😈💙

I’m uncertain about a lot of things in my life, but you… well you I’m certain about.

Nothing is ever going to compare to the feeling opiates give you. Trust me. I’ve tried everything. Uppers, downers, alcohol, so much fucking alcohol. But to not feel anything, mentally or physically, and I mean to be completely numb, that’s something you’re only ever going to get from opiates. And to be honest, I miss being a full blown junkie. I loved it. Almost more than life, maybe that’s why it took over so much. But fuck I miss it. I never felt a god damn thing. And you just can’t compete with that.

I re-read your texts sometimes. Mostly when my brain starts to do that think where it comes up with a million reasons why this won’t work out. It’s the “really need to hold you right now"s that put me at ease. I guess I’m just so used to things not working out or guys getting tired of me that it’s hard for me to just enjoy it. It’s been a long time since anyone has made me as happy as you do so I can’t help but worry that one day you’re going to decide I’m not as great as you think I am.

i just want someone to hold me and tell me i’m not alone; that they won’t leave.