One Man Gathers What Another Man Spills

21 Hours.

Most days i wake up and force myself to go back to sleep for 3 more hours. Is it because I’m scared of the world and just want to see it for 3 hours less each day, or am i just a lazy bum?

The world is a scary place filled with people who are out there to hurt you. I feel like if i spend 3 hours more sleeping a day, that’s at least 21 hours less a week that i have to be scared of daily existence

Am i doing myself a favor or, at this point, am i just making excuses for my self-sabotaging behaviors? It’s hard to tell the difference nowadays

Every day starts the same exact way. I wake up way too early to a world that I’m too tired and scared to face. 3 hours less every day is the least i could do to help myself not lose this battle of life so quickly.

I can’t even tell if I’m buying myself more time or just wasting the time i already have. Every action i make is followed by 20 doubts and advice to myself in hindsight.

Maybe one morning I’ll wake up and be happy to see the sun, instead of forcing myself back into this state of simply existing. What the hell kind of existence is this when I only exist in my dreams?

Maybe for now, my dreams are the safest place for me to be. I know for a fact that nothing can hurt me. I know it’s unhealthy to live in this tiny, safe, little bubble. It’s just going to only warp my view on reality.

I’m concerned that I’m going to forget how dangerous the world really is for just one second and let my guard down. That moment i let my guard down, that’s when the world swoops in to show me why i should’ve never lowered my defenses. I’m constantly reminded that you need to block the blows from life as well as throwing a few punches of your own, otherwise you’re just going to tire out and eventually stumble into a knockout.