Puro As Fuck

your age + the day you were born x the month you were born

the total is your pokedex number

“Almost all brown recluse spider bites heal nicely in two to three months without medical treatment at all. Also the long-term medical outcome is excellent without treatment.”

https://www.poison.org/articles/2012-jun/black-widow-spiders

“Black widow spider bites can be dangerous, especially to young children and elderly people. Hospital treatment is sometimes needed, but fatal bites are rare.”

https://arthropodecology.com/2012/02/15/spiders-do-not-bite/

“Most so-called spider bites are caused by something else.”

https://www.livescience.com/37974-he-surprising-cause-of-most-spider-bites.html

“a national study found that nearly 30 percent of people with skin lesions who said they had a spider bite actually had methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) infections. [other causes included] fleas, bedbugs, and other viral and bacterial infections”

http://spiderbytes.org/2014/02/14/what-happens-when-you-poke-prod-and-pinch-black-widow-spiders-you-might-be-surprised/

“Only when the spiders were being pinched between two fingers (with the mouthparts already positioned right up against their ‘attackers’) did biting start to become a more common, last-resort tactic”

http://www.burkemuseum.org/blog/myth-deadly-australianbrazilian-spiders

“ According to the Australian Museum, the number of human deaths from authentic spider bites of any kind in Australia since 1979 has been zero. “ (this was published before 2016) (this was published in 2016:)

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/12/young-man-dies-after-spider-bite-during-australian-bushwalk/

For reals,

1) Almost everybody I know who thinks every spider they see could be a brown recluse has no idea what a brown recluse actually looks like. Usually, they see a wolf spider and freak out. First off, if you SEE IT, especially during the day, and ESPECIALLY out in the open, IT IS NOT A BROWN RECLUSE. They are called recluses for a reason. I saw my first brown recluses in April, when I was out in the middle of the desert, with a bunch of actual entomologists, and they specifically went looking for them. We found a few with a black widow under a rotting log. They are small. They are NOT actually brown (in my opinion). They are so shy it was hard to even photograph them.

This is an actual brown recluse, minding her own business and just wanting to be left alone.

But she looks HUGE, you say? Well, under the log, there was also a dead one I could easily pick up:

The way to identify brown recluses: count their eyes. They have three pairs of two eyes (six total). Here’s a super crappy “enhance” for you:

This eye pattern is unique to brown recluses.

2. It is impossible to identify a spider based on a “bite” or other injury. If you go to the doctor and are told you have a spider bite? Get a new doctor because they don’t know what they’re talking about. But your cousin got bit by a brown recluse and half her leg rotted off and she almost died? Sounds like she actually had a staph infection, unless she saw a brown recluse, identified correctly, with her own eyes, in which case, okay fine, she got bit by a brown recluse. And then got a staph infection which caused all her problems.

3. RE: snakes — DO NOT TRY TO KILL A VENOMOUS SNAKE. Worried about your safety? That’s fine! All you have to do is NOT TRY TO KILL VENOMOUS SNAKES. Want to know why I’m yelling this? It’s not just because I’m a bleeding heart dirty hippie naturalist. It’s also because almost every snake bite happens when somebody TRIES TO KILL A VENOMOUS SNAKE. But don’t take my word for it! Check out this quote from National Geographic [link]

I don’t know how widespread this news story was, but fairly recently, a man in Corpus Christi, TX killed a rattlesnake. The rattlesnake then proceeded to bite the man. The man had to get 26 doses of antivenom and he still almost died. If you see a dangerous animal that can kill you, WHY ARE YOU APPROACHING IT FOR ANY REASON? Do you also run at mountain lions with a shovel???

And again, as with the brown recluse, most people couldn’t recognize a venomous snake if they needed to. I am getting real tired of my neighbors freaking out and sending emergency alerts to the entire neighborhood warning everyone about the plague of rattlesnakes we apparently have, and include photos of mutilated garter snakes. These same people complain about seeing bugs, lizards, and mice in their yard/garage and have an exterminator poison everything. HEY maybe you wouldn’t need an exterminator if you hadn’t KILLED ALL THE SNAKES who eat bugs, lizards, and mice.

Here’s the first (and so far, only) Coral Snake I ever saw. It was at a nature sanctuary during a family nature day I was doing outreach for. One of the kids saw it in the woods, told everybody at the tabling area, and everybody dropped everything to come watch. This Coral Snake was eating another snake (probably an earthsnake). Coral Snakes are venomous. Does that mean they are dangerous and you should kill every one you see? NO. Heard the shock tactic stories about how no hospital carries coral snake antivenom anymore and therefore if you get bit by one you will die and therefore you should kill every one you see? NO!!! We all stood a respectful distance away from the snake, admired her, and let her eat her lunch in peace. Nobody was at a risk of getting bit. And neither are you because Coral Snake fangs are so far back in their mouths you could only get bit if you literally stuck your finger down one’s throat. 

If you’ve never seen a snake in the wild, there is one thing you should know: They do not want to be near you. I am not super lucky with seeing snakes. I only saw my first large snake in the wild this spring. And I only saw it because it was trying to get away from me the second it saw a human was nearby.

Here is a beautiful Plain-bellied Watersnake, completely harmless. Sweet thing swam into the creek and hid under a pile of wood.

You are only in danger of getting bit by snakes in two situations. The first being, you’re trying to kill it (don’t). The second being, you surprise it and it attacks because it’s terrified of you. So, just don’t surprise snakes. If you’re going to tramp through tall grasses, make a bunch of noise. Walk slowly. Don’t put your feet anywhere you can’t see them. Still afraid? Then don’t walk in tall grass. The end.

Obviously, I have opinions about this. It’s fine to be afraid of animals. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to kill them, especially when they are dangerous and could hurt you when you approach. Just leave them alone. If you don’t want a snake in your yard, call the snake removal person. I guarantee there is one in your neighborhood or nearby. On rare occasions a snake showed up at my house when I was a kid, my snake-phobic mom would have me put it in the neighbor’s yard. I scooped it up with a bucket, and took it next door. It’s not that hard!