basic;Californian/on border of living-aesthetic

Well...any of you--less than handful of humans--that may or may not be reading or viewing my posts still...particularly those of you who still have stuck around this platform after the anti porn sensory....I am, shall I say; “straight up not having a good time bro...;” The only “best friend” I have ever truly had and held with my borderline tendencies for over 11 years...has indeed come to an end. Unfortunately my superhero/role model and highest in regard human; whom I have forever referred to as “my Platonic Life Partner(PLP) and thus that crazy improbable bff of mine for as long as I can remember....has ENDED. While my instability comes as no surprise the particular dextroamphetamine addiction by this idol of mine is what comes as the largest surprise to myself and to anyone who knows this genius... Olivia has always been the oddest ball in the bank (this was my best attempt at coming up with the snazziest idiom I could for all intents and purposes...) but with her bizarre but brilliant idiosyncrasies this human was MY human. I will give you some backstory; she and I were genuinely the least likely of friends possible. I; a former cheerleader and transfer to this random performing arts high school as a result of my basically stalking (groupie style I shall say) favorite drama/English teacher we shall refer to him as Mr. G) and she a brilliant but shrill transfer into the 11th grade as well--both odd --but attempting tour hormonally charged best..to fit in. She and I, while we wouldn't know it just yet....went to the same Shakespeare summer camp at the same times....which would be our first run in among fate. Actually in an absolute coincidental seeming literary device...I JUST found out that I fucking kid you not this sherif assisting me into this strange (but very kind) motel voucher act of kindness was by Sherif Shakespeare...to whom at the front desk I literally uttered the words “is that a joke?” of course to which he denied immediately but once I explained the bizarre literary foreshadowing of also let out a guffaw This girl and I were absolute opposites in every single way first and forever. She was a hissy introverted cat, while I was an (albeit often) obnoxious golden retriever puppy. (I shed way too much blonde hair as well as literally ALWAYS being STOKED to see you whether you be a dear friend or/and new stranger) Not a brag whatsoever and often my largest weakness...a quality I am quite proud of  no matter how many times it bites me in the ass...Livie and I were each other’s person! No matter what--through thick and thin...When any vapid jock (which in my search of validation socially in which I was enamored by) Many of those times being my impossibly wild and unscrupulous times that at moments, even my own family, could no longer handle/decidedly emotionally support me in the most basic of ways...Livi was different; she always gave off a confident understanding vibe of my mental health issues reciprocating my infallible love, support and downright forcibly pushing her to be her most fun self...while she (in my best possible interest) slapped sense and reason into me whenever...(I often derailed off these tracks) This was a quality I genuinely always saw as the perfect Ying to Yang quality...I was the most innocently intended extrovert (as goes of course my subjectivity of this story complete with my inherently biased words(while obnoxious).... meaning all the best but lacking structure and thus often the most toxic of individuals-and then her; an introvert that desperately needed someone nearly as headstrong as she in order to even her out into social norms and “let loose...”.which is what--if only--thing I served for her. I was her shitshow and she was my genius idol/intellectual master to my grass hopping/unsure shadow. However as the first encounter I had with her on her “dextroamphetamine” which in this moment of accountability; I will admit I was likely a strong peer pressured influence on....believing this infallible idol of mine, could never do anything but good so I realize now--toxically contributed to! This time I came to her, a mess as always but no new substances just feeling abandoned and emotionally unstable(the usual issues I relied on her wisdom for)...but this time was different... My first night I spent here in the middle of this  tiny “footloose” esq town here in Utah...no one knew who this ‘”best friend” of mine even was...at this obscure “kick back”I had been fortunately tagged along to...I’d even often spoken with her current roommate only to hear that--even with her EXPENSIVE double degree from one of the TOP liberal arts colleges in the world--she was making less than Los Angeles minimum wage in this desert(ed) town to nowhere....liked by few, fired even recently and now paying her extremely minimal bills by part time tutoring.... As I am typing this I must say; I began this manifesto with full rage and hatred for this (former) best friend of mine...but as I type this I believe my mother has a point and that this seemingly perfect specimen I have always looked up to seems to be unraveling and this above all breaks my heart more than anything. I guess there are no guarantees whatsoever in this world which is depressing as hell but a minor relief to me, a random Californian, stranded in Utah as a result of a kerfuffle with whom I idolized and could see no flaws within for literally over a decade... Watch who you love closely, and make sure you are truly there for a new med journey because even the best of us are susceptible to functional addiction. Happy Holidays to all. I love you all and blame no one but myself foR my choices and lack of scrutiny of the shift in personality of my who my truest best friend I have ever had the pleasure of calling mine. #RIPtothatrelationship  #adventuregram #Carolinecalloway #betrayal #love #chronicles #honestdiaries #vulnerability #happyholidays #iloveyouall #happyholidays