────ANGST BELOW────

You thought missing Leonardo would get easier with time. Everyone told you it would. The days would pass, your heart would heal, and one morning you'd wake up without him being your first thought.

They were wrong.

If anything, you missed him more now than you did the day you broke up.

Every little thing reminded you of him. Blue bandanas hanging in storefront windows. The smell of rain after a summer storm. The rooftops stretching across Manhattan. You couldn't look up at the skyline without wondering where he was...or if he was even thinking about you at all.

You still visited the lair from time to time. Mostly to see April. Sometimes to catch up with the others. Never because you expected to see Leonardo.

But he was almost always there.

Every interaction was painfully polite.

"Hello."

"It's good to see you."

"Take care getting home."

Just enough kindness to remind you of the man you fell in love with. Never enough to make you think he wanted you back.

Mikey still wrapped you in bone-crushing hugs the second you walked through the door. Donnie still asked how work had been. Raphael still nudged your shoulder and called you "shorty."

Even Splinter welcomed you like family.

Nothing in the lair had changed.

Except Leonardo.

He no longer stood beside you without thinking. He no longer reached for your hand absentmindedly. No lingering glances. No quiet smiles that belonged only to you. You'd gone from being the person he loved...to someone he simply respected.

Sometimes you'd catch him laughing with his brothers, and it hurt more than you cared to admit. He looked...lighter. Happier. Like he'd already made peace with everything while you were still trying to figure out how to breathe without him.

Eventually, you couldn't keep pretending you were okay.

One evening you found him alone in the dojo, carefully cleaning his katanas. The rhythmic sound of cloth against steel was the only thing filling the room until he noticed you standing in the doorway.

"...Can we talk?"

He looked up, giving you the same calm expression he'd worn ever since the breakup.

"Of course."

You'd rehearsed this conversation a hundred times.

Somehow, the only words that came out were the ones you'd been trying the hardest not to say.

"...I miss you."

His hands stopped for only a moment before continuing their work."...I know."

The words hit harder than they should have. You swallowed the lump in your throat.

"Do you...miss me?"

Leonardo finally looked at you. There was no annoyance. No anger. Just quiet acceptance.

"...Missing you wouldn't change why we ended things."

You felt your chest tighten.

"I wasn't asking why." Your voice barely came out above a whisper.

"I just wanted to know if any part of you still..."

You couldn't finish.

He sighed softly, setting one of the katanas aside.

"I think it's best we don't have this conversation."

"Why?"

"Because it won't help either of us move forward."

You stared at him, hoping—praying—for some crack in that composed expression.

Anything. Regret. Hesitation.

A sign that he still loved you.

There was nothing.

"...You're holding onto something that no longer exists."

It wasn't cruel.

If anything...

That made it worse.

Your eyes burned, but you refused to cry in front of him."...I understand."

It was a lie.

You turned before he could see your composure finally slipping.

"...I'll see you around, Leo."

You didn't. After that day, you stopped coming to the lair.

Mikey asked where you'd gone.

Donnie quietly changed the subject whenever your name came up.

Leonardo never asked where you were.

If anyone mentioned you, he'd simply nod once and say,

"...I hope they're doing well."

And somehow, that hurt the most.

Because you were still trying to find a way back to him...

While he'd already accepted there was no going back at all.

A/N: I love writing angst

also idk if this counts as hc's but let's pretend it does...ok?

he would have taken the oath on one knee, his sword laid before your father, his head bowed as he swore that your life would always come before his own.

every word would have carried weight because leonardo has never treated promises lightly. from that day onward, he would become your shadow.

every hallway you walked, every royal gathering, every ride beyond the castle walls—he would always be there, silent, disciplined, watchful.

at first, you were simply his duty.

then somewhere between stolen conversations in empty corridors and quiet rides through the castle gardens, duty slowly became something much more dangerous.

leo would fight against his feelings harder than anyone ever could. he would convince himself that loving you is selfish, dishonorable, and a betrayal of the king’s trust.

every time you smiled at him, every time your fingers accidentally brushed while he helped you down from your horse, he would immediately take a respectful step back, forcing distance between you both.

he would spend countless sleepless nights kneeling in the castle chapel, asking for the strength to bury feelings that only seemed to grow stronger. the tragedy is that no amount of discipline could make him stop loving you.

you would be the one who slowly breaks through that wall. perhaps one evening you would find him alone training beneath the moonlight, striking the wooden post over and over until his hands bled beneath his gloves.

when you asked why he pushed himself so mercilessly, he’d simply answer, “because if i fail… i lose more than my honor.” he would never explain what he truly meant, but the way his eyes lingered on yours for just a second too long would tell you everything.

the first time he kissed you would feel almost like surrender. after escorting you safely back from an ambush on the road, both of you would still be shaking from the realization that you had nearly died.

you would thank him, perhaps placing your hand against his face without thinking. leo would freeze completely.

he’d whisper your title instead of your name, almost pleading for you to stop before either of you crossed a line. but when you leaned in anyway, he would finally give in, kissing you with years of restraint breaking apart all at once.

afterward, he would rest his forehead against yours with genuine fear in his voice, quietly saying, “this can never happen again.”

neither of you would believe those words.

your meetings would become carefully planned secrets. hidden towers forgotten by servants, abandoned chapels covered in ivy, quiet sections of the royal gardens after midnight.

leo would always arrive first, checking every entrance, every shadow, making certain nobody had followed him. even during your stolen moments together, his instincts as your protector would never disappear.

he’d still listen for footsteps between kisses, still keep one hand resting on the hilt of his sword.

physical affection would always feel incredibly precious because it would be so rare. leo isn’t naturally overly affectionate in public, and in secret he would still remain gentle rather than passionate. he would hold your hand beneath his cloak while walking hidden passages.

he’d brush loose strands of your hair behind your ear before memorizing your face as though he feared it might be the last time.

when you rested against his chest, he’d wrap his arms around you carefully, almost afraid to hold you too tightly, as though he didn’t deserve even that much happiness.

every royal ball would be absolute torture. you would be dancing with noble princes your father hoped you would marry while leo stood only a few steps away in polished armor, his face completely unreadable.

nobody would notice how his jaw tightened every time another man touched your waist. nobody would notice how your eyes kept searching the room until they found him standing by the throne.

the entire kingdom would believe he was simply performing his duty. only the two of you would know your hearts were breaking in plain sight.

if another knight or noble showed obvious interest in you, leo would never interfere unless your safety was threatened.

his jealousy would be painfully quiet.

he’d simply become more reserved afterward, convincing himself that one day you would marry someone worthy of your station while he returned to being nothing more than the man guarding your chamber door.

you’d notice the distance immediately, forcing him to admit the truth. even then he’d only whisper, “you deserve a future that doesn’t end with my execution.”

he would keep little reminders of you hidden where nobody would ever think to look. perhaps a ribbon you once tied around his injured wrist, pressed between the pages of an old prayer book.

maybe a pressed flower you absentmindedly tucked into his armor after a spring festival. tiny treasures that no king would ever notice, yet worth more to leo than gold itself.

the fear of discovery would never leave either of you. every unexpected knock on a door, every servant walking around a corner too suddenly, every mention from your father asking where his captain had been that evening would send your hearts racing.

leo would constantly think through escape routes, alibis, lies he hated telling. he’d rather die than deceive the king… yet he would do exactly that every single day if it meant protecting both your secret and your life.

if the king ever became suspicious, leo would immediately place all blame upon himself. even if you begged him not to, he would kneel before the throne and claim he had manipulated the princess, that you were innocent, that any punishment should fall upon him alone.

he knows exactly what sentence would await him. he simply could never bear watching your reputation be destroyed because of choices you both made together.

the most heartbreaking part is that leo would genuinely be prepared to die for you—not just because of the oath he swore years ago, but because somewhere along the way protecting your life stopped being his duty and became the greatest privilege he had ever known.

if the executioner’s sword was the price of keeping your name untarnished and your future secure, he would kneel without resistance.