joie de vivre

​i lied. i don't like sex. open heart surgery

you have to be in a certain specific mood to listen to classic rock because sometimes a guy is playing his guitar and you're just like shut the fuck up man

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

one of my fears is that i'll be 7 hours down my dash reblogging things not knowing that, like, the end of the world is happening. everyone is posting shit like FUCK THE MARTIANS HAVE TOUCHED DOWN IN LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA meanwhile i'm like here's a picture of snoopy :-)

we all have to live forever and lez out okay?

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be someones lame ass boyfriend

aftercare but for your job

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

genuinely sickening to think about how men pop up out of holes in the ground and you have to swing a mallet and hit them over the head to get them to stop