suicide seems great currently

I completely understand now. You’re all correct. Having a S/O is the shit™

Y’all I missed my boi so much like omfg aight let’s do this since I have my entire 20 minute lunch period to kill uwu

• He’d totally wait for you to get out of class

• This dude wouldn’t even care if he was late or not, he’d walk you to class no buts

• “Late again, Shay?” “Sorry, Ma’am, had to walk my lass to ‘er class” “oh for the love of god just sit down, Shay.”

• Every time he wins a football game he’d immediately look at you and grin like an idiot

• Of course the grinning idiot would hug you when he can afterwards

• The two of you would do homework together after school

• except it’s mainly just you two getting distracted with jokes if you both hate the topic

• Expect Gist to tag along to games Shay doesn’t have to play in

• ahem,, gist being so damn loud he gets kicked out right after the game

• Templar game nights featuring a drunk wannabe rocker Hickey

• Hickey probably got a tongue piercing thanks to losing game night

• Shay would totally help you win all the games by coming up with some code only you two could understand

• Of course, date nights would be simple and sweet

• Kid you not, this man would totally pull off a Netflix date stealing Hickey’s truck and putting a bunch of blankets in it so you guys could stargaze afterwards

• Have I mentioned PDA? Because that exists

• Expect endless hugs and forehead kisses from Shay randomly

• He sees you just standing alone in the commons? Hug and kiss no exceptions.

• (ahem this is a personal headcanon for me because my birthday is two days before Shay’s) since you two share the same birthday week, you can totally expect Gist to throw a surprise birthday party for the both of you

• Shay would absolutely try and apply to the same colleges you apply to because he doesn’t want you to be alone :,)

• If you get anxiety before a test you bET he’d text you a paragraph saying how much you got it in the bag

I kept forgetting the damn name

Legit

Like “No… no wHAT????? Oh”

Aella is a name associated with storms and wind, so I gave her that name because I wanted someone who really did embody that

I kept wanting to spell Aella’s name allen smh

This book started when i finally got off my ass and convinced myself to do a mafia au. The entire plot was pulled out of my ass in a period of brainstorming that kept me up until 5:30 the next morning

I actually sketched out the apartment’s layout so I could see it better.

later I actually designed a messy version of what it’d somewhat be like in the sims

Karanese is actually a district in the Attack on Titan universe :)

Each chapter takes me like 2 hours to write simply because I play out each and every ending in my head and choose the best one I’d want to see in a story

Other times I legit just have a feeling like I absolutely know how a chapter plays out like Chapter 3’s murder fight scene. It just came to me and all I had to do was describe it like I had just watched a movie

Chapter one took a total of seven hours to write

The plot twists were created when I asked myself what cliche can I change?

(Except I kept a few just to make fun of it I.E. roommates and badboy x nerdy character because that shit is hilarious and can really show the dynamic of how different each character really is)

Chapter two bore me to death to be honest

An actual example of my brainstorming while writing down facts:

I have no idea what the fuck to do after chapter 3 help

I pretty much said fuck it to planning out a plot and just wung it

Where am I gonna place Hange and the others

What about Eren lol

OH SHIT I JUST HAD THE IDEA THAT HANGE AND AELLA WERE FRIENDS BEFORE AELLA WAS KICKED OUT AOUFHALIUEHFALIUEHF

THEY’D TOTALLY BE LESBIANS FOR EACH OTHER

How’d you come up with the name for No Sympathy?

hilarious answer, actually. I spent two damn hours laying on my bed googling “what’s your mafia nickname” to just messing around with broken languages on google translate until it just popped in my head. Pretty much I was like “oh shit that sounds lit and fearsome lets do it bois” and yeah

I’m actually making this list of fun facts while writing each chapter. I’m going to start working on chapter 4 tomorrow and hopefully get my shit together to make a somewhat good plot??

Lmao I lied I got really fucking lazy and wrote the chapter at 11 at night and published it at midnight

I wrote everything about no sympathy in one iCloud note and titled it “No sympathy; the complete chaos of making a book”

The true main character of No Sympathy is actually Levi since I feel like I understand him completely since I relate to him so much; making Levi the easiest character I’ve written about ever. Though, his true character (in my opinion) doesn’t necessarily shine through in the beginning chapters as Levi don’t get along with new people, but you can see him warm up to Aella by doing her homework, dragging her out of the party, etc.

I’ve realized I have a distinct writing pattern while writing No Sympathy: comma, semi-colon, double dash. (Chapters two and three really showcase it as I wrote those two back to back in the car)

Had I actually had the inspiration and the motivation to write this almost a year ago, I would’ve been writing about the mafia at 13, which is an absolute hilarious thought to think about when I look back to my previous fanfics. Then again, my dumbass 14-year-old self is just as clingy as my dumbass 13-year-old self lmaoo

I gave Aella the same birth day (not year lmao) as mine (September 10) so she’d be 17 during the first month of school and 18 for the rest of the book

Going off of that fact, Levi is exactly 1 year and 8 months older than Aella (I kept his original birthday)

My cat demanded that I gave him cuddles and attention so I had to stop writing for one entire day because he wanted cuddles

Normally my cat just lays on my chest while I write b u t n o he wanted cuddles

If Levi never came into the picture Aella would probably date Hanji (for all of those fellow LGBTQIA+ readers and readers that really love Hanji)

While writing chapter 1 I listened to Ghost by Halsey on repeat and I think if you read while playing the exact song it somewhat shows in the pace I set for readers.

The term ‘block class’ is actually derived from what my own high school (even though I’m not even fully considered a freshman yet jfc) uses when referring to a 90 minute class

The book Technically begins on a Saturday with Levi — the actual power duo meet that Monday (because unlike dumbass schools in real life, their first day of school was on a Monday instead of the Friday before.) on their first day. That Tuesday was chapter 4, Wednesday being chapter 5, Thursday being chapter 6 (we skip Friday because it doesn’t fucking matter in the story lmao), and Saturday being the day of the party.

Writing an x reader but without the reader was really fucking hard, honestly. I couldn’t just randomly say ‘Levi looked over at the H/C girl working on her homework across from him’ as it’d just be weird, so I thought of the next best thing and never described Aella — making her free for interpretation of her looks.

I was going to have Aella have a name reveal like ‘my real name is Y/N…’ but then I was like “No what? Fuck it. Levi already knew from the beginning after looking at her documents.”

No Sympathy was actually going to be an original story, but Levi’s character fit so well I decided to make it a fanfic.

I actually wanted to stop writing after chapter 3 because I didn’t know what to do with the plot, but I asked my friend for help coming up with the plot using the paragraphs of ideas I had to make an actual plot. So, I can successfully say I owe it to her for helping and the one sentence that kept me going in my head: “I want to make a story I’m proud of.” So I fucked up my (nonexistent, really lmao) sleeping and eating schedules and started working on this book everyday even when I didn’t post a chapter that day.

Though, it’s not really specified in the early chapters, Aella was bullied into being hated by the entire school — leaving her to be all alone, which actually happened to me and gave me PTSD after transferring.

Ironically, I gave Aella a ton of reactions and characteristics I would/ just generally have, but I see myself more in Levi, which is probably why I prefer writing about him over Aella.

As of writing this, chapter 5 is currently my favorite chapter as it is a mix of a filler chapter and a regular important chapter still just as important as the rest.

Depression and PTSD actually got in the way of writing so many times I actually am surprised I’ve written so much

As writing has always been my go to for letting out everything (as I have z e r o close friends lmao) I actually don’t realize when I’m done with each chapter until I realize I’m out of ideas for said chapter.

I don’t even realize I write about 2,000 words until it’s like “oh,,”

No Sympathy wasn’t just any fanfic for me, it was like I was actually Aella seeing the entire story unfold from beginning to finish

I tried to push myself to describe more, as I’ve noted while rereading my previous shitty fanfics — I struggled describing everything.

I tried to not have the basic “tch”, “brat”, and just random cursing from Levi unless it was at the exact wrong time (or I just put it in because I could totally see him saying that in said situation)

I tried characterizing Hanji as someone who wasn’t the basic overexcited dumbass most fanfics portray her as — instead I tried thinking of her as an actual person with reactions and different moods  and tried to embody that each time I wrote her

Character development is a huge thing Ive been trying to work on ever since I wrote A Valkyrie and a Mischievous God (though that character development and story sucked ass and I cringe at how popular it’s gotten), and a huge target for it was none other than Aella. At the beginning you could see she felt trapped in an endless cycle of stress and fending for herself, but when Levi came in and was like “lmao I have money you don’t have to stress” she felt like she was in an odd spot, and eventually after she reunited with Hanji she started to feel more free

Parents were completely cut out of this story because I genuinely don’t know how to write them as mine are either states away by choice or always working, so I just had Aella get kicked out and had her entire family gone.

My best ideas surface at 4 am when I’m trying to fucking sleep

Help me

But hey I now have a new passion for this book

I generally didn’t know how to end it

buT THEN I D I D

A huge thing for me, and my entire driving motion for writing this was a simple sentence: “I want to write something I’m proud of.”

Am I proud of this?

Eh. It’s not shitty, I suppose. I could always do better.

Characterization was so difficult for me. I wanted to stray from basic fanfics of an overly hyper Hange (though, I couldn’t help in some situations, but after watching an entire season and a half in one day, you notice personality changes) and write and more serious one — except I’m a damn shitty author with so many grammatical mistakes my ex-mentor would literally rip her hair out.

Writing a book has always been my goal, and I know this is the only thing that will ever come close to it.

I have another Levi x reader planned, but I always hate doing the basic ‘_____’ ‘Y/N’, etc because it literally drives my depressed self I n s a n e when writing

Most times for my outline summaries of the chapters I just put my name in place of Aella lmao

I actually struggled a lot when writing this; sometimes I even broke down thinking no one liked this book or I wasn’t a good enough author to write anymore.

My asshole self mainly spent my summer writing this rip

Currently, as it is July 2nd, I am literally hoping to Levi that I fucking get this done before August or else I’m so fucking screwed with beginning high school and shit.

Oh yeah btw, I’M NOT FUCKING READY FOR THE FINAL SEASON. I’LL BE A DAMN SOPHOMORE AND THAT IN ITSELF K I L L S ME

I don’t know if I’m actually going to continue with this book, but have these collected facts I started writing the moment the first chapter was out :,) It’s already September and my past dumbass was right

High school is kicking my ass

Thank you uwu

Ya boi is b a c k or at least until I’m once more drained by high school because it’s kicking my ass™ with homework and having no friends™

Anyway,

Since I’m Asexual this is going to suck so bear with me here lmao

Ahem,,

NSFW below the cut

At first, I was like ‘why would I be uncomfortable- oh,,” lmaoo

I was going to make Mikasa Levi’s kid, but I don’t want to do that to Eren, so I’m just going to pick a name a roll with it.

Sorry if it’s not what you wanted eheh,, I don’t know how to write any father-daughter bonding stuff at all 

TW: boyfriend being a dick, Levi flipping out

She knew they were going to be gone for at least another hour.

She knew why they never let anyone over if they were leaving.

But she invited him anyway.

She stood at the doorway bouncing up in down in nervousness while she waited for her boyfriend to arrive — correction, secret boyfriend. She knew her father would freak if he ever found out she was dating someone in her freshman year, nevertheless a senior months away from graduating. Maybe it was because of his tied back dirty blond hair, the way his bright green eyes have a mischievous shine to them whenever he has a new idea, or maybe it was because of the fact that he was almost 3 years older than she was that made her fall in love with him so easily. She knew it was wrong, she knew it was bad, but for the first time in her life, she wanted to rebel more than anything else in this world. One time was all she asked, one simple time. 

God, how she wished she could take it all back.

The noise of a car door slamming shut pulled her out of her trance in an instant. She could feel her heart jump and rise in her throat, she was slightly shaking by now. Why was she so nervous? This is what she wanted, right? To rebel? His shadow contaminated the streaming light from the door’s windows that signaled to her that he was at the door long before the doorbell’s familiar chime droned throughout the house like a crow’s caw in a tunnel. She took in a long breath and walked slowly to the handle. The door opened with a slight squeak and halted as she saw his figure leaning against the doorframe. His crisp black and white Vans crossed at his ankles with a seductive smirk carved into his face like he was born with it. 

“You going to let me in or not, Babe?” His arms were crossed, his purposely tight jacket could barely contain his bulging muscles beneath. She gulped and nodded, stepping out of the way for him to enter.

“S- sure.”

He stepped in and crinkled his nose at the smell of bleach and Pine-sol from every crack and crevice possible. He knew the proper etiquette when it came to the Ackerman residence, she told him all about it through text before he arrived. He slid off his shoes and placed them by the door, not caring if dirt particles got everywhere; Des physically cringed the moment she heard the slight thud coming from the thrown objects. Her father was going to know just by the amount of dirt that someone was here.

“So about that new console you got — where is it?” He wanted something. She knew he was waiting for the perfect moment, or maybe this was it? 

“It’s in the living room, Nash. Come on.” She led him there without a thought, not knowing that her gut feeling was right all along. She bent down and put in the new game, the console making an almost inaudible ding! the moment the disc was being read. She exhaled almost in relief that she didn’t screw up that bit before, her anxiety was through the roof since her boyfriend of three weeks was right behind her for the first time in her house; without her parents knowing about a single thing. She started to stand up until two hands gripped her waist and mouth, his breath reeked of alcohol. She could smell it. His face was by her neck, she knew it was. Her body froze in fear as his hand moved from her waist to her breast — he wasn’t here to hang out. 

He was here to take advantage of her.

Hot tears cascaded down her cheek from only one eye, her other eye rarely joined the other with the waterworks. Her breathing turned erratic as his advances kept going lower and higher with that one single hand. Any whimpers were easily muffled by his hand, also muffling any way to get anyone’s attention. 

“I’ve waited for this shit for three weeks. You hear me? Three, damn, weeks, because your shitty father never bothered to take your mother out anywhere. That’s almost enough to drive a man insane, you know? That long without sex isn’t good for his mentality.” 

“I’ll give you one fucking second to get off of my daughter before I rip your fucking spine out of your neck with my bare hands.” She whipped her head in the direction of her father’s voice and there he was behind her assailant with hell burning in his ice-cold blue eyes. Her mother already recording from the entrance with rage evident in her face. She felt him inhale a sharp breath before immediately letting go, throwing her to the wooden floors below.

“Mr. Ackerman, I-” He was knocked out before he could even formulate the next words from escaping his mouth. Her father dragged his unconscious body away without a thought for who knows what he was going to do next. Her mother stopped recording and immediately went to her aid with worried questions firing at her.

“I- I’m sorry. I- I’m sorry. I just wanted to rebel once…” Her mother was silent throughout her ramblings distorted through sobbing. 

“Y/N. He’s in the garage. Look after him with the dagger for a few.” Her mother let go of her body and walked off with the dagger in hand. 

The room was silent aside from her sobs. 

She was terrified to look into his eyes to see what they revealed.

What he thought of her now.

She curled into a ball, trying to hide away from him.

His eyes slid shut.

He rested his hand against his face.

Until he stopped and walked over to his sobbing daughter.

“I will always be here for you, you fucking idiot.” 

She felt his arms wrap around her in a cocoon of safety

WELL

ITS COMING OUT A DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY

IDK IF I SHOULD BE HAPPY OR ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TERRIFIED

After binge watching all of seasons 1, 2, and 3, I’ve wound up on episode 47 and eventually began speculating Levi’s age after hearing his voice during Kenny’s flashback when he left Levi.

Levi was probably born 817/18

In episode 47 (flashback to 829) Kenny obviously abandons Levi when he had probably just hit puberty

So given that the average guy hits puberty around 9-14, if that were the case, he’d be around 11, thus 829 - 11 would be 118

Given that, in No Regrets in 844 (whoops i said 842), Levi would be 26 (whoops I forgot to correct it from 842 to 844) and when Shiganshina fell, Levi would be 27.

   Warning, this is set with a heavy and dark tone centered around what life is like with depression. If this subject or suicidal thoughts trigger you, then please do not read.

idk if I’ve done this before but idgaf-

HCs Masterlist

Requests open

• Loki, being Loki, found some of your sketchbooks while snooping around on your first official “date” when he was waiting for you to finish getting ready

• And o h b o y did he have a hayday

• He literally looked at all of them (and stole like three photos for himself)

• Don’t get me wrong, he was in absolute awe™

• But the poor dude couldn’t, for the love of Odin, bring it up

• Want to know why?

• He was n e r v o u s

• Loki, for the first time ever, was nervous about making you on edge by bringing up your art

• So he waited™

• Well, you never did

• Ohshit.exe

• Loki would always sneakily look at whatever you were creating until one day he walked in you room to see you making a mural

• out of free paint chips (gluing them to the wall one by one hurts like a b I t c h if it gets on your fingers btw)

• “Darling, why didn’t you ever bring up how talented you were?” “...I didn’t bring it up because I, in fact, am not talented. You’re on drugs or some shit, Loki.”

• *s h o o k L o k i i n t e n s i f i e s*

• After that encounter, he always gifted you art supplies whenever you felt down or he just wanted to

• He’s hella supportive, ngl

• Loki would probably, but extremely discreetly, gush about you if Thor ever mentioned his S/O

• “Oh she’s a warrior? That’s quite lovely, but Y/N can create worlds from her head and transfer them to any surface

• did I say discreetly? Tbh, he normally would unless Thor is involved

• Loki would probably let you paint his personal library if he ever decides to live somewhere and n o t die every single minute