Hyein straightened in her chair and leaned toward her microphone with the seriousness of a news anchor about to deliver breaking headlines.

“Welcome back to Ban Male Podcast,” she announced dramatically. “The only podcast where men lose points for breathing too loudly.”

“Actually,” Wonhee corrected, adjusting her headphones and pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, “they lose points for breathing and then expecting applause for it.”

Ian snorted loudly.

You immediately laughed into your mic, trying, and failing, to keep a straight face.

“Today’s episode is called Bare Minimum Behaviour: Are We Impressed?”

“Short answer?” Wonhee asked.

“No,” all four of you answered in perfect unison.

The studio erupted into soft laughter. 

“Before we begin,” Ian said once the laughter finally died down, “we have a very special guest today.”

Your attention shifted to the empty chair beside her.

The door opened a second later.

A blonde girl stepped inside, waving enthusiastically at everyone as if she had walked into a reunion instead of a podcast recording. Her bright smile immediately filled the room with energy.

“Hi!”

“Stella!” Wonhee practically screamed, shooting up from her seat.

“You’re way too excited,” Stella laughed.

“You don’t understand,” Wonhee said, pointing dramatically at Ian. “We finally have someone who can verify whether Ian is actually a functioning human being outside of this podcast.”

“Unfortunately,” Stella sighed as she dropped into the empty chair, “I can confirm she is.”

Ian pressed a hand against her chest.

“That’s devastating.”

“Trust me,” Stella continued. “I was disappointed too.”

“Wow.”

“I’m just being honest.”

“See?” Ian turned toward you. “This is workplace bullying.”

“You don’t work here,” you replied.

“That somehow makes it worse.”

More laughter echoed through the studio.

While Stella got settled and adjusted the spare headphones, Ian introduced her properly to the listeners. They had known each other for years, making her the perfect person to provide embarrassing stories whenever necessary, which, according to everyone except Ian, would be frequently.

After a few quick introductions and several more jokes at Ian’s expense, the group finally managed to regain some semblance of professionalism. Well, as professional as any of you ever got.

“Alright,” Hyein said, glancing at her notes. “Let’s get into today’s topic before Ian gets cancelled by her own guest.”

“Too late,” Stella said.

“I hate you.”

“Bare minimum,” Wonhee continued, ignoring them both, “is something we hear about constantly. A guy washes a dish, and suddenly people are acting like he deserves a Nobel Prize.”

“A guy remembers his girlfriend’s birthday,” Hyein added.

“That’s not even the bare minimum,” you said. “That’s literally just remembering a date.”

“Exactly.”

“Somehow the standards are in hell, and people still manage to trip over them,” Wonhee said.

“Oh, I have stories.”

The enthusiasm in Stella’s voice immediately caught everyone’s attention.

You grinned.

“We live for stories.”

“Good,” she replied. “Because I once knew a guy who said, ‘I respect women.’”

The room fell silent.

Not thoughtful silence. Confused silence. Anticipation silence.

You blinked. Hyein blinked. Wonhee blinked. Ian blinked.

Nobody spoke for a full second.

“And?” Ian asked.

Stella stared at her. “Nothing. He expected everyone to praise him.”

The reaction was immediate.

“No, because that’s literally the baseline!” Wonhee cried, throwing both hands into the air.

“Congratulations!” Hyein announced in her best award-show voice. “You meet the minimum requirements for participation in society!”

You pretended to clap.

“Here’s your medal.”

“Here’s your certificate.”

“Here’s your sticker.”

“Would you like a cookie?” Ian added.

Stella nodded solemnly. “He genuinely thought it made him special.”

The studio exploded into disbelief.

“That’s like saying, ‘Guys, you’ll never believe this, but I don’t kick puppies,’” Hyein said.

“Thank you for your service,” Ian replied dryly.

“Heroic, really.”

“Truly inspiring.”

You shook your head, laughing. “I need men to understand that not being terrible doesn’t automatically make you amazing.”

“Exactly!” Wonhee agreed immediately.

“Like, if your best personality trait is that you’re not actively making everyone’s life worse, we have a problem.”

“That’s not a green flag,” Stella said.

“That’s the absence of a red flag,” Ian corrected. “Those are different things.”

The conversation rolled on from there, each example somehow making the previous one seem reasonable.

Stories came flying from every direction.

Men who cleaned after themselves and suddenly want to be called “house husbands.”

Men who remembered a thing once and expected gratitude for the next six months.

Men who replied to texts with complete sentences and acted like they deserved an Oscar in communication.

Men who took care of their own children for an afternoon and referred to it as “babysitting.”

Every example somehow got worse.

“Wait,” Stella said suddenly, laughing before she could even finish. “I remembered another one.”

The group immediately groaned.

“Oh no.”

“Not the laugh.”

“The laugh means it’s bad.”

“It is bad,” Stella confirmed.

She covered her face for a second. “A guy once told me, completely seriously, that he’d make an incredible boyfriend because he’d never cheated on anyone.”

You all genuinely laughed at that.

“You don’t get loyalty points for doing what you’re supposed to do!” Wonhee shouted.

“That’s literally the expectation!”

“That’s like applying for a job and putting ‘arrives conscious’ on your résumé,” Ian said.

Hyein slapped the desk. “Basic requirement.”

“Minimum qualification.”

“Entry-level human behavior.”

By now, everyone was laughing too hard to maintain any form of order. Even the producer behind the glass was visibly struggling.

You wiped tears from your eyes.

“The problem,” you said once you could breathe again, “is that somewhere along the way, people started treating basic decency like exceptional effort.”

The others nodded.

“Exactly,” Stella agreed.

“And then when nobody throws a parade for them, they act offended.”

“Because they wanted credit,” Ian said.

“For being normal.”

“For being functional.”

“For meeting expectations.”

The silence that followed lasted exactly two seconds.

“Anyway. If you’re listening and your biggest flex is respecting women…”

“Raise your standards,” all five of you said at once.

Hyein then suddenly turned toward you, as if summoned.

The second you saw the look on her face, your stomach dropped. It was the same expression she got whenever she was about to expose someone.

“Actually…”

You pointed at her. “No.”

The grin on her face only widened.

“Yn.”

“No.”

“Yn.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Tell us about your recent dating scandal.”

The studio exploded.

You immediately dropped your head onto the table. “Oh, my God.”

“What dating scandal?” Stella asked.

Wonhee looked personally offended. “You don’t know?”

“No.”

“Girl.”

Ian leaned into her microphone. “Our Yn recently got photographed with a man.”

Stella gasped dramatically. “No.”

“Yes.”

“Outside?”

“Outside.”

“Disgusting.”

You buried your face deeper into the desk. “We literally released statements already.”

“Exactly,” Hyein said.

“So there was absolutely no reason to bring it up again.”

“There was every reason.”

“No, there wasn’t.”

“Yes, there was.”

You sat upright. “The statements were released. The issue was resolved. The public moved on.”

Nobody said anything.

You looked around the table. Nobody looked convinced.

“The public moved on,” you repeated.

Wonhee barked out a laugh. “Yn.”

“What?”

“The public is never moving on.”

Your eyes widened. “Why would you say that?”

“Because now there’s podcast evidence.”

“There doesn’t need to be podcast evidence!”

“There is now.”

“It’s getting worse every day.”

Ian was practically glowing.

“For legal reasons, we’d like to thank you for bringing it up first.”

“I didn’t bring it up!”

“You literally just explained the scandal timeline.”

“That’s not the same thing!”

“It is.”

“It absolutely is.”

Stella curiously leaned forward.

“So what actually happened?”

“Nothing.”

“That means something happened.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Yn.”

You sighed.

“We were celebrating with our manager.”

“Mhm.”

“Everyone left.”

“Mhm.”

“I was waiting for my cab.”

“And?”

“And that’s it.”

The silence was immediate. The four girls stared at you. You stared back.

“…What?”

“That’s not it,” Ian said.

“That is literally it.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“You left out half the story.”

“There is no half.”

“There absolutely is.”

You pointed at her.

“Traitor.”

“You told me this.”

“In confidence.”

“There was no confidence.”

“There was implied confidence.”

“There was absolutely no implied confidence.”

Wonhee was already cackling. 

Stella still looked confused. “What did she leave out?”

Ian smiled. The smile of someone who had been waiting for this moment.

“He stayed with her until the cab arrived.”

The room lost it.

“No.”

“He waited? At night? Voluntarily?”

You threw your hands into the air.

“Can we please raise the standards?”

“We are!” Hyein yelled.

“You’re the one making him sound good.”

“I am not!”

“You are.”

“I literally just described standing.”

“Standing thoughtfully,” Stella corrected.

You stared at her.

“Whose side are you on?”

“The entertainment side.”

The betrayal was unbelievable.

Ian continued.

“And then—”

“Don’t say it.”

“You spent the whole week saying it was just basic human decency.”

“Because it is.”

“But every time we talked about him, you added another detail.”

You froze. The room immediately noticed.

“Oh?”

“Oh, that’s interesting.”

“No.”

“What details?” Stella asked.

“There were no details.”

Ian ignored you.

“‘He waited for the cab.’”

You closed your eyes.

“‘He opened the door for her.’”

“Oh, my God.”

“‘He made sure she got home safely.’”

“Stop talking.”

But the screaming had already started.

You immediately stood up.

“I am leaving.”

“You can’t.”

“I can and I will.”

“Sit down.”

You sat back down.

“Thank you.”

“I hate all of you.”

Wonhee was crying laughing.

“Why do you remember all of this?”

“Because you people keep bringing it up.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Stella tilted her head.

“Can you tell me what you had for lunch three days ago?”

You paused. “…No.”

“Can you remember what Wonhee got you for your birthday two years ago?”

“…No.”

“Can you remember every detail of this one dinner?”

The room became deadly quiet.

You opened your mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again.

No words came out.

The screaming was immediate.

“That’s insane.”

“Yn!”

“This is a hostile work environment.”

“This is investigative journalism.”

“It is not.”

“It absolutely is.”

You covered your face.

The worst part? You could remember everything.

Not because the moments were huge, not because they were romantic, but because they had felt intentional. Thoughtful.

The realization arrived slowly. And as usual for everything that concerned him, annoyingly.

The room’s laughter faded enough for Stella to speak.

“You know what I think?”

“No.”

“I think you remember because none of those things were actually necessary.”

You looked up. “What?”

“He didn’t have to wait.”

The room grew quieter.

“He didn’t have to walk you outside. He didn’t have to check whether you got home.”

Stella shrugged. “Those aren’t massive gestures.”

“Definitely not,” Ian agreed.

“But they’re choices.”

You looked down at the table.

The wood grain blurred beneath your gaze.

That was the annoying part. You’d spent days arguing that they were basic decency. And maybe they were.

But basic decency was still a choice.

He could’ve left. Could’ve gone home. Could’ve assumed you were fine.

Instead, he’d stayed.

Not because anyone was watching. Not because cameras were there. Not because he’d gain anything from it.

He’d just wanted to make sure you got home safely.

The realization settled uncomfortably in your chest.

Across the table, Wonhee noticed your expression immediately.

“Oh.”

“No.”

“Oh, my God.”

“No.”

“She gets it now.”

“I do not.”

“She does.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”

“You literally have the realization face.”

“There is no realization face.”

“There absolutely is.”

You pointed at everyone.

“This is exactly why we released statements.”

The room burst into laughter again.

“The issue was settled.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Yes, it was.”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“Yn,” Hyein said.

“What?”

“The public might’ve moved on.”

You narrowed your eyes.

“But?”

“But we’re never letting this go.”

The entire studio erupted. You dropped your forehead onto the desk.

“This is exactly why dating scandals exist.”