chaotic optimist

I think i find it hard to be happy because no one seems to notice just how unhappy i am

When something good happens, do you ever get the urge to just ruin it? Like crush the perfect paper boat you made. Smash the plate of food in your hand. Bang your head against the wall because you thought you could be happy?

After a point in life, you can never do the right thing. I mean, whatever you do, someone's gonna try to make you feel bad about it. And that someone is often you. It takes conscious effort to accept your choices. Feel good about yourself. Heck! It's take effort to allow yourself to be happy.

Friends suck

Bitches be bitchin

Sometimes, I wish I was a rock. But now that I think of it, how much of this (vaguely gestures towards the world) am I willing to miss upon? Bread and butter on a quiet morning. A cold glass of water when I'm especially thirsty. Getting under blankets when the AC gets too cold. Listening to a song on repeat for hours. Laughing with my friends. You know the list can go on and on. Even though the happiness from these moments may not last long, they are there quite enough. I don't want to be a rock, because I want to have bread and butter, drink water when I'm thirsty, enjoy cheesy songs, stay up late enough to hear the silence of roads, and wake up to the humdrum of an ordinary human life.

Hot take games are more fun when they are on someone else's phone

tbh if someone holds my hands right now I'll start crying