hamlindigopink|sheher

i have severe food poisoning right now and no one besides immediate family has checked up on me (all of which left out of town for sister's game tournament). i feel very lonely and no one has contacted me besides asking for their own help or just to talk - no one wants to hangout or know how i'm doing despite the fact i havent texted anyone back in an entire day, some people up to 3 (which is abnormal for me im very chronically online). part of me wants to wallow so badly in how much it hurts that i dont have anyone looking out for me and paint myself as the victim (in which i honestly kind of am here), but part of me recognizes that this kind of dependency on other's actions for my mood is exactly what keeps me trapped and regressed in BPD. so, i'm deciding, as much as it sucks and hurts and i wish someone would reach out, i can't control what other people do and ultimately need to realize that A. i can still enjoy my own company without needing others and B. it's likely not about me - other people get busy and selfish and don't realize (nor need to) how their own slight ignorance may affect me. what hurts me is simply an oversight to them, therefore, i shouldn't take it so personally. however, i cant change what others did or didn't do, and again, it sucks, but i can only focus on what i can do about it.