GraceLynn

If you went through an abandonment as a child, a breakup others would get over with in months can take years to overcome.

If you went through domestic abuse, even small changes in a loved one's tone can make you anxious.

If you were belittled your whole childhood, being professionally critized at work can feel like the end of the world.

Unsure. I guess that’s the term? Nobody can be direct about their feelings. Humans have become more indirect and hiding under the rug, and it’s an annoyance. Until someone comes and kicks up the dust, nothing is said. With that being said, I’ve recently learned that to someone, I’m this needy and selfish assfuck who needs to be pleased at all times or nobody gets to be happy. Is that how I really want myself to be perceived as? I don’t ask for much. Love. Affection. Attention here and there. I don’t ask for things or people to change or shift in accordance to what I want. I don’t make decisions for others. I don’t make a big deal out of somebody’s needs coming before my own. I’m a very simple fucking person. I don’t want your arguments, I don’t want your smart mouth, I don’t want your comparisons and backhanded comments. I just want your fucking love and friendship. A small sliver of your time, without distractions. I don’t want anything material in return for anything I’ve ever done for any of you. This goes for all friendships and relationships. I am the least bit selfish, I have given myself to those who haven’t earned or deserved any ounce of my energy or love. I have been shit on, laughed at, insulted, attacked, mocked, ignored, I’ve been around the fucking bases with people’s bullshit. I’ve exhausted myself running back and forth between my sanity and saying fuck it, that’s a totally acceptable way to allow yourself to be treated, Grace. Nah. Fuck people. Fuck not being able to be honest about emotions and words, and only being able to be open and real when you’re either hammered or too angry to hold it in. I’m completely fine living in solitude. Leave me alone in the quiet if I erk you so much when I ask for so much as a sliver of your time without a phone or beer involved. If I truly make you feel like the world is going to end if I don’t get what I want when I don’t ask for more than love and affection and it’s so difficult for you to provide that without frustration, then mind your own and I’ll do the same. Friendships and relationships are not one sided and I refuse to be single handedly holding anything or anyone together with every ounce of my strength and love if they can’t be bothered to put in the slightest bit of effort without growing angry that I asked. I’m not going to be made out to be some manipulative person, that doesn’t allow others to have what they need or want, and always expects to be treated with kindness and unconditional respect without consequences for my bad days. Fuck it, why am I ranting? Catch ya later.

I have learnt that sometimes love is making descions you know will shatter trust but will give them a better chance at survival.

I have learnt that sometimes love is being willing to sacrifice their adoration of you, to save them.