smile like chelsea

Wishing a happy birthday to our brother Chester today. In his honor, we are launching a fundraiser on our Facebook page via Music for Relief’s ONE MORE LIGHT FUND, benefiting #320ChangesDirection - Details: http://lprk.co/Chester320

Cause I’m trash af for Wesper.

None of the characters used are mine. All copyright of Leigh Bardugo. 

@lbardugo

Enjoy!

Jesper woke up with a start, his face covered in sweat as he leaned back against the headboard. He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands, closing his eyes then tilting his head back.

It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real.

The nightmares happened a week after the events with Jan Van Eck and Pekka Rollins. His father getting caught, brought in front of the Merchant Council for false identity. His father taken away by Pekka Rollins and beat by his Dime Lions. His father drowning on the ship taking him back to Novyi Zem. His father losing the farm he had worked so hard for.

It was always about his father.

No one knew of his nightmares, even Wylan was kept hidden from it. Jesper didn’t want to worry anyone but it had been over a week now and it was still happening.

Give it time. It’ll go away.

He leaned further against the headboard, opening his eyes when the thoughts of his father finally disappeared. Jesper glancing to his right, a small smile gracing his lips. Wylan slept peacefully beside him, his shirt covered back facing Jesper while his face was buried into the pillow beneath him.

It didn’t take long for Wylan to show up at Jesper’s room, asking whether he could sleep with him from now on. Jesper would be an idiot to deny that. He’d longed for it ever since he met Wylan in that horrible factory.

“Jesper?”

He jumped slightly, startled from the soft voice beside him as he was lost in thought. He turned to face Wylan, a nervous look on his face.

Fuck. How did he wake up?

“Jesper? Why are you awake?”

Jesper watched as Wylan sat up and leaned against the headboard just like him. His boyfriend’s cheeks quickly turned pink as he noticed Jesper’s bare chest. Even in the dark Jesper could see it.

“Jesper?”

He felt his boyfriend’s soft blue eyed stare pierce his side. He didn’t know what to say, how to explain without a look of pity thrown his way.

“No reason. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Liar,” Wylan whispered. He took one of Jesper’s hands in his and kissed his knuckle softly, “Now tell me why.”

Jesper shook his head, closing his eyes once more, “Go back to sleep, Wylan.”

“I’m not a kid, Jesper. You can’t just ‘tell me to sleep’ like I’m some insolent child.”

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Well it seems like you are right now.”

Jesper sighed softly, opening his eyes to face his boyfriend. Wylan’s brows were furrowed and his face looked annoyed at Jesper’s words, but he could see the worry in his eyes. Jesper shifted closer to him, burying his face in Wylan’s neck.

“Jesper. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He sighed once again, tightening his hold on Wylan’s hand.

“It was just a nightmare.”

“How long have they been happening?”

“How do you know I’ve had them before? Tonight could have been the first one.”

“I know you, Jesper. Why didn’t you tell me this has been happening for awhile.”

Jesper shook his head, simply burying his face deeper into Wylan’s soft skin. He felt Wylan’s other hand bury itself in his short hair, pulling his head up slightly. Before Jesper could react, his boyfriend’s soft lips were pressed against his. His kisses never failed to give him the same sensations like when they first kissed. Jesper’s body seemed to shut down, his mind only thinking about the kiss. His hands reached up, cupping Wylan’s face in his large hands as he pulled him closer and-

“Tell me, Jesper,” Wylan muttered softly against his lips.

“I-It-A week ago. It started a week ago and it’s always about my father.”

“What about him, Jesper?”

“He’s-Something bad is always happening to him. He’s taken away, he’s killed-I just-I don’t know.”

Jesper felt lost. Just saying those words made him think back about his nightmares. The things that happened to his father who didn’t deserve it at all.

“You know he’s back in Novyi Zem already right? Nina sent us a letter.” Wylan reminded him. His free hand shifted to rest on Jesper’s cheek as he stroked softly with his thumb.

“I know,” Jesper whispered, “But I can’t get the idea out of my head. What I’ve done to him. He didn’t deserve whatever I gave to him.”

“Jesper,” Wylan kissed his cheek softly before resting his chin on his shoulder, “You can’t keep living in the past. He’s fine in Novyi Zem now with the farm. We’ll visit him once everything here is settled and we’ll stay as long as you like.”

“Since when were you the reassuring one?” Jesper teased quietly, trying to lighten the mood.

Wylan laughed softly, kissing Jesper’s bare shoulder tenderly.

“You know you don’t always have to be the strong one between us, Jesper. Give me the reigns sometimes, you deserve a break once in awhile.”

Jesper felt his heart swell up from Wylan’s words. He had never thought of that option. He didn’t want to burden Wylan with his problems, especially when they’ve only been together for awhile.

I didn’t want to lose him so soon.

“I didn’t want to be a burden.”

“Jesper,” Wylan leaned back, cupping Jesper’s face this time, “I wouldn’t be dating you if I didn’t want all of you.”

“All of me?” Jesper wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

Wylan laughed once more before pressing his lips against Jesper’s. Their mouths opened for each other, their tongues dancing against one another. Wylan tilted his head to one side, deepening the kiss, their fronts pressed together. He pulled Jesper impossibly closer, his hands buried in his hair.

“Yes, all of you, Jesper.” Wylan reassured him once they pulled away, both of them panting.

Jesper smiled at his boyfriend, shifting them over so they were lying down once more. He pulled Wylan against his chest, his back pressed to his front, and wrapped his arms around him. Jesper kissed his cheek down to his neck softly, feeling the heat rise up to Wylan’s cheeks.

“You’ll wake me up next time?”

“I will.”

“You swear?”

Jesper laughed softly, “I swear.”

“I first met Chester in 2014 in America. It was for a Kerrang! cover shoot, and I was really nervous about it. I was excited too, but I didn’t know whether to play it cool or just gush at him. I went with the latter option, and he was so cool and really nice to me. 

We asked each other questions about a bunch of stuff. We were on Warped Tour at the time and he was asking me about how I did it, playing shows every day for six to eight weeks without losing my voice. I told him Linkin Park were the first band I ever saw live and the reason I wanted to be in one. He seemed really taken aback about it all when I said how much he influenced me. He seemed to really appreciate it and be humbled by it. He was really nice, really genuine, really calm. Like a lot of things in my life, if I could go back to tell 14-year-old me that was going to happen, I wouldn’t have believed it.

I remember an issue of Kerrang! back in the day where my eyeball and a bit of my head was in the background of a photo from the Linkin Park gig I went to. When I got home and I saw myself in the magazine, I cried my eyes out because I thought it was so amazing. If someone had taken hold of me then and said, ‘One day you’re going to be on the front cover of Kerrang! with Chester,’ I would have had my mind blown. It’s one of those moments that makes you stop to look back at everything you’ve done and appreciate how much you’ve achieved.

I must have been about 13 when I first heard Linkin Park and, to be honest, music had never played that much of a part in my life to that point. Then I saw a Linkin Park video on Kerrang! TV and it made me think, ‘Fucking hell, this is really cool!’ I felt like the music was speaking to me, the lyrics really resonated, and they were the band that really got me heavily into the scene. From there I got into hardcore and metalcore, but I’d always check out their new albums.

Chester’s voice was a huge inspiration, too. He was someone I looked up to. He was the benchmark, because I don’t think anyone sounds like him. He was such an iconic and unique singer. I don’t think anyone sounded like him before, and I don’t think anyone will ever again. That mix of melody, catchiness and aggression is something I wanted to aim for myself. 

Kerrang Issue # 1142 (part 1 of 2) (source)

Magazine Release Date: January 17th, 2007

Issue Label: January 20th, 2007

Photo Credit: 

Cover - Paul Harries