Green Eyed Mal-Content

The following threads will be archived for lack of activity on the 15th unless I hear from my co-authors

Regina grinned and even chuckled at Emma’s words but it was more about just how adorable she was.  She licked her lips and looked for a few glasses.  A few doors opened and closed until she found what she was looking for and then she moved back to where Emma was seated on the couch.  “Actually, I meant glasses, but I found them alright,” she explained in her more soothing voice and came around the couch to sit down. “I think I might have just what you need.”  Regina lifted her hand and on it formed a bottle of red wine from a swirl of purple magic.  Her smile came as she looked to Emma.

reginaqueenmills

“Hi,” she said quickly while smiling in that lovely way that she did. Regina was far different than the night they had first met. Her eyes held a softness now. “I was worried about you. As a friend…” she added, “and as family. I heard what happened and I told Snow that it might be better if I came to check on you. There’s not same…well let’s put is it way, not as much sugar coated words.” Regina licked lips and her right eyebrow arched in that knowing way. “Do mind if I come in?”

@reginaqueenmills

So much had changed between them since the night they first met, the night she drove Henry back to Storybrooke after he’d show up outside her apartment, the night she’d gotten her first glance at the life her son had without her and the woman who’d adopted him. And somewhere in all of that change, they’d become friends. True, neither of them were they type to really open up but they had; at first from necessity but that two had changed over the years and now Regina was one of the few people -- maybe the only person -- she felt she could open up. And as evidenced by Regina’s comment about her mother’s saccharine speech impediment, Regina understood her even without Emma having to say anything. 

Emma closed her eyes – not that she needed to stare at the ceiling anymore since she’d long since memorized every inch of it – and silently wished for whoever it was to just go away. Especially if it was her mother. The thought of having to deal with Snow’s overly hopeful demeanour draining away what little emotional strength remained after hours of trying to come to terms with Hook leaving her. 

But she also know that whoever it was wasn’t likely to leave without some sort of reply. And for all she knew this visitor had nothing to do with her love life at all. They might be seeking out the Sheriff or the saviour, or more likely both and that… that Emma could use. Something to distract herself even if it was likely to try to kill her. 

With a heavy sigh she rolled off the couch and onto her feet, pausing only long enough to take a quick stretch before she slouched over to the door. Another pause as she straightened her back and tried to martial her expression into something more welcoming than she felt like being. 

Regina’s smile came easier when Emma told her to surprise her.  It was that familiar grin that would let the blonde know so much more.  “I can’t surprise when you know what you like and I make it for you,” she replied and pulled a loaf of bread from the counter tossing it at the blonde. “Butter the bread,” she told her with a smirk.  Regina turned and pulled out a flat skillet and turned on the stove top. She walked over to the other side of the kitchen and pulled out a bag of salt and vinegar chips. 

The knot in her gut eased slightly, not enough for her to ignore it, but enough for the faint grin on her lips to grow a little stronger as she got up to get a butter knife. 

Regina blinked once and smiled a little.  “But I don’t mind making something.  I mean,” she paused and glanced over at the clock near the oven, shrugging.  “…it’s not that early in the morning for something to eat.  Henry is at Snow’s soo we won’t wake him.  Why don’t you just let me make you something.  It will help you and me, if you like…hmmm?”

Emma turned back around with a slow ease that wasn’t quite as nonchalant as it, or she, wanted it to appear. She wasn’t going to complain about Regina wanting to cook for her -- on the contrary, on any other day she’d be far more likely to protest the opposite -- but Emma felt her stomach knot at the thought of Regina going out of her way to take care of her after she’d all but shot down any hop Regina had for a future full of the pitter patter of little mills-swans. 

Guilt sucked. 

But that same knot kept Emma from protesting the offer; if it made Regina happy, who was she to say no.

By the time Emma came down to the kitchen, Regina had already started water for tea and had set out two mugs.  She heard the blonde’s steps and glanced over at her, even smiling a little.  Regina didn’t hate her and she wasn’t mad at her for being afraid.  What she hated was that she couldn’t stop from being disappointed.  She chided herself and bit her tongue because now, perhaps now just had not been the right time to ask or rather…throw it on the blonde.  Regina turned to the sink and stared down into it, pressing her lips together.  She was sorry, but she didn’t really know how to say it without sounded like she wasn’t.

Emotions were not her strong point and she knew that Emma knew that coming into all of this.  She hoped that she wouldn’t hold that against her or beat her own self up to much for Regina’s lack of emotional control.  “Did you want anything to eat?  I know it is late, but I don’t mind heating some leftovers up if that is what you wanted,” she said, turning around once she was able to smile a little easier.  God, why was this so hard?  She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck.  Were they going to get past this?  Regina met eyes face and internally worried.

She was starving even without taking into account the calories the two of them had burned off before their... conversation had killed the mood but Emma had been through enough foster homes were being hungry was the norm for her not to know how to hide that fact if she had to. 

The question was, did she have to. Was hiding anything from Regina -- especially something so simple and pointless -- a good idea or would it only lead to more trouble later, more hurt feelings? 

Emma ran her fingers through her hair.

I know I’ve been a terrible Mun of late (and longer, apologies for both by the way) but as some of you may know I’ve been struggling with my Emma Muse for a while (my Regina, however, has never felt stronger) so I’m left with a choice to make; I can either continue on here, hoping that my Emma muse will come back sooner rather than later, or, I can put this account on hiatus (indefinitely) -- which isn’t my first choice as I’ve been fortunate enough to write with some truly amazing people through this account but is, perhaps, the fairest to those amazing writers I’m still, technically, writing with... in theory at least.

I hope to have a decision made one way or the other soon but for now I wanted to let anyone still following me here to know what’s going on and to thank (again) all the wonderful Muns I’ve written with and which, I hope, I will get to write with again, either through this Muse or another in the future. 

“Take your time,” she said as she was heading down the hall.  “The tea will take a few moments to make…”  There was a touch of sadness within Regina’s voice.  Regina hit the top landing to the stairs, pausing and glanced over her shoulder.  She could hear Emma moving around, so she wouldn’t notice her absence for a brief moment.  Regina disappeared in her purple cloud of smoke and reappeared in her study.  She walked to the farthest bookcase and pulled out one of the thickest books; a fake book.  She opened it and inside was a vile that she had made a while ago, in hopes that things would change and might be able to have a baby of her own.  

It was a backup plan and she knew only had a small percentage of working to reverse her own curse. Without any hesitation. she opened the small lid and brought the bottle to her lips.  Regina closed her eyes and swallowed.  It just had to work.

Emma paused in pushing herself off the mattress, her ears too familiar with Regina’s voice -- and too alert after her fuck up earlier -- to not pick up the dejection in the other woman’s voice. She let out a sigh as she looked over her shoulder at the mess of sheets and considered crawling back under them before she gave her head a shake and pushed herself to her feet. 

She would do anything to give Regina her happy ending, she’d dedicated herself to that goal long before she and Regina had become lovers, long before either of them had ever admitted they wanted to and her dedication was no less today than the day she’d first uttered the words through the closed door that separated them that night. At least she thought she was until tonight but as much as she wanted to give Regina her happily ever after, as much as she loved her, as much as she loved that Regina and Henry were her family the thought of having another kid -- especially with the parade of life and death situations that seemed to fill her life almost every week since she’d first crossed the town line -- scared her. Henry was amazing, yes, and she couldn’t ask for a better son but she knew that was all Regina. What if she wasn’t any good at being a mom. What if she screwed up so bad the kid spent the rest of his or her life hating her. What if she did that and Regina left her because she was such a disaster as a mom?

The worst part was she knew she was being stupid. If Regina could turn out a kid like Henry while she was still technically the Evil Queen, then there was no way the both of them together couldn’t do just as good. Not with how much they loved each other. And yet Emma couldn’t shake the fear off, just push it away. So on top of feeling scared, and feeling like an idiot for feeling scared, she felt like shit for failing Regina in keeping the biggest promise she’d ever made to her. 

“idiot.” She mumbled to herself as she picked through her clothes for a t shirt and a change of pants -- a pair of faded-from-use-jogging pants in this case. Once dressed she ducked into the bathroom to use the mirror as she finger-combed her hair into some semblance of order, ending with another sigh as she studied her reflection.

“You can do this Emma. You can do this because you’ll be doing it with her and you love her and she loves you back so stop being stupid and go tell her you’re all in.”

“Well, if it couldn’t…then what are we all working so hard for?” As much as she smiled, there was pain behind her eyes. There was guilt for asking and guilt for making Emma feel so bad. There was confusion and understanding and there was defeat. Regina shook her head and sighed to relax herself. She lifted her hands in the air. “Let’s just forget about it. I don’t want you to think on it for another moment and I won’t bring it up. I am…” Regina frowned and licked her lips. “…going to go make some tea. If you want some fine…of not, you can stay in bed and rest.” She smiled and leaned forward, placing a kiss upon Emma’s lips and then slipped from the bed. She found her robe and put it on, wrapping herself snuggly within it. Regina ran her fingers through her dark hair and paused at the door. She met the blonde’s eyes. “If you blame yourself for any of this, I will punish you. It won’t be pretty,” she warning with a smirk.

Regina nodded and squeezed one of Emma’s shoulders.  She understood…of course, but the disappointment was hard to hide. She breathed out slowly and then pulled Emma in for a hug.  “I love you too and I know you are sorry.  We…will…just have to find…another way.  Right?  That’s what we do…” she calmly said against Emma’s shoulder as her own chin rested upon it.   Regina remained there for a time and then when she felt she could, parted and dropped her gaze.  “I guess I should have used a different approach, I don’t know. I am not good with anything relationship wise.  All I do know is that I know how to…keep going…”

A soft laugh tinged with sadness left Emma. “Ditto.” She reached out for Regina’s hand. “Guess that makes us perfect for each other, two damaged sides of the same coin.” It was meant as a joke but the moment the words left Emma’s mouth she regretted them.

“I mean-” she pushed herself up before reaching again for Regina’s hand. “I meant- I don’t think you’re damaged, Regina. You’re incredible and I want to give you everything that no one else ever did or tried to.” She dropped her chin to her chest, her free hand brushing her tangle of blonde locks back off her forehead before she looked up again. “Your approach wasn’t wrong. I just... wasn’t ready for it. And we will find a way, ‘Gina. I promise.”