I always wondered, pondered, dreamed what it would be like to touch you for the very first time.
I always slept those harsh lonely nights with one arm strung over the side of a stuffed animal I had been comforted by since the very first time I had learned how to create a companion in another coexisting object or person if you will.
I always spent my nights trying to give you this unique twist, always giving myself this beautiful image of you in my heart, letting it sit upon my restless mind, in my ever so perfect fairytale dreams. The taste of you, so as to make your daydream personality as vivid as possible, tasted much like the love I had made to you months later, dancing on my tongue long before I knew you had purchased my plane ticket to visit you.
I had died each day passing, grew weary of waiting, became sickly emotional, lost all desire to eat, drink, sleep, talk, feel, love,
Because love had been absent from me.
Absent.
Love.
When love becomes absent, we grow sick. We crumple within ourselves like the ember and ash of an old burning home, the outer appearance growing a different shade of orange, something the world had never seen before. And when spotted at a distance from a bypassing eye, the girl who screamed “fire!” whose voice broke the silence, crying out “Save me!” had gone unnoticed, when all that she needed was someone to notice, that someone to be love, for love to extinguish and silence the flames.
She burned within herself, resembled death at its tragic worst, until her home had collapsed to nothing. The walls crashing and falling with each small simple act of movement. She was afraid to move.
She stood still.
Stillness.
Stillness as silent as the voices that had been quieted during 9/11, stillness as empty as the aftermath of a miscarriage. Stillness as painful as the loss of a mother, stillness.
Stillness still exists.
I was the stillness that fell upon the room, the cold that chilled the air causing the milliseconds to freeze in time, the soft short hairs on your arms to stand straight up, the goosebumps on your body to form…(To Be Continued.)
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