walking disasters

No — With.. what happened. You just.. seem so unphased by it all.. You’re life just gets to go back to normal, you get to move on and be with Winny, or whatever, and I’m the one having to go to therapy two times a week. I just – I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I have to feel this empty all the time. And I’m not trying to say you should feel this way too, that’s the last thing I’d want – I just don’t understand after all of – this, after everything was said and done. I – I’m sorry. We should have this conversation when you’re sober – Or better yet, not at all. Forget I said anything. 

Well, I’m not. I’m not going to break down in front of you and everyone else and tell them how scared I was, or still am? How bad I feel, how guilty. That’s not how I operate. My life is never going to be normal, and I think you know that. I’m not with Winny, contrary to your belief and everyone else’s. Still just friends. It’s not fair, and I’m not sure why you feel so empty, or if it’s just a combination of everything that has happened... I just figured that was what was for the best; leaving you to be by yourself. I’m a ghost, Maya. That’s why we broke up the first time, and that’s why we broke up a few weeks ago. It’ll always be the reason. I don’t know how to make you feel more full, but will my presence do that? Yeah, nice try. Not gonna’ happen. 

But I like things the way they are. Plus, he knows what I want to do and refuses to let it happen. So if I become nothing, it’s his fault.

He can’t refuse you when you’re eighteen, dude.

Delusional, aren’t we? If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’d want me to. I think you’re underestimating your luck. Don’t we all, some just need it more than others.

Back in the day I mighta’, but I’m pretty sure you’re taken. How so? If anything, I’m overestimating it. Unfortunately, yeah. Maybe one day I’ll get it.

Today is just not my day.

Why’s that?

I don’t get the point of it at all. If I want to hang out with my friends, why does there need to be an organized dance where people spend hundreds of dollars on material shit when they could literally just turn on music at someone’s house and dance there. Hell, they could even have their own patriarchal king and queen if that’s what they want.

It’s not really about the material things, people just like to dress up and feel good about themselves. Can you blame them for that? You don’t have to go drop two grand on a dress, it’s not like anyone will know. 

Why would anyone do the Charlie Charlie challenge? Some people are so stupid.

Another internet fad?

Fine. Why is this so easy for you? Why – Why do you get to be fine, and I’m the one who feels horrible? 

You think I’m fine? You of all people should know I’m never fine. Like, ever. Even when I’m happy, I’m always slightly depressed, or whatever. I feel like shit, Maya. Wouldn’t be smoking if I didn’t.

I’ll try not to. But it just doesn’t make any sense? I don’t get why people say it when they’re feeling sad.

Just ‘cause blue is sorta’ a sad colour, I guess. 

Well, this is probably the only time you’d be honest, so.

So--- use it to your advantage. Ask me anything.

it’s a tragedy, the way he loves you; it is a tragedy that star crossed lovers will read about a hundred years later, and weep over blood not yet spilt- because if you two could not make it; no one will.

Maybe, who knows.

Well, good luck with that. 

My dad and I went to the lake for a couple of days, and all he could talk about the whole time was how I need to start getting serious about my future since I’m graduating soon, but then said he thinks I’m getting too serious about things with Katie. What the hell does any of that even mean? I’m not serious enough, but I’m also too serious?

They’re about two different things. Get more serious with one while still staying serious about the other. Win-win.

Let me take a good guess – Wal-Mart, McDonalds, people using those motor scooters at the store even when they don’t need them, and other related American things? I heard the girls are ten times easier but also ten times more spoiled so it’s a win-lose situation.

Seeing people use those motor scooter things is fucking hilarious, honestly. Have you ever rode one? It’s probably the funnest thing when you’re high, honestly. Not that I condone drug use or anything. I heard the girls are absolutely nuts. They even have a show called “Bad Girls Club”, and if that’s any consolation of how they are, I think I’ll pass. I guess there’s no in between of a Becky Baker and a fucking lunatic.