ᴀ ʟᴏꜱᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴅɪᴀʀʏ

𝘾rushes for you was inevitable. You loved too easily for a world that weaponizes it like a tool, you understood this from a very young age. Love is meant to be hidden from the pressing eye and be left in private, so you hide it, and you hide it well— there is a reason why people don't know your past crushes despite loving people so easily. It's hidden in quietness and short responses, things that usually indicate a lack of fondness, so it's a perfect defense mechanism in hiding your love.

However how do you get this sickly and helpless feelings out of your system if not to express them?

Your art is usually where you express your love: from your drawings, writings, and music, you act like an artist with a muse. You squeel and giggle whenever you draw their features on a canvas, whenever you write about your feelings on a piece of paper, when you play your music with them in mind. You can't help it. Because when you are punished for showing your love, you hide it in art.

Every piece is dedicated to them, every premise is made with them in mind, every thing is plagued by thoughts of them, and you can't stop.

You truly are a sucker for love.

So when you are transported in twisted wonderland. The world where survival of the fittest is the staple in it's society. You crawl back to your little shell and live in it like a hermit crab— because in a sense, you are one. A hermit crab that hates it when people get close to you.

Admittedly, this made you very unfriendly and unapproachable on the outside. Despite being popular for being a person in another world that managed to beat seven powerful overblots, you were still a quiet and meek person that glares at anyone except for Grim. Although they could see little cracks in the surface, like: when you keep Grim a little too close, when you give headpats to Ortho, and when you affectionately punch Ace and Epel. They'd just think that it's in your nature— and because Grim is kinda like your adopted son in a sense so it makes sense for both of you to be inseparable. They think that your love language is being discrete with your actions, they think that your love language is as subtle as you, they think that you aren't capable of getting cuteness aggressions and little bursts of affections.

Oh how utterly and completely wrong they are.

You were finally home from a draining day and you cannot wait to smother Grim with all your love and affections.

No literally.

The moment that you and Grim went inside the comfort of your bed, you grabbed Grim from the scruff of his neck and leaped to the bed while hugging Grim with little giggles escaping your mouth. He yelped and tried to protest and wriggle out of your cuteness aggression, but alas, he was too tired to do so, so he just gave up and melted into your touch.

"You don't know how much I wanted to do this with you while you ate!!" You squeeled while squeezing his chubby cheeks with your hands.

"OI HENCHHUMAN! STOP DOING THAT" he yelled while gritting his teeth.

You giggled "you're so cute!!!" You coo'ed

"I AM NOT CUTE. I AM THE MOST POWERFUL MAGE IN EXISTENCE-"

That's Grim's average day with his henchhuman. It's chaotic, it's affectionate, and it makes his cheeks numb from all the pinches you give. But he wouldn't trade this for the world— now, he would rather get collared by Riddle than admit that to your face, but it's true. You were the only one that truly gave him unconditional and comforting love that he didn't have to fight for. That's literally revolutionary! And he's nothing but a selfish and glutinous beast so he soaks it in like a sponge, he melts into it despite his protests, and he expects it despite saying that he doesn't need cuddles to sleep (he does) because you were the only one that he didn't need to fight for in life.

At first he was sceptical with it. You're quiet, you scowl at every boy that looks at you, and you literally punched Ace! So why are you giving him hugs every minute and kissing his cheeks as a goodnight?? This most definitely means that you are expecting something in return from him...

Right?

"What you mean Grim? I don't need anything in return, I just love you, isn't that enough?"

"W-what!? are ya' stupid?? I know that ya' are from another world and all— but people here don't get all lovey-dovey without somethin' in return!"

You smiled.

That was the first time he's seen you smile since you got here in twisted wonderland. That was the first time you actually smiled with fondness without a little twitch of aggression on your face.

"Don't worry Grim. As long as Im here, you won't have to work for any hugs or goodnight kisses"

He stared at you speachless.

"Okay?"

Then like a dam. Emotions started to pour out of his heart, he felt all of it: the little sting in his eyes like he was about to cry, the silence that spoke a million words, and the lack of words because it got clogged in his throat. So he didn't say anything and just hugged you as he burried his head on your chest.

He tried not to cry, he truly did to seem strong and seem as if your words didn't mean anything to him. But he did.

You smiled and hugged him back.

That was the secret of the two of you.

You were affectionate and filled with love that seems to have no end, you were an artist that was motivated by love, and you were as clingy a golden retriever with seperation anxiety. While Grim was actually soft, he melts into your arms, he leans into you when you two cuddle, and he indulges you whenever you take care of him, like: when you brush his fur and take care of it despite not even taking care of yours. That was the equilibrium, you take care of Grim and say nothing about his soft nature, and he listens to your rants about your crush while keeping quiet about how you reassemble a lover-girl than a quiet tsundere.

You stared at your screen with a lovesick gaze as you kicked your feet back and forth while smiling with the widest grin you can do.

This was your first ever crush in this new world that you found yourself in, this was the first person that you fell for, and this was the first person that you actually felt like you can get through with the day after just seeing him in the school premises.

Your first ever muse in twisted wonderland.

Although usually, you would write letters on a paper and let your words fall from there, but you were nothing but an overthinker— there were millions of possibilities where this could go wrong: Ace and Deuce could find these letters, Grim could accidentally send it to him, or the ghosts could find it and read it to him when he goes in Ramshackle, anything could happen! So the safest route was to write and dump it all in your notes app then lock your phone that only Grim and you know the password of.

Don't ask why Grim also has access to your phone. He's like an iPad kid and demands for your phone to play games in it or install some to the point that you had to delete some because of your full storage. Besides, what's the harm in it? It's not like he goes in your notes app, that's literally impossible! He doesn't give a single fuck about any app except for the games in your phone, so what could go wrong?

Anyways.

Those feelings were actually a lie. Yep, you moved to another person. But this is the one this time! There's possibly no way that this could go wrong— he's admirable, he's handsome and absolutely breathtaking, there's no way that-

That was a lie.

Okay but maybe this one will?? He's kind to you, cares for you and...

Again. Nothing. You moved on.

This was a constant theme for your crushes. Now, you would have lingering feelings and re-ignite your feelings once in a while, but eventually, you would move on to the next person, then the next, then the next, until your notes app is filled with nothing but digital letter confessions.

You were eternally greatful that no one knows about your crushes or your reputation would've tanked to hell.

You burried it all deep into your notes app until you eventually forgot about all your feelings and moved on. You never got those similar feelings again because you knew the truth. They would never like you back...

That's literally an impossible event so why not try at all?

You were magic-less, you were average, and you were nothing striking in this world. You were just a magic-less prefect that happened to defeat seven overblots. You weren't a model, a world famous singer, or even a mage. So why not give up the thoughts of romance while it's still early?

Grim could see this gradual fall of romance in your heart and was confused at first. Love is literally the motivation why you're so talented! You loved Grim so much that you would fight overblots just to keep him safe, you loved that damn crush so much that you would doddle their faces on a scrap paper and rekindle your love for drawing just for that, you literally made a scrapped song for all your crushes for fucks sake! So why...

Why are you suddenly containing all your artwork, music compositions, and all your little knick-knacks inspired by your crushes inside a box and hiding it inside the Ramshackle so deep that even the ghosts couldn't reach it?

He was appalled. You were literally a perfect lover!— even though he didn't know the bases of being in a romantic relationship, he knew that the amount of effort you did to your love for your crushes deserves a applause and recognition— he had never seen any human as smitten as you! So why did you snap and decide it wasn't worth your time anymore?

He asked you about it one time. He got an answer. But he didn't like it, but he got an answer.

"I'm not anything admirable y'know? Unlike them, I'm just a magic-less prefect" you sighed "and I can't do anything about it"

He needed to prove you wrong, he needed you to see that you're so much more lovable than you think you are— just like how you did to him. He couldn't let his henchhuman wallow in self deprecation while he had all the love, he needed you to see that this school literally changed because of you. And that's the most admirable thing he's ever seen in his life.

But how could he? He didn't have any piece of art that was etched with your affections, it was all hidden.

How could he prove to you that your crushes have a possible crush on you when you hid it?

"Hey Grim!"

Your calling snapped him out of his haze as you turned to you— you were doing your usual nightly routine.

"What did ya' need" he mumbled amidst his sleepy state. You smiled and giggled, "sorry Grim, I know you're sleepy right now but can I ask you a favor?" He huffed out a positive response. "Can you get my phone and go to my notes app then copy paste the first note you see?— it's on the very top labeled 'Crowley's shit' you can't miss it" he groaned but ultimately agreed.

He pulled your phone from the night stand and opened it. He scolled until he could find an app you were asking about.

Now... What he did next was completely justified and he would not take it back, no matter how many times you punish him.

This was for your own good! You'd thank him after this trust.

"Did you find it?" You didn't bother to listen for his response as you applied your skin care, too busy to care "great, now can you send it to the person that it's signed too?" You could see him nodding in your periperal vision, "thanks grimmy!! I promise I'll give you extra tuna after this"

Now... You might have to take it back in the morning prefect, after you eventually discover what he actually did.

He found your digital love letters and sent it to them instead of the long text message on the top that clearly said "Crowley said to text this to the boys because he has no time even though we all know that he just doesn't give a fuck"— it wasn't anything serious, just some errands for them to complete.

So how the fuck did he mix it up with your confessions!?