***SPOTLIGHT!***

I know my lapses... I try to spend my free time at home. But where is the free time? I do all the chores in the weekend because i know I'm always at work during the weekday.

My work is gonna kill me.

I go to church because i see that as my only solace so pardon me if i still leave the house after all my chores. That's already the only time I give to my self to keep me sane and functioning.

My work is toxic. My family is toxic. I don't want them to be... Im filled with anxiety.. I'm already (always) breaking down. My period cycle is messed up. I keep on gaining weight. My hair is a mess. My skin is dry. My eyes are droopy. Im always sick. My back is always aching.

Do i need to tell you that to understand every bit of pain that im going through??? I don't feel like i need to... I know you wouldn't understand. None of you will understand.

I try to get as much sleep as i can at night so that i can get through every day. I spend my money for stuff that everyone can enjoy at home .. Food and other stuff.. Even if i wont get to use it nor have it.

I am no where near being a saint. Im just trying to give you all that i can with the little time and resources i have in my everyday.

What else do you want me to do?

You don't feel the hurt anymore.

You don't feel the pain.