Pre-series one shot @graceandfrankieweek
She sits at the shore line, surrounded by all the things that should be helping to make sense of everything, but right now the fog in her mind is too dense to see through. She canāt find the answer she seeks in herself and sheās prayed to every God and Goddess she can think of, still no answer has come to her. She stares out over the ocean not really seeing it, not really seeing anything other than the pain on her sons face as he begged not to go, as he cursed and screamed for her to not make him go. Coyote had slipped too far down now that rabbit hole for her to help now. She tried when it first started but now, well now it was just too late. She takes a deep breath and usually the salt in the air helps soothe her but it does nothing but wish she had picked someplace eles to go to. She always comes here, to the beach house when the world becomes too much. When life gets a little more complicated than it needs to be. When trouble shows itās face, she runs here. Sheās not sure why, it just feels like this is where she belongs.
From the corner of her eye she seems a slim shadow coming down the beach. Itās not Sol, heās still at the treatment center or maybe heās back at the office. Sheās not sure about how much time has passed since she arrived here. Itās not Babe, she is off in Thialand right now, cleansing herself and for a moment she wishes she was with her. Bathing in some hot spring and letting her worries melt from her. As the shadow comes closer she can start to make out the image and sheās shocked. Grace is slowly making her way down the beach to her. Her blonde hair floating in the breeze. She can almost make out her blue eyes with each step she takes.
She envies Grace sometimes. Not all the time but sometimes, like right now. The woman found a way to block the world out. To not let the emotions of the outside world affect her. She hides behind her martini glass, somewhere between sobriety and addiction. Sheās settled nicely into a groove that no one really worries about her drinking but no one really notices it. Frankie notices and she worries that Grace may slip down that same rabbit hole as Coyote, lost to help until itās too late. She worries that she may be sitting here again one day trying to find the answers to help the woman now well within sight of her.
āHey.ā Grace says softly as she comes to the blanket. āI hope you donāt mind..ā
āNo itās fine. I was just thinking.ā Frankie sighs as she moves over offering Grace a place to sit on the blanket.
āThanks.ā Grace take her place on the blanket. Her legs bent at the knee and she canāt help but watch as Grace pulls her legs close, like sheās shielding herself from the world or the feelings she about to feel. āRobert told me. Iām sorry Frankie. I really thought Coyote was doing better.ā Her voice is soft and low. No sharp edges, venom, or ice. She looks over at Grace and she can see the softness around her almost. Like her own sharp edges have been dulled for this conversation.
āI did too but I guess that just goes to show how much I can miss.ā She sighs copying Graceās gesture of drawing her knees up to her chest. She wants to shield the ache in her from coming out. Grace may be nice enough to come here, but the last thing Frankie wants to do is break down in front of her. āI know Iām no role model. Hell Iām far from an angel but this is too much. I donāt get his need for it. I donāt. Iāve asked him time and time again why? Why heās doing it? Why he needs it? and all I get from him is he doesnāt need it and he can quit anytime. Yet, here we are, another trip to rehab.ā Frankie lets her shoulders drop as she rest her head on her arms. She keeps her eyes on the ocean, daring not to look at Grace. Sheās heard her remarks about her drug use being linked to Coyoteās problem. She knows how Grace is, she can just imagine the talk sheāll have with her country club friends about this.
She waits for a reply from Grace but then she wonders if Grace even heard her as she looks over to see those blue eyes scanning the water before them. She turns her head back to do the same. Sheās ready to say nevermind and just sit in silence, waiting for an answer to come to her. āThis is his own fight. The only thing that we can really do is just be there for him when heās ready to take it on.ā For a moment Frankie wonders if maybe she made up the words in her head. Maybe the Goddess has finally answered her and sheās confusing it for Grace speaking. āHeās not going to kick his habit unitl heās ready to.ā Frankie sighs as she feels Grace move a little closer.
āAm I a faliure as a mother?ā There it is, that weight sheās felt for years now. Since the day she welcomed her boys into her life. That fear of failing them in everyway finally found itās voice. She canāt stop the tears from rolling from her eyes now and for a moment she feels Grace tense next to her. If Frankie has to guess, Grace would up and leave at any minute.
āFar from it. Youāre an amazing mother. Youāre definetly a better mother than me. Your boys worship you and my girls adore you.ā Graceās words are soft as Frankie feels Grace move even closer now and the feel of her arm around her shoulder is a comfort she never expected. āThis isnāt about you Frankie. This is the stuff heās dealing with. Whatever it is thatās making him use, isnāt your fault.ā She really wants to find solace in Graceās words and deep down she knows Grace is right but that fear of failing her boys has a death grip on her.
āI know youāre right but I canāt help but feel like thereās more that I can do or say to help him.ā She sighs trying to ease the ache coming from deep within her. She stops and closes her eyes, her mind racing with all the things that could go wrong. āI donāt want to lose him.ā Her words come out broken and small, scattering around them as she lets herself hurt. Her tears stream down her face as folds into herself just a little. Grace doesnāt say a word, she just tightens her hold, and pulls her closer.
Seconds or maybe minutes pass until Frankie calms her sobs. Sitting up she brings her hands up to dry her dampened cheeks. Her eyes still blurring but the tears have slowed now. Grace still has a tight hold on her and as Frankie turns slowly she notices the tears in her eyes. āI donāt know what I would do it if were one of my girls but Iāve watched Coyote grow up with them. Iām sorry Frankie. I wish I could make it all better. I really do.ā Grace sighs as her free hand comes up to wipe her own tears away. āHeās going to be okay. I know that. He has the best parents in the world, Bud, and even my girls. Not sure how much help Brianna would be but Mallory likes him. Plus thereās Robert and me. Heās going to get through this Frankie. I just know it.ā
Frankie knows sheās heard Grace but as she looks back at the ocean. She wonders if maybe sheās been to harsh on Grace. If maybe somehow through all the picking and complaining, sheās somehow missed this Grace. The Grace next to her, being the saving grace she needs right now. Graceās words are right, she knows that this will just take time. That Coyote needs to find his reasons to stop and accept the help he has all around him. Silently she sends a prayer up and out. Praying that her son finds his way in the world and finds the sobriety he needs. āThank you.ā She smiles over at Grace and watches as the corner of her move curves up.
āYouāre welcome.ā Grace answers but doesnāt turn to look back at her. In that moment she stares at Grace she thinks about their future friendship. Wonders if this moment is just a fleeting one and by the time they get back to the beach house she will be the cold and distant Grace sheās come to know. Then she lets it slip away as she turns to just sit in this moment. Sheās a little stonger with Grace here with her. She knows that, sheāll never admit it but she knows it. She knows there may come a day when they just pass each other as strangers on the street once their husbands retire and that they may never really get the chance to be the friends she feels they should be. So sheāll be thankful for this moment now, knowing it may be a forgotten memory between them one day.