a long letter to people struggling with depression.
having this is not easy. when you physically fall and break your leg, people will see the outcome and wince. must have been painful, isn't it? but having depression is just as tortorous and painful, except the people around you sometimes can't at least half understand or see it. however, there are people who can understand more than others. that includes psychologists, people who are educated enough to know about it, therapists or counsellors. the experts, they have their own techniques and skills to handle it. people who are educated and nice they will not judge you, they will understand and try their best to be with you. however, at times when you're at the deepest end, it feels suffocating. Even just by being listened to do no good and when you're by yourself, you have to deal with it again. you have to deal with this gloomy cloud over you, the heavy feeling in your chest and sometimes, it feels difficult to breath. i know. i know how it feels. It is hard, really. especially seeing the people you trust not being able to grasp your condition, and at times you feel misunderstood, at times you blame yourself. honey, no. i know it is very easy to fall into self blame and self hatred, you feel like most of it is your fault..but no. it isn't. depression comes uninvited, to ANYONE at ANYTIME. and it so happen came to you. it doesn't knock on your door because you called for it. it knocked on that door and came in by itself. you did not let depression come to your life, therefore it IS NOT your fault. i know dealing with all these thoughts in your head is so so frustrating and difficult. at times you are numb, at times you cry, at times you're stable and at times you want to end everything. but listen, trust me, you are not alone. there are people in this world out there, like me, who gets your pain. i know just by saying this will not heal you completely, but i understand your pain. i understand that it is painful, hard and really...horrible. trust me. you have your own life, family, problems. there are many reasons why you choose to do something. if it is a mistake, dont always beat yourself up because of it, okay? you are human. you are fully capable of making errors, just like everyone else. in conclusion, i want to say that you are understood. you are worth life. it's just at this period, you are walking through a dark tunnel. however, try your best to reach out to people you know you can trust. they might be your light to walk you through, cheering for you who can do so much more. remember, it is okay to not be fine alone. it is okay to reach out for help. i know reaching out is not easy. but try your hardest babe. once you do, that's a very beautiful big step of you getting closer to reaching the end of the tunnel. let someone know, dont stay cooped, okay? i do understand it is easier said than done. because you are the one going through it, i may not completely hundred percent understand, i do believe strongly you aren't going through an easy time. don't forget to let yourself breathe, take a good shower, try to gather your energy. it is the little steps that matters. i know at the back of your head there will be this big bully that tells you that you aren't doing enough but bby, you are. you are doing so much for yourself just by getting out of bed and pampering yourself. it is not easy, but it is also not impossible to overcome this. the journey is hard, but your pain will end, trust me. there will be hope and so many beautiful things in store for you. it may be impossible to believe it, but as long as you keep moving forward with tiny baby steps, you are already getting there. it is also okay to give yourself a breather, fall and crumble once again. because this journey of battling depression is not easy. you will always tend to isolate yourself, and it is easy to fall into that. but honey, at times like that is the red flag where you should reach out. talk to someone about it. i hope you the best in everything, love. you are a warrior.
