Not today Justin
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หลานม่า (How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies)
— 2024, dir. Pat Boonnitipat
the advice "do today 1% better than yesterday" does not work for me because my brain doesn't like the mathematical quantification of my experience and also it makes me feel like i am not doing well-enough. i do not like that it implies being a person is a perfect upwards line.
it is better to say make today 1% better. there are things you can do right now that will make today 1% better than it currently is. it is not being held in competition with your past self nor is it putting pressure on your future self.
it's okay if today is a bad day. you could maybe brush your teeth. you could probably do a 5-minute meditation. you might be able to get a glass of water. for style points you could even attempt to wash your face, even if it's more like splashing around in the sink. raising the type of day by 1% is better than throwing the entire day in the bin.
sometimes you will get to the 1% and that will be the end of your energy, but you did make it 1% better, and it will feel good to have attempted it. sometimes the 1% will roll into 2% which will roll into 50%, which is delightful. 1% is often very-doable. even just shifting your pillows so your neck isn't getting a crick counts as a 1% effort.
there will be days where the 1% will not be doable, and you will actively be fighting yourself from making it worse. that is okay. but one of the things that i have learned from doing this (as someone with impulse control issues) is that i often stop myself and say is this going to make it better or worse? sometimes the answer is worse and i don't care. but sometimes my 1% of effort is actually not doing something. i decide i am too-tired, i shouldn't go out tonight. i decide that i am making a bad choice. i decide to stay-still, and that is my 1%. i am doing better, slowly.
today was a bad day, i struggled to get out of bed. but i just made myself do 3 minutes of yoga. it is barely anything. and let me tell you: i feel fucking excellent.
i love you. i hope you give yourself 1%.

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Came across this on the cover of an old magazine at work today. It was published in Epic magazine in the early 1980s. It’s called ‘Self Portrait, with Wings’ by Barry Windsor-Smith.
strangers from hell (2019)/ "the god of peace" from naoki urasawa's monster (1994-2001)/ BTS, 애매한 사이 (young love)/ susan howe, singularities (1990)/ claudia durastanti, strangers (2022)/ "자기"/"jagi" etymology by kirby cho on reddit/ mabel podcast (2017), episode 28/ junji ito's uzumaki (2000)
A-File | Tony Leung for Amoeba Magazine, January 1999

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He remembers those vanished years. As though looking through a dusty window pane, the past is something he could see, but not touch. And everything he sees is blurred and indistinct.
IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE (2000) dir. Wong Kar-wai.
CHUNGKING EXPRESS (1994) // FALLEN ANGELS (1995) Dir. Wong Kar-Wai
The body loses water when you jog… so you have none left for tears.
CHUNGKING EXPRESS 重庆森林 (1994) dir. Wong Kar-wai
“With this autumn wind’s sound, I find myself waiting for you.”
— Ono No Komachi, tr. by Jane Hirshfield and Mariko Oratani, from The Ink Dark Moon Love Poems by Ono No Komachi and Izumi Shikibu

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ALICIA WITT as
Alia Atreides in Dune (1984) Ruth Harker in Longlegs (2024)
Me: I hear your argument that the title character in Saint Maud is narcissistic, and I'm not saying you're wrong, but I think that is less important than that she's lonely. The choreographer she's in love with says so, right to her! For a lot of people, when they're desperate to believe in god, it's not because they want a security blanket, it's because they want someone omnipresent who loves them. If you lose your faith, that comfort is very hard to get back, so you're stuck between abandoning it all and going forward alone and forsaken, or miming the actions of a true believer and desperately hoping you can fake it till you make it. And meanwhile the rest of the world just doesn't get why you're making such a big deal out of this, and in Maud's case, even viewing her with pity or laughter. In the real world, we just have to accept this as part of life and stumble towards wherever our spirituality goes, but if you're the main character of a psychological horror movie-
Some horror movie youtuber whose house I've broken into: I'm calling the police.