it was always this

going to be this, you know

it is so different now

now that years of memories linger behind us

waiting for us to come back to them and remember

to come back and use them as signs 

of just how well we like to think

we know each other 

now that i have looked into your open veins

now that you’ve withstood my tornado

now that the wondering is less

“if i know you then”

and more 

“if i ever don’t know you someday...”

now that i have wandered and tracked

and conquered and memorized every inch

the real flesh of you

that’s it — the difference 

it’s the flesh of you

and the flesh of me

the only way to know

is to get close enough to see 

you have to taste it

smell it

wrap your own flesh into it

i have soaked up your skin

and traced my lips over every freckle

inhaled every pheromone

until i thought my lungs couldn’t grow

alongside the pace of my heart

and the miracle of loving you

is that no matter how full i think i am

no matter how much of you i think i breathe 

you endlessly lead me into new territory

the levels of what makes up every piece

the wonder that is your flesh

and beyond

i have covered every inch of you

for days and weeks now impossible to count

and i stand certain in the fire 

that burns bold as the first time 

i heard you say my name out loud

the moment i made my mission

to uncover every layer of you

and that it’s — the difference

because today i have lived

inside of a miracle 

for days and weeks 

impossible to predict or measure 

and i stand still as certain

that i have only begun 

to scratch the surface

have only begun

to count the days i wake up