Hal Ghoul

616

When you keep on smiling through the day but you are also dying inside because you fucked over the one person that was right for you and two years later you still think about her everyday and now you can't even find solace because she was the only person that seemed to love you for who you are and now she's happy with her life and you just can't move on because it seems the world refuses to love you and pushes you aside. You then spend time trying to talk to people but you can't mentally move beyond a friendship because you have lost all confidence in yourself and there isn't a single person who seems to care. Day by day you slowly become more and more empty inside. But you are expected to be upbeat and joyful, so you pretend to be. You drink and smoke weed to numb yourself. Gradually you find yourself building a high tolerance to your chosen narcotics and find it harder to numb yourself. You then think you have found someone that may have some kind of interest in you. This leads to a dead end due to no fault on either party. But the small amount of confidence you have built gets shattered. You then lose you interest in stimulating substances and accept the empty feeling you have because it will never go away. You start to dull down in your regular social life to the point that people you consider as friends doubt you and you feel like you're intruding on their fun if you join in on their plans. Maybe one of them throws a party and you decide to go. But when they think you are out of earshot, you hear them talking about you in a way that really sticks in your mind. Your self confidence plumits even further.. Now you don't know where you stand in life, you have no place in this world. Maybe you shouldn't even be here anymore... But there's no fresh start that can change how you truly feel. I don't even know what I feel anymore..

I've lost the game before its even started... Yet I'll still pretend everything is still OK. Ignoring the fact I've been alone for two Fucking years. 5 years ago I overcame depression and suicidal tendencies... Now I feel I'm slipping back in to it due to being so Fucking lonely and people not giving a genuine Shit about my existence. I've had people walk away when I'm in mid sentence before. Obviously after I said what they wanted to hear and then they fuck off. Now I started to try to talk to a girl that I really shouldn't like. But I can't help it. And I can already see her losing what little interest may have been there. But apparently I must soldier on because it is expected of me. I'm not allowed to express these feelings, I'm not allowed to give myself any closure on the matter and I'm especially not allowed to pursue them because that is apparently wrong on my part. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to do something about all this.

When you're dumb enough to catch feelings

When a cute girl.starts getting the same bus as you every morning and you don't know how to start a conversation....... Fml

I have a lot of respect for people who choose to identify as various genders and or sexualities but please understand that just because I'm white, straight and male. It does not mean I am going to make fun/bully you. You do your thing and ill do mine. Peace brothers, sister and all other chosen variations. Have a nice day :) Ghoul