* cleanse me with 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞

see, i’d never heard of that particular film and after a quick google search i’m suddenly glad. are you sure he disappointed? because it sure looks horrifying. perhaps you just don’t scare easily? i do think it’s probably both! sometimes things are just way too hyped up that they could never live up to the expectations that you create in your head. that’s pretty much how i felt about the first suicide squad film. i had such high hopes and margot robbie was the only redeeming bit in the end. but i guess it goes both ways, right? sometimes you get to be pleasantly surprised by a film that you didn’t expect to like so much!

See, that’s the problem. He does look absolutely horrendous, the costume design and makeup team smashed it. It’s the writing and actual characterisation that fucks it all up for me, doesn’t live up to how terrifying he looks. Did you ever watch The Nun in the Conjuring? It’s like the overexposure of a creepy character makes them way less scary, but I’ll totally take being way more macho than I actually am. Oh shit, I totally forgot about that fever dream. I still haven’t seen the remake, is it any better? Couldn’t be happier they kept Margot in her role, she’s truly a marvel and I can’t imagine anyone else as Harley. Got any examples of pleasant surprises to recommend?

You’re not into the popular things, so I wouldn’t call it snobby, maybe? You’re right about that. Some movies just..should not have been made ever.. How you been man?

Does Marvel not count as popular? I’d say Marvel counts as pretty popular and, even under contractual obligation, I can genuinely say I love that shit. Can agree, non-Snyder cut Justice League is one for me. I’ve been pretty decent, y’know. Clearly got too much free time on my hands if I’m being an art film snob now. How are things with you?

Thank you so much, that means a ton! Yes it was! That’s where I live and thankfully I’m working too, so you need to go find it. I love the Simpsons, go live out your Homer dreams!

Already on the hunt for it, I don’t mess around about donuts. I sometimes cheat and go to Universal Studios just to get the original one even if it isn’t anywhere near as good.

Aw, Jake. You’re being so sweet right now. Almost suspiciously sweet. What did you do? No, but seriously. Thank you! It means a lot to know my movies have the Jake seal of approval, even if you are a giant weirdo. I think you’re movies are great too, if only for having you in them. Exactly. I mean, I’ve been known to stand my ground when I don’t agree with a choice, but there’s a very fine line between standing my ground and being labeled problematic. So we must pick out battles carefully. 

Suspiciously? I beg your pardon, I am always sickeningly sweet, no clue what you’re on about. Totally has nothing to do with how many snacks I swiped from David Harbour’s trailer back in the End of Watch days and used you as a scapegoat as he thinks you’re an angel who can do no wrong. Hey, giant weirdos make up the film enthusiast communities nowadays, don’t hate. I’ll take that. Some of my project decisions are definitely that... decisions. I mean, same, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been labeled problematic as some point or another. Getting cancelled is all part of being an actor nowadays, didn’t you hear?

I wanted to get myself a little treat, since I’m literally always working and since Euphoria’s doing so well, so I went down to a bakery near my place and got this cake batter donut that was to die for. Seriously, if food can give you that pleasure sensation, it’s the best thing ever. So now all I wanna know is what your favorite donut is. @hchqstarters​

Well-deserved little treat by the way, hats off to you and the entire Euphoria cast. Had to get that out of the way, big fan of you guys and the show and from the sounds of it, this cake batter donut, holy shit. That in LA by any chance? Because if so, that might just be what I need to get me through Monday. Give me any donut with pink frosting and sprinkles to make me feel like I’m in the Simpsons and I’m on top of the world, personally.

Finally! I actually watched a couple of movies with a friend the other day. ‘Terrifier’ and ‘The Bye-Bye Man’. We watched ‘Terrifier’ first because it had better ratings, but fuck was it terrible! Art was a badly made character in the film, which sucked ass and it was just a major cringefest. So then we watched ‘The Bye-Bye Man’ and with the name alone, it sounded bad, the ratings were bad, but then it was actually SO MUCH BETTER than ‘Terrifier’ was and I was rather impressed with having such a crap name how good it was.

There she fucking is! I knew I’d find someone that knew what I was on about eventually. Wasn’t it?! Did you ever watch the movie he was featured in beforehand, All Hallows’ Eve? It’s even worse than Terrifier. Still gonna cringewatch Terrifier 2 out of pure sick interest though, that’s coming out this year. Was it actually? I think I started to watch it on a plane one time and didn’t make it all the way through, but if it’s got your stamp of approval, I might just be due for a proper watch of it.

I’m not a horror movie person, and like, it sucks, because I wanna talk about all of this cool shit with you guys, but I can’t. If I do ever watch them, I’ll have to have a friend or lover with me because I’m so scared of that stuff. I don’t like it at all!

Have you, like, fully tried though? There’s some movies that I know would be just up your street, T. Is it the jump scares or psychological aspects of horror movies that get you more? What can’t you stand? Either way, I wouldn’t start off your horror watching journey with Terrifier. While it isn’t terrifying, there’s some scenes that just sink their teeth into your brain and refuse to let it go and let you sleep.

Can’t say I can actually confirm or deny anything you just said cause I’m still terrified of watching horror movies ha. But I think we all can relate to having high expectations for a movie that didn’t come through in the end. But how boring would it be if we’d like everything all the time, right? And some movies really don’t live up to the hype so it’s not just you being a snob. How are you? It’s been a while.

It’s been a day too long, Nats, you weirdo you. Still can’t get into the horrors, huh? We need to ease you into them, you’ll love them if they’re the right ones. No jumpscares, I promise. That’s true! I’m sure there’s plenty of people that rank the movies I’m not big on fairly high on their Letterbox’d account. I’m doing good, doing good, becoming an older and grumpier man by the day as you can see. You?

Listen man, no one can get to my level of acting. Yes, I’m like that about a lot of movies, to be completely honest. Some movies I watch and get confused about what’s happening and where the pitch comes into play. But honestly, no one can be on my level of acting.

What was missing was just you playing the part of Art the Clown, Bill. We all know it, you’re king of the horror genre and continue to reign supreme. What movies have confused you recently? The new Scream had me scratching my head, don’t know if you’ve seen that.

I haven’t heard of that one before, but now I don’t even wanna see it. I’ve had that happen with some films before. They look amazing, but they really just put me to sleep. You’re a snob, but it’s who you are.

Oh, Buzz Lightyear, my man. Never have I ever felt more wholly seen and accepted than when you acknowledge my snob tendencies. I never wanna be that film bro that thinks it’s Scorsese or no go, don’t get me wrong, I just genuinely think some storyline decisions are better left on the writer’s room floor.

Oh yeah dude, totally and completely understand what you’re saying right now and completely agree with you on this one. I actually have, yeah. Even some of my own movies look cooler on paper and then I go watch them and I’m like yikes that could’ve been much better. Shit happens, dude. Doesn’t make you a snob just means you know what you like.

I’m genuinely inclined to disagree with you there, Anna. Just about any movie that’s got you in it is instantly fifteen times better by casting decision only. But I see what you mean -- only so much we can do from our end without a producing credit, huh?

Okay, now I need to watch this just to see if you’re right. I’m not that big on horror or slasher films but once in a while won’t hurt. See, I think Pennywise already has an advantage at being scary because he’s a clown. We all know clowns are scary as it is. Remember that time there were killer clowns on the streets? A wild time. Oof, don’t get me started. I love the Star Wars movies, truly but… The Rise of Skywalker was just disappointing. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it for what it was but it didn’t live up to what I thought it would. I blame Palpatine and the Kylo & Rey kiss.

Go on, give it a go and let me know what you think. If anyone can convince me to hate it a tiny bit less, it’s you, Lil. I trust your taste according with the projects you take on, great taste right there. So’s Art! That’s why I drew the comparison, think a way more perverted version of Pennywise that’s a lot less demonic, a lot more straight up weirdo with mommy issues. Shit, I forget about that and it comes up every few months -- did we find out if that was a marketing campaign for It or an actual clown uprising? Oh, man. The collective heartbreak the Star Wars fandom went through with that movie was Game of Thrones finale level. I choose to forget about it much like I forget about How I Met Your Mother’s finale.

I’ve definitely been disappointed by movies before. You have the excitement that it’s gonna be worth the hype and it just didn’t hit like you thought it would. That’s one of the worst feelings out there. I haven’t heard of Terrifier but it sounds like it was a let down and I’m sorry for that.

Exactly, it’s like when they change the cook at your favourite restaurant and your staple meal there doesn’t hit the way it usually does. On the flip side, is there a movie you didn’t expect to love but were amazed by?

Definitely not being a snob! I’ve been there time and time again whenever I watch movies based off books! 

Oh yeah? Any particular ones that stand out? Til this day, the adaptation of Paper Towns breaks my heart -- was a big John Green fan back in my romance-reading days.