Local Cryptid Learns How to Read

macaulay culkin was forced into his career by his father through manipulation, gaslighting and humiliation as well as physical abuse. at fourteen, instead of hitting him back like his father demanded, macaulay called the police and put a stop to the suffering that he and his family were facing. when his parents went bankrupt, macaulay offered up his own money to his mother and siblings and stepped up as the father figure to his five younger siblings. he’s publicly supported lgbt and pro-black charities for decades (x, x) and dedicated a good two pages of his book to naming conservatives and abusers that he hates. he risked his own reputation to defend michael jackson in court and treats michael’s daughter, paris, like his own. macaulay culkin is an amazing person whose made all of us happy over the years, and 2018 WILL be the year we repay him by supporting his hipster lifestyle website.

Macaulay Culkin deserves better pass it on

Name a conspiracy theory superior in raw power to “there are no actual forests on Earth"

imma need some context on that cause WHAT?

“forests” = minuscule form of what trees on Earth can be, basically saplings “mesas” = not landforms, but petrified ancient tree trunks IIRC the theory goes that all forests on Earth were destroyed ages ago and it takes them ridiculous times to regrow, with those giant mammoth redwood trees just being the oldest ones that have grown the most

I love how the implication is that the flat tops of mesas were caused by something equally enormous CUTTING THEM DOWN

ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.

this is more beautifully written than anything I’ve ever read in my life

heteronormativity is a hell of a drug

“are you a top or a bottom?” i’m a threat

34. the music 35. how clear it is that, despite their mocking of each other, they love each other 36. the character development and the detail that went into every character 37. when taako casts a spell and griffin goes “oh my god, justin” 38. how furious justin gets when travis & clint don’t do character voices 39. “your dungeon master, your best friend, and your ______” 40. “sturdy. denim. and blue.” 41. kravitz’s accents 42. the trinity of rad magic objects: the umbra staff, the extreme teen bible, and the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom 43. justin immediately hopped aboard the lup appreciation train, as did everyone else 44. when things start out as goofs but then get serious 45. this applies to all mcelroy products: their unique dialect/slang 46. the pocket spa & workshop 47. magnus’s ending except only the part with the dogs 48. the deities: pan, istus, the raven queen, jeffandrew, 49. how open the boyz are to all interpretations of their characters 50. refuge (especially roswell, the nonbinary clay guardian you never knew you needed) 51. the wlw/mlm solidarity between taako and hurley & sloane 52. when they call each other by nicknames (ditto, juice, scraps, etc) i’ll think of more and rb some responses later but i’m very sleepy and it’s almost 1 am so i’m going to bed

*listens to Vampire Weekend* anyone feel like smoking weed on the roof of an all boys private school and maybe form an unrequited homoerotic crush on a best friend?