Grey's Journal

Hey there, Mr. Journal. Been a long time, huh? Back around the time I involuntarily decided to go radio silent I took some leave time and went to go see my younger brother on Corellia. He always looked up to me. Joined the Republic Military just like me, too. Hell I even encouraged him.

Less than a day after I arrived the Imperials hit the planet. And they hit it hard. My brother decided to play the hero just like his big brother and went out to fight. I went with him to watch over him.

Karson died in my arms. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Next thing I know we're taking mortar fire. That's the last thing I remember.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital and someone saying something about how I might lose my leg. I don't recall which one.

After that there's only the memory of waking up. With both legs and some scars. And not being able to walk without assistance.

I felt angry. I felt weak. They gave me months of physical therapy before I was even going to be allowed to strap on my armour again.

I survived that. Like I seem cursed to survive everything when everyone else seems to die around me.

I grieved for Karson. Even sent a message to my old man. No response, of course. But I tried. I'm sure he's just busy. As usual.

I'm not sad about what happened anymore. I dealt with my grief and my guilt.

I'm angry.

I'm going to make the Imperials pay for everything they've taken from us.

Everybody pays.

So today was one of our scheduled training sessions.

Supplemental data entry: By "today" I apparently mean "yesterday" in this entry. Apparently I hadn't noticed the time.

Got to meet a bunch of the new recruits...

All of them came up and saluted me.

All of them called me "sir".

I'm pretty sure they're all greener than the last group we had. But at least none of them have had any mental breakdowns... yet.

They seem like good kids... Just... really new.

Talked to Vy for a bit. She seems to be doing a lot better. Still hobbling around the base on a crutch.

Apparently Private Lugah is now Private First Class Lugah. Sergeant Astor apparently decided it was a good idea to promote him. Not sure that I agree. But my standards are typically higher than most other people. I probably wouldn't even have promoted myself if I had known my background.

The most important recent even though is the return of Staff Sergeant Morgan. He's probably the closest thing to a friend that I have in the unit. I mean, there's Vy. But I don't really get to see her much and she's a civilian besides. She's more like my little sister.

Supplemental data entry: I probably shouldn't have written that.

Sergeant Jerhal is gone... Is it bad that I'm less worried about him now that he's away from his girlfriend? She seems like a nice girl but... Honestly. Who agrees to meet a Sith? Alone? When you have the option to just flip them off and walk away? I have no idea how she's made it this long as a Bounty Hunter.

My opinion of Corporal Jayl... I can see her with Sergeant stripes someday. If she learns when and where to have an attitude. If she straightens out a bit and a Sergeants position opens up I may even put in a recommendation for her promotion.

Supplemental data entry: I should probably make it clear that I merely respect Corporal Jayl as a soldier. In no way am I attracted to her. She is most definitely not my "type". Granted I have no idea what my type is but it most likely is not her.

Anyway. That's all I have for this entry. Oh. And I'm sleeping better. Which is good. I was starting to snap at some of the Privates. That's Sergeant Morgan's job.

Apparently Private Visari left the Seventh. Some unexplained incident that everyone is keeping very hush hush.

I happened to run into him at the cantina on the fleet and he wouldn't tell me what happened. I think I figured it out around the time he told me some nonsense story about how his father was killed in a friendly fire incident. By a Jedi.

It wouldn't happen. As questionable the behaviour of certain Jedi have been in the past... A friendly fire incident? Perhaps controlled by some Sith and made to kill an ally. But a Jedi wouldn't accidentally kill someone.

At least he seems to be happy where he is. Apparently he's Special Forces now. That makes even less sense than his story. Sure he wasn't a total failure as a soldier but he was wildly undisciplined and not fit for any Special Forces unit I know of. Who knows? Maybe they're putting together some kind of unit made out of the misfits in the military to throw at things because they're expendable.

I was supposed to be keeping one of these things after the incident on Taris way back when. Somewhere along the line I just forgot about it. Also somewhere along the line the nightmares stopped and I was able to sleep again. Thankfully it was after the drinking stopped too.

I had started to get my life back together. I managed to salvage my rank as a Lieutenant Second Class. Command even scrubbed my record clean of any misbehaviour once I was clean. And why not? I was their golden boy. I was supposed to be one of the fresh faces of the Trooper program.

And then I derailed their plans.

I met the members of the Seventh. One of whom was in trouble. I had to help him. To do that I needed a favour from someone. Someone who's son I'd gotten killed on Taris. In return I was to be busted back down to Sergeant.

I derailed his plans too.

I took a transfer into the Seventh Infantry Battalion which required a demotion all the way back down to Private. I've never regretted that decision.

The nightmares were gone. I wasn't drinking anymore. I wasn't in command anymore. My life was beginning to make sense again.

I don't know what happened. Maybe it was the situation with Jerhal's girlfriend and the Sith. Maybe it was the Rakghoul plague outbreak. Maybe it was my promotion to Sergeant.

The nightmares started weeks ago. And they've only gotten worse. I barely sleep. I even took a few days off to try and get my head together.

I almost started drinking again.

I can't be doing this. I know. With Sergeant Jerhal gone I'm responsible for these people. I can't turn weak now. They need me.