thedaveshow

It's been more than a month now since she said that crushing and debilitating "NO". I haven't been ok since then. That's the cold hard truth. To say that I've been dying every day is an understatement. Everyday I wake up with a heavy heart and feeling extremely weak. And even though it's summer now, the days are just cold and are unbelievably difficult to get through. It's like time moves extra slowly, making you savor each and every moment of your suffering. I'd rather be asleep the whole day than to experience this pain. Now, this kind of pain is something I have never faced in my entire life. The pain of heartbreak is alien to me, and that's why I don't really know how to face this. I want to go through it head-on but i just don't know how to cope up with the pain.

The pain persists and it does not go away. I spend nights crying and my mind takes over and goes in to overdrive thinking of all my past mistakes, thinking of what might happen in the future, who is she with, what is she doing, etc. It's taking its toll on me and I'm writing this now because it's been more than a month and nothing has changed. I'm writing this because I need an outlet for all these emotions or else I will fall into the endless pit of despair. When will the pain and suffering end? When will I be ok? People always tell me "it will get better" or "you'll get over it", but damn it, when? The pain is undeniably unbearable.

My longing and love for her has never waned. It might have even gotten intensified through the whole process. Even if she's revealed to me crushing things, I still love her. Even if she tells me that I should move on, I can't because the fact of the matter is, I don't want to. I can't move on because I love her. How can I move on when I prayed to Jesus for her? I love her with all my heart, and at this point, I would do anything to be with her. When you've found the person that you know you want to spend your whole life with, you can't just let go.