Hi, I am Gwen

Finished Hamnet, and I realised, this. This book. And all the others with all these words that have arranged themselves so fucking perfectly, can actually stop the whole fucking world for you. And no one would even notice it happen. It can shake ur entire fucking existence and how u view the world and u will be sitting motionless, eyes locked to those words, and that moment is completely urs. And I don’t know what is more intimate than that.

I have been seeing so much about “the good girls guide to murder”, Holly Jackson, and the cast is just so fucking immaculate (I mean hot). Well, I decided to read it and halfway in. The thing was, when u try to solve the book ahead it kind of smacks u in the face with the plot twists. I am always going to stay by my word, no dead body body, the person ain’t dead. And my current guesses r Besse Bells. Idk y, Pippa not mentioning her as a suspect kind of made me skeptical. But, god, the first time around when u start reading a book and u start making ur own little ends and assumptions, the books threw it all in my face. The writing is good. I like being in pippas head. And Ravi. Wow. The combination is perfect. And I hate Max Hastings. So far, it’s a perfect read for me. And it’s a solid 3/5 (currently).

Late night calls_having a book to curl up with, in the right filing position_looking up at the ceiling and just focusing on the patterns developing right in front of ur eyes_the act of human touch, holding hands, interlacing fingers_the perfect blanket arranged perfectly well around her body_the sleep that knocks the living life out of u_the right food vlog that ur eyes never goes tired of_the smell of the rain and the cold touching ur skin making u want another set of blanket to cover urself up_someone for urself. The loneliness is gonna be the death of me.

Wilson practically screaming, “y can’t I date you?!”, when he was dating cutthroat bitch to House. Yes! Date him!! Date the fuck out of that guy!

started reading, Hamnet by Maggie’ O Farrel. I am gonna marry this book. The anxiety with which I am reading this, actually has me bending over the table to take a break every few pages. How Hamnet is going in search for someone, anyone to help Judith. And the way all his pleas r just brushed off, ignored, silenced. And Agnes. The words used to describe this woman is, pure love, admiration, we need to invent more words for this woman. I am in love. I am in love with this book. 200 pages in. And I am gonna binge it, and read it again and again. Until the words just swallow me whole. It’s been so long since I have read such a beauty.

I am trying to make my way through the classics. I did a bit of Jane Austen, Mary Shelly, J D Salinger, Harper Lee, George Orwell, and some more. Any recommends?? I wanna do that thing where we make a list and then forget about it after being hyper into it and then picking it up years later thinking, “oh this ol’ thing..!”, and then pick it back up again or pass it down. So. Apart from being slightly dramatic I would like love to read more.

read ‘King of Sloth’, by Ana Huang. Sloane and Castillo. Luna and Xavier. The first few chapters where we know that he is in love with her but he keeps brushing it away only to fall too fucking deep , the guy falls first, then some more and then some more and the girl in question? We can see the way she slowly, gradually gives herself completely in (It’s actually nice to read people work for love, take some effort to be with someone). And the reference to King of wrath, Vivian and Dante and their daughter (king of wrath is always gonna be the one in the series for me). The writing is also fine, not too great but not too bad either. It was a solid 3/5 for me. The villainy father and the lost loving mother, “the fucked up family thing” is a plot that keeps repeating in all her books. Not that I am complaining, I like the plot, I keep reading all of’em.

watched Maxton Hall. I am in love with Robin and Mortimer Beaufort. The wait. The quarrel. Their fucking kiss. The tension. The hate to love arc. The chemistry. I. Am. In. Love. The rich guy falling in love with the poor girl and the villain dad. It is cliched. It is not unheard of. And fuck that! Imma watch that same plot over and over again and will fall in love every single time. The actress is so fucking pretty. Shout out to that. She is gorgeous.

Watched Bridgerton S3. I was disappointed. For me, they overdid it. I just can’t see Polin. I do love the characters but it doesn’t tune out the entire world for me when they r close, when they touch, their chemistry didn’t give me fireworks like it did for Kate and Anthony and Daphne and Simon, and George and the Queen. The chemistry was so fucking beautiful in the first 2 seasons and it just ain’t “it” for me this season. I do love to know how Eloise would turn out and Francesca is a good character in there. But Polin…I want more than “would u kiss me?”, and “more than friends, much more”, nope! I want my George back! I want “I will stand with you between the heavens and the Earth. I will tell you where you are. Do. You. Love. Me?!”. But the glimpses of Anthony and Kate, it literally fucking melts my heart to see them.

Wilson wanting to pay the guy for misdiagnosing him with cancer and then the guy suing him for the right diagnosis. A classic Wilson situation.

I started reading the catcher in the rye, J D Salinger. Holden not being able to answer Phoebe about “one thing” he likes. And all that he could think of was Allie and Her. Its so fucking beautiful and sad at the same time. The nuns, the kid who un-a-lived himself, the phonies, the horsing around and ‘all that’.

It was so fucking adorable when Chase thought that House was gonna die of cancer and he went hugged him and cried onto his shoulder. Major dad and son energy.

so. I started with my clinic duties. And it’s starting to hit a part in my heart where I thought things couldn’t poke. I think practising a sort of detachment is how things actually should be, in order as a defence mechanism. But that tends to make u miss out on a lot of things and I want both. I want to feel without being affected. I want to see a patient, feel their pain and still be able to look away from their eyes and not hold out my hand and squeeze their shoulder. I want to help people as a job? No. I just want to help people for the sake of them not being being able to help themselves.

I recently watched ‘The tearsmith’ and who the fuck says “there is so much to choose from” in a fucking orphanage?!