outburst in progress... 2026

Hello! The weekly update is here! Chapter 25 is hot off the presses! Hope you all enjoy!

Whumpee considers themself a danger. Whenever whumpee is stressed, uncomftable or really scared their brain defaults to "fight" mode and they lash out at anyone who comes near.

Whenever whumpee isn't in the "fight" mode they're calm and just like to sit quietly and draw. They always regret their outburst afterwards they actively avoid interacting with people because they are afraid they'll hurt someone.

-🎭

The whumper had loved the whumpee’s little fighting attempts, none of them would ever be successful but their pathetic attempts were entertaining.

The whumpee doesn’t want the caretaker near them- they don’t want them to get hurt because of their stupid habits that they built during their time of captivity.

Quando prima, la ferita brucia e brucia forte.

Vorrei parlarti del freddo che sento al cuore ma la radice della mia angoscia è nell'anima..

Però incredibile come il DOLORE DELL'ANIMA NON VENGA CAPITO..

Il mio cuore è così disperato che non riesco ad aprir bocca forse è come una malattia molto più grave della gamba rotta

There comes a moment in your life/month/day when you go green. And I don't mean:

become environmentally conscious, eco-friendly, warrior for better tomorrow (which is not a bad idea, maybe sans the warrior part: peacefully explaining and teaching is more my jam; I do understand the urgency of the matters like climate change and I understand some want to take a firm stand because the soft way didn't work, etc. - but this post is not about that);

as in 'green with envy' (it's a nasty thing, quite an issue to go through,   but this post is not about that either);

What I mean is: something happens/doesn't happen and you go: rooooaaaaar big green guy. Hulk, I mean Hulk (not UFO). Your blood is boiling with rage just like every gamma rayed blood cell of his. In an instant. Okay, so you get the picture. If you didn't experience that or don't fly into rage for you are a creature of calm and composed nature – you were born under the lucky star. Just remember bottling it up doesn't count. It's not calm, it's storm in brewing (again: different issue, talked about it before: keeping these in = not good).

Right, so for those not familiar with Hulk. Here's the newsflash: he's always angry. That's why I find him to be my spirit animal. I feel like I'm angry all the time and I'm sure it has something to do with years of unresolved issues (perks of growing up in not so... encouraging? healthy? normal? home). And how I hate the questions like: “Why are you so angry?” “Why did you get so angry?” Or statements: “You seem angry all the time” followed by: “Why?” If I knew “why”, I probably wouldn't be angry anymore. I don't know why this particular thing made me go from dove to gargoyle. On top of that I know that I can't stop it and that thought only fuels gargoyle to breathe fire and sulfur. And if someone tells me to calm down or asks the question that's fuel to the fire too.

I wonder sometimes if there's one reason that causes the outbursts. Is there a way to get to the bottom of this? Let's see:

Am I unable to take a failure as a lesson and move on to either repeating the task or moving on to something else?

Maybe. I do have to repeat it until it's not a complete disaster. I get stuck in the loop, I guess. But there's the thing: repeating the task until desired result could have either good or bad outcome.

Being stubborn and achieving the goal, tasting the victory is sweet.  Technically  it shapes your character to not to give up to easily when obstacles occur.

But obsessing over something to the point it gives you headache and takes joy from the process away – not so sweet. When you finally get there it can happen you've exhausted yourself so much that you can't enjoy the finish line. Anger siphoned it away and you play on repeat the trials that took that joy away focusing on failings and not the win.

There's a stigma put on failing. Even though it's natural part of the process: trial and errors. Isn't it after all? We wouldn't have so many discoveries if people weren't stubborn (and crazy) enough to proceed (sometimes like maniacs). I know, I know: the glorified image is “the successful ones”.

I'm not saying that now we have to go and celebrate every failure and fall that we take, but... shake hands with it. It's a learning curve. I know easier said than done. But it's definitely something to think about – it's a step to accept yourself   a little bit more, too. It's part of you. It's part of me. It does interfere with the yearning to be enough, to succeed. But maybe the key is – shifting the perspective: making space for both and not choosing between these two. I guess it gives us depth, structure, one dimension is a bit boring, each of us is predisposed to more than one choice.

Question is how can you switch the frustration with enjoying the ride?

It's not going to be a magic wand and star dust over your head that will shift    the thinking. Safe bet is: hard work. Loads of it. And guess what: there will be failure there.

Something made you lose it and instead of taking it in calm manner, listening to reason you flipped and headache's there. It's okay. Rome wasn't built in a day. You'll try next time. Tell yourself: those things don't define you, you define your path and things around you. Cheesy? Hell yeah. Stupid? Maybe. Did you say it? Did you think about it? Possessions. Items. Is your health and life not more important than a thing (you don't want to have a heart attack over a non functioning valve, do you? I get it, it's new, so? Take a look again, ah, wrong order, change it, check it and... et voilà!)?

You'll say: pot calling the kettle (I did go batshit crazy trying to put together the air mattress and a pump – it wasn't pretty). Well, I might just take my own advice. Cause it's helluva annoying to lose energy on the outbursts. And as much as I love Hulk, it's not very healthy or practical to roam the streets or socialise when you're walking chaos.

I know these are trying times. We're stuck at home either alone or with others. We're observing idiotic behaviours and unreasonable decisions of the ones around us and these circumstances they don't help keep calm and carry on. But it shouldn't be an excuse. Don't let idiots control your progress. I know it can be suffocating in four walls. I know it can be super scary about your future: saving, jobs, health wise, etc. it could be the trigger, I know.

I know that the feeling “Hulk – smash!' is strong and seems to be the right response. Again: not keeping negativity inside you – that's a right step. Unleashing apocalypse and pressing self-destruct button in the process – not really. So one step at a time. One outburst after another. Trying to shift the narrative: these things are not relevant, your health and existence is. Failing is part of the journey, but just a part, so taking another step is essential.  

Maybe that chain of more or less connected threads will be a start of a transformation from Hulk to Bruce Banner [scientist, smart guy 'n all, before he was radioactive green guy]. Maybe it will be effective on me? Maybe it won't,  but will help someone else? Then why not: those things don't define you, you define your path and things around you.