broad-shouldered beasts

Anything to be better.

Aye.

Just a creature of habit I guess. 

Well here I thought the habit was leavin’ me hangin’. But it’s good to know there’s an alcohol requirement that takes precedence. 

You’re in luck. I’m not nearly drunk enough to justify leaving a pub yet. 

On a mission, lassie?

As your Royal Heinousness wishes. 

I probably shouldn’t make any sudden movements. We’re about maxin’ out on the time when you normally scurry off, ain’t that right?

But you are a prat. It’s not my fault I’ve just succeeded more in being a prat than you have.

The fact that you deem it success ... 

Come to think of it, no.

But you are a prat. It’s not my fault I’ve just succeeded more in being a prat than you have.

Talkin’ to you is exhaustin’. 

That only makes me want to take the mickey out of you more for it. 

Do you have any friends?

No, but I’m saying that mop on your head probably sheds like a mad dog, and all they’d need is a single strand…

Oi. Leave my fuckin’ hair alone. 

What’s your good quality then? I don’t see any.

My hair is bloody brilliant, don’t attack it like that.

Sorry. I know it’s your one good quality. It’s no fair of me.

I can’t, being an arse is in my veins.

Don’t give me that look, this could be a case of stolen identity. You might be a teeny bopper with access to his daddy’s potion’s cabinet coming in here Polyjuiced up hoping to get alcohol poisoning off a single vodka cranberry. 

Access to his daddy’s potion cabinet? Are you implyin’ there might be some spawn out there who belong to me? Sorry to disappoint, lassie. Anyway, no vodka for me. The stout, preferably. 

Of course I do. I believe in moderation of foods that don’t clog my arteries.

Give it a break, asshole.

You have ID?

Because you’ll be dead.

No one is going to shag you, you know.

Because I eat a universally appreciated food?