smoke A+N mirrors

This indian scout was spotted wearing white tennis shoes. WHITE TENNIS SHOES!! Circa 1906. What a trend setter.

Original below/

The better bits went like:

3. Red Floor shall be at all times and throughout the universe be the exclusive, perpetual owner of all right, title and interest in and to the Video, the Footage and all elements embodied therein created by you and all Footage whether or not utilized by you in the final edited version of the Video ...

'Throughout the universe' I love that. I guess galaxy would have been too... modest. Oh, and they own ALL of your footage. Even the stuff they've never seen before AND even the stuff that YOU don’t know exists!

Without limiting the foregoing, it is understood and agreed that (i) Artist, Red Floor, and their licensees, designees and assigns may exploit the Video and Footage throughout the world via any and all media now known or hereinafter devised in connection with the Album and the marketing and promotion thereof, including, without limitation, via the Internet (e.g., streaming or downloading), exhibition at Artist’s concerts and public exhibition and screenings of the Video and Footage to promote the Album and (ii) the Video and Footage may be embodied on various versions of the Album, including, without limitation a deluxe version of the Album, which Albums may be exploited in any and all formats and media now known or hereinafter devised.

4. This agreement shall not be deemed to create any partnership, joint venture, agency, fiduciary or employment relationship between the parties.

I’m so sick of this social media “contest” culture written in big bold corporate middle finger ink, designed to exploit young talent and audaciously capitalize on THEIR social networks in exchange for a fantasy: a pipe dream named maybe, with the prize nestled behind a slit of shattered glass... just reach out and touch it, you’ll cut yourself, but imagine what you could have! Maybe.

So I decided to enter the contests.

My submission is as serious as the fine print, so carefully read between the lines...

In the grand scheme of the magical and mysterious ways of the universe, this somewhat simple action –cutting the cord– makes a bold statement:

YOU ARE HERE! 

AND YOU ARE NOW, HUMAN. 

AND I, BIGGER HUMAN, HEREBY SEVER YOUR TIES TO MOTHER AND NATURE.

*snip

It’s a symbolic middle finger to the spiritual world. Am I reading into this too much? Definitely.

But without the umbilical cord, without this unique conduit of nutrients and energy and symbiotic connectivity, we would be totally severed from conscious human existence. In the weirdest way possible, your bellybutton is a symbol of the highest tangible order of creation. And yet, no amount of poetic justice could ever undo the fact that it's just a fucking lint trap! And depending on the dexterity of your good doctor, you’re blessed with an innie or an outie and possibly, a novelty badge that you get to unveil at dinner parties. 

So, let’s cue Captain Picard and his big swingin’ British accent ::

PICARD V.O

Life, the sacred frontier. These are the voyages of the conduit umbilical: 

playfully

MmmmEEEE!

My continuing mission: to nurture you into strange new worlds...

cartoon bubbles hiccup from Umbilical’s mouth, but quickly and compassionately gets back on track:

To unite new mother and new child in symbiotic ways. To boldly go, where no conduit has gone befooo-ooooore...

CAMERA fly through Umbilical’s mouth. We begin travelling through the void of time and space. 

MUSICAL CRESCENDO. 

On this journey, we zoom past a series of celestial figures. One of whom is Dr. Beverly Crusher with a lower half made of scissors. Her trajectory is obvious. Their fates are sealed. 

PICARD V.O. (cont’d)

And reduced to an innie or an outie...

*snip

We fade into an ultra white environment housing a new AUDI and an overuse of lens flare effects.

ANNOUNCER V.O.

Introducing the all new AUDI X-Class A57535. Top of it’s class, with an all star, ultra star, five star rating. Featuring the all new, newly redesigned, newly neofied engine. Travel to outer space with greener than green emissions...

As the engine’s speed dial revs up from zero to intergalactic, we transition in a cartoon like manner from the AUDI’s interior to outer space with a super-rapid zoom out.

ANNOUNCER V.O. (cont’d)

In no time! 

Announcer voice slowly fades away with the transition, but goes on like:

ANNOUNCER V.O. (cont’d)

Experience zoomady-zooms-a-zoomady-times! A zoom-zoom-zoomah-a-zoomadi-zoooooos...

CAMERA ends on a view of planet Earth seen from outer space.

PICARD V.O.

Oh for heavens sake! I said outie, not an AUDI. 

AUDI... really. We really went there? Really?

exasperated exhale.

PICARD V.O.

Life.

END.

I’ve spent a lot of time selling my creativity to the advertising world. While I make Donald Duck dollars compared to the Drapers of the world, in all respects, marketing is just a means to an end. It is survival silenced by what needs to be done to live by ‘normal’ standards... standards defined by marketers. 

And therein lies the conundrum of wants and needs.

Marketing and the corporate dollar are the easiest things to vilify, but deep down I think we’re mad at ourselves for loving superficial comfort so much. And the byproduct of this process is what has allowed the global divide between rich and poor to grow so out of control. Will we ever get over ourselves?

Personally, I find myself living in a consciously created subconscious hate paradigm: I like to crucify an industry that pays me to prey on your desire to be cool, to exploit that teeny, tiny frivolous side in you that you don’t want to admit exists... and secretly, I hate myself for liking it so much (and being so good at being so sneeky about it).

Exposing the #umbilicalcomplex