirt as you decided to call it until you were walking past Jin's study and saw him stretching his arms out.

Both of you had been packing stuff up for your new apartment, all the boxes lying around but at that moment you really couldn't care. All your attention was focused on the way his back of his waist showed, the way you could see his '7' tattoo. The way that "tiny" t-shirt hung to the proportion of his broad shoulders and smaller waist. How was his waist literally the most perfect thing in the world?

All these years of being with him and still every inch of his body drove you insane.

You gawked at him until he relaxed and you sort of groaned at the loss of the beautiful sight making Jin turn around for the source of the sound. You quickly shake your hand as if you had hit your hand somewhere to cover up the fact that you had just been staring at your fiance's waist and enjoyed it thoroughly.

Jin quickly reaches you, "did you hurt yourself?"

You shook your head, "was just walking past when my hand hit the wall."

Jin worrisome warned you to walk carefully around the house, especially with all the boxes lying around. You loved his attentiveness, but you loved his waist a little more...

Trying to shake your thoughts away you walk into the living room groaning to yourself with the image of morning flashing through your head. You realized how bad of an idea it was to lay off sex completely when your fiance looked like a Greek God. Like who the hell looks like a fucking sculpture while working?

And you knew it was a bad idea but you had a devious plan forming in your head that would allow you more chances to look at your man's waist but you couldn't help it, you really could not. It had been such a long time since he had taken you to bed, felt him kissing you in places only he knew, felt him all over your body...

"Ugh, fuck..." you mumble to yourself as you felt heat coursing through your body at just the idea of having him. However bad your devious plan was, you needed relief and making Jin do work which would allow his t-shirt to rise up was the only solution.

And so it began.

The light in your guest bathroom had been flickering all week, maybe even more but you both barely used that space so you didn't necessarily notice it when it started happening. You obviously made a note to tell Jin to call the electrician or for him to do it but with everything going on, you had forgotten about it.

Until now. Using it as a perfect opportunity to gawk at his waist you shout for him from the guest bathroom.

He comes a few seconds later, his head peeping.

"Yes darling?" He smiled cutely making your heart melt but this wasn't the time to be distracted.

"can you change the light for this bathroom? I was thinking I should pack stuff up from here as well but the light keeps flickering."

Jin nodded, "I'll call the electrician." As you expected of him.

"Honey, can't you do it? It'll take like 2 minutes. Do you really want to call someone for a 2 minute work? Besides it'll take the electrician a while to come." You made a good point.

Jin agreed, walking out to bring the change of light. After returning with a bulb and a stool, you remain there standing, watching.

"Why don't you go and wait outside?" Jin asked as he stepped on the stool.

You shook your head. You can't miss an opportunity, "What if the stool imbalances while you're standing? Nope, can't afford that. I'll stay here. Watch you."

Jin's lips pursed out but he agreed that it was a fair point and then your staring began.

As his arms reached towards the ceiling, you watched his t-shirt rising up more than the morning. There was that evident V line you had always loved on him. The way that you could catch a glimpse of his black underwear beneath his bottoms but most importantly, the abs reaching towards his pants waistline. It was significant, the lines running down. It's not that he didn't have it before, it's that they were more defined, more deep seated than you remember and if his hands by chance reached further up, you could see beyond his tummy towards his chest. You genuinely thought that if you were standing just adjacent to him, you would be able to see inside his t-shirt, how unfortunate that you couldn't.

"Y/n, can you turn on the light and check?"

Fortunately you heard his question just in time for him to not catch you staring.

The light worked perfectly fine after that, you on the other hand, struggled thinking about him.

He left you alone in the bathroom to work but while you worked you thought of other ways you could see his waist. Even in your head it sounded like you were down for Jin and the truth is,

You were. You are down bad for the man you're going to marry.

After a while of finishing work you reach the living room, sprawling on the sofa taking a break. Originally you were supposed to spend time with Jin, not doing any work but as you looked at the place you realized there were so many things to do and such little time.

Your eyes linger around the room thinking of the next thing you could make him do and you found it just in time as your eyes fell upon show pieces in your living room, gifts from friends and such that needed to be packed.

"Honey, can you come here for a moment." You felt bad, genuinely felt bad for making him do the work but a girl gotta do what she gotta do.

Jin comes out a few seconds later and you tell him the work you had in mind. He obviously argues that the porter service would be doing this when they come but you insisted that they were delicate pieces and were gifts from people so you couldn't risk it being broken while moving. You'd rather trust him than even yourself.

Being a man in love with you, he ultimately agrees and so began your second successful attempt at staring at his waist. The work was careful so you didn't see a lot of it but enough to leave your imagination satisfied.

Just like that you had him bend down to get stuff from the back of your wardrobe, had him climb up to get your luggage, had him take down your fairy lights from a place you had even forgotten putting there. All in all you had a good 7-8 chances to look at his waist, it wasn't enough but you made peace with it.

You were sure Jin hadn't known about your plan but you forgot how attentive he is when it comes to you. It wasn't in the morning that he caught you, rather it was the time when he was changing the light bulb and he had seen you in the mirror staring at his waist. All throughout the day he went along with your plans just to see the extent you would go to to see him and he won't lie, he enjoyed your not so subtle attempts when you could have just said something. One word from you and he would have left everything just to have you but he was enjoying your restraint and your lack of it.

It happened almost all day until you both were preparing dinner. Oblivious to your knowledge, Jin started deliberately reaching higher places, stretching his body even just to catch you staring. It was amusing to him how you didn't realise his gaze on you.

It all worked until you asked him to take out a bowl from a higher shelf.

"That bowl is not here, it's in the cupboard behind you."

Oh.

"oh, I'll get it then-"

"No need baby, I'll get it for you." His smile wasn't his usual cute handsome smile, it was suggestive and only then your brain finally clicked, he had caught on.

It was too late. He was already moving towards you, stepping closer to you and before you could even step aside to give him space, one of his hands caged you against the counter. His body pressed against you while his other hand reached for the cabinet behind you but his eyes never left yours. A suggestive smirk played on his lips and you knew you were done for, not because you were caught but because it was more thrilling to him.

"Let me move," you face turned red at the proximity of your bodies. For the first time in a while you were standing this close, hell for the first time in a while his body was actually pressed against you and it felt great.

"thought you wanted this, honey." His voice dropped to a sound he only made in the bedroom.

You breathe shakily, "don't know what you're talking about."

You tried.

Jin's eyebrows shot up, his smirk still not faltering.

"Really? You really don't know what I'm talking about?"

You shook your head. Still trying to deny your lustful attempts.

The hand that had caged you against the counter now took your hand against his waist and you lost even more of your composure. With another hand he took out the bowl you had asked for but you couldn't care less at the moment. All your attention was centred on trying to distract yourself so he couldn't see how red you were and the effect he had on you.

"You're so cute, trying to deny when all day you've been trying to stare at my body." His hand drops the bowl and instead he lifts your face by your chin forcing your attention on him.

Your eyes looked into his eyes again. There were two ways to do this, either you could agree with him and have your way or you could deny your attempts and have him in an even better way and somehow the second one sounded more fun.

"Your body? As if. You think I can't stay without looking at you for a couple of days?" You scoff.

He was amused. He clicked his tongue, "So all your attempts of making me reach higher shelves, changing the light bulbs, making me bend down were just you asking me for help? Come on, honey, we've been together for years, you think I didn't know what you were trying to do?"

You narrow your eyes at him, "you're reading too much into it."

Lord were you trying but the way his waist was feeling against you felt heavenly.

"Am I? I guess I could be wrong then." He pushed his lower lips outward. Nodding he stepped away so his body was just at an enough distance, though your hand still lingered.

"Then why are you still holding my waist when I left your hand a while ago?"

His waist. Your hand. His hand.

He chuckled as you abruptly took your hand away from his waist.

"Baby, you can just tell me." He smiled, obviously. He was having too much fun.

"tell you what exactly?"

"That you're frustrated. That you can't resist me, that you want me. You know all you need is to just say the words."

"I don't know what kind of frustration you're talking about. I'm completely fine." You lied. He knew you were a bad liar.

There was a pause and you knew what this pause meant. It was the moment when Jin usually said something that made 100% sense and you couldn't argue beyond it.

He stepped back and his hands reached the hem of his shirt, "so if I take my shirt off, you won't feel anything? You won't stare? You won't even look?"

His hands were already lifting his t-shirt and you tried to not look at him but the way he dragged his hand along his stomach, reaching all the way up to his chest making you see all that you had been missing out, it was too much, it was too hot for you to not look at him.

"You know you can have me anytime. All you have to do is say the words." He shrugged with a smirk pulled on his face.

Your face reflected all your frustration, not just the one that craved him, but the frustration of losing to him, frustration about the impact he had on you, frustration about how easily he was wrecking you right now.

"Fine, if you don't want-"

"Don't you dare pull that shirt down Kim SeokJin." You accepted defeat.

Jin's finger suggested you to come closer to him and you did. Your body was automatically being pulled towards him. There was no winning him, especially when he knew exactly how to drive you crazy.

Jin smiled as you finally reached him, his hands pulling you closer by your waist. His lips seductively tug yours and you whimper.

"Why go through all the pain when you know I'm always ready for you."

You moaned as you felt him already half hard against you.

"Where's the fun in that. Needed teasing."

Your hand reached into his hair, pulling it gently knowing exactly that it was his weakness. A moan escapes his lips that were lingering above yours. You couldn't take it anymore. You smash your lips against his soft, plump lips..oh, how you've missed these lips. The way they were always so gentle but so damn needy for you.

"Fuck, Y/n, it was just a couple more days. Needed me that bad?"

You nodded, "tell me I'm not the only one."

He pathetically moaned against your lips as you kept tugging at his hair.

"Need to have you too. Can't take it anymore." He moaned, picking you up and setting you down on the counter. Your legs immediately wrap around his body and his lips find yours again.

It's sharp, it's teethy, messy but it's lustful, it's hungry, it's him devouring your mouth. He isn't fighting for dominance when his tongue tries to push past your lips, when they lick your lips, he's making sure you remember exactly what he can do to you. The tug and pull at your lips with his teeth drive you crazy as he rocks your body into his. Everything is so immediate, so urgent and you don't blame him. You've waited long enough and now you needed him. He keeps kissing you, eating all your moans like a hungry man and tonight he was making sure that every sound escaping your lips were for him and him alone.

After what felt like ages, when you both separate for air, gasping for air, his forehead pressed against yours, he finally says, "Tonight I'm not letting anything get in between. No phone call, no interruptions, nothing.. just you and me."

You smile, "Make me forget the whole world baby."

And you cursed the damn universe that put you and him in the same godforsaken club, at the same time, where both of you are likely drunk.

"Y/n! I thought it was you." And you realize you have to talk now.

He's buzzed, you could tell by the look in his eyes, just tipsy enough to have fun but not a hangover.

"Jin! Funny seeing you here?" You were confused to say the least.

He smiled. Damn, that smile.

"Right! I called your cell when I saw you but you didn't pick up."

Let's stop here for a moment. He called? He called you? Your ex from 3 years ago that had ended badly called you? And you missed that call?

No. You didn't. You deliberately ignored it. Well, ignore is a harsh word. You stared at your screen for 2 mins while an unknown number contacted you but you knew exactly who it was so, you panicked. You didn't know if you really should have picked up his call. You guys haven't been in touch in the last 3 years and suddenly then out of all the moments he called you? It confused you, you even asked your friend if you should pick up the call but before you could even make a decision on it, the call ended. He didn't call back again. What did you do then? You let your brain run haywire but decided it would be best not to contact him, at least not at that moment.

"oh really? Must have missed it. It's loud here."

Lies, lies, lies.

"That's true." He paused, actually he was staring at you and you didn't know what you should say next. Should you ask him why he called you? Should you ask him what he was doing at the club? Should you ask him how he's been?

"How-"

"Shall we go to some place less noisy?" Your breath stopped.

"Uh, Sure yeah. Let's go out." You replied. You tell your friend who you came with that you'd be out but she was drunk enough dancing next to her boyfriend to actually care enough at that instant.

You two went out of the club, it was much quieter outside which unfortunately also meant that it was awkward.

"Bit awkward, isn't it?" You fake chuckle.

"Really? I don't think so." You could see his face much more clearly now. He's changed a bit, his cheeks had sunked in a little not in a way that he was weak but enough to know that he had lost some weight, his eyes still the same, his lips... he had grown more handsome if that was possible and that was not helping you because you were starting to forget the break-up.

"How have you been?" You finally ask.

He pushed his hands inside the pockets of his jeans leaning against the wall and you watched him lean, damn him..

"Been good, yeah. How have you been?"

"Similar."

Pause.

You cleared your threat as you swayed on your toes looking down because you didn't know what else to look anymore but when you do eventually lift your gaze, you feel his presence next to you putting his jacket across your shoulders.

"You seemed cold." He smiled. You thanked him in a small voice but what you could really focus on was how his jacket smelled. Still the same.

"So, what do you do now?" He asked.

You briefly look at him, "Media. Didn't switch fields."

He hummed, "Just as expected. You never change."

You frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He immediately clarified, "Oh! I meant it as a compliment. I've always admired your lifestyle. You always see things through the end and it's amazing."

"oh."

He turned his face sideways, smiling to himself. After a moment of silence he continued, "I remember our last conversation..."

He returned his gaze towards you again, "I think it was after we had broken up..."

There was only once when Jin had reached out to you back then, just once, 6 months after the break up. He had heard from someone that you were promoted to a senior position and he congratulated you for that. That conversation went on for a bit before it turned personal and he asked you if you were seeing someone at the moment .

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

"What about you? Seeing someone at the moment?"

You read the text multiple times before you decided that telling the truth was better, "No. Life got really busy suddenly. Got no time to date."

Lies! You voluntarily stepped out of dating after Jin. You were afraid of another heartbreak.

"Are you?" You texted back.

"..."

"Nah. Also very busy. It's been a hectic time." He texted back.

Your heart sank.

It was a lie, you knew that. Jin usually wasn't the type to ever post about his relationship anywhere but a few days before he did, for a few hours. It was a picture of him and his new girlfriend. You tried pretending that it was okay but you knew deep down that you weren't.

"I get it."

"..."

"Listen, I gotta get back to work. Let's talk soon?" You texted.

"Sure yeah, you must be busy."

But you never actually texted him again. In fact, you deleted his contact. That was the last time you looked at your pictures with him.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

"I remember it too." You finally said when you realized he was waiting for you to say something.

"The truth is... that day I lied."

"I know."

He was taken back, his eyebrows raised, "You did?"

"You posted about her very briefly and I happened to see it. I didn't want to say anything out of privacy."

He kept staring at you and if you were right, you could see his ears had turned red.

"I'm sorry about it."

"No need. We weren't a thing back then and you didn't owe me any explanation for who you were with or not. We had ended remember?"

Was it a salt to the wound? Yes. You wanted it to hurt because truth be told you cried yourself to sleep that night. You didn't hate him for dating, you just despised that he dated so soon after you guys had ended, as if your time with him didn't matter.

He nodded as silence prevailed. You were now confused why you guys were standing there and talking, pretending that nothing happened, pretending it didn't hurt you to see him right now, even if that pain was fragmentary.

You almost shrug off his jacket from your shoulders, "Jin, I think I'm going to go back inside-"

"I've missed you."

You just stared at him. Your hand falling beside you. Dumbfounded, shocked, surprised? Were those the right words? Did he just tell you that he missed you?

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I've missed you." He had that look in his eyes, that profound look almost as if he wanted to be closer to you. His back no longer leaned against the wall, his posture erect, towering over you.

He missed you?

He was being honest. You knew that, his eyes told you, they glimmered, hopeful maybe that you'll say it back but did you miss him? Did you?

You tried not to think of him, that was your answer. Just that. It was hard, it was very hard in the beginning but 3 years later, you were fine now. You didn't miss him, right?

He missed you?

"I've felt guilty all this time, about our break up and how I ended it. I think I should have at least been friends with you but I just got too caught up-"

"We could never have been friends, Jin," you interjected.

He was surprised maybe, hurt even, "I guess but I think I still could have tried to reach out to you more and-"

"You didn't owe me that friendship and honestly had you tried I would never have been able to." You were shutting him off. You were trying to, desperately hard to stop looking into his eyes but you couldn't. Shutting him off was the only way.

"Still." He huffed taking a step back.

You turned your face away and bit your lip, "I think we should end our conversation here. I'm going back ins-"

"Haven't you missed me at all?" He gulped.

You were hesitant to tell him the truth, did you really want him to know how much you tried to shut him out of your mind?

"No." You lied.

He was taken back, "Not even a little?"

You chose not to answer it instead.

"I really think we should end-"

He grabbed your wrist.

"Y/n," your heart immediately raced in your chest. His hold wasn't tight, it was light as a feather but the gravity of him touching your wrist, his touch on your skin for the first time in 3 years had you blazing with fire inside.

"Jin, please,"

"Please what?" He stepped closer to you while you felt as if you were stuck to the ground. You had no option but to keep looking at him as he bought your hands closer to his chest, touching it.

"Just let g-" and now his face was closer to you. You could smell alcohol in his breath. It was gin.

"You really haven't? You're telling me I'm the only one who has missed you? Slept with your thoughts in my head? Stayed up just because I couldn't get you out of my head? I can't be the only one Y/n, I can't be. Tell me?"

You breathed heavily while your heart was pounding and you swore if he stood any closer he might be able to hear it but It was mesmerizing to be here with him. He was intoxicating and he smelled great, he always did and right now even when you should have stepped away from him, you couldn't bring yourself to.

"Jin-"

"Tell me Y/n. I can't be the only one who has thought of us. I know you must have."

You didn't want him to know the truth.

Your hand now pressed against his chest. You could feel his heart beating in his chest, your eyes fixated there before you lifted your gaze to look at him. He was already staring at you, his eyes looking at your lips. You didn't know where else to look next except his parted lips.

He was leaning in.

"Jin-" your voice small, coming out in stutters.

"Y/n."

"You ended it. Not me." That was your final blow. And with that you took your hand away from his.

As you stepped back he kept standing there staring at you as if you had cut his wound wide open but he deserved it. Right?

"You know I wasn't ready. You wanted the future and I wasn't there yet. I needed time." Tears welled up in his eyes. You'd be lying if you said that it didn't hurt you to see him like that but you couldn't be weak. It all starts with one weakness.

"Jin, you know that wasn't it. I just- nevermind what I wanted.." you took a pause, "there's no point talking about something that existed 3 years ago. I've moved on with my life and I'm sure you have too."

"I haven't." Why was he doing this to you?

"Jin, please don't lie-" he stepped closer again, his hands almost reaching out, lingering close to your waist but not touching yet and you couldn't even resist because how does one resist Kim Seok-Jin.

"I'm not lying Y/n, I haven't moved on from you. I was young and immature back then but now- now Y/n I want to offer you everything. I want to be with-"

You pressed your finger to his lips, "Please don't finish that sentence."

He was staring at you like a starved man, a man who has been deprived of the one thing he truly wanted all along. His eyes expressed every split second of his emotion, his pain, your words that cut, how he was reliving your memory, how much effect the closeness of your bodies had on him, how much he actually loved you.

He took your wrist and took it gently away from his lips, "No, let me tell you. I want to be with you Y/n. I want to be with you again. I've missed you all this time."

"Where was this 3 years ago?" You fought back your memories, the good times with him that were replaced with memories of your breakup. He wasn't making it easier anymore, it was hard, it became so difficult to look at his beautiful, gentle face and to hurt him with your words but what could you do! You swore you'd never let him break you again.

"I was stupid Y/n. I want you now-"

"You don't. You're just saying this because you're drunk."

He shook his head, "I've never been more honest with you. Whether I'm drunk or not, I'm being honest about my feelings to you. Can you not care for my feelings Y/n? Do you really not?"

Damn him for making it so hard on you. Tears threaten to spill your eyes so you gently press your hands against his chest and push him away, softly.

"You're not sober."

"Y/n, I miss you. I still do."

You closed your eyes taking in a sharp breath.

"You should tell me this when you're sober. I can't trust you right now."

"Will you trust me then?" He asked.

You looked at him and took your steps back.

"Will you trust me then?" He asked again.

You held the door handle of the club again, and nodded at him before opening the door,

"I will trust you then."

And you went inside leaving Jin outside with the lingering silence of what happened tonight.

"Coffee for Y/n?"

"That would be me." You smile politely at the counterperson taking your coffee away.

"So, do you think you'd be down for the plan?" Your friend opening the door for you.

"Drinking? Again? We just went." You tell your friend but she makes irresistible puppy eyes at you that you couldn't resist.

You laughed, "Fine, just for you but only light booze."

You walk back towards your office while you check your emails as she attends a call which she only gets off once you enter your office elevator, resuming the conversation.

"So, what about that ex of yours?"

You almost choke on your coffee making her laugh.

"I was kidding."

"Warn me the next time before you do that!" You exclaimed coughing loudly.

She laughs again patting your back, "I just asked since your ex has been no show and I know it's been bothering you."

That was unfortunately true.

"Bothering me? I haven't thought of him since that night. In fact I have completely forgotten about him." You lied. You didn't really want to discuss your personal life, especially about Jin with her, at work.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night sweetie." She smirked as the door opened forcing you both to depart on your own ways.

"I'll see you tonight at my place?"

You give her a thumbs up in passing to confirm your attendance at her drinking plan.

Once you finally sit back in your chair at work you stare blankly at the screen thinking about your conversation with your friend. Jin had not reached out to since that night and the thing was, you should have known better. You should have known he wasn't going to. They were just words spoken under intoxication, just pretence, his delirium, he probably didn't even remember talking to you and you were finally making peace with it but sometimes it didn't stop you from thinking of him. There were times when that was all you could think about and now since she mentioned him, you couldn't stop thinking of that night.

The problem was if you really thought about it though you really couldn't figure out why Jin talked to you that night, what made him confess those words to you or were they always lies to begin with? But they seemed honest. But since he had vanished since that night then it made you wonder if there was any honesty in his words at all.

At least for a couple of nights that followed you stayed up thinking about him, his words, his confession, his face, his eyes, his lips, you were memorizing everything. You even checked your phone for any message from him but there were none. And it began again, you started thinking of the break up again, how it all just ended on one phone call.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

"Are we even in a relationship at this point or are we just dragging things on?"

You could hear his breathing on the other side but he was silent. He probably hadn't expected you to ask that but now that you did even he knew that conversation was inescapable.

"Let's just end things Y/n." He said it, so easily, so casually like none of it mattered.

"Jin, let's just meet and talk about-"

"No Y/n, I don't think I can do this in person. We both know this isn't working anymore and there's no point in dragging it out as long as we have." He didn't even stutter, like it was a plain truth.

His last sentence somehow reverberated loudly. Was this the same person who once cared for you, who showed up for you, who held doors for you, who didn't just show up with flowers to prove his love but who genuinely sat by your side when you cried and heard your side of stories, who actually waited for you in the storming rain just so he could be with you.

"Jin, you can just talk to me if something's wrong. I know something is up with you and you're taking it out on us but I'm here to be with you a-"

"You're not my therapist Y/n," his voice was sharp and you couldn't help but fall silent. All you wanted was to be there for him, to work things out together.

He huffed out on the other end, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just- I'm sorry Y/n but I really can't do a relationship right now. You want a future but I can't give that to you and it's been bothering me. I can't promise a future Y/n and it feels unfair to keep holding onto you just because I love you. You're too good for me, I don't want to drag you down with me-"

"Jin, let's just find ways to figure it out together."

He sighed on the other end, "Y/n, no. This is my problem. You should be with someone who's going to be there for you in ways that I haven't been-"

"But you have been there for me Jin, you have. Let me be there for you too." You felt tears on your lips, you hadn't even realized when you started crying.

"I wish you the best Y/n-"

"Really? This is really how you're going to end it?"

He didn't reply back.

"Really Jin, after all this time?"

"I'm sorry, Y/n." And with that he had cut off the call.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

You shook your head shaking off your memories of the break-up and focusing back on your work. It wasn't going to do you any good anymore. If Jin really wanted to talk to you he would have reached out by now and since he hasn't, it was best to forget about that night.

Were you a chronic liar? That should be a disease, right? To lie to yourself that you didn't care if Jin reached out to you or not when you really did. With 2 bottles of wine buzzing through your entire body, you were burning inside, with truth, for truth. Why did he say he missed you when he didn't? And why couldn't you for one goddamn second stop thinking of him and his beautiful face.

You stumble at the door of your apartment trying to fit the key into your keyhole groaning to yourself for your blurry vision. After multiple failed attempts which included dropping your keys, hitting your head against the door while picking it up and groaning in pain you were finally able to open the door.

You staggered into your apartment throwing down your bag against the door and walked into the kitchen looking for another bottle of wine.

It wasn't like you to drink heavily but not for once had you stopped thinking of Jin today and you needed something better to drown your thoughts of him. When you find a half emptied bottle of wine, you walk towards your sofa and crash onto it.

Why had Jin never called you back?

You wonder about it long enough staring at your ceiling but you couldn't find an answer. The real question was why was it bothering you so much that he never reached out to you? Do you still love him? Do you still want to be with him? Why have you never dated after Jin? Why haven't you loved anyone after him?

Before you could even rationalize your thoughts you were taking out your phone and staring at his contact.

"This is so stupid." You talk to yourself looking away from your phone to rationalize your thoughts but then you look back at that contact and you decide you need answers.

Your heart raced as the dial tone rings, were you hoping for him to pick up or otherwise?

But once he picked up, you knew your answer.

"Hello?"

You wanted him to.

"Y/n, is that you?"

You stared at your screen and decided if you were going to fuck it up, then so be it. What was the worst that could happen!

"Jin," You exhaled loudly, "Do you know you're a fucking liar!"

"Y/n... are you drunk?" He replied after a pause.

"So what if I am? At least I mean what I say." Were you making sense?

"Where are you?"

"Does it even matter to you? Does anything matter to you actually? I bet you don't even remember that night. How you waltzed in with you and your false promises, your false confessions but I do, I remember everything. You and your stupid words, your stupid face, your stupid confessions about missing me and wanting me but you never wanted me in the first place, did you? It was all a lie, wasn't it? It's so easy for you to pretend that everything is normal, that everything is casual but I'm not like that Jin. You may not care about this stuff but I do. I bet you didn't even mean it because if you did you would have actually reached out, but you didn't! Even when you said you would, you didn't because that's how you are. That's who you are. You've never once cared about what you do to me, what your words do me, you don't care, not even a little, not at all!" You were talking loudly.

You were raging inside, things you couldn't tell anyone but him, things' you couldn't talk to about anyone but him.

"Did you think I would forget about it? Like I would pretend it never happened? I tried, I fucking tried Jin but I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend when it comes to you. For 3 fucking years I didn't think of you, didn't talk to you, didn't reach out to you but suddenly you show up one day and I haven't stopped thinking of you since and I hate it, and I hate you for making me this way-"

"Are you home?"

"Stop interrupting me-"

"I asked are you home? Do you still live there?" He sounded stern.

You sighed running your hand across your face, "I'm home, still live here. What are you going to do, come here?"

"I'll be there in 10." And he cut off the call.

You put your face in the palm of your hands, rubbing it lightly before you realise what Jin's last words were. You stare at your phone as his last words ring in your head. I'll be there in 10?

Was he really coming?

You stare at the door when door bell finally rang. It hadn't even been 10 minutes yet!

"Y/n, open the door."

You gulped finally getting up from the sofa to unlock the door. As you held the lock one final time, your brain half functionally tried to find all plausible scenarios of what may happen next but you were far too drunk to come up with a solution for your cursed call or for this moment.

The door banged again and you had no option but to open it.

"Y/n," and there he was. Looking like every bit of your sinful imagination put together in his black denim jacket and jeans.

"I didn't-"

"Are you okay?" He was far too calm for someone you had just ranted off to, complained to, about his own behaviour.

You nod and he finally walks through the door closing it behind him. You stare as he walks towards you. You were stuck to the ground again. It was easy to call out his shit on call but now that he was in front of you, you couldn't even bring yourself to say anything, let alone be mad at him.

"How much did you drink?" He asks softly looking at your coffee table for your almost emptied bottle of wine.

"Just a couple of sips from that and 2 bottles of wine." You can't look at him anymore, it was too real. Maybe your system went onto flight mode hence your sobriety was starting to kick in and you hated every bit of this.

"Let's get you sobered up." He said as he took your hand and took you into your kitchen. Huh?

Why was he being nice? Did the phone call never happen? Did it all just happen in your head? You were so confused as you watched him take off his jacket and get you a cup of water.

Once he hands you the water he goes back to the refrigerator to look for something while you watch his back.

Were his shoulders always this wide?

He leaned down to check something making his shirt rise up, showing his lower back and your look away catching yourself blushing at thoughts you shouldn't be having.

"You don't have anything for a hangover." He closes the refrigerator behind him and walks towards you.

"It's okay, I'll just take pills in the morning." You replied as you keep the cup back on the counter.

He leans in front of you to look at you properly and you couldn't help but blush at the proximity.

You clear your throat and turn your head away to look towards your bedroom door, "Uh, I think I'll be fine. You can go."

His eyebrows raised, "Go? Do you not want me here?"

You look back up at him. Did you want him here in the first place? You weren't sure at the moment.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asked softly stepping back from you.

Uncomfortable was the last thing that you were.

"That's not it. I just- I don't know why I called and now it's just weird." You said.

He hummed, "You should sleep."

Huh?

"Sleep?"

"It's late. The more you're up the more your head is going to hurt in the morning. You should sleep." With that he walked towards your bedroom. Was he going to sleep with you?

You realized you were wrong once he came out of the room after turning on the lights for you.

"Let me know if you need any help." He said as he came back into the kitchen.

You were perhaps shocked at his cordiality so you went along with it. You enter your bedroom turning your head around once to see him checking something in your kitchen shelves.

You didn't know exactly when you fell asleep after washing up but now that you're up at such un-godly hour you were finally able to recollect things that had happened tonight. You turn your gaze around your empty room but you notice your clothes folded neatly on the chair that you don't remember doing. When you turn to your nightstand, it's 4 in the morning and there are medicines, hangover pills, hangover drinks and water. It was Jin.

Feeling sober you take the pills he had kept there for you and you get out of your bedroom to check if Jin had left but when you walk into the living room, he's sitting there scrolling through his phone.

"You're still here?" You ask. You weren't surprised to find him there awake actually. Even when you guys were dating Jin would normally stay awake or at least partially awake whenever you returned home drunk just to take care of you if something happened in the middle of the night.

He shuts off his phone, putting it back in his pocket before getting up and walking towards you.

"You feeling better?" He asked. You nod.

"Do you need anything? Water?" He asked again.

You shook your head, "I just had some. You left it in my room."

He hummed. The silence lingered as you two kept staring at each other. For the first time since that night you didn't feel confused, rather confident that there was something between the two of you, something that has perhaps never changed. Even if you hadn't seen him in a long while you could read his eyes very well. The way he looked at you, the way he looked at you even that night wasn't casual, it wasn't simple, it was complex. He looked at you in ways you couldn't describe in words.

"I feel fine now, I don't think I'll need any assistance anymore. I'm glad you came but I think it's better for you to go back home. I don't want to inconvenience you."

Why are you pushing him away even when you think there is something indescribable between you two? Because you can't afford to be hurt by Jin again. You can't afford to hurt him either. You felt it but did he? You didn't know. You no longer want to restrain him into something he might not want. You didn't want to force him, not then, nor now.

"Can you just- for once stop pushing me away?" He sighed running his hands through his hair.

"Pushing you away? Jin I didn't start it, you did. I merely don't want to hold you off. I don't want to be responsible for holding you back from something you could have with someone else-"

"Y/n, can we just talk like adults?" He sounded frustrated.

"We are."

"We're not!"

"How do we talk then? Oh, I know, maybe you can tell me you miss me again and then vanish yet again. Or maybe you can do this over a call again and then vanish from life completely. Or maybe you can do it under a drunken influence and tell me you didn't mean it the next d-"

It all happened too fast, in the blink of a moment. You gasp, barely registering that Jin was now pinning you against the wall and his face close enough to kiss you but not doing it just doing it yet. Any form of functioning brain you were left with was shutting off with the feeling of his body pressed against yours. How his hand was behind your back, resting on your lower back while his other hand was next to your head.

"You never stop, do you?" His voice was at least 2 octaves deeper. You gulped as you stared at his parted lips. It was unfair how they looked soft, plump, pink, just the right amount of kissable.

You breath stuck in your throat when you realised he had been staring at your lips as well.

"You say all that but my jacket is still hanging at your door. You push me away but you don't really want that, do you?" He asked again.

"What?" Your voice came out in a whisper. Did he ask something?

His lips pulled in a small smirk. He fucking knew the affect he has on you. He knows the way your body is hot against his. The way your breath is coming out in small shallow breaths.

"You aren't angry anymore," his hand momentarily moves away from the wall to push a strand of your hair behind your ear, "so can I confess now?"

Confess what?

"That I meant every single word I meant that night."

You didn't even know those words had slipped out of your mouth, you were too busy trying not to get distracted by his lips and failing miserably at it.

"I meant it Y/n when I said I missed you all this time, that I still miss you. What I don't believe is that you haven't missed me all this time. Have you really never thought of me?" His other hand somehow had slipped from behind your back to your neck and was now lifting your face by your chin to look into his eyes.

"Tell me honestly, you really haven't thought of this in these 3 years?"

You gulp, holding your ground for what seems like one last time, "Haven't."

He frowned as if he was impressed but then his eyes travelled across your body, your lips and then looked into your eyes again, "Your body says otherwise, baby."

Fuck.

He leaned into your body further, his lips travel towards your ears, sending shivers down your spine. You close your eyes inhaling sharply, your chest colliding with his and he whispers, "Your body still reacts the same, Y/n, are you sure you're mad at me for not reaching out?"

Before you could even answer you felt his lips graze lightly against your neck and you lose it. A low moan slips out of your mouth. Your hand involuntarily reaching out and tugging at his t-shirt. He hadn't even kissed your neck yet, just graze with a touch that can hardly be considered as a touch but your body was burning for more.

This isn't how this was supposed to go. You were supposed to send him back home and cut him off. You were supposed to stop thinking of Jin completely. But now, all you could think of was how much you wanted his lips to actually kiss you, how much you wanted his hands to touch you, to caress you.

He chuckles deeply, that small laugh that made you weak in your knees. His other hand travels down your hand and reaches your waist. His hand lingers, just lingers making you want more.

"Does this make you uncomfortable, Y/n?"

"No." You moan.

You lightly feel him smile against your neck. Did it even matter anymore? Holding your ground? Jin already knew everything about you and your body, he knew that your mouth was saying something else and your body was saying something else.

This time you feel his lips connect your neck completely and your back arches into him pulling him closer to you with the hand tugging at his t-shirt. Your mouth opens and a louder moan slips out.

"Tell me to stop." His lips kissed just below your ears but your neck leans back giving him more access to your ears and your neck.

"Don't stop, Jin.." your voice comes out in a complete moan that definitely had an effect on him because not only did his hand reach under your shirt, touching your bare waist and pulling you close but the curse that slipped out of his mouth sounded hot and heavy.

"Fuck, Y/n. Do you have any clue what you do to me?" He was kissing down your neck now. They weren't messy kisses but precise, soft and then deep, and when his teeth sunk into your neck pulling at it slightly, he would run his tongue along the spot he had just attacked, kissing it again softening the blow but you were crumbling at his actions. You could hardly stand up on your own anymore. If it hadn't been for Jin's hold on you, you were sure you wouldn't be standing at all.

"Want me to tell you what I've missed about you?"

You nod, "Tell me."

He pulls away from your neck, smirking at the way you whined for his touch. His eyes linger down your body and with his other hands he intertwines your fingers and brings it close to his lips. He looks through his lashes as he kisses your hands. You think it should be unfair for someone to look this hot when he's only kissing your hand.

"Your fingers."

All your attention centres on his lips, and how they move. Was it possible for a man of this level of hotness to grow any hotter with every passing second?

His lips travel down your arms, placing kisses along the way, "Your hands." When he reaches your upper arm, he forces your hand to hang across his shoulder. Your hand immediately reaches into his soft hair and tugs at them making him smile deliciously.

His lips now travel to your shoulder and he kisses it gently first, "These shoulders," he says and then places a hickey right on your shoulder.

How was it even possible?

"My favourite," he said as he kissed your neck once again. Your eyes close feeling his kisses along the other side of your neck now. He was making sure that your neck was covered with hickeys but you didn't mind that one bit. He was ruining you but you liked it, you loved the way he would softly kiss your neck after.

"Open your eyes, Baby." He said holding your chin. When you force your eyes open his face is right in front of you. He's smiling.

"Keep watching," and with that he drops to the ground. You bite your lip watching his hands travel through your thighs and resting on your ass. He squeezes them softly and your lower body juts forward involuntarily.

His low laugh lingers, "Missed this." And then he continues to leave kisses across your leg, reaching higher and higher until he reaches the band of your bottoms.

He looks up at you, his eyes sultry, seductive, slow. Your hand reaches his face, cupping his face giving him the permission he seeks.

His hand travels up your waist, pulling your shirt higher leaving your waist naked for him.

"May I?" He asks this time as his mouth nears your waist.

You thought you had answered but you realized you haven't once he asks you again, "Words, Y/n,"

The way he says your name.

"Touch me, Jin."

He no longer hesitates and kisses your waist. He first kisses at the low point pulling your bottoms a little even, then the side of your waist before he travels towards the center, kissing along navel then going higher and higher. His hand also pulling your shirt further upward.

"This waist." He moaned, "how I've missed holding this in my hands."

When he reaches far up enough till your breasts he stops and stands facing you. Your eyes were fluttering open with surreal pleasure running through your body.

"Tell me Y/n, will you still say you haven't missed me at all?"

You had no choice but to look at him and confess your truth. You wanted him like air and you needed him now.

"I've missed you."

"Say it again." He asks, smiling his hands coming up to either side of your face, caressing it.

"I've missed you, Jin," and this time you take the initiative to lean forward towards his lips but he only pulls back.

"Say it. Tell me how much you want this." He was so hot for commanding you the way he was but then he was so gentle with you and your body.

You try to lean forward again to no avail, you huff out in frustration making him chuckle.

"Sorry if this frustrates you but I want to be sure my girl really wants it."

His girl?

"Kiss me." You ordered grabbing him by his collar and pulling him down, "Kiss me now!"

He was surprised but then he bit his lip and leaned towards your lips, "there's no going back anymore, Y/n, you are sure, right?"

You finally grab him by his neck, smashing your lips against his.

There's heat, there's passion, there's impatience in the way you kiss him. These lips, oh these lips, how you've missed his sweet mouth. One of his hands goes towards your hair guiding your head to his movement while his other hand drops to your back and drags you forward, he doesn't pull you, he drags you, into his body, pressing it harshly against himself.

"Fuck, Y/n," he moans and he pulls you in deep. His teeth pull at your lower lip but you lose it when his tongue pushes past your open kisses and swirls with your tongue. You can't help moaning at his delicious tongue, the way his lips are soft but how needy his kiss is, the way he seems gentle but his kiss is hungry. He's not kissing you, he's consuming you with his lips, with his tongue, remembering, memorizing, making up for the lost time.

When you try to gain dominance by tugging at his lower lips, he loses composure. He pushes both of your bodies against the wall. His hands are no longer against your head or your back, instead they're grabbing the back of your thighs and without a second thought he lifts you off the ground, not once breaking the kiss. Your legs automatically crossing behind him.

"You're going to be the death me, Y/n,"

You separate from his lips and look into his eyes,

"Then kiss me like you mean. Show me how much you've missed me."

Oh boy, were those the wrong words. He attacks you, like a predator in the wild. His lips sucks you into another dimension. His tongue licking your lips, pushing past them, his teeth tugging your lips all at the same time. Any hesitation he has leaves his body and he carries you to the bedroom, your hands on his shoulders, his arms still firmly holding you.

And then you feel it, when he puts you on the bed, climbing over you.

"I'll show you in every way how much I've missed you Y/n," he moans as his lips momentarily travels to your neck.

"Gonna show you how much I've thought about you, your mouth, your neck, your body," he nips the skin at your neck.

Your hands reach his back, travelling under his shirt. He hisses as he feels your nails rake his back.

"Feral, are we?" He moans returning to your kiss your mouth.

"Everything I feel about you is feral, Jin," you moan back. You can feel him smile against your lips, he's proud of it. His ego satisfied with your reaction.

"Thought you hated me?" His words slipped out as he paused to take a breath, then his kisses your mouth gently, again, then again and then again.

"Guess you forgot all about it." Your brain could barely agree or deny his statement. Did you? You didn't care at the moment, all you wanted at this moment was him.

He finally leaves your mouth. His figure towers over you, sitting on his knees. And he just stares, just looks at you, your and your body and it drives you crazy, the power he has on you. The look in his eyes momentarily shifts from pure lust to something softer but you were starting to get really desperate.

"Are you really sure?"

You raise your body, resting on your palm while your other hand reaches towards his chest.

"Never been more sure," and you touch him over his shirt, then you lean further upward, towards his neck and kiss his neck. Your hand slips inside his shirt and he loses his balance momentarily.

His eyes close at the sensation of your lips against his neck. You can feel the veins on his neck, the rise and fall of his chest under your palm, the way his heart is beating loudly. When you nip at his skin, pull at it with your teeth, he loses his balance completely and you fall backward with his body on top of you.

"Y/n, I need you, now."

"Then have me Jin, take me."

You run your tongue across his neck and then he pulls your face away. You look at him as his hands reach the hem of his shirt and he pulls it off his body.

For the first time in 3 years you were finally looking at his body, his chest, his abs, oh.

It was clear he has been working out, the V line going inside his jeans was prominent enough for you to lose your mind over it. He smirks as he watches your eyes rake his body.

"Think you need me more," him and his mouth. You pull him down.

"Shut up."

He laughs kissing you once again but his hand reaches the hem of your shirt and he touches you. This time he's not seeking your permission instead he is demanding. His hands reach up to your boobs and he grazes them lightly.

Your back arches at his touch, moaning. He resumes touching you, grazing your chest lightly over your bra, he doesn't even tug at it but touches gently but you feel your nipples harden under his touch.

"Shit Y/n, your body..," he moans as his lips leaves your and goes down your neck to the top of your chest over your shirt.

He looks back at you as he plays with the hem of your shirt. You take his hand and pull your shirt upward and upward until it exposes your covered breasts and you remove your shirt throwing it aside.

His hands follow his lips as he goes towards the valley of your chest. He nips at the skin of your chest but he's moaning, he's lost in your touch. He doesn't even realise when he tugs sharper than usual until he hears you moan loudly.

He doesn't give a second thought instead he slips his hand behind and unclasps your bra, slipping it off your chest. You suddenly realize the way your body is exposed to his. You're undressed the same but it's been so long since he's touched you, since he has looked at you in the way that he's looking at you now.

"Beautiful.. so beautiful, no one compares to you, no one," he whispers as his lips kiss your chest again. With one hand he grazes over your left nipple and you moan. You feel heat travelling straight down between your legs. You've felt it since his lips have touched you but you can't ignore it anymore. You were desperate for more, you needed more from him, from his body.

And as if he could read the demands in your head, he takes your right breast in his mouth. Your hand immediately falls into his hair and you whine, you moan, whimpering his name. He sucks ever so gently, softly suckling at your breasts like a man starved and your moans only encourage him to take it further in his mouth.

"Fuck Jin," you almost scream when Jin pulls at your nipple and gently bites it with his teeth and smothers by sucking on it. You feel him smile at your reaction.

"Already screaming my name? We've just started, baby," his voice filled with pure lust. His eyes are filled with pure desire for you, pure desperation. You liked that look in his eyes.

"Keep your eyes on me," he only says it once before he gives your left nipple the same attention as your right one. His left hand applies the same pull at your right nipple, pinching, pulling, rolling it between his fingers. Not for a moment does he think he wants to give you rest. You were a moaning mess at this point but he didn't care, in fact he liked the way his name kept falling out of your mouth. He liked the way your chest rose for his attention, the way he could feel your heart race, the way every time he would pull at your nipples your back would arch more for him to take more of you.

He liked this, hell he loved the way your body was reacting to every touch and he would go on the whole night but he was hard now. He had ignored it for so long but he couldn't ignore it anymore. The hardness between his own legs was unavoidable. He too wanted to feel more of you. He wanted to feel your body around him, the way your body would clench around his dick and just that thought alone made his dick harder than before.

Only his lips leave your breasts, his hands still there kneading them. His lips travelling down your body and your head falls back as he reaches your lower waist and pulls at your bottom.

He takes them off your legs and throwing them somewhere across the room. His lips don't rest even for a moment. He kisses right above the band of your panties making your hands fall on the sheets, grabbing, pulling at them to try and reduce the sensations you were feelings.

"Fuck, so wet for me, Baby," he moans kissing over your clothed clit. You lose it, you lose it. You moan loudly as he suckles at your clothed clit. How was this so pleasurable? Not even grabbing onto the sheets was helping you anymore.

"Do you want it?" He asks as if he didn't already know but he still seeks your permission. He slides your panty to the side, lingering his fingers over you.

He pulls apart bringing his lips to his mouth, wetting his own fingers before reaching down to touch you again and you forget your response, only whimpering at his actions.

"Words Y/n," you hated him, his stupid mouth for making your feel like you're on fire.

"yes, fuck, yes, Jin." That was the encouragement he needed before he goes down and pulls away your panties completely and kisses your clit. His fingers insert you all at the same instance leaving you arching, moaning mess.

You were sure if in that moment someone stood outside your apartment they would know you were being wrecked by a beautiful man with soft lips because his kiss alone on your clit made you feel feral.

To make it worse, he removed his fingers from your witness and dragged a long lick across your opening, applying pressure at your clit. Jin's name kept falling out of your mouth as if you were worshipping him but you were in a state of delirium. How could his mouth feel so good on you? Why was he so skilled at taking your clit in his mouth and sucking on it?

Your hand falls into his hair and pulls at them harshly but he doesn't stop, he sucked you in, he sucked all your wetness into his mouth like he's been thirsty for days. His tongue laps at your clit like never before. No one has ever made you feel this way like he does. He had barely begun but you felt close to cumming.

You keep feeling his lips sucking at your clit, his tongue licking it between but you scream loudly when you feel his wet fingers replace his tongue.

"Keep screaming, Baby. Keep screaming but I'm not stopping. Not tonight."

Fuck. He was so hot for this.

You shake your head with pure pleasure as he circles your clit with his middle finger. Whimpers fall off your lips as you feel double attacked by his tongue entering you. How did you land in this situation, you could no longer care instead you thank heavens that let you feel Kim Seok-Jin fall between your legs.

Your chest rises, your breath choking with moans of pleasure, "Jin, fuck- I can't."

"Can't what baby?" He doesn't give you a break though. You try to pull him upward but he takes your hand and intertwines your fingers with his other hands and pins it against your belly.

"Shit- Jin, please, please.." what were you pleading for?!

"Cum on my tongue. Just once. I promise I'll make it easy."

You knew it wasn't going to be easy. It was never going to be easy, this was Jin you're talking about. He licks you again, his tongue going in and out of you again. His tongue swirling inside you as if he was trying to emboss his names on the inside of your walls. You pull at your intervened hands to no avail. He was in complete control of your body, he had your body in the palms of his hands.

The moment he feels your legs trying to close in on him, he shakes his head, raising his head only for a moment, looking at you, "No Y/n. Spread for me, spread."

You had no option but to fall your legs open. It felt sinful but your body was crying for more. Your body was shaking for more, your lips were calling for more. And his mouth, he was pulling you into him over and over again.

"Cum for me, baby, cum." And with that Jin circled your clit faster than before while his tongue resumed lapping onto your insides. He kept doing it, kept licking and sucking and circling until your head falls back and you scream cumming all over his mouth. He doesn't stop, instead he keeps drinking you, keeps swirling inside you until you're all spent out.

"Fuck, Y/n, tastes so sweet," you feel him smile. He raises his head to look at you collapsed into the pillow. He smirks proudly at your ruined state and he kisses your clit again.

You hiss at the contact, you're sensitive. But he keeps kissing, his tongues softly flickering your nub and sucking gently.

"Jin, please, I'm sensitive," you moan. He still doesn't stop, he sucks at your clit again but you were able to stop him this time. You pulled his head away harshly.

He finally understands and climbs back over on top of you. When he comes just across your face, he cups your face with one hand and smiles at you.

"You're so beautiful."

You keep looking at him and you realize in that moment why you never loved anyone after him.

You still only wanted him. Just him and nobody else.

He pushes your messy hair off your forehead and behind your ear before he kisses your forehead, "think you can give me one more?"

You gulped. How was he so gentle and seductive at the same time?

You nod. He smiles at you before he leans down and kisses you again.

This time your hand trail down his chest towards the waistband of his jeans. When you palm him through his jeans, he moans pathetically.

He wanted you all the same.

"Fuck Y/n," he hisses as you keep palming him more.

When you undo his button his head falls to the crook of your neck, taking your earlobe into his mouth, making you moan.

You push his jeans down, pulling his underwear with it and he helps you take it off. You finally feel him naked against your body. The way his hard length lay atop your stomach.

You reach his length again, this time without anything obstructing you and you fist it in your palm. Your hand moves up and down his length, momentarily swiping precum against his head. This makes his kisses along your neck messy. He pulls away your neck and stubbornly forces his moans into your mouth. With every moan he chokes on in your mouth as if you owned him, you moved your hand faster. Every once in a while you kept swiping your fingers at the head making him lose his composure making all his kisses teethy.

When he finally felt that he couldn't take it anymore he pulled your hand away from his dick and pinned it against your head.

"I can't wait anymore. Need you. Need to feel you around me." He breathes and you nod.

You pull apart for a moment reaching your nightstand drawer and pulling out a condom from it.

"Haven't been on pills." He smiles shyly kissing your cheek taking it from your hands, pulling the wrapping open and covering his dick with the condom.

After putting it on he grabs his length with one hand and taps it over your clit making you moan. He loves the moan that slips out of you so he keeps doing that. In between he swipes it across your slicked opening, all wet and waiting for him but he doesn't push in yet. Your moans keep getting louder and louder as he keeps doing it but when you feel him twitch against you, he finally pushes it across your opening.

"Ready?" He asks and you nod. You needed him more than ever now.

He finally pushes his length past your opening, stretching you out slowly.

"Fuck, so tight,- shit! you're- feel so good."

You bite your lips, your breath stopping. Fuck, he was big. You had forgotten how his dick had felt inside you.

"Breath for me," he reminds you, his other hand reaching down and circling your clit, stimulating more pleasure. It makes the stretch a little easier but nonetheless he was big and Jin seemed to want it all inside you.

Once he's finally fully inside you he moans at the feeling of you around him, curses falling off his constantly, appreciating how you're taking him so well. When he moves to adjust, you stifle a cry, the pain was new but pleasurable. He gives you more time to adjust, kissing you, reminding you to keep breathing. When you finally felt like you needed more, you moved slowly.

"Fuck, warn me before you do that," he hisses, holding your waist against the bed with one hand. You can see his face, all scrunched up, all fucked out. He was a mess for you, you couldn't say you weren't the same. When you try to move again, he kissed you harshly and this time he doesn't wait to pull back and thrust into you hardly.

He eats out your loud moans as he does that a couple more times. He wasn't fast but every thrust he put into you was hard, deep and slow which made it worse because with every thrust he was touching parts of you that you've waited so long to be touched. Parts that only he had ever touched.

Your legs lock behind him trying to pull him closer to your body and Jin finally takes your actions into consideration and starts moving faster.

"Shit- baby, you're clenching- squeezing me-" he moans, his body rocking into you.

"Jin- baby- fuck so good" the words had barely slipped out of your lips when Jin's pace faltered.

"Call me that again?" He moans into your ears. Your free hand trails up his back, into his hair.

"baby.."

Was it a trigger? It felt like it because after hearing you call him baby, Jin started fucking you into oblivion, his pace changing to hard and fast thrusts. He was fucking you like he meant it, fulfilling his promise of showing you exactly just how much he missed you, how much he has missed you wrapped around him. Your name falling off his lips in between the moans.

Your curses changed into screams as he started hitting that sweet spot, abusing it over and over again. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew exactly how to drive you crazy, how to edge you over and over again, bringing you to tears.

"Fuck- I'm- i'm going to cum Jin,"

He shook his head, "not now, not-" thrusts, "not so soon." But you couldn't take it anymore, you really couldn't and you tell him that.

"Just a little more,- just- fuck- just a little more." And with that he leans back, sitting on his knees and changes your position, he takes your waist in his hands, raising you off the bed and fucked you again, and again, and again until you were crumbling, collapsing in pleasure.

Your body was shaking, your thighs hurting, your hands were trying to grab onto anything, the sheets, the pillow, his hands but none of it stopped him from rocking into you hard enough to make your bed creak. It felt like he was marking you as his own, reminding you that nobody has ever made you feel this way, that nobody ever gets to make you feel this way.

"Fuck, Jin-please." You whimpered clenching around him involuntarily. It felt like he was never going to stop, it didn't feel like he wanted to stop at all and that thought alone made you clench harder against him.

His pace falters, he twitches inside you and you clench again.

He falls on top of you again, his lips smashing over your lips briefly then his head falls back as you keep clenching again. This was by far the loudest he had moaned, no he was whining, whimpering with you.

"Fuc- Y/n, you're going to make me cum-"

"Cum with me, baby, cum with me."

And he loses it, he really loses it. It doesn't take long before you reach your climax. He keeps fucking you as you cum around him, his orgasm following into you soon after.

Tired, ruined, wrecked, you feel Jin's body collapse on top of you. You both try to regain your breath and it takes a couple of minutes before you're able to be normal.

"Y/n, this was-"

"everything you've missed?" you tease lightly, your brain no longer foggy.

You feel him smile against your neck. He lifts his head and smiles at you before leaning down to press a soft kiss, "Everything I've missed."

He finally collapses next to you, tossing the condom in the trash. He covers you both with sheets and turned sideways to look at you.

You were far too tired for anything but even in this ruined state, he looked gorgeous.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" You finally ask.

His hands pulls you close and he intertwines your fingers with his, "Just missed you. Trying to memorize your face."

You blush.

"I've missed you." You finally confess. Something passes behind his eyes, it wasn't pain, it was the comfort after pain.

"Did you really think I didn't care about you? That I forgot about that night?" He sincerely asked.

You nodded, "It didn't feel like you cared. It feels weird to admit it now but I waited for you to contact me. Thought about it for so long."

He was looking at you innocently, nothing compared to the lust from a couple of minutes before, "You didn't seem to feel the same, that's why I didn't. I was a mess after you, thinking about how badly I messed up with you, what I had lost since you've been gone but I didn't know how to tell you that. And I felt like an asshole after talking to you that night, thought I was forcing myself onto you so I didn't. I didn't want to repeat any mistakes this time."

"But you said you wanted to be with me?" He was now playing with your fingers.

"I wanted to, I still want to but I want to prove to you that I'm worth it this time. I actually want to be the man that you'd want."

Hearing his words, the commitment behind it, you lean forward pressing a kiss to his lips, "You've always been the man I want to be with Jin."

He smiled. His hands leave yours and caress your face, running his thumb along your cheek, "If you're going to be with me this time, there's no breaking up. Its going to be you and me, always, do you think you want that?"

"Do you want that?"

"I want that, Y/n. I want you."

"Then let's start anew."

And everything else seemed to fade into the background. In that moment nothing else mattered, not your past, nor his mistakes, just you and him. Together. Again.