Catch Me If You Can

@the-romantic-dominant ~ Excellent post on Anal Sex!! I didn’t want to muck up your post with my two sense worth but here are a few things that I discovered during my journey into anal bliss.

There are two things that always made me reluctant to allow anyone to cum through my back door. The “Yuck” factor and the Pain factor.

So let’s do the Yuck factor first. Yes…💩 is gross. No one wants to see or smell their 💩 especially on their man’s cock. While there are things you can do to greatly reduce the odds of this happening…let’s face it, sometimes 💩 happens no matter what you do. That’s why Jesus made water and soap.

Okay so cleaning your little rose bud. As TRD’s article indicated you don’t have to clean all 5 ft. of your lower intestines. If you’re a “regular” kinda girl and had a bowel movement that day then a little light cleansing is all you need.

If you’re like me and not so regular you may want to go the extra mile. I stop eating solid foods the night before and stick with yogurt, broth, and juice (learned this from @anniemasterjoe ). The night before I use an enema bulb and I rinse out my bum with warm water. Never hot and never cold!! There are plenty of instructions online on how to use this handy little tool.

The next morning I’ll rinse again just to be safe as I want to be sure I’m clean. You can tell by whether or not you’re leaving anything other than clear water in the toilet.

If not, rinse again maybe an hour later. Try not to rinse within about 2-3 hours of playtime to avoid any leakage. Also be sure to expel all of the liquid from your bum each time you rinse!!

If you’ve never done this before, I recommend doing it a few times to get the hang of it so you’re not feeling rushed or stressed over your first anal encounter. It’s not painful but it’s a bit awkward the first few times. Also buy some latex medical type gloves so you can check your bum without making contact with any 💩 that might be left inside. Use lube on the tip of your finger and the tip of the bulb that you’ll be inserting into your little rose bud.

Some folks go a bit further when it comes to cleansing but I find this is enough if you’re just engaging in basic anal sex.

So now that we’re nice and clean, You may be wondering how You can help make this a pain free experience. Princess plugs are woman’s best friend when it comes to all things anal.

They come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Not only will your man enjoy the site of a little booty bling peeking out from between your plump little cheeks, but he will also find it easier to enter you if you do it right.

First you need to know about the two main kinds of material. One is stainless steel and the other is silicon. The stainless are very durable and quite lovely to look at but keep in mind that metal will absorb both heat and cold. Be sure to clean the plug with soap & warm water or let it cool down a bit before you insert it.

If you’re new to this, begin with the smallest plug. You can buy them in sets of three…small, medium, large. As with the anal cleansing, do this a few times on your own first so you can get used to inserting something into your little hole and can wear it around the house for a little while.

I’ve included a pic of the first set I bought. They aren’t too expensive and are great for beginners.

If you choose another style just make sure that the part that stays on the outside is wide enough that it won’t slip inside your bum. Don’t panic if this happens. It happened to me once with another style and I simply pushed it back out like I was going to the bathroom.

So once the plug is clean, lube it up and put some lube in your little bung hole. You may want to lay down on the bed, on your back the first few times you insert it. Relax for a moment and slowly push the fatter end of the plug into your rose bud. Remember to breath and take your time. Once it’s inside, relax for a few minutes and allow yourself to get used to how it feels.

Then you can try walking around the house while wearing it. I wouldn’t wear it for longer than 15 min or so at a time to start, just enough to get used to it.

Two things to remember…one, the stainless steel is metal so it will heat up some with your body’s heat. If it begins to feel to warm, remove it for awhile. Two, your body will absorb the lube so if you plan to wear it for extended periods make sure you have lube with you as you’ll want to remove it and add more lube periodically.

The most common question I hear is “will this stretch me out permanently?” The answer is no. Wearing a princess plug for brief periods of time is not going to result in a giant bung hole. However, shoving a whiskey bottle up your bum may have a different result. 😱

Once you can get the middle sized plug in, and depending on the circumference of your man’s cock; you can put the plug in before he comes over and wear it during play. By the time he’s ready to enter you, in most cases you or he can remove it, and he should be able to slide right in with little or no effort. This doesn’t mean he should shove his cock inside of you. He still needs to take it slow and allow you to back up to him. And he still may need to apply a little lube to his cock if it’s not already covered in your honey. 😈

Final note: Always avoid going back and forth between your anus and your vagina. While cleansing may reduce the amount of bacteria present, you can still wind up with a UTI if you’re not careful. Urinary Tract Infections can be cured with an antibiotic but they are most unpleasant and can put you out of commission for a few weeks!

You can also have him wear a condom for anal play if either of you is worried about the yuck factor.

If he doesn’t wear a condom make sure he washes his cock thoroughly before going back into your pussy. Same goes for fingers!!

If you’ve had a bad experience with anal play, it doesn’t have to be your last. Talk to your partner, make sure he’s willing to take it slow, use plenty of lube, and relax. Anal can be very pleasurable for both of you with a little preparation and patience!

One more thing…get to know your body. If you don’t feel like that area is clean or ready for play, please don’t allow your partner to go there. Be aware and respectful so that no one has an unpleasant experience!

Note: There are all different kinds of enemy bulbs. The one in the pic is the first kind I used because it was easy to handle. Be sure to clean the bulb and the tip thoroughly before and after each use. It’s like a turkey baster so it’s a little tricky to clean.

By Fetlife User: CQPublic Reprinted with permission

So you want to try anal, and you’d like to avoid hurting or emotionally scarring your partner for life. Congratulations! You’ve come to the right place.

First things first. This is only my experience, and I only speak from what I know to be true for me. YMMV

I cannot stress this enough:

PORN WILL NOT TEACH YOU HOW TO GIVE ANAL

I promise.

They edit for time, and they edit for the sexy. No porn will ever show you the 15 minute or so leadup before you can even think about sticking your dick inside her/him. They aren’t going to show you the “ouch, ouch, go slowly, go slowly… DAMN IT I said GO SLOWLY!” that you may encounter.

The leadup is not sexy. It is functional. Sort of like a nude bra.

You will want a good bit of lube. I promise, if her butt crack feels like a slip n slide, you’re gonna have a great time. If not, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Since my husband and I don’t use condoms, I like to use lotion that smells good. (I know I am going to catch hell for this, but it is my personal preference) Now, with that being said, if you are using condoms this is obviously a bad idea. Lotion can deteriorate a condom. However, since we don’t…. I like the smell of lotions, and sort of treat it like aromatherapy for my poop chute. I’ve never had an issue with using lotion in the 14 or so years I’ve been using it. Other folks use astroglide, KY, anal glide etc. etc. etc. I personally am put off by these types of lube because they become sticky, and that is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Like I stated before, it’s a personal preference of mine. YMMV

So, you’ve got the mood set and you’re ready to do this– be cool, bro. Be cool!

Don’t let your excitement kill the interlude.

Don’t be so gung-ho to get your junk in to hit the brown note that you forget that there is a person attached to that pucker.

Start by mentally stimulating them. Whatever gets your partner in the mood. Now may be a good time, if you so choose, to use your tongue to further stimulate their arousal. Get creative at this juncture. Play with her pussy, give him a good ‘ol fashioned reach around, whisper all of those dirty little thoughts you have about her, jiggle his balls a bit (I dunno, I just like to say 'jiggle his balls’). Whatever you know will keep them in a heightened state of arousal– do that.

Then once you have them considerably aroused, take your finger and lube it up. Start massaging the anus gently, and you may feel some movement in the perineum (the space between the “good stuff”). This is a good thing. They are flexing their pelvic floor muscles, and this can be incredibly stimulating for both of you later on. Make a few circles, and when you both feel comfortable, insert your finger. Go slowly

There are two rings of sphincter muscles (sphincter ani internus and externus) that you have to relax. BOTH sets must be relaxed before you can try inserting anything larger than a finger into the anus. You can sort of hook the tip of your finger around the second one and this will help it to relax.

DO NOT try to “fuck” the anus with your finger just yet. Simply insert, and wait, insert a little more and wait. This is the boring leadup. Insert, wait, rinse, repeat. You will literally feel the muscles loosen, and you may feel like your finger is being sucked further into their anus.

Sphincter internus is the more difficult of the two to help relax, and the one that most often causes the “ouchies” and mishaps.

I think that starting out with a finger as opposed to anal beads or plugs is the best way to delve into the world of anal for two reasons: First, it is more intimate and you learn more about your partner’s body. There is no barrier, and you can literally feel their body give way. Second, fingers are free and more versatile.

So, you’ve played the insert/wait game with the first finger…. great! You’re not there yet, brah! Keep repeating this process until you can fit three fingers in.

Then there’s more waiting.

This was the best method for me to get his cock inside my ass:

Have your partner get on all fours and get behind them with a well lubed, hard cock. Line up your cock with their asshole and do nothing. I’m serious. Line it up for them and let THEM slide back on it at THEIR pace.

Don’t grab hips.

Don’t thrust.

Don’t touch. Hell, lace your fingers behind your head if you have to.

There’s going to be more insert, relax, and wait. But I promise you that if you put the time into making her/him feel relaxed and comfortable it is WELL worth the extra effort.

Once you can get the head past the sphincter internus, you’re good to go! Have fun!!!!

Oh, and you don’t just have to do anal doggy style. I’ve found that I really enjoy girl on top and reverse cowgirl anal. (Hint: BIG BIG orgasms from girl on top anal with a flat based butt plug or a bullet inside my pussy) Get creative! Once you’ve loosened up that booty-hole the possibilities are endless!

Also, remember those pelvic floor muscles we talked about earlier? Ladies and gents, if he’s inside you, squeeze your pelvic floor muscles as he is withdrawing, and then release as he is entering–it will blow his mind. Trust me.

Now go and have fun! Enjoy!

—

I loved his belt. Sometimes he wrapped it around my waist to bring me in for a kiss. Sometimes he tightened it around my hands as I sucked him. Even better, he occasionally brought it into the bed and pinned my arms back with it. I got so I listened for him undoing it when he came home…the whisper of it coming out of his belt loops never failed to make my heart flutter.

As time passed I became more comfortable, bolder. He never struck me with it but I wondered what it would feel like, just once maybe. I told him so, shyly, as we lay together one night.

“Really, baby?” he whispered, grabbing my ass closer to him. “More than a spank?” He gave me a quick, open-handed swat with his hand. I moaned.

“Well, I would like to try it a little, once or twice to see if I liked it. We’ve done a lot so far and it’s been really hot.” I hid my face in his neck, still shy. I felt his smile against my forehead, then a gentle kiss.

“We can do that, baby. Not right away, though. You aren’t ready yet.”

“Ok, I trust you,” I said. Eventually I fell asleep to him gently rubbing where he had spanked. His hands were so warm, the cheek he spanked was a different warm. I wanted to feel him all the time, any way I could.

A month or two went by. He still used his belt like before, just more often. I saw it frequently, next to him on the night stand. He would loop it up and graze my face with it, running it down my front. Sometimes he let me undo it when I got between his knees. That was a special treat, usually only he did the unbuckling. 

One day, he called me from work. His voice was different. We played a little as normal but there was a deeper thrill in me. 

“I’ll be home a little earlier today,” he said. “I want you on the bed facing away from the door, ass in the air. Edge for me. Be wet but don’t cum.”

“Yes, Sir,” I said, immediately, instantly trembling. He hung up and I lay there trying to calm myself. What was he going to do?

I was on the bed in the required position when I heard the door open. His footsteps pounded closer, closer…now he was in the bedroom.  There was only deafening silence and my heartbeat whooshing in my ears. Finally he spoke.

“Open up that pussy. I want to see your wet.” I reached back and did so.

“Good girl,” he said, softly. Still no motion from him, still more waiting. My legs began to tremble. 

Then I heard. A slow unbuckle of his belt, then the shush of it coming out of the loops. I fluttered all over. Then suddenly, a loud crack. I reared up without thinking and peered at him questioningly over my shoulder. He had snapped it in the air before looping it up in one hand, now standing silently and still completely clothed. My pussy started to crawl out of me. Instinctively I knew we would be here for awhile.

THE CARE AND FEEDING OF YOUR NEWLY HATCHED DOMINANT

This topic/post is taken from a PM.

The sub is looking for ways to help her guy get his Dom on in more than just the bedroom and reinforce his first steps into D/s.

In this case, he’s already agreed to provide structure for her two stated goals of getting to bed on time and kicking her fitness routine into gear.

My two cents: Positive reinforcement is the first job of any sub with a newbie Dom. Tell him how much relief you feel with him providing the rules and accountability for, in this case, bedtime and fitness routine. Keep thanking him, and keep telling him how much better your life is with an enforced bedtime and finally getting serious about fitness. A sub growing, finding peace, and relief is catnip to a Dom!

Next up, broadening his Domly horizons. Ask him if he would be willing to choose outfits for dates because you really love looking exactly as he likes, and that it would be a great relief if you could just not have to worry about choosing the outfit. Now he’s not going to suddenly turn into a fashionista, so go easy. Start by asking him to rank his favorites of what you wear. Have a closet fashion show if you need to. The point is for him to decide. Keeping it simple with sending or showing him two or three choices and asking him to decide because you just can’t. I don’t care if he picks a funeral dress, you give him that great big smile and a thank you. It’s about him deciding, not the dress.

Keep asking for him to help with decisions and with holding you accountable. Moving up to bigger stuff, ask him to help create a schedule for you. Always make sure to give feedback and thank yous.

Eventually, you’ll need to address the next big step – consequences to enforce the accountability, aka punishments. Now, you don’t need to ask for punishment. But you do need to express your need for a negative consequence. You can give an example of the good old “swear jar” where you put a dollar in everytime an F-Bomb drops.

Now a word about spankings. If you have bedroom D/s that includes spankings, and you want more, but outside of sex, breaking rules isn’t a smart way to get them from any Dom, but it’s a really fucked up thing to do a new Dom learning the ropes.

Punishment has two main purposes. One, a negative consequence to get your behavior back on track. Two, to restore balance in the dynamic. Broken rules without accountability are like an acid bath slowly eating away at the Power Exchange. Punishment restores the balance. And, BONUS!, you’ve paid the debt to the dynamic in full, so you can receive forgiveness and move on TOGETHER.

These are just a few simple things to start you off. But, even if your D-type is a kinesthetic learner (hands on versus a book worm), education and communication about the nature of D/s is necessary. If yours isn’t a bookworm, try reading to your fledgling Dominant. Share what you’re reading, learning here on Tumblr. Read @instructor144 asks, include @the-faculty too. Read from a wide variety of dynamics.

CAUTION: You cannot make someone a Dominant. You can help an emerging one find his or her way, but they aren’t made – they’re born.

bedroom bondage:

It came to my attention that quite a few fans and followers would love to know about how they could take care of their submissive, after their BDSM play. Aftercare, an extremely important part of BDSM, is sadly overlooked by most couples. Clarisse Thorn wrote: “Being together with an S&M partner during aftercare can be used to free people, to make them feel amazing and establish extraordinary intimacy.”

Why aftercare is important

BDSM activities may drain the submissive’s mental, emotional or physical energy. Because of this, the submissive may feel in need of emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. And although many people seem to think that it’s only the submissive who needs aftercare, this is not true, the dominant may also need some degree of aftercare, depending on various factors like experience, the activities in the scene, and personal preference. In most cases the dominant is the one who tends to run the aftercare.

How to provide aftercare

Aftercare may include expression of love and gratitude towards each other in a verbal way, or in a physical way by cuddling, kissing or skin and hair stroking. You may also choose to discuss the scene, to improve your knowledge about what you both enjoyed, making it even better next time.

Nourishment and hydration is essential, keep a snack supply close by. I tend to go for a piece of chocolate, a piece of fruit, or a granola bar for example. Accompany the snack by a warming or refreshing drink. Be aware that body temperature often drops sharply after play, so provide a soft blanket or cozy bathrobe for some warmth. If you’ve tied your submissive up, a massage will provide some extra comfort.

Make sure to have a close look at any welts or marks, to see if they require any attention. This would also be the right moment to admire the marks together, if that’s your piece of cake. I recommend smoothing on a soothing lotion or gel (we prefer to use hydro-gel, which is also great for fire-hot private parts or rope burn), but there are also submissives who love the ‘after glow’: the warm, glowing feeling on the skin which can be the result of a spanking, whipping or caning.

Putting together a ‘BDSM aftercare kit’

It’s always good to be prepared, so I highly recommend either getting your ‘aftercare kit’ ready before you start the scene, or to have one ready at all times. This is not only practical, but also a wise thing to do for when the submissive might be in need of a little break during play. Here are some ideas of what you might like to include:

Small snack

Refreshing or warming drink

Soothing lotion and/or hydro-gel

Soft cotton underwear

Blanket or bathrobe

Wet-wipes

Warm socks

Of course, as with all articles I write, feel free to adjust any of the above to suit your needs better. The things I mentioned are merely suggestions, and most are my personal preferences for an aftercare routine. I’m not by any means telling you how you ‘must’ treat your submissive or dominant, since I’m aware that some kinksters prefer no aftercare at all, but I do sincerely hope that my tips will enhance your BDSM experience.

© Bedroom Bondage 2013 (src)

—

A recent spate of asks and not so friendly dialogue over at @instructor144 blog left me thinking about these two distinct items (distinct in my opinion).

I define Orgasm Control as part of a D/s agreement where the sub/bottom agrees to seek permission before an orgasm and if yes, to cum as directed by the Dominant/Top. I seperate control from denial at the “no,” specifically at the length of time. To simplify it, let’s break control into short term, and long term as Denial. There are many reasons to use edge and denial (short term) control regimes with a sub/bottom –too many to delve into here.

Before you give consent to either orgasm control or orgasm denial, DEFINE the length of time for your understanding.

The example given for denial was in the 45 day range. I’ll use that as a kind time frame reference.

Okay, so let’s talk Orgasm Denial. Some may be seeking the lack of sexual desire or pleasure. I assume that’s self explanatory. But, in my experience, most Denial involves edging, usually repeatedly. The edged state is the state the parties involved are seeking.

Okay folks, time to get nerdy. Both edged denial and orgasm involve lots of brain chemistry and hormones. Now some of us have more complicated chemistry and hormones like being trans, pregnant, menopausal, prostate treatments, or any numerous endocrine issues, which will require additional thought on the part of those involved – well beyond what scraps of info I have to offer up.

Some of us humans have brains that just work better when inundated with higher levels of some of these chemicals and hormones. So we manage that with all kinds of things – pain, pleasure, food, thrill seeking, exercise, etc. Some brains actually function more to its owner’s liking when living in a state of Edged Orgasm Denial in a D/s context. But make no mistake, that state is an altered one. It is different from their baseline. [ Before anyone loses their shit, neither the term altered nor different means “bad.” ]

In the end, Edged Orgasm Denial is a kind of self regulation, like maintenance spankings (pain). Both require responsible, knowledgeable Dominants/Tops and consent from the subs/bottoms

I have one caveat that I’ll put out here. There is a difference between consent and informed consent. In medicine, informed consent means all other options are presented as well as all the risks of the preferred one. So in this case, if you’re looking to try to self regulate through long term Edged Orgasm Denial, I will tell you if it were me, or someone I loved, I would seek out a kink aware professional to learn all of the other options and any personal risks of long term Edged Orgasm Denial.

There ARE inherent risks with long term Edged Orgasm Denial. Specifically, the rebound effect when orgasm, ruined or otherwise, occurs. Many self report serious depressive episodes. So D-types, SSC requires you are prepared to deal with all effects, side efects, and risks before, during and after edges and orgasms in this kind of denial.

Now we all know shit happens and goes wrong in D/s. Life happens, bodies change, whatever it may be, there is a way to deal with it within the dynamic.

S-types are responsible for communicating needs to their D-type. D-types are responsible for providing for those needs. So in the context of Edged Orgasm Denial, when “something” goes wrong during the edge/denial regime, first decide if a meta talk can attempt to solve the issue or if you NEED to safeword and cum. Edged Orgasm Denial is not some extra special D/s thing. Safeword rules apply! As in, the safeword is used, then everything stops (in this case edge and denial) and aftercare is instituted after immediate health and safety has been assessed. Later, at an appropriate time, debrief and plan a way forward eother with or without Edged Orgasm Denial.

I have deliberately chosen to only focus on the physiology and none of the emotional, reparionship, or D/s reasons, motivations, or consequences. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

As in everything I type out here, this just my two cents on the topic. And you can take it for what it’s worth to you or leave it.

My only request is that you do not be so presumptuous as to assign negative motives or evil intent to me or my words if you find them deficient, clueless, or poorly chosen.

I’ll just add two things.

First, as she mentions, denial and orgasms that come after that, etc. can have serious depressive side effects. (Or, with some people, manic ones - because I’ve been there and had that experience and it’s not fun.) So! If denial and edge-play is part of your dynamic and you’re someone who is on psychotropic medication for any sort of mental illness then please please figure out how the edge play and denial impacts the change in your brain chemistry from the medications.

If denial and edging is part of your dynamic every day and you know it’s not a part time thing or just going to be something you do for a little while or whatever… Then be honest with your doc about any mental side effects you may be feeling. If you do edge play and denial continuously then it’s going to change your mental baseline - which means your meds may work differently and/or need to be changed.

And be super aware of that when your doc makes any changes to your meds. Because adjusting and finding the right regimen is enough of a pain in the ass as it is. So altering your brain chemistry with a denial regimen can impact that as well. So just be careful!

Secondly, denial and edging regimens can have serious emotional impacts. As @submissive-seeking points out and alludes to, it can have impacts on your mood and brain stuff. Being in a constant state of edge-play and denial is, at least for me, like being on a constant high. Like it makes me ride the wave sooooo hiiiiiighhh. And I love it. But, at least for me, (and I don’t know how true this is for other people but I know, from my discussions, that many have experienced this as well) it makes me super emotional. It makes me feel emotionally bonded to the person I’m edging for. So I’m on this high - like I can feel it physically, emotionally, mentally… All from being told to edge and not being allowed to cum. And I love it. Until it ends.

Because in those relationships where denial and edging regimens were a huge part of my sexual dynamic when the relationship ended I came down from that high so hard. I lost the sexual high but I also lost the emotional high. And it dropped me into a depressive hole so bad that it took me months to climb out of. And I know for a fact (based on other relationships I’ve had) that if the denial and edge-play hadn’t been such an integral part of those relationships that the come down from the relationship ending wouldn’t have been so hard.

“Really? What kind?” she asked, all excited.

“It’s a secret.”

“Daddy! What kind! Tell me!” she said, all bratty.

“Nope. You’ll have to wait and see. And if you give me lip like that, you might find I have to use them to take control of you.”

She giggled.

Sundays were football days.  He never wanted her to feel like she was excluded from participating so one Sunday as he was getting ready to watch, he looked at her, his eyes looking her up and down, plaintively teasing her.  

“Strip naked for me.  Now”

She looked at him, a little surprised.  “Y..yes, Sir.”  She moved towards the bedroom to change before his voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Where do you think you’re going?  I said “strip naked for me”.  Not in the bedroom.  Not by yourself  Here.  Now.”

She blushed, as his eyes just locked on hers.  “Yes, Sir.”  She stripped out of her clothes, his eyes on her the whole time, admiring her.  Ogling her.  He didn’t hesitate at all watching her.  She felt herself slightly tremble as she slipped her panties off, not having any idea what he was thinking.

“Mmm, good girl.  Now, get on the ottoman.  On your hands and knees.”

“Yes, Sir.  Thank you, Sir.”  She did as he told her and crawled onto the ottoman.  She spread her legs apart, knowing how he liked it.  She watched the football game come on and she remained in the position.  A minute or two went by with nothing, just the whir of the game in the background.  She felt herself tingling with anticipation as she waited, attempting to remain patient.  

Suddenly she felt his fingers.  Rubbing her clit gently.  Massaging it.  His other hand pulling her hair back hard.  His mouth was suddenly against her ear. “You’re going to stay naked like this for the entire game.  You’re going to keep that pussy and ass in front of me just like that.  You’re going to feel my fingers and my mouth and tongue teasing you relentlessly.  And you’re going to use that mouth of yours too.  You’re going to soak this little ottoman by the time the game is over.  Leave a puddle and a mess for you to clean up.”

She trembled as he heard him speak, her clit throbbing now from his touch.  “Yes, Sir”, she said in a breathy voice, her hips grinding against his fingers now.

“Good.  Because when the game ends, I’m going to take you into the bedroom and tie you down real fucking tight.  Then I’m going to spend the next few hours working you over until you’ve cum so many times you can’t even see straight.  So you keep that ass just like that.  Make sure that pussy is perfectly in my view.  And make sure you understand that I am going to do things to you over the next three hours that are going to make you leak everywhere.”