Thoughts

And then it will hit you Right in the midst of the most uneventful day, while doing the most mundane task. It will hit you, and it will hit you hard. So hard you can feel it creeping its way from your chest to every tip of your extremities Your fingers, your toes, your hair, even your eyelashes. And it stays there, never escapes. It stays within you, until you succumb your whole being to it. And from within you it grows. It grows above you like canopy and dark clouds Looming over your existence and blocking the tiny specks of light from getting to you Until all you are, and all you’ll ever be, is darkness. Not pain, not insanity, but deafening silence and void.

I remember the days and nights When keeping my sanity was a fight Everyday was a battle, Getting up was a struggle Most of those moments are now a blur Why I felt like that - I’m not sure I’m just glad I feel better now I didn’t know I was sick somehow I’m stronger than my sadness It’s my weapon not my weakness The darkness helps me see what’s bright And at the end of the dark tunnel there will be light

It takes a lot of courage to turn our backs to the things that made us happy. But what good does a momentary happiness do against the never-ending cycle of pain? Life is suffering, and pain may be inevitable. But what we don’t realize is that we have the power to choose what pain hurts us. Distance yourself. Take that first step away from what hurts you.

After thinking it through, I came across a stunning realization: I made a big fool out of myself for you, even when you didn’t really ask for it. But, i’m over being a fool. I realized that all this time, I should have given to myself what I gave to you. I am done begging for scraps of your attention because I’ll be getting plenty from myself.