WINCHESTER.

when mari was small enough to still feel like prey, the name winchester wrung a halo around her neck and choked it. a guardian angel, a saving grace of a hand ... (you don't put hands on your daughter.) a father who was not her father had towered like a tree and stepped forward like a soldier, all armed to the teeth and ready to bite if her dad moved an inch more. kenji dai hadn't let that name out his mouth for weeks. that goddamn bastard, how dare he tell me how to raise my kids— mari bore the brunt of it. yet, still, she'd kept a name in her throat like a prayer, dreaming of scenes where he'd burst through the door like superman. carry her off to a different world.

now, he returns. older, gruffer, rough around the edges like sandpaper on her skin— irritating injuries she'd papered over years ago. she wants to hate him. even more: she wants to kill him. but only in the way that she wants to kill everything she doesn't understand, and john winchester was a man she, still, can't pick apart enough to get.

john, like a name in the bible, john, like gospel on the road. john, like grace, or gratitude, or god-gave-you-to-me— god-took-you-away. john, like a father. john, like a wound.

remembers her daddy laying hands on her like it was yesterday, the dry mouth shock of witnessing it, the way he hasn't gone too far down that road with his own boys since. ( if john couldn't undo leaving her behind, she'd at least become a lesson learned. )

a breeze stirs through the trees as the birds remain absent. humans lowered their eyes when they wished to end a conversation ─ angels did not. castiel regards the man before him ; the righteous man's father. the creator. wholly transparent. he recognizes the defense mechanisms, the self-justification, and the anger. in many ways, john winchester reminds him of his eldest son. yet castiel isn't here to comfort him. no. if anything, he finds himself underwhelmed ; views his actions as a formulaic sequence of decisions and their inevitable consequences.

cleaning and maintaining. preparing. blue eyes drift to the gun in his hands. practiced movements that castiel has grown familiar with by now. ' you speak as though you are already dead, as though your fate has already been decided for you. ' he looks back at his face. ' your conduct reflects those convictions. that is the ultimate human hubris, choosing stagnation over growth. '

"i'm not choosing jack shit. everything i am was decided for me a long time ago. you got a problem with me? take it upstairs with our maker." the blame gets easy to shift when there's no one here to stop him. where was god when she died? where was god when his daddy went missing? where is god anywhere, through this family's cancer, or that family's murder-suicide, or some little girl's vampire attack? god's quiet every time he looks up, so john's silent when it's time to confess his sins. even trade off.

just once, he'd like an atta-boy. just once, he'd like to get an approving palm anchored into his shoulder, to see something other than the terse map of frustration darkening his father's squared features. just once, maybe, to get swept up into his arms like a beloved son. that unfulfilled hope is a deep, empty well settled behind his sternum ( & it aches more than the lancing gash rent through his ruined flesh ).

he keeps, lips clamped closed. crimson spills out of him, a ruby river matting the denim, caking it to the dimpled edge of his back. woozy, with the open wound, with the bracing of his molars pitting together against each blunt thrust of the needle into his skin, with the near adrenaline thrill of being the one to finish the hunt. a wince feathers out from the crinkled wings at the corners of each eye & he isn't sure whether it's from john's rebuke or the slash slowly seaming closed along his ribcage.

" i had an opening. " feeble. he KNOWS BETTER. he'd disobeyed a direct order.

exhales slow, mouth thinning into an even less happy line. his hands still their progress long enough to make dean shift in place, if he's smart, if he recognizes this particular telltale silence. only once the tension's delivered the message ( you know better, don't bother talking back to me ) does john move again, resumes his work. "if it was a real opening, you wouldn't have been hurt. openings are wide enough to fit through. what you took? was a risk. stupid one."

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆ 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐦𝐞. 𝐧𝐨𝐰. (VERY USFT!!!!) 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 - send ‘reverse’ for the sender and receiver to swap. adjust wording as needed!

[ grind ] sender straddles receiver’s lap and starts grinding against them, slow and intentional

[ whisper ] sender leans in and whispers exactly what they want to do to receiver in excruciating detail

[ wristgrab ] in the middle of a heated moment, sender pins receiver’s wrists above their head

[ needy ] sender pulls receiver into their lap, desperate and breathless, kissing them like it’s not enough

[ tease ] sender drags their lips and tongue down the length of receiver’s stomach, but stops just before going lower

[ undone ] sender undresses receiver one piece of clothing at a time, dragging it out with loaded glances

[ taste ] sender drops to their knees and starts kissing up the inside of receiver’s thighs

[ lapfull ] sender drags receiver onto their lap in the middle of a conversation, their hands already wandering

[ control ] sender takes full control, guiding receiver’s hands, body, and every motion

[ tug ] sender grips receiver’s hair and yanks their head back to kiss them roughly

[ choke ] sender wraps a hand lightly around receiver’s throat while their lips are barely apart

[ lipbite ] sender bites down on receiver’s bottom lip while grinding against them

[ praise ] in the middle of it all, sender whispers praise between every movement "just like that," "you're doing so good," "don’t stop"

[ beg ] sender makes receiver beg for it

[ mouthy ] sender licks into receiver’s mouth mid-kiss, messy and aggressive

[ suck ] sender sucks a mark into receiver’s neck, possessive and without shame

[ edge ] sender brings receiver right to the brink, over and over, refusing to let them finish

[ wrecked ] sender has one goal: to leave receiver trembling and ruined beneath them

[ needy grind ] clothes still on, sender grinds against receiver until they’re both panting, desperate for more

[ between ] sender slips a hand between receiver’s thighs while whispering, “you’ve been wanting this, haven’t you?”

[ ride ] sender pushes receiver down and climbs on top, holding eye contact the entire time

[ spit ] sender leans over and lets spit drip into receiver’s mouth before kissing them hard

[ mess ] clothes scattered, sheets ruined, bodies tangled—sender and receiver didn’t hold back

[ slow ] sender draws everything out. every stroke, every breath, every motion unbearably slow

[ possessive ] sender fucks receiver like they’re trying to make sure no one else ever will

[ overstim ] sender keeps going even after receiver's already shaking from release

[ grip ] sender grabs receiver by the hips, holding them in place while taking full control

[ hot & heavy ] sender and receiver go at it somewhere they absolutely shouldn’t

[ control freak ] sender lets receiver think they're in charge… until they flip the roles mid-way

[ lips everywhere ] sender kisses every part of receiver’s body.

[ breathless ] sender doesn’t let up until receiver is clawing at their back, gasping for air

[ all night ] sender makes sure receiver doesn’t sleep... again, and again, and again

[ tongue ] sender slides their tongue along receiver’s skin, taking their time tasting every inch

[ dark corner ] they don’t make it home! sender drags receiver into a shadowed corner and gets to work

[ eye contact ] sender holds eye contact the entire time they’re going down on receiver

[ mirror ] sender takes receiver in front of the mirror so they can both watch

𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

❝ i want to hear every sound you make. don’t hold back. ❞

❝ get on your knees—now. ❞

❝ you’re not leaving this bed until i say so. ❞

❝ look at you. all mine and dripping for it. ❞

❝ you said 'just one more time' last time, remember? ❞

❝ keep quiet, or they’ll hear. ❞

❝ is this what you wanted? me, like this, ruining you? ❞

❝ you’re shaking—already? we’ve barely started. ❞

❝ i haven’t even touched you yet, and you're already begging. ❞

❝ be good for me and spread your legs. ❞

❝ don’t you dare finish until i tell you to. ❞

❝ you’re going to be the death of me, but i’ll die happy. ❞

❝ say it. say you need me. say it louder. ❞

❝ i could do this all night. want to test me? ❞

❝ if you want more, use your words. ❞

❝ you look so pretty when you beg. ❞

❝ you’re not shy now, are you? ❞

❝ take it. like that. good. ❞

❝ tell me where you want my mouth. ❞