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I have a vivid dream of my step grandpa coming into my room while im on the computer, i emotionlessly get on the bed for him, and he rapes me. Among other things of similar nature
Hi. I dont have anyone else to ask. I dont want to bring it up to my family either because my "abusers" are dead.
are these signs of sexual abuse? I think both of my maternal grandfather's sexually abused me.
More under the cut. CW for the obvious, and graphic-ness
-My biological grandfather sexually abused a sibling in the past, and i was close to him like she was
-he'd often tell me he was my real grandpa because we were blood related.
-i had chronic vaginal pain and itchniess, also idk if this is a symptom of csa but I used to "fight people" in my sleep
-When he stopped coming around i felt nothing
-when i saw him again i coulr only feel anger fear and disgust
-i developed really bad insomnia after the suspected abuse
-Recently, when high, I had multiple "visions" i guess of him raping me.
My stepgrandpa/grandpa
-I was babysat by him and homeschooled by him.
-We were ao close i wqs called "(his name) JR" and "we shouldve named you (his name)"
-He used to fearmonger rape with me a lot. Every man, boy or adult, who wasnt related to me would rape me if i wasnt careful/left his "protection". Hed often watch true crime channels with me and laugh about how "we were going to do that to you"
-He used to point out my chest, snap my bra strap, changed me until i was 10 years old in the 5th grade, and talked about me sexually behind my back with his friends, and didnt cwre of his friends sexually harassed me.
-i used to get intense fears of him raping me.
-i had multiple nightmares/dreams about being sexually abused by him/having "consentual sex" with him
-i had chronic vaginal pain and utis
- he was very physically affectionate, but i would often be weary of being near his crotch/penis, as if i had some sort of curiousity about it.
-i had romantic feelings for him i was deeply ashamed of.
-he treated me more like how he treated my grandma
-When high, i had "visions" of him raping me.
Are these signs? am i looking too deep into it?
My stepgrandpa (the second one) was like my father to me. He acted like it one got sad when i said he wasn't.
-i would get sick seeing any sort of granddaughter grandfather incest in media (mostly svu and rckrty fancontent)
theartofmadeline