Gratitude, Growth & weird Dreams

She has watched me for many years She has seen me in my joyous moments And She has seen me shed many tears before bed She never judged, but always listened She has heard my many prayers to God And She has kept many of my secrets

She has watched over me for many years I feel her loving gaze from a distance She has brightened my darkest nights She shares her power and energy with us Her face is smiling down on us She is like a Mother

The Moon has watched over me for many years She watches Her children and guides them with Her light She teaches us that life is filled with changes and cycles My body is synced with her magical Moon-cycles I am a part of a healthy Life Cycle I am Grateful

Many nights have I looked up to Her for comfort Many nights have I been so thankful for Her Like a mother filled with wisdom Her knowledge is ancient with the times Her role is great as She can change the Tides

Many nights I have spent with you Many of my lives you have seen Many of my soul’s life times, you have witnessed I remind myself - Not only am I a child of the Sun

I am also a daughter of The Moon.

I heard a soothing, cool voice. So reassuring, confident and present.

He made himself known to me. He spoke of his love for me.

“I have loved you for a long time” he said.

“Beyond the stars and beyond this life and you will love me again after this life”.

I became uneasy and unsure at those words. I will not love some stranger. I get to choose who I love. As I sit on my lover’s lap, wrapped in his arms. I say to this voice who called himself Ivan:

“No I have someone I love and will love him for the rest of my life”.

Ivan argues back: “fair, you will love him for now and love me later”.

Again, my gut and intuition says this is not right. I gave it some thought... then it hits me.

He is lying.

A sly smirk runs across my face. “I know who you are” I say. “You are EGO: a liar, manipulator, and you THINK you know what’s best for me. But you DONT”

I continue: “you are DUMPED. We are DONE here, Ego. You no longer have anything to do with me, I choose my lover and my path. Now be GONE!”

And just like that - I’ve felt instant peace. A freedom in my heart.

A crappy title for a crappy dream. 2016 elections happened. Tension everywhere. Division and disagreement among the people. Yes,  strange, dark and twisted.

The dream started normal...

I’m hanging out at a friendly neighbor’s house in Mira Mesa. All was good until my friend’s dad found out that I was a Republican. He got angry and hostile and threw us out of the house. He lived near Gold coast & Mason Elementary school. I ran back home, I didn’t have my car. I ran through the school field where there were families playing, for safety - I try to blend in to hide.

Next-

We were at some old Filipino man’s funeral. He was laying in his coffin in the front of the auditorium.. suddenly.. his body take a huge breath and his body is revived some how. I can’t remember who that man was. I just know that he needed to be dead. Then some friends and I planned to assassinate him (he gave evil vibes). When he was revived I hid in the top corner of the auditorium so he couldn’t see me. My friends and I drugged his old lady - we poisoned her food. It was meant to be a distraction to the nation.

Next-

I’m at some adult group home. Not for the mentally ill..We were all normal. the neighborhood is nice. The house is big. The house has multiple stories and multiple hidden rooms and entrances. It’s a democratic house. They’re trying to manipulate me and my friends to be like them. I see one of my friends, she has a back entrance that leads to her secret hidden room. It was a spacious nice room. I lock myself upstairs for safety. I know theres a conspiracy happening. A plan for segregation; between Republicans and Democrats.. My dad visits me at the “group home”. I’m planning to escape from there. We get out. 

Everyone in public has to wear their labels: Blue for Democrat. Red for Republican.  Discrimination and violence is everywhere. 

In the end of the dream; Trump and H.Clinton have some sort of rally. Both of them look at each other. Hillary looks unsatisfied. Trump says: “I was under attack now I have a whole city that wants to vote for me”. Trump then crawls under the stage into his Bomb Shelter. He closes the door like a vault. The American flag is damaged as he closes it.

Trust me.

This whole dream was pretty wild and messed up. I don’t believe ANY political party has all the solutions to our nations problems. Each political group has flaws. There is no correct, no right, no true group that has the direction and answers that this nation needs. Maybe if everyone saw that- we wouldn’t segregate ourselve as a nation.

This didn’t really make sense. But I saw what I saw. Exploring some sort of  central San Diego mall/neighborhood. 

Maybe this dream took place because I subconsciously remembered all the construction happening in Mission/Fashion valley area.

If you ever been to Mission Valley/Fashion Valley area. You’ll notice that those areas lie in the middle of all major San Diego Freeways. Well so was this fancy apartment complex that I saw in my dream. (well, duh. it’s an actual place)

I don’t think I was visiting anyone. But I was just there. I look up to see tall buildings- almost like sky scrapers. They are apartment buildings that are connecting to the mall. I guess I’m in the parking lot looking for an exit. On my right side are about 5 elevators that take you to the top of the apartment buildings. I see a man enter elevator #18. He actually lives there and just trying to avoid the crowds in the streets below. I’m in the crowd waiting in line to exit the plaza.

There are 4 exit signs: 163 North, 5 South, & 15′s North & South.

somewhere in my mind I’m thinking “I need to go 5 South”. I’m not sure why but I fight the crowd to get in to the 5 South line. Somehow I end up getting pushed back. Waaay back. So far back that I’m no longer in the mall/apartment plaza anymore. Now I’m in the suburb where the houses are. I don’t know who lives here. At one of the houses I see a young lady painting a giant parrot. Typical primary colors: Red, yellow, & blue eventually blending to mixes of green in certain places. She tells me: “They want me to paint with ‘dead dots’”. She shows me the wings of the parrot and shows me the thousands of tiny dots that color the feathers. 

I Dreamt of a Filipino “Mom & Pop Shop”.  I haven’t been to one lately but dreamt of this one in detail. (Pictured: I was able to recall & illustrate the floor plan as I remembered it)

9:44am - I wake up from my dream and start drawing what I saw..

Nothing in particular could lead me to this dream. Maybe I was craving sweets - maybe after some beer I had the “Drunchies” and fell asleep secretly wanting donuts?

I found myself outside of a bakery (at least I think it is). The outside looked like the Velario’s shop on Black Mountain Road & MM Blvd. I see the Grey/brown concrete brick walls with the Dark blue signs and accents outside. The overhang is familiar to me, this is definitely the Black Mountain shop area. 

I step inside to find a the cutest, happiest and hard working elderly couple. I can’t recall who they are exactly but they’re definitely kind and smiling. Immediately I recognize that this is a Filipino-owned shop. 

I advance forward and see a small sitting area with small tables and chair by a TV on the wall. Next to that I find a refrigerator with the sign that says “low fridge for wheel chair access” and I realize this is a safe place and the ‘cool’ hangout spot for other elderly members of the community. The fridge has the bottoms shelves stocked with soda cans, coco nut juices, and other drinks. The Lola (elderly woman) was stationed at the deep fryer cooking and taking care of a last minute order. The Lolo (elderly man) tends to our needs at the other end of the shop. I found that the customers in the shop are myself, a friend, and his dad. 

This doesn’t look like a shop that would be deserted but it must be close to closing time. The light outside looks like sunset and I gravitate toward the Donut display. I want a Raspberry donut.  I look eagerly in the case to find that they have almost been cleaned out!  Very few donuts remain:  Blueberry, a Vegan variety pack for $3.99, Chocolate chip, Cayenne donuts?!, and finally a small group of Raspberry donuts :)

A dream/vision of my late Lolo Resty. Rest in Peace. (”Lolo” - a Filipino term for grandfather. Or in this case, my granduncle.)

It was 2005, sometime in the middle of my Sophomore year in high school. I had a typical life; keeping grades decent while balancing drill/dance team practices. Had an average group of friends and especially a cousin who was the same age as me, E. 

E and me were 2nd cousins through our grandfathers - they were brothers and therefore her dad and my mom were 1st cousins. Our grandfathers were 2 kids out of 5 - so this meant we each had 4 grand-uncles and 1 grand-aunt. Of our grandfather’s brothers, was Lolo Resty. He was suffering health issues and we would pray for him to get better.

As I get ready for sleep on the typical school-night, I think nothing much of it.

I dream and see him this night; my Lolo Resty. 

I’m standing in my front doorway. Just by the porch with the front gate open. It’s definitely home, I recognize the green fence that surrounds grandma’s garden. I see the green gate in front of the front door. It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is rising. I’m watching the sun rise; the sky is a soft blend of pink, soft orange, yellow with hints of soft white clouds. 

I look up at the direction that’s above the front lawn. There I see my late-Lolo Tuking, E’s grandfather [he passed away years ago when were were in elementary school]. He smiles.. and he’s not alone. With him is my Lolo Resty. I see the two men behind a misty cloud in the sky. They’re not far away, they are only a few feet away from me. Their upper bodies & faces are clear. 

They both smile at me.  The emotions and vibe of this moment are peaceful.

Lolo Resty is walking toward the sky and Late-Lolo Tuking.  We wave goodbye to eachother. The two men turn away and fade.

I wake up.

My whole life I’ve always had vivid dreams. I could remember images, colors, faces, and sometimes numbers. Honestly the list goes on. If I feel the dream was strange or worth the remembrance I’d journal it down. 

Here’s where I’ll share them.

As my fiance took this photo of me in the Philippines... he had no idea that on the other side of this pic - I was crying. 

As our trip was coming towards the end, we stayed at Mactan in Cebu. We decided to take a snorkel tour around the West Philippine sea. Somewhere between Cebu & Bohol I took a good look at the islands around me. This was when I was realized: This is my motherland, the place where my ancestors resided. The place where my grandparents bravely left to pursue a new life in the States. My roots. Such deeper beauty- I was crying.