starting to think i might have an eating disorder................ 🤔🤔
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@gothdecay
starting to think i might have an eating disorder................ 🤔🤔

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i want to put it out there that i //will// get to my ugw this year. ive struggled with this for eight years, and this is the year it finally pays off. ive lost more than half from my sw to here, its going to be so easy. the weight is just going to shed off me like its nothing.
and while im here i just want to say that i forgive myself for letting go the last few months. my body needed the time to heal, and thats okay. but now im buckling down and im doing it. im reaching my ugw this year.
i dont know where else to vent, i dont know who to go to anymore.
its just getting worse. every day is worse. i learn more about how terrible i am every day, i realize more and more how i continue to hurt the people i love. i just want to be wanted, i want to be loved, sometimes even taken care of. and i feel like theres no room for me to be taken care of when im constantly taking care of everybody else.
i cant even vent to others about this, or open up or anything because it always feels attention seeking, and ridiculous. i shouldnt feel the way i do and i hate myself every day for it. i hate having a body, i hate having to wake up. i dont want to do this anymore, im so tired. im just so fucking tired.
JESUS CHRIST
Read this and save a life - YOUR OWN
From a surgical nurse and certified CPR teacher:
Please pause for 2 minutes and read this:
1. Let’s say it’s 7.25pm and you’re going home (alone of course) after an unusually hard day on the job.
2. You’re really tired, upset and frustrated.
3 Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up in to your jaw. You are only about five km from the hospital nearest your home.
4. Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far.
5. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy who taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.
6. HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE? Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.
7. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
8. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.
9. Tell as many other people as possible about this. It could save their lives!!
10. A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail kindly sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we’ll save at least one life.
11. Rather than sending jokes, please... contribute by forwarding this mail which can save a person’s life.
12. If this message comes around you... more than once… please don’t get irritated... You should instead, be happy that you have many friends who care about you & keeps reminding you how to deal with a Heart attack.
please take the time and boost this post by reposting it and sending it to those you love because we all need to understand how to quickly deal with heart attacks

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john koviak
not eating means no energy and no energy means not being able to play with small doggies bc ur too weak so please look after your bodies ok do it for the doggies who want to play with u
i have pretty pictures i want to share... i know y’all know exactly how these feel
my personal additions (i hope its okay i added these!!)
i really need to get a full body mirror so i can take proper body checks that don’t involve zooming in super far to avoid the clutter of my bathroom sink. anyways, 110 lbs, 5’5 (?)
also very weird that ive had this tumblr for so long and i think this is the first time ive posted a body check ?? crazy

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rb this first
hot take there’s actually so many things about my body that i find disgusting but by focusing all my hatred on my weight i can at least direct that emotion to an achievable goal
Pretty okay with my ribs / stomach considering my current bmi, really really unhappy with my legs
this????? is all i want

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considers 150 cal plus a salad a binge but eats like 700+ in fruit and says it “doesnt count” haha just picky eater tingz 🤪🤪
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