"why would i make them so uncomfortable?" "it probably has to do with your reputation." "reputation? i have a reputation?" "mulder, look, colton plays by the book and you don't. they feel your methods, your theories are..." "spooky? do you think i'm spooky?"

will  goes  still  @greatestsln  's  words,  a  sort  of  stillness  that  promises  the  rage  is  going  to  build  in  him.  that's  going  to  explode  in  a  way  that  he  won't  be  able  to  control.  he  has  tried  so  hard  to  never  get  mad  at  jem  about  this,  or  question  him  but  --  everything  in  him  is  going  to  boil  out  and  he  is  going  to  say  something  he  might  regret.  "how  could  you  ever  do  that??  make  peace  with  something  that  will  destroy  people??"  'will  destroy  me'  hangs  in  the  air,  but  he  doesn't  say  it.  holds  it  off  because  he  will  not  make  jem's  death  all  about  him.  

"you  are  giving  up,  and  you  aren't  going  to  fight??  if  not  for  me,  you  should  for  tessa,"  because  he  would  rather  have  the  two  of  them  move  on  from  him,  and  live  a  life  long  and  happy  than  ever  lose  either  of  them.  he  takes  two  steps,  long  legs  carrying  him  the  rest  of  the  way  and  he  places  a  hand  on  the  side  of  jem's  face,  "please,  james,  please,"  he  whispers  it,  "you  can't  make  peace  with  this.  you  need  to  fight,  and  believe  that  maybe  we  can  do  something  to  stop  this  from  happening.  i  will  trade  away  my  life  this  second  for  you  to  be  okay."

 will  has  always  been  harsh  with  those  whom  he  is  angry,  but  jem  has  very  rarely  been  in  that  category. throwing  tessa  in  his  face  is  a  very  cruel  thing  indeed. ❛  if  there  was  something  to  be  done,  i  would  do  it. i  do  not  wish  for  death,  but  i  will  accept  it. you  and  tessa  have  one  another. and  how  grateful  i  am  for  it  !  ❜  loving  tessa  and  will  was  as  easy  (  sometimes  easier )  than  breathing. ❛  i  know  it  will  be  painful  for  you. but  you  vowed  to  me  you  would  stop  looking  for  a  cure,  and  you  have  kept  your  word. do  not  break  it  now. ❜  they  begged,  their  hands  moving  to  will's  arms. jem  steps  closer  into  will's  space,  pressing  a  soft  kiss  to  the  corner  of  his  lips. they  do  not  step  back  afterwards,  letting  his  hand  fall  to  will's  back. ❛  you  will  find  me  in  the  next  life  and  we'll  have  that  time,  all  of  it  that  you  want. you'll  be  sick  of  me,  i  know  it. ❜  his  other  hand  raises  to  run  through  will's  dark  hair,  a  contrast  with  how  pale  his  skin  is  these  days. ❛  we  have  always  been  inevitable,  you  and  i. ❜

i love you guys.

this makes me emotional and i’m expressing it.

yay, space!

i got us both ice creams.

hey [name], check me out.

how much of that did you see?

hold my ice cream.

why are you getting emotional?

let’s go.

hold my hand.

stay with me, [name].

shredding waves is much more dangerous than people realize.

you’re very brave.

you should heal up in no time.

can i come to your house tonight?

i don’t have anything big planned.

you should stop by.

so cool.

this is a real rager.

this night is just perfect.

you look so beautiful, [name].

this is the best day ever.

do you guys ever think about dying?

i don’t know why i just said that.

i’m just dying to dance.

you can go now.

i thought i might stay over tonight.

i’m actually not sure.

i don’t want you here.

[name] is just a really good friend.

right as always.

i love you too.

i’m definitely not thinking about death anymore.

i just fell.

stop it, [name].

what’s cookin’, good lookin’?

i’ve never seen that before.

can you, you know, fix them?

is that a problem?

what is that?

you’re a bummer.

i don’t want to.

best if you not think about it too much.

how do i get back?

don’t overthink it.

i believe in you.

are you scared?

i bet you’re scared.

i just don’t want to leave.

i’m trying to find reasons not to leave.

please stay.

i’m going to miss you guys so much.

what bird am i thinking of?

i’ll be back in no time.

what are you doing here?

i’m coming with you.

you’re just going to slow me down.

let’s do this.

i just need to clear my mind so i can think.

i hate when people think. i get so bored.

the faster i figure it out, the faster we get to go home.

what am i supposed to do?

go for a walk or something.

by myself? really?

don’t go far.

you’re so beautiful.

this is bad. this is really bad.

this is serious.

i feel amazing.

just don’t get in trouble.

what are you doing?

everyone really likes me and thinks i’m pretty.

i’m supposed to help you and make you happy.

i haven’t thought about you in years.

get back in the car.

are you kidding me?

thanks for the ride.

you’re safe here.

what is this place?

you look different.

get in. get in now.

how did this even happen?

i’ve been a little lonely lately.

i got sad and weird.

can you blame me for wanting to have a little fun?

the real world is forever and irrevocably messed up.

i love women.

it’s complicated.

hate is a strong word.

i’m wide awake.

where did you learn to drive like this?

you look so pretty.

don’t look at me.

what have you done?

what are you wearing?

don’t call me baby.

you failed me.

you can’t do this.

literally and figuratively watch me.

how’s it feel? it is not fun, is it?

i never wanted anything to change.

that’s life.

that’s terrifying.

i don’t want that.

please just leave me.

so, you’re just going to give up?

i almost felt bad for you.

this is the lowest i’ve ever been. emotionally and physically.

i’m [name]’s buddy.

all his clothes fit me.

yeah, well, i was wrong.

you have to try.

even if you can’t make it perfect, you can make it better.

i’m weird and i’m dark and i’m crazy.

we’re going back.

i’ll never get out of here.

i don’t deserve this.

i’m just so tired.

here, let me show you.

what if he doesn’t like me anymore?

i’m ready to be your long term distance low commitment casual girlfriend, if you’ll still have me.

could you just hold on for one second?

i don’t know. i’m gonna have to think about that.

it’s okay if you’re crying.

i think i owe you an apology.

i’m really sorry i took you for granted.

i just don’t know who i am without you.

i look so stupid.

this isn’t the answer.

you have to figure out who you are without me.

maybe all the things that you thought made you you aren’t really you.

oh, that’s nice.

i’m not in love with [name].

what do you want?

i’m not really sure where i belong anymore.

i’m not really sure what i’m supposed to do now.

i don’t think i’m really good at anything else.

you don’t need my permission.

i can’t control you.

They would've simped for Jem so hard.

A STUDY IN . . . losing half of your soul, chronic illness, watching life pass by from the sidelines, orphanhood, music as your first language, found family, love at first sight, addiction, two people sharing a soul.