The Grog Blog

- Ignore the sounds you hear outside the westmost window on Tuesday evenings. The curtains will be drawn, but we can't stop the noise. Don't get curious.

- If you stare at the digital menu for too long, the letters will rearrange themselves. We do not know what it says. We do not want to look. We can, however, offer you a paper menu.

- We've tried oiling the door hinges. They just won't shop screaming.

- The drive-through microphone will occasionally crackle and glitch, reciting the menu in Latin. We can't fix this and we apologize for the inconvenience. Please wait it out.

- If you're in a hurry, we suggest not sitting in a corner booth seat. The last person who did was immobile for weeks.

- There's a man in the hallway by the bathrooms eating French fries. We've never seen him enter or exit. Ignore him. Confrontation only ends in briefly forgetting your own name.

- We've never had to refill the mustard dispenser. It fills itself. Unfortunately, the ketchup one is always near-empty.

- Napkins will often have illegible scrawl on the back. They come like this. They can still be used as napkins.

- We suggest keeping your voice down. Yelling matches usually result in a flash freeze, even if the thermostat insists it's 68°. There is a communal coatrack if you should need it. The cold will pass.

- If there are chalk runes on the bathroom mirror, please get a staff member. Do not try to remove them yourself. You will not succeed.

We are not professionals, and we do not act like professionals. I write the script at 1 am on a weekday and send it off to Berri so she can make it pretty. Suffice to say, the transition from script to actual art is far more amusing than it has any right to be. For example:

^To be honest, Gerard would tell you to put a knife in the microwave. He would not tell you it’s a good idea to rely on a love potion.