Katy Michelle

Last week some lady came speeding up on me in this school zone while the lights were flashing. There was a van in the lane next to me. It was partially alongside my vehicle, but slightly ahead of me, so she whipped into that lane and pulled up on his butt. Her front bumper was just to the left of my window, and as such I could easily see that his rear bumper was less than a foot in front of her front bumper. She was stupidly close, even for only 20MPH. She began gesticulating and visibly screaming and probably spraying spittle on her dash. She obviously felt that it was an extreme inconvenience to her that we weren’t speeding.

I kept my speed steady to match the van next to me just because I have no patience for people behaving this way and I was not inclined to reward her by letting her pass. The longer this went on the more enraged she became. I was bent on keeping her from passing at this point just out of spite, but when we were about three blocks from the side street where the cops hide out I changed my mind. I dropped my speed and let her gain on me. By this point she was so enraged that as soon as she thought she was clear of my front bumper she swerved over into my lane with no signal, cutting me off, and hit the gas in a show of victory. She was accelerating so rapidly that she was probably doing at least 45MPH when she passed the motorcycle cops. You could tell exactly when she noticed them because she hit the brakes so hard that her car visibly swerved.

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

Larry Wilmore on the tragedy in Orlando, FL. #OrlandoUnited