what once was that will never be
daldeoksu ;
it’s been years and he knows he shouldn’t, there’s a line drawn immediately between them and he can feel the tension constrict. he shouldn’t be showing such care, a consideration he no longer should be able to feel but he does because that’s who he was. despite all his fickleness, his kindness knows no bounds and it’s there on his sleeve for all to see. and for this instance, for seora. watching with apprehensive hues at the way she tips and the smile she dons and he knows something is wrong. years have faded them but he knows still too much, too little – all the wrongs he’s done her and he wears them brazenly because he can’t ever really hide from them.
no matter what, they’d always be there.
history would always know what he did, no one better than seora. his guilt had consumed him once before and though this comes as no sentiment for repetence, he offers her his sights, although wary of crossing a line he no longer was able to tiptoe.
“i’m sorry, your highness. i was just concerned.”
she doesn’t wish to listen to a single word he says. because if she were to listen to closely, she would fool herself into thinking that he stilled cared. and perhaps the male truly did still care for her. after all, he still held a spot in her heart, one that she would never give to anyone else.
it was the fact that he didn’t deserve to care for her. not anymore, and definitely not now. she was no fool, but for choi deoksu, it seemed she was nothing but a fool. allowing herself to act on these foolish thoughts would only hurt her further. and while she was never one to truly wear her heart on her sleeve, the alcohol coursing through her system urged her to give her heart a break. to allow it to breathe in some fresh air, to display it for everyone to see.
let him see what he’s done. like a devil on her shoulder, her thoughts push her to hurt him. to see a brief look of pain flicker across his face would satisfy her, at least that what she believes. yet deep down she knows that it will do nothing. acting upon the bitterness she feels would be disastrous for not only her, but everyone involved.
the heart wants what the heart wants. that’s what she told herself on those nights she felt herself losing control. but even now as she repeats it like a broken record, she struggles to keep the sharp words from leaving her lips. “your concern is no longer befitting upon me. do well to remember that.”
because no matter what it was, it seemed her heart would never get what it wanted.










