Everyone handles those cases differently. Some request a transfer and never show up at their desks again. Others learn to cope with alcohol, nicotine, or some other vice that they do their best to hide the evidence of. Those with families tend to use a little more of their PTO, ensuring they make it to a few extra soccer tournaments or dance recitals.

That's why JJ told herself she was so worked up about your return to the office; just apprehension and curiosity regarding how you would handle what had happened. It helped that the rest of the team was openly discussing it as well over the past few days, pondering over what, if anything would be different about your behavior. Though she made sure she was never the one to bring the topic up, JJ couldn't help but to abandon whatever task was at hand each time she overheard your name mentioned in conversation.

After all, JJ told herself on the elevator ride up to the bullpen, it would be callous of her not to be concerned about a coworker after an incident like that. An incident she didn't even know all of the details of, which she insisted to herself was also a factor in why she hadn't been able to get through a single morning in the past four weeks without you crossing her mind.

"-a month's not that long to heal, you know? Hotch will keep her on desk duty for at least another few weeks," Emily was in the process of saying as JJ dropped her bag onto a nearby desk.

"I don't think she'll like that," Derek chuckled as he lifted a fresh cup of coffee, flashing his eyes to JJ as he prepared to take a sip. "Something tells me she'll be chomping at the bit."

"That might be you projecting," Emily said, also turning her attention to JJ's arrival. "Good morning, care to weigh in?"

"Morning," the blonde mustered a smile, determined not to let the conflicted emotions swirling through her show, "I think we'll just have to wait and see."

"Wait and see what?"

JJ froze for a moment, while Emily and Derek reacted immediately to your voice, their bodies almost in sync as they turned towards the entrance to Hotch's office. Thankfully, you didn't seem to be waiting for answer to the question, as the rest of your coworkers had quickly surrounded you to welcome you back.

It gave JJ a chance to hang back and study your appearance as she waited for her turn to greet you. Truth be told, she hadn't really known what to expect. Reid and Emily had been the ones to find you that night, and the emergency lights from the ambulance you had been carted off into hadn't done much to illuminate the scene.

It was better than she expected, all things considered. You seemed to be moving well despite a slight limp, though JJ couldn't help but notice that is worsened slightly throughout the day. The bruises on your face had begun fading, hidden slightly by concealer but still apparent underneath the makeup. Your bottom lip had been split, but the swelling had gone down and all that remained was a jagged red line that was already starting to close along the edges.

"Welcome back," JJ said, her tone warm, but professional and as carefully rehearsed as the quick one-armed hug that accompanied it. "Glad you're back on your feet."

"Thanks, me too," you replied, but JJ hardly heard it over the sound of her heart thudding in her ears. The embrace had been quick, small, and almost identical to the way her coworkers had greeted you, but all JJ could focus on was the way your hand had felt on the small of her back for a second.

The rest of the morning was a blur for JJ, interrupted only by the occasional fleeting moment of focus during their morning recaps or a direct conversation with one of her teammates. Though the details were murky, she knew there was an escalating situation regarding an off-grid homestead turned cult somewhere in the Midwest. Hotch was still waiting on the official call, but it wasn't hard to guess that it would come soon.

-------------------------------

"Looks like I was right."

JJ jumped, nearly losing her grip on the pen she had been fiddling with, as Derek popped out from behind her to lean against the corner of her desk.

"About what?" JJ's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, though she still managed to look amused despite being startled. Derek crossed his arms, clearly satisfied with himself, and nodded towards the open door to the briefing room where you were sat with Hotch.

"Y/N's over there pleading her case to Hotch about joining us in Nebraska. I knew I should have asked Prentiss to put some money on it."

"I guess you'll have to settle for bragging rights," JJ said, forcing herself to chuckle despite her mouth suddenly feeling dry. "You think that's a good idea though?"

"Sure," he shrugged, "I don't see why not. If I know Hotch, I imagine he won't say yes without some pretty explicit rules and restrictions. If she's ready to get back to work, why stop her from helping, you know?"

Although she know he didn't intend it to be, JJ found Derek's answer slightly comforting. He was right; Hotch wouldn't let you come along without laying some ground rules barring anything dangerous.

"Besides, it'll be nice to have another set of eyes on this one," Derek continued, prompting JJ to finally look away from you and back at him. "Don't tell me you think she can't handle it."

"I didn't say that," JJ corrected him quickly. She had been putting on one of the performances of her life trying to appear neutral regarding you since you joined the team, and wasn't about to mess that up now. "I guess I just don't know as much about her yet. If it were you, or Prentiss, or Reid, I'd have more confidence in a prediction."

"Fair enough," Derek relented easily, unaware of how seriously his coworker was taking their conversation. "I guess we'll see tomorrow. You finishing up?"

"Yep," JJ nodded, ignoring the pang of disappointment in her stomach when she realized he was about to offer to walk out together. She was hoping to at least catch one last good look at you on the way out, ideally with some eye contact. She hadn't been able to work up the nerve to approach you since joining in the morning welcome brigade, and regret would haunt her all evening if she didn't at least get an idea of how you were before she left.

Much to her disappointment, Derek did exactly as she expected, waiting patiently for her to pack the thick stack of paperwork that would serve as her main distraction from you for the evening. By the time she had finished, Spencer had also wandered over, bag already in hand and clearly intent on joining them for the elevator ride down.

As the two men sparked up a conversation, JJ took the opportunity to glance back over her shoulder towards the briefing room. She watched just as you rose from your chair to shake Hotch's hand, clearly pleased with the result of the conversation that had taken place. Before she could react, you turned to leave and your eyes locked almost immediately.

JJ wasn't sure who looked away first, but before either of you did she swore she saw something flash across your face that made her stomach flip.

It was the same expression that you had given her on your first week. When both of you rushed around a corner from opposite directions and were suddenly face-to-face. It was fleeting, quickly followed by an embarrassed smile and an apology for being so hasty. And for someone who was usually so good with descriptive writing (thank you, years of writing case notes), JJ couldn't manage to find the right combination of words to describe it.

"JJ, you ready or what?"

Derek's voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and JJ realized she was now staring at an empty briefing room. You and Hotch had since departed, and she had apparently donned her coat and slung her bag over her shoulder while on autopilot.

"Sorry, yeah," she said, shaking her head and feigning a yawn. "Sorry guys, it's been a long day."

----------------------------------------------

Holy shit, you thought to yourself as the words on the paper in front of you continued to blur. I need more caffeine.

That statement had become your internal mantra lately, and you had the gas station receipts for energy drinks and shitty coffee to prove it. Your stomach lining certainly didn't appreciate the new vice, but it was a necessity if you wanted to keep up appearances in front of the rest of the team.

"I'll be right back," you announced to no one in particular, your chair squeaking loudly as you pushed it back and braced yourself to stand. Prentiss, Spencer, and Derek all had their noses practically shoved in a handful of the many, many files the small town's police station had accumulated over the years regarding the leader of the "spiritual group" you were now investigating for potential trafficking.

Thankful that they were all focused, you pulled yourself up with only a slight grimace of pain visible on your face, and made your way out the door and down the hall of the police station. While the corridor had been bustling when the team arrived that afternoon, it was now almost midnight and you crossed paths with only a handful of deputies on your way to the lonesome vending machine at the back of the building.

Grateful for the moment of solitude, you let your shoulders collapse as you fished in your pocket for a few bills. It had been a long 48-hours, and you were starting to second-guess your decision to ask Hotchner to allow you to accompany the rest of the team out to Nebraska. Sleep had been a rare occurrence over the last few weeks, and as much as you hated to admit it, it was a lot harder to ignore that when you were scouring hundreds of pages of information for a lead instead of laying on your couch.

Settling on a sugar-free Monster, you fed the machine a couple of dollars and punched the corresponding numbers into the keypad. The sound of the motor inside whirring to life was just loud enough to cover the sound of the bathroom door behind you unlocking.

"Hey."

You flinched at the sudden voice, then jumped again at the sound of your drink thudding into the bottom of the machine. Heart now hammering in your chest, you whirled around to see JJ staring at you apologetically.

"Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you."

"No, it's my bad. Got a little too lost in my beverage deliberations and spaced out, I guess," you responded quickly, hoping JJ hadn't picked up on just how shot your nerves were. Much to your relief, the blonde let out a small chuckle.

"So, what's the verdict?"

"Had to go with a classic," you said, turning back around to retrieve the can that had been dispensed. The cold aluminum in your hand was a welcome sensation, and you hoped it would be enough to combat the way your face always seemed to warm on the rare occassion you found yourself alone with her.

"You want one?" you offered, gesturing to the machine behind you.

"I'll pass. Also, I think Hotch is about to call it quits for the night, so you might want to hold off too," JJ warned, blue eyes darting from your face to the clock on a nearby wall. "Wouldn't want you up all night."

"Good call."

You forced a smile as your gaze followed her own. According to the vintage analogue bolted to your right, it was just past midnight. That meant you were about to have six and a half hours on your hands, none of which would be restful.

---------------------------------------------------------

Technically, you ended up with only five hours and 39 minutes to kill by the time the team had finished up and made the trip to the small hotel. You killed 12 more minutes getting checked in, another three on the elevator ride up to the third floor, and six more by changing into the sweats you had packed the previous night in your go-bag.

But eventually, you were sat at the edge of the hotel bed with your hands clasped in your lap, dreading the thought of laying down and closing your eyes despite the weight in your eyelids. Though you knew you'd be asleep in no time at all, the thought of the dreams that would inevitably wake you up within an hour or so made you shrink back from the temptation to crawl under the sheets and give into your exhaustion.

They weren't even really dreams to be honest, they were just flashbacks of that night in West Virginia. It seemed like only seconds after closing your eyes that your subconscious began regurgitating moments and details you hadn't even been able to recall clearly for the incident report Hotch had interviewed you for.

The sound of the rain pouring down, loud and relentless. The way you had slipped walking into the dark tree-line, uselessly telling yourself to mind your footing.

A sudden force from behind that sent you sprawling into the mud.

The way the handle of your gun scraped against your palm as you lost your grip on it. How your pulse hammered in your ears, mixing with the sound of the downpour around you. A desperate scramble in the muck to find a hopelessly lost weapon.

You shook your head, snapping yourself out of the replay of last night's revelations and trying to ignore the phantom smell of mud and leaves that accompanied it. A desperate idea crossed your mind as you remembered the gym you had passed on your way to the elevator downstairs, and you rose from the mattress before even bothering to give it a second thought. Maybe if you could exhaust your body enough, it would be enough to shut your mind off too for a couple of hours.

--------------------------------------

It was your fault really, that JJ found herself preparing for a 2am trip down to the hotel lobby. If you hadn't distracted her both at the police station and on the way over to the hotel, she wouldn't have forgotten to grab a few water bottles from the vending machine by the elevators.

At least, that's what she told herself as she slipped on her shoes and snagged her wallet off of the cheap bedside table she had tossed it on earlier. If she were being totally objective in that moment, she would have also admitted her intolerance to tap water was a significant factor in the situation, but it was late and she was too annoyed to be honest.

JJ mulled over the fact that she had let the small run-in with you at the police station take precedent in her mind for far longer than such a short conversation should have on the elevator ride down to the first floor. As much as she had hoped it would, your return to the team hadn't exactly done much to quell the way her thoughts constantly wandered to you.

Still deep in thought and half-awake, JJ almost passed by the hotel's fitness center without noticing the lone figure using one of the several ellipticals inside. Ever aware of her surroundings however, her FBI training kicked in enough to spot the movement.

A breath hitched in JJ's throat as she realized she recognized the silhouette as your own. She frowned, half-confused and half-concerned about what exactly you were doing. Despite the always present urge to avoid you, and by extension her fixation on you, JJ didn't hesitate long before entering the gym.

"Y/N?" she called, mindful of her volume as she remembered the way you had jumped at the police station. She winced when your head whipped in her direction, clearly startled anyway. "Sorry."

"Jesus Jareau, that's the second time today. You trying to welcome me back with a heart attack?" you panted out, coming to a stop on the machine as she approached.

"No, but between all the caffeine and the late night cardio, you might be on your way to one all on your own," she pointed out, ignoring the feeling that she might be overstepping. All her avoidance of you had apparently come with some consequences.

You studied her for a few moments, trying to decipher the motive behind her observation. Was it gentle prodding from a concerned coworker, or the questions of a skeptical agent who hadn't exactly warmed up to you yet?

"Look," you started out carefully, "I just haven't been sleeping very well since...the hospital and everything. Jet lag wasn't helping, so I'm just trying to burn off some energy."

JJ nodded along as you spoke, but the look on her face didn't seem fully convinced. There was a beat of silence, which was apparently just enough pressure to make you hop off the elliptical and prepare to make a break for the exit.

"I was just about to head up and shower anyways-"

JJ's hand landed on your wrist as you moved to step around her, and your voice faltered immediately.

"Y/N, relax. I get it," she said, her tone softening in way that made something in your stomach flutter. "I've been there, more times than I like to think about honestly. Can I help?"

The offer and the sudden moment of vulnerability between the two of you were almost equally startling. You blinked a few times, hoping she couldn't see the gears turning furiously in your head as you struggled to formulate a response.

"I, well," you stammered for a second, all of the sudden very aware of how her fingers felt around your wrist, "-I'm sure you could if I knew what I needed."

It wasn't what you wanted to say, not by a long shot, and for some reason it looked like JJ knew that.

A warm, sandalwood-scented candle glows an orange hue from the centre of the dinner table. Soft, string instruments play a tune from a radio from somewhere else in the room. You’re back in a kitchen you’ve become familiar with, it’s the only place you ever go on a date.

“This is amazing, Lin, you’ve really outdone yourself this time,” you hum in satisfaction after you take the first bite of the plate she placed in front of you.

You watch as she shakes her head at the praise, a smile on her lips, nonetheless, one that she covers with a glass of red wine, “You always say that whenever I cook, how am I meant to know you aren’t lying?”

“Isn’t that your job?” You tease with a waggle of your eyebrow, and Lin rolls her eyes in response. “Chief.” 

Her jaw clenches at the title and, if you weren’t as perceptive as you were, you would’ve said that she enjoyed you calling her chief, however the look in her eye told you otherwise. It was complicated; Lin was complicated, but it also made you feel head over heels for the woman.

Lin did, in fact, like you calling her chief, it had her heart beating like it was trying to run away from her. But, it also reminded her that she was older, that she was the one with the power, the one in control, and that you were younger. Way younger. It made her feel as if she was taking advantage of you, that she was somehow forcing and manipulating you into being in a relationship with her. When she knew better than anyone else, that it was quite the opposite. It was you that had pursued her, it was you that made the first move, and it was you with all the power if you knew it or not.

The feeling of you taking her hand pulls her out of her thoughts, and you smile at her softly - the one that makes all her worries melt away.

“Come with me to Zaofu,” Lin proposes. 

It’s a big step in your relationship and as soon as the offer hangs in the air you both realise how heavy it is. Lin swallows as she searches your face.

“As us, or as co-workers?” 

The question is delivered with a bite you didn’t know was going to happen and it dampens the mood instantly, you might as well have bent the candle flame out and thrown the plate on the floor.

A beat passes and you pull your hand back to your lap, Lin’s fingers are stretched out toward you, you already know the answer.

“I’ll think about it,” you pause, the hurt evident in your voice, “let’s just finish our dinner.”

Lin’s green eyes are sad as she watches you compile another bite onto your fork, and an apology hooks itself, achingly, in the middle of her throat. She is sorry that she can’t give you the love that you deserve; sorry that the love that you so openly crave is the same that she can’t bring herself to admit that she wants too.

— — — — —

As the train passes into Zaofu territory, the metal domes become larger by the second, you find yourself putting distance between you and Lin. You agreed to join her, of course you did, which also meant you agreed to act professionally when others were around. Lin’s job was very important to her, you knew that, but whatever it was that you guys had going on was not against the rules. Lin wasn’t your boss, she didn’t even work in the same department as you. Something else was bothering her and, lately, you were losing sleep over it - tossing and turning and worrying yourself of the worst. 

The train slows before coming to a stop, and Lin’s already waiting for the doors to open. Her arms crossed over her chest with that cute, serious look on her face. You join her just as the doors begin to move and the two of you are instantly greeted by her sister, Suyin.

“Lin!” She smiles warmly, with open arms. The resemblance between the two is hard to miss and, yet, Suyin’s already so different. “And you must be Lin’s assistant,” she says as her attention turns to you and you can feel the way Lin tenses up next to you. 

“Uh- yes,” you stumble but quickly recover with a polite nod of your head, “you can call me Y/n.”

“Welcome to Zaofu,” you thank her with a nod of your head, “would you like a tour? My husband would be happy to show you around.” 

You catch Lin’s eye, “Would that be alright?” She gives you a sharp nod in response.

The question makes her feel sick to her stomach, she hates that everyone thinks that you’re her assistant and she can’t tell if she hates the fact that you’ve melded so easily into the role more. She watches as you join Baatar who is quick to start talking animatedly about his city. 

“So, what have you been up to?” Suyin asks, coming into Lin’s view and blocking you out.

An hour after dinner is the next time the two of you are next alone. After showering and changing into your sleepwear, you find yourself knocking on Lin’s door. As soon as it swings open, you can’t help the dopey smile that instantly pulls at your lips; Lin stands in front of you dressed in her white tank, the one that shows off the muscles that she hides under her uniform. She’s not surprised to see you, she knew that you’d be at her door sooner than later.

“Good evening,” you smirk, making your way into her room and tugging her towards her bed whilst she pushes the door closed. 

“Good evening to you too,” she smiles as you pull her onto the bed, sitting her down in front of you with a sweet kiss to her lips. 

You hug her from behind, jaw resting on her shoulder so that you could see her face.

“Dinner was amazing,” you begin, “it was like nothing I’d ever tasted before.”

“If you’re lucky, I might be able to get the recipe for you.” You hum happily in response and she can feel the vibration of it against her skin. 

“What’s on your mind?” You ask, and it shocks her because she didn’t notice that her face had fallen and she realises that something has in fact been bugging her.

She lets out a defeated sigh, her body slumping with it and your fingers are carding through the back of her hair in a soothing manner, “I never said that you were my assistant, Suyin just assumed, I should’ve said something,” she mumbles in regret.

You smile empathetically at the way she’s tearing herself up at it, “It’s okay, Lin, I don’t mind, really, plus it makes more sense as to why I’m with you. Don't worry, everything’s going to be just fine.” 

Your hand smooths down the back of her neck, igniting a gentle warmth which spreads through her tense muscles, and her eyes flutter close in response. You press a gentle kiss to her jaw.

The door suddenly swings open.

Lin jumps to her feet instantly, and you’re taking your hands off of her as fast as you can.

Suyin stands in the doorway.

A beat of still silence passes, your heart beating quickly in your chest.

“Y/n, you’re excused.” You hear Lin order and you look up at her before moving, her anger is almost tangible. You leave the bed as swiftly as you can and then out through the door, giving Suyin a polite smile as she swaps places with you. The slamming of the metal door causes you to jump at the loud noise.

“Do you ever knock?” You hear Lin’s muffled shout from behind the walls, and you find yourself gritting your teeth - it was only the first night and your plan had already gone to shit. Shit.

— — — — —

The next few days were quiet, though they consisted of following Lin around, you hadn’t actually spent any time with her. You didn’t knock on her door the following nights after Suyin had walked in because, like an oyster, Lin had closed up, and she didn’t need to tell you either. From the way she had acted the morning after, keeping words short and professional and barely glancing your way, you knew not to come searching for her. 

You mentally kicked yourself, you knew it was going to end up like this. You never should have come. You should have gone with your gut in the first place and stayed home, but you had a feeling that it was going to be different this time. Of course you and Lin had your hardships, like any relationship did, but you shouldn’t have to feel like this - alone by your girlfriend’s side. Because that’s what she was to you, you just hoped that she thought of you as the same.

The time apart, and the reason for it, was taking its toll on Lin too. It was eating her alive. She eyed Suyin from the corner of her eye; she hadn’t mentioned it, no indication to whether she had even seen it or not, but there was no way she could have missed it. You were quite literally wrapped around her. What did she think of her? Did she think badly? Like she was some kind of corruptor? Fuck, she couldn’t take it anymore.

“The other night-” Lin suddenly began causing her sister to turn to her. “I-” she sighed, “I want to ask what you thought.” She searched her eyes.

“Of you and Y/n?” Lin nodded her head. “You’re together?” Lin nodded her head again. Suyin shrugged her shoulders.

“Honestly,” Lin urged, pleadingly.

“She’s your assistant-”

“-She isn’t.”

“She’s not?”

Lin shook her head, “She doesn’t even work in the same department.”

“Then, what?”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” Lin mumbles and her sister looks at her blankly. “That she’s younger?”

“Do you?”

The question makes her pause for a moment. 

Suyin starts again, a hand on her hip, “You’re both adults, it’s not as if she’s only just turned twenty, she’s been an adult for a while, you’re overthinking, Lin, always chasing your own tail, just let yourself breathe, stop for a minute and think about what you want and not what others will think cause honestly no one’s going to bat an eye.” She gives Lin a tight-lipped smile, a knowing look in her eyes, and gives her a light pat on the shoulder, “I’ll see you at dinner,” she says before leaving Lin alone. 

A few hours later, at the dinner table, you, wordlessly, take your place next to Lin. What you don’t expect is for Lin to lean over, so close that her breath tickles the shell of your ear. You eye everyone else at the table, conscious about how close she is.

“We should talk later,” she whispers, and anxiety instantly causes your heart to stutter and for your stomach to drop. 

But then, even more surprisingly, you feel her take your hand from underneath the table - her fingers curling against your own - before placing it on top. For all to see. You turn your head then, a questioning look on your face and your eyebrows furrowed, and she’s looking back with a content look on her face before giving you a small smile and mouthing the word ‘later’.