itβs really crazy to think how words can have a huge impact on a child, and follow them into adulthood. story timeβ
when i was 6 i gained a large amount of weight in a small period of time. my mom became so concerned i spent countless hours at the dr getting blood work done, etc. the doctor told my mom that i was healthy and that it is normal. well my mom refused to take that as an answer and switched drβs because something was not βnormalβ. here i am, a 6 year old child being told that because i am not skinny, there is something wrong. mind you, the cabinets were always filled with chips, cookies, etc. my cousin let me try on her old cheerleading dress and was telling me how cute and pretty i looked. she said, βlets go downstairs and show everyone how pretty you look.β my grandmother (momβs mother) immediately said, βtake that off of her! sheβs going to stretch it out!β to which my cousin said, βi dont think she will, and even if she did who cares? am i ever going to wear it again?β for that moment i am grateful for her.
another time at the pool, one of the lifeguards who was also my babysitter was giving me a piggyback ride. one of the moms said, βput her down, she is going to hurt your back! you canβt expect people to carry you around. you are too big!β at 6 years old, a grown ass woman was bullying me for my weight. i was embarrassed, but my confidence was still there so i ignored it and went off to play elsewhere.
all of my friends were allowed to prance around the pool in their bikinis, and i was stuck wearing an ugly one-piece speedo because my mom was afraid of what the other moms would say. when i would beg her at the store to please let me get a bikini she would respond with, βno your belly sticks out too far and it will not look good. you are not stick skinnyβ βand thatβs where it all started.
one day we were walking home from the pool, my hand holding hers, and I said, βmom, why am i so fat and you are so skinny?β and she will never let me forget it. almost as if it fed her ego so big that she needs a constant reminder. she still says to this day, βI still remember whenβ¦β and then finishes with βi felt so bad!!!‘‘β not to mention she used to tell me that i had sausage fingers and call me pork chop.
8 years old, i began taking a new medication for adhd that made me eat less. i lost a good amount of weight and my βrewardβ was being able to wear tankinis. my mom went out and bought me a whole new wardrobe i will never forget it. she kept saying βoh my gosh the 12βs (child size) are swimming on you! let me go grab you a 10! (with a smile on her face).
10 years old i had to up my dosage because the medicine wasnβt strong enough. i lost even more weight because i completely lost my appetite.
11 years old i recognized that my hipbones popped out when i laid down, and that my mom let me wear whatever i wanted. i noticed that in order to be thin and pretty all i had to do was wait to eat until dinner time. thatβs where i started to restrict.
12 years old i would eat breakfast before taking my medicine so that i wouldnβt feel like complete shit all day. i was never a lunch eater. my mom married some asshole (they divorced 2 years later) who thought it was funny to βjokeβ that i was fat. he insisted it was just jokes and that i really wasnβt fat. my mom would always say, βyou are going to be paying for her therapy when she develops an eating disorderβ little did she know. then my little brother decided to chime in and call me fat. i hit puberty at this time and couldnβt understand why my body just felt bigger.
13 years old i stopped eating breakfast and only ate dinner again. i lost some weight to where i was comfortable, but always thought i could still lose a few pounds. then my dad told me i had βsalami armsβ, still not really sure what that meant, but i assumed it meant my arms were fat. my grandmother (dads mom) refused to accept that i was a size small. she would insist i was a medium and that the small was too tight. we would get into arguments because i refused to wear a size bigger than i was.
14 years old a girl i was friends with told me about tumblr. she was overweight and hated her body, but would always gush over how βskinnyβ i was. she would point out my collar bones. i began feeling self-conscious because I took it as passive aggressive.
15-17 years old i was at a normal weight but always felt like i could loose a few pounds. for the most part i only ate dinner. i would sit and chat with my friends at the lunch table and they would always ask, βarenβt you hungry?β and my response was always no.
18 years old i began restricting and counting calories so that i would look good in whatever prom dress i chose. i remember at my dress fitting, my grandmother (my dads mom) said, βwow you are so thin. i canβt believe it. you are gorgeous!β i would drink veggie broth and green tea by the gallon. that was the first time i was under 120lbs since 5th grade. i went back to my normal weight after a few months and all i could think about was how good i looked and felt being that small.
20 years old i was counting calories and only eating once a day at 10pm. i would fast all day and work to keep myself from eating. i finally did it. i made it to 118lbs. then all of a sudden my mom became concerned, my grandmother (her mom) became concerned, my DAD even asked me how much i weighed, and thought that i was extremely thin. they fed my ego and made me want to never gain weight again.
you see, the moral to the story is that people have no problem calling you out on your weight, then wonder why you develop an unhealthy relationship with food. i am the way i am from being told at a young age that there was something wrong with being secure with my body.
do not ever bring up a childβs weight and initiate that it is a problem.
children are not insecure until you point out their flaws. leave their pure souls be and let them enjoy their childhood before itβs robbed from them.
