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always a little funny to me when filmbros are vehemently anti fanfiction but love to discuss film theories. Maybe my theory is that the 2 main guys sucked each other off. And swallowed
[insert blorbo] has been enlisted by the powers that be to wear the clown costume at an upcoming birthday party. [blorbo] is not happy about it but agrees because it means they get unlimited Count Chocula.
---Jack Whiskey had few weaknesses in life. Soft leather, a nice pair of Levi's, and his three year old niece.
"Uncle Jack! Uncle Jack! Uncle Jack!" She screamed, hopping towards him with sticky hands and Kool aid stains above her lips. Her plastic dress-up shoes clacked on the floor. "Tomorrow is my birthday!"
"I know it is, sweetheart!" He beamed down at her. "Are you excited?"
She didn't so much answer him as expel a long, sharp squeal from every muscle in her body.
Jack winced, pressing his finger to his ear. "I'll take that as a yes," he murmured.
His sister forced a smile, eyes glazed over as she slouched in her seat. "Alright, baby. Tell Uncle Jack what you want for your birthday."
Her eyes grew big and round and sparkly and she grinned with every single one of her teeth. "I want a CLOOWWWNN!!!!!"
Jack's expression flip-flopped between a smile and a grimace. "A clown, huh?"
"I want YOU! To be a RODEO CLOWN!!" She growled and started head-butting Jack in the leg repeatedly.
"Uh... what was that, sweetheart?"
"I'm a bull! And you're the stupid clown!!!" She stopped head-butting him and started punching his leg with her tiny, sticky fists.
His sister sighed. "She saw a rodeo clown on TV and he had a lasso and a cowboy hat on and now she wants you to be a rodeo clown."
Jack scratched his neck as the tiny terror continued her assault. "Well, that's not quite what I do, baby girl--"
"And you have a red nose!!"
"I do, do i?" He looked to his sister to translate.
"You have to wear a red nose."
"Ah," he said. "I'm not so sure about that, but--"
"NO!" She stomped her plastic heel on the tile floor as hard as she could muster. She stared up at him with wild, furious brown eyes. "You're a rodeo clown! And you get the choco-chocula!!" She growled through gritted teeth, shaking her her head. "Choco-choco!! Choco-choco!!" She clacked her way into the other room and returned with a box of Count Chocula cereal, stuffing handfuls in her mouth and chomping. "You're a clown! You're a clown! It's my birthdaaaaaaay!!"
"Well...," Jack sighed. "Color me convinced!"
----
The next day, his niece was much cleaner with her curls braided and shoes that actually fit her feet. The living room was crowded with family.
And when Jack stepped out in a funny yellow outfit and big blue shoes and a big red nose--his face painted white--his neice burst into tears, sobbing.
"Why would you do that?!" She cried.
"Baby, it's okay! It's me, Uncle Jack!"
"Why?!?!" She moaned, wiping her tears and squirming from her mother's arms. "Why would you do that?!"
"You asked him to be a rodeo clown!" His sister tried to explain.
"No, I didnt!!" His niece fumbled away, her bright green dress all askew. "No i didnt!! No! No!" She ran from the room with her mother on her heels.
Jack smiled politely at the group before escaping to the kitchen. The kitchen was quiet, though his niece's cries echoed through the house. All the party snacks were in the other room with the guests, so he decided to snoop through the pantry. Relief poured through him at the sight of two large boxes of Count Chocula. He tucked the elastic band of his pants beneath his gut and grabbed the unopened box. He then retreated to the patio to gorge and lounge until his niece decided to come back out or until he got tired of waddling around in oversized shoes.
------
Lol this was pretty fun to write! Thank you for the prompt!
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My infant baby children in fandom I don’t know how to tell you this but Hollanov weren’t posting anything to insta in 2009. I regret to inform y'all that MySpace was still outpacing FB with its popularity in 2009. Twitter was only three years old in 2009. It was the fucking socmed wild west back then.
Both Benson and Randy are victims of incestous abuse when it comes to their mothers in specific. I think about that a lot, how they have so many parallels—as we already know, but this one stands out to me more than the rest. Randy's mother is overbearing, and even controlling of the way he dresses, which is a pretty telltale sign regarding the nature of their relationship and the projection that Randy's mother puts onto him.
At 21 years of age, where Randy should be able to go out and drink and be his own damn person, he's still got his mother telling him where to be. What to do. What to wear. But Randy worries about her, he panics if he doesn't pick up in time, and he thinks his mother has a point when she decides to step in, because he doesn't think he deserves to make any kind of decision of his own.
Benson recognizes this practically immediately. When Randy mentions that he got held back in 2nd grade, Benson is so shocked that this could happen to a child, he determines right away that this must have been some sort of cruel and humiliating punishment. He's right, it is embarrassing for a kid so young at 7 years old to have to be singled out and held back a year because his mother thought it would be what's best. He wasn't allowed to move on from it because his mother didn't even let him to grow up with the rest of his class. No, he had to sit through 2nd grade all over again under the impression that this would have never happened if he never did that to Beard.
It makes sense for Benson to have caught on that this was abuse to some degree, because the wellbeing of children is so, so important to him. That is some over-parenting bullshit. He is so quick to start insulting Randy's mother who he is hearing about for the very first time because he's already got such a bad taste in his mouth after hearing that she could do such a thing to her 7 year old, and now look at the little pussy he's grown up to be, wasting his life away allowing himself to eat floor burgers. It makes him sick.
The thing about Benson's mother, however, is that she has instead neglected him. Earlier in the film, he expresses to Randy after getting him to admit he is a virgin that he believes that "all of the world's problems" can be blamed on people having kids too young to be able to raise them properly, and then allowing themselves to get hooked on meth. It is no secret that his mother is an addict, so it becomes clear that when Benson said this, he was speaking from experience.
His Ma was too fucked up on drugs to even notice the shit that happened to him in third grade, and even contributed to the hard, abusive mindset and worldview that Benson currently has. You can tell that the words Benson tells Randy after leaving his house, You make me hurt you when all I want to do is help you because I care about you, is something he is regurgitating after hearing it time and time again out of the mouth of his own mother. This is what it means it love somebody. Sometimes you have to hurt them to make them understand, especially when they have nobody else.
Now, Benson hates his Ma, he hates the home he is in, and tells Randy to just forget about that house, but we still see him be so affectionate towards his mother. Even after all this time, this is the woman that raised him, gave him life, and endured the hardship of addiction. How could you blame her? How could you leave her even after all she's done? Look at the state she's in, she can't even get out of bed, for Chrissake!
There's a string that Benson has never severed away from his ma, and yet he tells Randy to get the courage to break free from the threads that his mother has him entangled in.
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