the violet

“there isn’t enough time to be upset, lady aphmau. i’ll be fine” he realized the second he said it that it hadn’t acknowledged her question. no, he didn’t think she was an idiot, but he couldn’t let himself be weak like this.

“you aren’t an idiot. but there are things more important at hand.” he had had his time to grieve, even if it had been cut short by the intruder later learned to be his lord. he had a town to fix, families to make sure were alright, and supplies to secure.

“There’s always time.” The excuses were ridiculous and frankly, she had had enough. “The only important things at the time are cleaning up the village. That will be done and I’ll be here to help.”

“i’m not upset.” another lie, though it wasn’t as if he hadn’t lied to his lord before in this conversation. whether or not he lied on the matter was irrelevant to his duties as a guard. he could be fine if he needed to be, and the academy had taught him what letting his emotions get the best of him would do.

he avoided her gaze, knowing his eyes would tell all. it had always been a weakness, something he couldn’t get rid of. this wasn’t working.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” she folded her arms, but didn’t step towards him. Her first instinct was to hug the man, but she realized such an action might not be reciprocated.

“i can get over it. I have work to do.” his words were firm, stony even. solid in a way that spoke magnitudes about what he felt on the situation. he refused to tell her. she may be his lord, but she was gone, and she had no right to know what he felt.

his emotions, feelings, thoughts, they were his own, and he planned to keep them that way. he had already been betrayed by the lord in a way, with her insistence on seeing him like this, rather than go away. no one needed to know what he felt about his son leaving, essentially dying.

“Getting over it isn’t the point.” Her eyebrows relaxed, expression softening and she let her shoulders slump down in an attempt to relax herself. Yelling at the man he needed to open up certainly would do the exact opposite.

                 ‘ i  was  brought  here  for  a  reason . 

                                                    i  just  don’t  know  it  yet  . ‘

                                   ind. MCD aphmau // selective // 8+ years rp experience

‘there aren’t any emotions to bottle up.’ it’s a boldfaced lie, but it’s one he’s told himself and others countless times, and something he dare say he perfected. he didn’t have emotions to bottle up. he needed to sleep it off, and go back to his usual patrol tomorrow, and life would go on.

him saying he had feelings wouldn’t change that he would need to get over them so he could continue doing his work. he had done it with the previous lord, and he’d continue to do it now, as it was expected of him. 

garroth supposed he had been directly told by those that trained him that he wasn’t allowed to have feelings anyway.

“You’re lying.” She wouldn’t normally be so brash, but the look on her face confirmed she was more than a bit displeased with his behavior, eyes narrowed. Hands on her hips, her shoulders were tense, an annoyed frown on her lips.

“I know what happened with Zenix. You can’t tell me that didn’t leave you feeling something.”

frustration was beginning to take root, though for other reasons. she had most likely been told that he hadn’t wanted company. she had most likely been told who had caused all this, and now she has the audacity to act like he was wrong because he didn’t trust her.

he was just a bit angry.

a little bit.

clenched fists and grit teeth are a response to her tone and question, blue eyes meeting her own brown ones. “it isn’t my duty to tell you how i feel, lady aphmau.”

“No, I...suppose it isn’t.” He had her there. That didn’t mean she would relent though. “But I just think it would benefit everyone including you if you stopped being so secretive.”

Realizing she was sounding a bit harsh, she rubbed the back of her arm awkwardly. “...I’m sorry. I know it hurts.” Not knowing where she was going with this or even the full story, it might not sound so convincing, but what Zenix had said to her said enough.

‘perfectly fine.’

the words were level, though it was normal for them to be as such. he couldn’t be a burden upon his lord, as that’d be inappropriate, and so he could keep to himself. he could keep his grief, to himself.

it was grief at this point he thought, keeping his face a measured calm. he had lost a son, he had lost most of his new home, and he had most likely lost any of this credibility as head guard. he hadn’t been able to protect his people, and if lady aphmau had been there, he was sure he wouldn’t have been able to protect even here. his eyes hardened, the only sign of the thought occurring in the silence following his words.

“Garroth.” The tone she used wasn’t one her voice often fell to, her fingers curling into her palms impatiently by her sides. Her brow furrowed and she frowned, turning her gaze to the floor. He must have been down here for a bit, judging by the bag of supplies.

“I wish you wouldn’t say that every time I asked. Your stance says otherwise.” She didn’t like being rude or upfront with anyone here because she still felt like the new person, but she was the lord now and Garroth was her guard.

He could stand to be honest with her. Right?

he turned quickly, wincing as the action was completed. he had told dale that he hasn’t wanted company, furrowed brows relaying his frustration, until he set eyes on who had actually come down into the cave. she.. was she really back this soon? he supposed he should be glad she missed the attack, but. 

his lord had come back to his failure.

his features softened at her appearance, though immediately stiffened again. he was, for lack of a better word, exposed. she had seen his face before, yes, but never had she seen him after such a … betrayal he supposed. he still wasn’t sure what to make of it

Her own expression softened at the look, the frown deepening, but not for the reason he had suspected. Aphmau stood in the carved out doorway, leaning against the threshold for a moment. She wasn’t quite sure how close he would want her.

She had noticed the wince and she was sure he would sore or hurting in some way just from what all had happened. The knights were the same in the regard they liked to pretend they weren’t in pain after battles, even if they weren’t majorly injured.

The woman stepped down the rocky pathway into the mine carefully, frowning to herself as it got darker. She had never been down here on her own, but she supposed it was a fine place to hang around if you didn’t want to speak to anyone.

She wasn’t coming down here to be alone though. Coming to the fork in the shallow tunnel, she turned to the left, eyes catching site of a concave in the wall where lantern-light flicked and a silhouette moved about.

It took too long for him to reply, unable to catch his breath, and unable to face the fact that he’d came in her hands. It was embarassing, if he was going to be honest with himself. And, he nearly considered it despicable. He had. Come undone in his lords hands.

What was he? Bedridden. Unable to do anything for her. Pathetic. Surprisingly relaxed after the whole affair. Which was probably what it was. A one time thing, with her now knowing what he looked like and how weak he was regarding such things. But it was over now.

’ I’m. I’m fine. ’

Her expression softened as she looked at him, hesitating to meet his gaze before she finally reached across and took his helmet, handing it back to him.

She wanted to say something, but nothing felt quite right. She only felt like she needed to leave right then, but she wasn’t done and she couldn’t leave him like this, no matter how awkward it was.

The lord reached down and took the rag, which had gone cold in the bucket of water by her feet and slowly began working her way down his legs. It didn’t take long and she moved on to dress his stomach afterwards.

Once done, she picked his clothes up from the chair, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she set to helping him dress.

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Somewhere deep down, she knew that was going to happen, but had dismissed it because it couldn’t possible happen now. Not with how awkward the situation already was.

But it had.

She kept her head turned because she was sure she would die at that moment if he saw how red her face had gotten, swallowed hard in the back of her throat as she tried to think of what to do next.

Well. Go about what she had been doing, she supposed.

‘sixteen.’ he swallowed. whatever comfort that had been there before was gone as the rag made its way further south. this was. not something he had anticipated. and frankly? he had hoped that it wouldn’t happen.

‘you.’ he cleared his throat. ‘don’t have to do that.’ a coiling anxiety settled in the pit of his stomach. this wasn’t something that needed to happen, lord knew what kind of reaction he’d have to it. well. lord knew, and he knew. how long had it been since something of that nature had occurred?

too long. it’d been entirely too long, for him to keep calm in a situation like this. he could only hope she’d take his offer.

“There’s no point in me doing this if I don’t get everywhere.”

She apologized to him in her head before she knew this was just as uncomfortable for him as it was for her, but she knew if it didn’t get done, it wouldn’t get done. Not until the man was back on his feet.