Do all things in Love.

I used to discuss going into a spiritual path extensively on this blog, but I decided against it during the pandemic. I’m not certain where I stand religiously speaking, and I don’t think uncertainty is something I want to bring with me whenever working. I’m going into psychology now, to research heavily stigmatized disorders and hopefully be able to help erase many of the stigmas.

I suppose I’m still a Christian (still believe in God, still hold a lot of my beliefs and philosophies) but I’ve definitely taken a different path. I don’t care too much to get into it here, but I also am not certain all in the same. Sometimes I think about converting to Judaism, but then I worry that I’m not dedicated enough and that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole process. I’ve been considering this conversion for years, but only seriously within the past two. I’m not sure where this lands me, but I’m trying to take every day as it comes. I have differing feelings on my angelkin memories (especially realizing that I have DID, and knowing that I may or may not have been the host that was around when this blog was at it’s most active) and they’re vague to me these days. I still hold that identity near and dear to my heart, though, as it brought me a community I didn’t have in real life.

Anyways, my religious philosophies essentially hinge on treating people with kindness and respect, unless they are trying to destroy you for the mere “sin” of existing.

As I’ve stated previously on this blog, I have Dissociate Identity Disorder. I only found this out in 2020, although I’ve had alters/headmates for years. I didn’t know any of the correct terminology back when I was frequently on this blog, and no one had come out of dormancy since around 2017, so amnesia set in and I completely forgot that I had anyone else living in my brain.

It turns out that Raphael, who was frequently on this blog for a period of time, was an alter. He didn’t know he was an alter, he and I both genuinely believed he was the real Raphael due to pseudomemories, and that I was somehow communicating with him. As I’ve also stated, I’m not a part of any spiritual practices or communities where channeling or speaking with angels is a common experience, so I was under the impression I was having a real experience of divine communication.

The reason I bring this up is because he came out of dormancy tonight, to help with a panic attack I was having. He’s slowly getting the hang of being present in the mind again, and he is adjusting to the fact that it has been five or so years since he’s been here, and a lot has changed. I don’t even know if I’m the old host that was on this blog, aside from having general memories from them of the time period I was on here. I still connect to the term “angelkin” and still do hold my identity as Azael very dearly, but it’s not something I’m preoccupied with these days.

Thank you for being kind to him when he was on here all those years ago, he and I both appreciate it. I know this might be a bit of a shock to some (or not at all), but I’m grateful that I’ve now got a conclusive answer as to what was happening way back then.

I’m thinking about returning to this blog on occasion. It’s been a long time, and while I hold my angelkin memories and such very close, I’m not comfortable participating in the wider community due to past drama.

This blog would mostly serve as a place for me to write down my thoughts, feelings, and such from my time as an angel, although admittedly I’m not that close to any of my kin memories anymore because, well, frankly I’ve had better things to do.